Feeling very depressed

Options
clyn27
clyn27 Posts: 102 Member
in Introduce Yourself
So I have been on myfittnesspal before, but I have been gone for awhile. I just recently went through a miscarriage at 9 weeks pregnant. I had already gained 15 lbs before I got pregnant then another 15 in the couple short months I was pregnant from being so hungry and the only time I didn't feel like puking was when I was eating. Now its been 4 weeks since I lost the baby and I still have pregnancy hormones in my body causing me to still be starving all the time. I have gained another 5 lbs since the loss. Here I am 35 lbs heavier than I was 6 months ago. The belly that I was once eager to show off I am now trying desperately to hide :( My boyfriend and I discussed trying again right away but I am afraid that I will end up 70+ lbs over weight after I give birth. I am disgusted with myself every time I look in the mirror. I know a big part of the self hate and depression is due to the fact that it was supposed to be a baby belly, not a fat belly and I am still hurting very deeply over this loss. I am not in an emotional state yet to try again any way so I figured I might as well try like hell to get rid of this extra 35 lbs I have put on before we try again. I really needed to get this off my chest. My boyfriend is hard to talk to about the miscarriage, I don't think some men truly understand how emotionally draining this kind of loss is on women. So there it is, my re-introduction.

Replies

  • jgrahamster
    jgrahamster Posts: 1 Member
    Options
    Just wanted to chime in to say you're not alone--I'm back on MFP for the same reason. We had two miscarriages in 2014, the first in February and the second in mid-December. The grief from our last miscarriage is still so raw for me. I have gained too much weight since my most recent miscarriage, and I also wish it was a baby belly instead of my hormones being out of whack and me eating my feelings. It's not right to feel ashamed when we already have so much else to deal with. I've found it's a very isolating experience even if you have a supportive partner. My husband is sympathetic but it's easier for him to move on, I think in part because it's not his body that went through all these changes only to be let down. Hang in there and best of luck to you on your journey!
  • woznube7
    woznube7 Posts: 537 Member
    Options
    I also have been dealing with the same situation, only am I now finally able to not freak out about it and it has been two years. I was only 6 weeks along, but the pain is still there. You are not alone! You can do this.
  • clyn27
    clyn27 Posts: 102 Member
    Options
    Thank you so much for your kind words. I hate that we all feel like this but it is nice to know I'm not alone. Just in the last week I found a great deal of healing by focusing on something else. At the same time I still very much want to try again but won't till I drop most of this weight so that's my motivation to keep me going at this. Thank you for the support!
  • abgarner86
    abgarner86 Posts: 3
    Options
    I am not in the same situation but I do feel your pain. Only God can heal that void and in the mean time we are here to support you. Finding healthy options and putting in a little cardio may help to keep your spirits high. Keep thinking happy thoughts and finding a reason to smile. Happiness is the best healer for the mind and body. Praying for you and eating better with you.
  • clyn27
    clyn27 Posts: 102 Member
    Options
    thank you. I have found that I am so tired at night now from all the exercise that I can actually sleep now which also plays a big part in depression. I still have moments through out the day that I just feel like bursting into tears but with being so focused on getting in shape my mind is not constantly on the miscarriage so it is definitely helping in many ways. I can not put into words how much I appreciate all the support :)
  • cholden33
    cholden33 Posts: 9
    Options
    Please don't be disgusted with yourself. I know its such a cliche but you are beautiful. One day at a time, one step forward. If you ever wanna talk or be buddies def add me :)

Categories