I want to cry, WTF is the matter with me

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ashesfromfire
ashesfromfire Posts: 867 Member
in Motivation and Support
So, after about a year and a half without one I bought a scale. I knew I had gained some weight back since my big push to get healthy a couple years ago, and I wanted to know where I was at. About six months ago I moved 1,500 miles away from everything I've ever known and been eating way to much since. So there I was this morning, praying, begging, and pleading to not have the number on the scale read more than 200lbs....I step on....the lights blink....and the screen reads 201.8. I'm a 23 year old girl and I weigh 201.8lbs! I hate myself right now, I feel like a beached whale, I feel huge and gross and I'm so damn mad at myself for throwing away something I worked so incredibly hard for. I need to start tracking again and I need to start working out hard again. Is there anyone out there that wants to be friends? Please. I really need some support right now,
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Replies

  • ptrichards13
    ptrichards13 Posts: 2 Member
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    You've got this. I'll be here for you! I've just started this journey myself. It's not going to be easy.
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,088 Member
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    I remember that feeling. I was the same age and weighed 202( my doctor office scale said 212) but I like to go with my home scale numbers. Anyway, I was so depressed because of my weight but yet kept on overeating. It was a vicious cycle. I hated the way I looked. I tried every quick fix and magic pill that there was. Nothing worked , until I realized that I had to put in the work necessary to lose the weight. Once I finally made the decision to do this the right way, I was fine. I started weighing and measuring my foods and started getting active. Now I weigh 135 lbs :-) you can do this too! All you need to start is a food scale :-) I'm much happier with myself now and am so glad I finally made the choice to get healthy.
  • Pupslice
    Pupslice Posts: 213 Member
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    Don't hate yourself! You can add me if you want! :)
  • rcottonrph1
    rcottonrph1 Posts: 60
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    Self loathing will get you nowhere. Own your current weight and work to change it if that's what you want to do!
  • fevrale
    fevrale Posts: 170 Member
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    It's hard not to feel that way after the initial shock and disappointment of how you've changed. I know. I just started over again too. I saw the scale read 186 pounds. I logged onto MFP and saw that I was 151 (only 11 pounds from my goal of 140) in the middle of 2013. How did I let myself get back to where I was before? I know exactly how you feel. I had a cry about it and then I decided to stop hating myself and use that energy towards changing...and this time for the long term. Maybe try to reframe all of the feelings you have that are affecting you negatively and make it a positive motivation for change!
  • jaguariana
    jaguariana Posts: 1
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    I totally get where you are at. I am starting the road back to losing weight after a tremendous weight loss myself. I hit a number on the scale I SWORE I would never hit. I was over 300lbs, 321 to be exact. This after hitting 291 and getting scared that I *would* hit 300 nearly four years ago. I had to change my weight # on here and that was absolutely painful.

    I started tracking, eating healthier, drinking more water, and I've already lost. It's not about the lost weight, though, it's about getting back to a healthier me. I'll be happy to friend you. You can do this - you're here!
  • mockchoc
    mockchoc Posts: 6,573 Member
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    Incase you don't know it you are very beautiful. Honestly.
  • _L_A_
    _L_A_ Posts: 170 Member
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    Don't be mad at yourself! It is so common for people to lose then re gain, especially with big life changes too! I'm on my third attempt at losing and this time it is going to stick! I'm very sure of that!

    Try look at things positively, congratulate yourself on turning things around now, you could have gone on for a lot longer denying things, but no you had the courage to buy some scales, recognise you weren't going in the direction you want to and have made the decision to make changes! I thought like this the two times I regained, I was annoyed I'd done it, but then I made myself think "if I'd not chosen to make changes now I would have been 10/20/30lbs heavier in a few months! So now I have the chance to prevent that happening and turn things around!"

    You can do this :) feel free to add me, I'm happy to support you :)
  • ashesfromfire
    ashesfromfire Posts: 867 Member
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    mockchoc wrote: »
    Incase you don't know it you are very beautiful. Honestly.

    You're so sweet, thank you.

    And thank all of you for your support!
  • lastfl0wers
    lastfl0wers Posts: 2
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    Hi there,
    I'm 21 and have ALWAYS struggled with my weight - it went from family abuse to own self hate to anxiety in public and really, really, really negatively influenced my life. A year ago I decided to finally give myself THAT kick and have been (fairly) steadily losing weight since. I'm 169cm/5ft6 and currently weigh 165 pounds. I know the feeling of stepping onto the scale and sending off a prayer into space only to feel the gut wrenching disappointment when the weight is more than expected, so I feel you only too well. That said, I know from experience that losing weight is not impossible - I've already lost 17kg (about 37 pounds) but would like to lose another 10-15kg to reach my goal weight. I suppose that's not a considerably huge amount, but the struggle is real nonetheless.
    - But you yourself have lost lots of weight in the past, so you know it's do-able. I'll take (and give!) any losing and maintaining motivation!
    Good luck!!!

    xxx
  • oxers
    oxers Posts: 259 Member
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    Hating yourself isn't gonna help you lose weight. Honestly, it's the opposite. There's nothing wrong with your body, and you need to respect yourself if you want to improve your health. My highest weight was 230ish, and I got absolutely no where until I made up my mind to forgive myself and like myself because weight doesn't mean a damn thing. Once I got to that place, I was clear-headed and strong enough to want to nourish my body properly and to stick with it. I've fallen off the wagon the past two months and gained, like, four pounds, but while that would have crushed me before, now it's a gentle nudge to get off the couch and start tracking my food again.

    Beating yourself up won't work. Verbally abusing yourself absolutely will not work. You need to be good to yourself.
  • Victoriamrs
    Victoriamrs Posts: 99 Member
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    The past is the past it can't be changed only learned from, you are now taking the first step into your future hopefully a healthier and fitter one and at least you are taking that step.

    Feel free to add me.
  • breckrose
    breckrose Posts: 10 Member
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    We've all been there...it's all about your mind set...you probably know that and will do it when you're ready :O)
  • happyhenglers
    happyhenglers Posts: 17 Member
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    Step 1: Get the emotions out (check ;) )
    Step 2: Forgive yourself; it happened and now it's time to figure out what you need to do from here.
    Step 3: Rather than looking back and saying "How could I..?" it's time to say "How can I..." Step 4: Take one step forward. The you take another step. And you do that everyday--always looking forward, not back.
  • arditarose
    arditarose Posts: 15,573 Member
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    I know your feels. I felt the same way before stepping on the scale for the first time after years. I kept saying "please don't be above 160" and there I was...163. I wanted to vomit. I have logged everyday and exercised since that moment. I thought it'd take forever to get my weight down, but time flies, and I tried to enjoy every stage my body went through along the way.

    You can friend me:)
  • 3293green
    3293green Posts: 19 Member
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    As everyone has said the worst is over, now you know. To have even got on the scales knowing that you may not get the reading you wanted was brave and shows you are strong. YOU'VE GOT THIS!
  • azulvioleta6
    azulvioleta6 Posts: 4,195 Member
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    I would kill to weigh 201 pounds. There is nothing magically horrible about the number 200.

    Stop crying, make a plan and get to work.
  • AquabearGO
    AquabearGO Posts: 232 Member
    edited January 2015
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    ( The following statement is being said is in the nicest way possible)===="quit crying, quit feeling sorry for yourself, get off your *ss and GET TO WORK!!!!!!! NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GO!!!!!!!!!!!"
  • hollyrayburn
    hollyrayburn Posts: 905 Member
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    It sucks to see those numbers Go up. I've cried on a scale many times.

    But...I never want to hear ANY of you say you hate yourself. Letting the depression set in will cause this cycle to go even further. We are all beautiful, we are all amazing. We are taking this step to become healthier.

    I went from being thin and fit--even did modeling as a teen-to being a 252 lb 33 year old. Obviously, I'm now taking steps to correct my oopsies of the past, but even at my heaviest? I still loved me, and thought I was hot stuff. I have good eating days, I have bad eating days. But at the end

    OP, dont let a number get you down. Let your faith and determination bring you up! Love, and support is the healthiest thing we can put in our bodies, because it fills the heart as well. Good luck
  • fevrale
    fevrale Posts: 170 Member
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    Hey, a lot of people are telling you to stop crying/feeling sorry for yourself and move on. Some people are motivated by the "shut up, get off your *kitten*" approach but I'm not. It wouldn't work like that for me. So, if you're like me, take *a bit* of time to absorb and think about your feelings in order to let them motivate you instead of tearing you down. If you're feeling down on yourself and don't address that self-hatred before you rededicate yourself to your goals you will have a harder time with the obstacles you'll need to overcome in the future.

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