Hiding from people.

DanniB423
DanniB423 Posts: 777 Member
edited January 2015 in Motivation and Support
I have always been a very happy and social person. I can really talk to anyone and enjoy all kinds of people. I'm the heaviest I have ever been this year and have found a big change in how I feel about being around people. I am more insecure than ever. Saturday night my husband was invited out by co workers I have yet to meet to a bar and I faked a migraine. I wondered if they would be shocked his wife was so big. And didn't feel comfortable. This is so unlike me and I am not sure if I am just fed up or a bit depressed? I have lost ten lbs since
January 1. That has me feeling hopeful and I am using my recent feelings as validation for the positive changes I am making. I do not want my weight effecting my relationships this way. Anyone ever feel this way?
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Replies

  • LookAWalrus
    LookAWalrus Posts: 52 Member
    Yes, I have. I gained a lot during pregnancy and my body was a sloppy mess postpartum. Going out and being social was hard. Pretty much for two years I've felt like a walrus. Every time I go down a pants size I get a little bit of that ease and happiness back.
  • ash272107
    ash272107 Posts: 5
    I feel that way all the time! I don't like doing anything fun because I feel like people are judging the way that I look. I have never been skinny and have always been overweight. I gained even more weight after having my son. It is horrible...I feel so gross and unhappy because of it.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    edited January 2015
    I have kind of the opposite experience. I was ALWAYS big and even when I put on a lot more weight and got to my biggest size, I never felt uncomfortable going out and around people.

    But now. After losing 138 lb, I have issues with this. I feel embarrassed going in to certain stores where the clerks have made repeated comments about my weight loss or size. I feel a little bit sheepish and weird going to dinner w/ certain friends who struggle to lose weight, and cringe at their comments. I guess for me it's like at a much larger size people politely avoided the topic and now they want to draw attention to my body...I am not used to it. I'm used to comments on other things like clothing, hair, car, purse, shoes, glasses...not my weight or specific body parts!!!!

    I've even avoided people or gone out of my way to escape them in a store (Target, supermarket, etc) for this reason. Some days I am just not in the mood for "OMG you have lost a LOT...how did you do it???!" from some person I once worked with or attended school with...

    I know that sounds so dumb and like humble bragging but I swear it is NOT. I'm still slightly overweight (very top of the healthy range for my height) and I feel stupid and ashamed of this. But just wanted to share a different POV. It's never fun feeling limited by our appearance and/or body. Ugh.
  • crystalflame
    crystalflame Posts: 1,049 Member
    I know this isn't quite the same thing, but you saying this reminded me of this blog post: http://www.canyoustayfordinner.com/2014/09/28/taking-up-space-and-acting-small/ I guess the message is that you have no reason to feel inferior because of your size, and when it comes to people who make you feel inferior, you're often your own worst enemy. Recognize what you did this time, learn from it, and get back out there and enjoy life.
  • kristyhartley
    kristyhartley Posts: 14 Member
    I have the same issues Danni however my husband declines going out w friends bc I think he is embarrassed to be seen w me. He won't even introduce me to people when we do happen to "bump" into people he knows. It's a horrible feeling having gone from feeling his pride to now feeling he's ashamed.
  • DanniB423
    DanniB423 Posts: 777 Member
    kristyhartley wrote: »
    I have the same issues Danni however my husband declines going out w friends bc I think he is embarrassed to be seen w me. He won't even introduce me to people when we do happen to "bump" into people he knows. It's a horrible feeling having gone from feeling his pride to now feeling he's ashamed. [/quote.

    @kristyhartley‌ that can not be possible! You are beautiful! I'm so sorry you feel that way!
  • DanniB423
    DanniB423 Posts: 777 Member
    crystalflame wrote: »
    I know this isn't quite the same thing, but you saying this reminded me of this blog post: http://www.canyoustayfordinner.com/2014/09/28/taking-up-space-and-acting-small/ I guess the message is that you have no reason to feel inferior because of your size, and when it comes to people who make you feel inferior, you're often your own worst enemy. Recognize what you did this time, learn from it, and get back out there and enjoy life.

    Thank you for that!
  • DanniB423
    DanniB423 Posts: 777 Member
    seltzermint wrote: »
    I have kind of the opposite experience. I was ALWAYS big and even when I put on a lot more weight and got to my biggest size, I never felt uncomfortable going out and around people.

    But now. After losing 138 lb, I have issues with this. I feel embarrassed going in to certain stores where the clerks have made repeated comments about my weight loss or size. I feel a little bit sheepish and weird going to dinner w/ certain friends who struggle to lose weight, and cringe at their comments. I guess for me it's like at a much larger size people politely avoided the topic and now they want to draw attention to my body...I am not used to it. I'm used to comments on other things like clothing, hair, car, purse, shoes, glasses...not my weight or specific body parts!!!!

    I've even avoided people or gone out of my way to escape them in a store (Target, supermarket, etc) for this reason. Some days I am just not in the mood for "OMG you have lost a LOT...how did you do it???!" from some person I once worked with or attended school with...

    I know that sounds so dumb and like humble bragging but I swear it is NOT. I'm still slightly overweight (very top of the healthy range for my height) and I feel stupid and ashamed of this. But just wanted to share a different POV. It's never fun feeling limited by our appearance and/or body. Ugh.

    It really stinks feeling so uncomfortable. I always see you post and I pray to be where you are some day! A real inspiration! Thank you!
  • DanniB423
    DanniB423 Posts: 777 Member
    LookAWalrus wrote: »
    Yes, I have. I gained a lot during pregnancy and my body was a sloppy mess postpartum. Going out and being social was hard. Pretty much for two years I've felt like a walrus. Every time I go down a pants size I get a little bit of that ease and happiness back.
    Well I don't think you look like a walrus. And I hope I'll feel better the more I lose! Good luck to you!
  • DanniB423
    DanniB423 Posts: 777 Member
    ash272107 wrote: »
    I feel that way all the time! I don't like doing anything fun because I feel like people are judging the way that I look. I have never been skinny and have always been overweight. I gained even more weight after having my son. It is horrible...I feel so gross and unhappy because of it.

    I'm with you. It is so tough. I am glad I am not the only one though. Being so unhappy with the way I look is lonely sometimes.
  • HaideeJo13
    HaideeJo13 Posts: 247 Member
    I have done this same exact thing the last few months. I do not want to go anywhere, I don't want to see anyone that knows me because I too am the heaviest I have ever been. Its depressing. I don't even want my husband to see me naked because I am so uncomfortable. I have always been a pretty fit person, I have had my moments where I gained weight but never this much. It totally controls my life. Its all I think about. I am finally saying enough is enough, I can not keep living like this. I make my husband go shopping and go pick up my kids form school because I don't want anyone to see me ;( I HAVE to get back into shape and get happy about myself again.
  • kristyhartley
    kristyhartley Posts: 14 Member
    DanniBuchanan1 wrote: »
    kristyhartley wrote: »
    I have the same issues Danni however my husband declines going out w friends bc I think he is embarrassed to be seen w me. He won't even introduce me to people when we do happen to "bump" into people he knows. It's a horrible feeling having gone from feeling his pride to now feeling he's ashamed. [/quote.

    @kristyhartley‌ that can not be possible! You are beautiful! I'm so sorry you feel that way!

    @DanniBuchanan1‌ funny I thought the same about your post!
  • kristyhartley
    kristyhartley Posts: 14 Member
    HaideeJo13 wrote: »
    I have done this same exact thing the last few months. I do not want to go anywhere, I don't want to see anyone that knows me because I too am the heaviest I have ever been. Its depressing. I don't even want my husband to see me naked because I am so uncomfortable. I have always been a pretty fit person, I have had my moments where I gained weight but never this much. It totally controls my life. Its all I think about. I am finally saying enough is enough, I can not keep living like this. I make my husband go shopping and go pick up my kids form school because I don't want anyone to see me ;( I HAVE to get back into shape and get happy about myself again.

    @HaideeJo13‌ you are too beautiful to think that!

  • workout4150
    workout4150 Posts: 3
    Okay lets start a challenge for the week. Lets see if we all can lose 1 pound by Sunday
  • HaideeJo13
    HaideeJo13 Posts: 247 Member
    Thank you, very sweet!! This is a picture of me before I gained the recent weight :( I refuse to take pictures of me right now. This is my goal though, to get back to where I am happy and healthy. I am slowly on my way, I am kicking my butt until i get there.
  • atiral
    atiral Posts: 43 Member
    Yes, I have a problem with this as well. When I was 90 lbs more than I am now, I was very embarrassed of how I looked, plus I just have social anxiety in general. I especially try to hide from people I haven't seen in a while. Now, at my goal weight, I am still just as embarrassed. I feel fine around people I don't know, but am afraid that people I do know will think I am too thin ( because there are people who have asked if I feel ok or said I don't need to lose more). No one should have to feel like that at any weight, but it is something I need to work on.
  • missy2492
    missy2492 Posts: 54 Member
    I understand how you feel. I get embarrassed too. I went shopping yesterday and went up a size again. How depressing. I don't undress infront of anyone, especially my husband. Your welcome to add as a friend. I do understand.
  • Teener37
    Teener37 Posts: 15 Member
    @ Danni, I can relate! I don't like how my clothes fit and feel and HATE to be uncomfortable (especially in public). I have "faked" headaches too many times to count!
    @ HaideeJo13 - I met my BF 3 yrs ago at a great weight and feel the same way you do. Keep the lights off! LOL
    - Seriously, though... I do feel a drive to get out and about. This motivates me to do better.
  • HaideeJo13
    HaideeJo13 Posts: 247 Member
    LOL @ Teener!! I am feeling a little better since I have been kicking my butt the last couple weeks. I have a long ways to go but everyday makes a huge difference!
  • alysefindingbalance
    alysefindingbalance Posts: 10 Member
    I totally understand where you're coming from. My husband friend from college (who I haven't met) invited us over for the Superbowl (we live in Seattle) and said there would be around 20 people he hasn't seen in years from college there. I really, really don't want to go, because I have the same fear you do -- that they'll be in disbelief that his wife is overweight. I am normally a social person, and feel completely comfortable around my friends, but it's different going into a new group of people for the first time.

    We just need to stick to our goals so that we can live and enjoy every moment of life to the fullest!
  • w0den
    w0den Posts: 84
    Yes! Absolutely! I avoid going to public places. I don't want to be seen. I think that's why I have such a battle with fast food. I don't even want to go inside the grocery store :(
  • Superstar_81
    Superstar_81 Posts: 88 Member
    You're definitely not alone!! I lost about 25lbs using mfp a few years ago and sine putting weight back on, i avoid social situations, have lost contact with old friends and even changed jobs because I actually feel so ashamed I couldnt keep it up! Back on it now though, feeling a bit happier...if you ever need support Im here ☺ x
  • conbi
    conbi Posts: 12 Member
    I always feel like this, I never want to go out anymore and don't want my bf to see me naked because I'm ashamed and feel ugly, but he doesn't understand. I can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore I feel so disgusted by myself :'(
  • mendoza7279
    mendoza7279 Posts: 3
    You put into words what I've been feeling for such a long time. This past Christmas really brought home the need for change, especially as I avoided taking any pictures with my children. As I scanned through the pics on my phone, I realize that I'm not in any of them. So tired of the status quo, ready to be a happier, healthier me. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, it's an amazing feeling to realize that I'm not alone.
  • kimberlyrenee2008
    kimberlyrenee2008 Posts: 604 Member
    I feel the same way girl. I'm usually outgoing and social and recently I haven't felt like going out with friends and I've even been dressing sloppier. I figure it's because I'm not happy with myself anymore. I joined myfitnesspal again hoping to bring out the old me! We just need our confidence back!! Feel free to add me so we can help motivate each other and get control of our bodies again :)
  • kalvaflores1
    kalvaflores1 Posts: 8 Member
    HaideeJo13 wrote: »
    I have done this same exact thing the last few months. I do not want to go anywhere, I don't want to see anyone that knows me because I too am the heaviest I have ever been. Its depressing. I don't even want my husband to see me naked because I am so uncomfortable. I have always been a pretty fit person, I have had my moments where I gained weight but never this much. It totally controls my life. Its all I think about. I am finally saying enough is enough, I can not keep living like this. I make my husband go shopping and go pick up my kids form school because I don't want anyone to see me ;( I HAVE to get back into shape and get happy about myself again.

    Hi I really thought something is wrong with me because I feel the same way. Everything you said is exactly what is going on with me. I get those moments were I really hate myself for letting me get this way and really can't understand how much of a zombie mode I must of been in to get this fat. And I think it's crazy because I still sabotage myself no matter how important I know this is to me. I have been at this for about a year and a few months, I have last 35 pounds but still need to lose 75 more.......this makes me want to scream, cry, and then I get mad. I am taking it one day at a time and try to do at least two weeks of planning so I can get back on the wagon of shedding the shame that I have brought upon myself.
    Sorry got carried away. ..but best of luck to you and everyone on here on our journey to completing our goals and struggles.
  • nightglo
    nightglo Posts: 33 Member
    It was such a relief to read this thread - though I am sorry that so many of us feel so ashamed of our bodies. I've never been this heavy (I've been overweight since I was 10 though) and even feel self conscious taking out the recycling these days, let alone seeing people who would have realized I'd gained a lot of weight 40lbs ago. And even more so because they have seen me lose a lot of weight and there's the added shame of gaining it back plus much more. The self hatred I feel is enormous and all consuming and I hope I soon learn to give myself a break. Thank you for helping me feel less alone by posting this.
  • vbianca2728
    vbianca2728 Posts: 13
    In my 20s I 109%related to that until I realized I was Fat and I came to terms with that. Once I accepted me, I didnt care what anyone thought, my confidence didn't happen overnight. Nobody can make you feel like "*kitten*" if you know who you are and your worth, because at the end of the day Life goes On and those people you "think" are making fun go on about their day and your left hiding in the shadows. Don't ever give someone your "Power". Take baby steps but put yourself out there, Cause you deserve it, your living and you deserve to be happy and live! Do you!!
  • Linzer140fit
    Linzer140fit Posts: 31 Member
    Think about the friends in your life. They are your friends because you like them, you like their personality, they loving, kind and fun. This description probably fits all of you as well. People will like you for you whether you weigh 20 plus pounds more than you should or no. Go ahead and start your weight loss journey but don't let getting to your destination first keep you from living your life now. It's hard sometimes, I know. Get a couple clothing items that camouflage the bad, accent the good, and no longer deprive others of your wonderful selves!!!
  • Canwehugnow
    Canwehugnow Posts: 218 Member
    I know how you're feeling. I've noticed that I rarely go anywhere new, for that reason... would people be shocked at how big I am.

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