Tips for motivating spouse needed

In my case, my husband knows how much I want to lose some weight. It's not a health issue for me but a self-image/self-esteem issue, so he understands that helping me lose weight is going to make me happier and in turn improve our relationship. I wonder if you might be able to turn the tables and ask him for help or let him know that his being on board helps you stay on track. Maybe he'll feel more inclined to do it if he feels like you need him instead of like you're trying to get him to do something. Just an idea..

As you stated, you can't force someone else to do it. To prevent after dinner badness, you can try to plan some kind of healthy activity like walking or gym time. Even playing a card game or WII games may interrupt the after dinner calories. Good luck. Remember to take care of yourself first though.

Other than cooking appropriate meals when you're the cook, no not a lot.

Though I will say that going on long walks -- not like pushing and huffing and puffing, but just strolling for an hour, ever day after dinner was great for my husband and I back when we did it (we exercise differently now). The speed wound up picking up naturally, and we found it was just a great time to connect, enjoy nature (we live near an amazing walking trail) and just enjoy each others' company. And yeah, it was good exercise

Just lead by example. Once you start losing the weight he'll realize he's the fat guy with the skinny wife...and nothing motivates like fear!

Is he scared that being healthy is going to omit all of his favorite foods? IMO, tacos are great weight loss food because they can be pretty balanced on the macros, but piling on the chips and queso AND the margaritas starts to turn into a calorie bomb. Can you find a compromise that makes him feel like he's still getting to enjoy himself? Tacos, skinny margaritas, and pre-portioned chips with salsa instead of queso? (Nothing wrong with queso if it fits in your calories btw. If he skips breakfast and eats a basic salad for lunch, he may very well have room for all that food in reasonable portions.)

At this point, it's something he probably really does *want* to do, but isn't willing to put forth the effort. Those are two entirely different things. My husband is diabetic, and *wanted* to do something about his weight, and I did too. We'd go on walks, and quickly discovered that we walk at different paces and with a different "sense of urgency" (how fast we ought to go).

Plus, in the weight category, I needed to lose a LOT more than he did. I started in April 2011. It was probably December of that year before he got on board. I didn't nag him, or try to initiate any sort of competition, because I'd had my family do that since I was 10 (I'm now 48), and I always hated it. I hated the meddling.

Even with the cholesterol, and high blood pressure, that may not have been enough for him to have that "rude awakening" yet. I was 376 pounds before I had mine.

Trust me. All you can do is focus on your journey. He will come along...but one thing is certain - it won't be according to anybody else's timeline but his. Be supportive and let him know when he's ready to actually do something about it, you're willing to help in any way you can.

I did a search for a discussion thread like this one and was glad to have found it. I've been using MFP since the start of 2015 and have had some good success, to the point where I'm now about 27 lbs. below where I started. My wife wants to lose weight (and has significantly more to lose than I do) sees the progress I've been making, knows that this is working for me, yet she will not track calories. Compounding the problem, a current medical problem is making it hard for her to walk regularly for any length of time. She's frustrated, feeling like she's eating healthier (I do most of the cooking) and having smaller portions, but when she looks at how much she has to lose, it seems impossible to her. I've been supportive, encouraging and am only concerned about the long-term health consequences of her being over weight. I even offered to set up an account for her on here and track the calories for her. She wasn't interested. So, this is a long way of saying that I could use some suggestions on how to get her motivated to make the changes necessary to finally start losing weight and getting healthier as we approach our retirement years.

My wife and I both need to drop some weight. I do all the cooking. We rarely eat out. All I can do is prepare healthy meals. I can't stop her from snacking, but I can lead by example. Some days I am a better example than others. Since we both do the grocery shopping together, we just avoid certain aisles. Chip and cracker aisles. Cookie aisle. We do most of our shopping around the perimeter of the store; where the fresh foods and less processed foods are located.

Wow this thread is really interesting and useful.
I’m having similar issues myself – partner says he wants to lose weight but does nothing about it. It’s getting incredibly frustrating. I’ve got to the stage where I just do my own thing and let him get on with his... For the first time in our (10 year) relationship a few months ago, I became thinner than him. Luckily I do most of the cooking, but he’ll often add rice or bread to his, and a few beers. Walking together has helped, and also encouraging him to find activity he enjoys, as he won’t ‘exercise’ (come running; go to the gym etc), but he really likes being outdoors so I found conservation schemes where you spend all day clearing foliage, digging etc!

If your husband wants to cook and decides on an unhealthy option, you can offer to be "sous-chef" and be responsible for part of the meal. For instance, you can make a healthy starter such as a filling vegetable soup that has to be eaten before the meal. If you make sure he fills up before dinner on vegetables and water, he may eat a bit less of the unhealthy stuff.

Knowing your partner and how they succeed at something matters. My husband and I have tried moderation for months, and he hasn't lost a pound. So right now we're cutting out eating out, sweets, and alcohol for 2 weeks. When I proposed it to him, he sounded RELIEVED - the "how much" part of moderation is something he struggles with, so he feels like he can have more success with cutting things out entirely. It's been easy so far because we're not tempting each other by having something the other person wants but can't fit in their calories. He's feeling accomplished and on track. Once we get to the end of 2 weeks, I'll probably slowly introduce "allowed" portions of alcohol, dessert, and higher-cal meals out until he feels in control of it. I subscribe to IIFYM and moderation and have been very successful, but not everyone handles that well or finds tracking calories an easy process. On the flip side, if your success has been coming from an exclusion diet, your partner might be struggling with missing foods they love. If your success has been coming from a lot of exercise, your partner might need a bigger emphasis on diet. Ultimately it's up to them, but playing to their strengths and comfort zone might help get them started. As the more successful partner, you sometimes have to do their thing instead of yours if you want to encourage them.

robw235 wrote: »

I did a search for a discussion thread like this one and was glad to have found it. I've been using MFP since the start of 2015 and have had some good success, to the point where I'm now about 27 lbs. below where I started. My wife wants to lose weight (and has significantly more to lose than I do) sees the progress I've been making, knows that this is working for me, yet she will not track calories. Compounding the problem, a current medical problem is making it hard for her to walk regularly for any length of time. She's frustrated, feeling like she's eating healthier (I do most of the cooking) and having smaller portions, but when she looks at how much she has to lose, it seems impossible to her. I've been supportive, encouraging and am only concerned about the long-term health consequences of her being over weight. I even offered to set up an account for her on here and track the calories for her. She wasn't interested. So, this is a long way of saying that I could use some suggestions on how to get her motivated to make the changes necessary to finally start losing weight and getting healthier as we approach our retirement years.

This was very similar to my husband's and my situation in Jan 2014. He started being more active, counting calories and losing weight. I had a significant injury that prevented me from doing much exercise. He did a lot of pushing and trying to force the lifestyle on me and I would try for a bit then get frustrated because it wasn't working as well for me since it seemed like I had so much to lose and I wasn't losing at the rate he was. I was depressed to begin with due to the injury and then it was compounded by feeling like I was letting my husband down. I was afraid I was going to fail and then he would be disappointed. I knew he loved me the way I was so why set get my hopes up only to fail?

I spent quite a bit of time feeling sorry for myself. Eventually my husband backed off a little and did his own thing and at that time I was finally healed enough to gradually increase my movement but the big number just seemed so daunting that I figured I would never make it so why try. My husband and I came to a mutual agreement that if I tried the calorie counting thing for one month or 10 lbs loss whichever came first that he wouldn't mention it again. I wasn't thrilled by it but if it got him off my back I was willing to do it. I didn't do so great at first but following his meal choices (unfortunately he can still eat a ton more than me and still lose weight) I was able to get the calories in line with where they should be. I lost the ten lbs in 3 weeks. After I lost the 10 lbs I realized that it wasn't that bad and maybe another 10 lbs was doable. I never looked beyond that 10 lbs. I set small goals. Even 10 lbs lost made me healthier than 0 lbs lost. I love to read so one day when I was bored I discovered the message boards here and started reading the success stories. Seeing all these stories of people who have lost so much kind of kept me going at times. At almost 120 lbs lost I am still a work in progress but I still never look beyond the next 5 or 10 lbs.

Maybe help by breaking it down into smaller bits for her? Ask her to spend just a half hour reading the motivation or the success story board on here. Honestly though if she is not willing you can't make her. It sounds like you have been encouraging but we were at a point where it was the only thing my husband wanted to talk about. Make sure you find ways to make her feel special and not have everything revolve around her weight. It sounds to me like she might be dealing with a feeling of helplessness due to the medical condition limiting her mobility. Maybe try to see if there is some form or exercise that she can do even if it is for just a few minutes at a time. Good luck and hopefully you both become more healthy and have a good long solid life together.

My boyfriend was in the same boat when I decided to get on the band wagon to lose weight. I'm more overweight than he is and he also has a physical laborious job. However, I get highly motivated by those around me and he soon realized that quickly after we both joined a local gym within walking distance only to find out we both came up with tons of excuses.

Now, we have a "walk to eat" thing we do every evening. As crazy as it sounds, we literally walk to the grocery store or a restaurant not too far away, get food, and walk back. Howbeit, I live in a city where there are tons of places everywhere, but we also live on a very hilly road so trust me, we're getting a workout. I have a pedometer and walk about 15K steps per day. Most of those will be from these walks. We use the grocery bags as weights for arm exercises on the way back. Today will be day 9 of this and I've noticed both of us are making better choices. I'm very proud of him! It's also a nice way to build your relationship using the time to walk as a opportunity to talk about your day or whatever else is on your mind. We both have more energy as well. Our neighbors think we're crazy but I've already lost nearly 5 lbs and have about 97 more to go, so I don't care what they think.

If you live in a place that has places closeby (the longest we've walked is 3 miles but that's a long ways for a beginner), maybe suggest walking there? Another thing we do is if we need one or two items from a local store, we'll just walk there instead of wasting gas. Good luck! Once he sees you are motivated, maybe soon he'll jump onboard. For my boyfriend, his main thing was he worked too hard during the day and he didn't feel like exercising at the end of the day. But since we've been doing this, he's actually stronger and able to do some of the tasks that used to hurt him physically with minimal pain.