Need parenting advise

savlyon
savlyon Posts: 474 Member
edited September 27 in Fitness and Exercise
I'm a single mom of a 4 year old little girl and 2 year old yorkie. I started losing weight in January--and although I've started and given up in March many years in a row, I am now dedicated--I'm going to do it. We have a membership to the YMCA, where they have childcare in the evenings for free. It's a blessing, but after working until 4 everyday, running home then heading to the gym, where we are there for two hours generally (by the time we are in and out)...I find that I don't spend much time with my daughter. I've noticed she has my sweet tooth, and I'd like to take the opportunity to instill good habits so she doesn't stop at age 26 and realize she weighs 250lbs, too.

Our city has great trails and her grandma and grandpa (aka the Easter bunny) got her a great new bike. I really want to spend time with her and the puppy outside now that it is nice--and I thought that it would be good to work out with her-- At first she was doing great on the bike. Now she cries and whines the entire time. I have a really hard time controlling my anger because it's impossible to get a decent workout (or any at all) while she is whining the entire time. She has no reason for crying--nothing appears to be wrong and when I ask she doesn't say anything is wrong....

Does anyone have any suggestions?

Replies

  • SarahWrittenThin
    SarahWrittenThin Posts: 595 Member
    get a wagon and pull her along the trails with you and if she wants she can get out and walk for a while but kids generally enjoy wagon rides :)
  • try to mix it up a little, instead of making her ride her bike all the time, try pushing her in a stroller or just play outside in the yard. She really doesn't need to exercise. As long as you make the outdoors fun for her she should be ok
  • ilikeher
    ilikeher Posts: 78
    That's tough... try some other things that kids typically like to do such as jumping rope, trampoline, playing tag, hop scotch...
    Maybe teach her how to roller blade
    You have to be creative with kids. GOOD LUCK!!!
  • tammietifanie
    tammietifanie Posts: 1,496 Member
    Ear plugs!!!!!!!!!!!! Just kidding!!

    She might be upset that your not going to the Ymca any more since there where other kids there and she enjoyed playing with them while you where working out... You can make your bike ride into a game! Have her search for things while shes riding her bike with you, Ask her to look for a certain plant, bug, animal....
  • Misty1777
    Misty1777 Posts: 29
    I'm sorry I don't have the answer for you. I just wanted you to know that you're not the only one in that boat though. I have a 9 yr old son and it is hard to juggle work, working out and spending enought time with him. He is also a little on the heavy side and I worry about his future health wise.

    A few suggestion I may make would be to make a game of it. Maybe race her, you walk/running & her on her bike, to different locations. Also you incorporate exercise into a game of Simon Says........Simon says jump rope for 1 min, run in place, 10 burpees (an exercise I recently learned), 15 jumping jacks. I think as long as you're having fun with it and it seems like a game to her, she may be more agreeable to do it.
  • crystal10584
    crystal10584 Posts: 334
    just walk with her and the dog, she doesn't have to ride the bike. let her hold the leash closer to the dog so she feels like she is walking the dog too (but you won't risk the dog running off if you still have part of the leash).

    Let her know that walking will help make her and mommy feel beautiful inside and out.

    Switch sweets for sweet fruits like apples and bananas with peanut butter.
  • Vkoons3
    Vkoons3 Posts: 122 Member
    I am also a single mother but I have 3 children and I have the same problems ...I have tried changing up the excercise that I do to spend time with them and also keep them active. Some days we go for a walk, others they ride their bikes and I run because I don't own a bike and then some days I convince them to let me kick their butts on just dance or wii fit on the wii. They do complain and cry from time to time that they are tired or they don't want to do it and I get angry with them too even though I know I shouldnt because I want them to enjoy these things and not think of them as something they hate. Maybe try making a bike ride to the park and letting her play for a bit and see if she enjoys that a little better that works for my kids on the days they tell me they don't want to walk with me.
  • DonnaLFitz
    DonnaLFitz Posts: 270 Member
    Working out with her is great, but don't depend on that time for your health -- that time is quality time for your daughter. If you can find some time for you to workout alone, you will be less impatient with her.

    There is no way a 4-year old can keep up with you, anyway. I kept a stroller around for a long time, so I could walk with my daughter and son. My son would walk holding on to the stroller handle and Tabby would ride. We didn't go fast or far, but we went regularly.

    Even today, we still enjoy walking together. Tabby can no longer walk, so Christopher and I take turns pushing her wheelchair.

    Then I take a second walk by myself at my pace for an actual workout. I also have a Total Gym at home for when I can't get a walk in and when I need to do strength training. (I'm sort of tied to the house with a handicapped child. I either work or I'm at home.)

    Good luck figuring out the balance. That's what it is, you know. And all moms have to do it.
  • DKing33
    DKing33 Posts: 78 Member
    Do they have a pool at your Y, do a parent child swim class. You would both benefit from the time together, the exercise and her learning that exercise is an important part of life. I have 2 children of my own 3 & 5 1/2 I know it is all but impossible to workout when they are around. I do a lot of circuit training video's at nite after bedtime. Hope that helps and Good Luck
  • wadewolf
    wadewolf Posts: 3 Member
    Working out is boring to a 4 year old. They dont need to workout they run around like crazy all day. It was fun at first because it was new, now its just the thing mom does that i have to go along with.

    Change it up. Play tag, make a game up to spot things in the area.

    Honestly you're never going to be able to really concentrate on your workout with a 4 year old tagging along, but if you play actively your workout will happen while you play
  • havingitall
    havingitall Posts: 3,728 Member
    How much are you making her ride so you get a work out? She is just a young child and if you are trying to go for long rides, it is probably too much for her.

    Was she compalining about not getting enough time with you or is it mother guilts kicking in? She actually may enjoy her time at the day care at the Y.

    At 4, she is kind of young to put all your hang ups about weight gain and diet on her. Make sure that you aren't sending her the wrong message and let her know that you love her just the way she is. If you provide healthy fiid at home and an atmosphere where moving your body ( dancing, walking, playing) is fun, she probably won't end up with a weight problem
  • LillysGranny
    LillysGranny Posts: 431
    Your daughter may be resisting because she feels like she is being dragged along (to your dismay) in your life instead of having you actively paricipate in hers. If you are focusing on your workout while she is riding, she is probably just trying to get your attention. Focus on her bike riding, not your workout, and try to quit showing any response whatsoever to the whining while praising even a few seconds of positive reaction from your daughter toward the bike riding. In this way, you will reinforce the positive response.

    You need time for you, too, but your daughter will only be little for a short time. Trust me, my children are grown and my granddaughter is 5. You may have to do your workouts in your living room after you put her to bed or before you get her up in the morning a few days a week and try to only hit the Y 2-3 times a week.

    Let your daughter participate in making healthy food choices for your family as much as possible, too, so that she will have that habit when she grows up.
  • emsibun
    emsibun Posts: 208
    Hiya :flowerforyou:

    I have a six year old girl and a four year old boy so I understand what you are experiencing.

    I like to walk - I walk any and everywhere, for miles upon miles. During the school holidays I can't do this and it effects my mood. I still take my kids for walks but it's really not a workout because they go a much slower pace than me and can't walk so far (although because of my love for walking they walk a looong way further than most of their friends!). I take walks in the evenings during the school holidays when my husband is home. I run the errands I can, and I find other ways of exercising. Then, when they are back at school during term time I get the walk all over the place again.

    All I can say is that the bike rides with her are not for you to work out. Your working out and her learning good habits, are, in this situation, separate things. It's no fun for her to go at any pace that would give you a workout. She wants to stop frequently, look at the things she is seeing, talk to you (endlessly talk to you, over and over, about her dolls, what she's been doing at kindergarten, what she likes about her puppy, her favourite toys, her friends, **everything**).

    Give her this time and you will have done your job. She will grow up experiencing 'exercising' as a fun thing to do. You won't get a workout from it - and it sounds like you can get that, with added childcare, at the YMCA - so you might need to sacrifice a workout session to give this to her.

    If you want something you can experience together and instill good habits try new healthy foods together, read books together, plant some seeds and learn how to grow your own fruit, veg and herbs together. But exercising, sadly, isn't something you can do together because you both have different aims from it. You want a good burn, she wants some fun and you are much bigger than her so she can't keep up!

    Take care, :smile:
  • lindainak
    lindainak Posts: 101
    She is bored! Find another mom/dad who will trade days child sitting. Take the kiddos out together for a very short ride and play at the park. Then have the other mom entertain the little ones and you take a power ride and the next time you watch the kids while she rides hard.
  • mbowman323
    mbowman323 Posts: 216
    I have a 4 year old little girl as well and she is a handful. Sometimes I have to tell myself ok she is only 4. When your little one is acting up like this I would suggest getting down to her level ( squat, kneel, bend over) and make eye contact with her. Then say (your daughters name) why are you crying? If her response is nothing then say well sweetheart if nothing is wrong why are you upset. It's ok if your legs hurt mommy's legs hurt too. Let's finish this little walk that will make us big and strong and we can go play something more fun together. If that doesn't work then maybe look into buying a workout dvd. They have all kinds. Heck my 4 year old dances with me now when I put that paticular one on. So get your little one invloved as much as you can. Act silly, take a breather when she is acting like a little monster and remind yourself she is only 4. Also if you are worried about not picking up healthy eating habbits. Don't keep unhealthy food in the house. I am not saying never eat it just make it to where you have to go out of your way to get it. Also teach her about all the foods and maybe even get her in there with you in the kitchen.
  • ladybug1620
    ladybug1620 Posts: 1,136 Member
    Maybe she feels like it's being forced on her, instead of being a fun activity. My son is pretty stubborn too and I can imagine him having a similar reaction. Have you tried doing both the YMCA, and occasional bike rides? If you also get some DVDs to do at home when she's asleep, you should have no problem getting workouts in between the 3.
  • sillygoose1977
    sillygoose1977 Posts: 2,151 Member
    My daughter and I try to spend a little time being active together before my gym time. We will take a leisure bike ride or walk around our park. This way we both feel like we have time together and I can still go get a real workout. It works for for really well, but then again, she's 8 not 4.

    Good luck to you! 4 year olds aren't easy!
  • crazymama2two
    crazymama2two Posts: 867
    i agree with whoever it was that said dont count on that time for your exercise.

    my son LOVES the gym daycare. he's there for an hour a day five days a week. i know that i work at home so it's easier for me to say BUT i think your daughter really likes the daycare and her friends. maybe you could do the gym two nights a week and the other three outside fun time?? or vise versa? i have a trailer i got for my birthday last year that attaches to my bike and i put my son in it and use that for exercise...he loves the thing...or if you want/need to use it as your exercise cause your time is limited (i understnad that trust me) use a wagon or something similar?

    maybe everyone already had these suggestions. i didnt have time to read through them all but being the queen of mommy guilt it's really US that does it to ourselves. they could give a rats *kitten* about us LOL

    *hugs* to you mama...youre doing a great job..hang in there!!
  • LittleBuddy13
    LittleBuddy13 Posts: 137 Member
    wo I totally understand How you feel and like some people have already said " you do need that time for yourself to workout first in order to be patient with your daughter while your spending time with her"...I am also a single mom and noticed a while back that I was getting impatient with my son if I didnt get my workout done, im not sure why but I hear alot of mothers go through this. Us mothers do alot and even though you may think its being selfish to want to spend time at the gym ITS NOT, your kids will actually probably really love you for it because in the long run you will be in shape and be confident to try new things with them and have soo much more energy and they will love playing with you when you get home from the gym. I go to the local YMCA as well. you dont need to go for 2 hrs that seems very long, all you need is a good hr a day maybe 4 times a week, then the other 3 days like for example Friday Saturday and Sunday, just go to the gym for 30min and pump the speed and intensity up on the treadmil (you can actually burn soo many cals in 30min depending how hard you push) things I do with my son on the days I dont go to the gym is I take him to a park or walk around streets by my house where they have small hills and push him in the stroller, or another one is I have one of those trailers to attach to my bike and I pull my son in that, oh man hes like 49lbs so thats one heck of a workout...chase after your kids, act like a kid, just go fro walks and pull in wagon or stroller, anything is good, jumprope is great too. Have you ever thought of getting a workout dvd and doing it in the morning before work? I hate morning but if you really want something you will do it. If you could somehow do a 30-40min workout in the a.m. then when you get off work all your time can be with the kiddos and you can go on about your day knowing you atleast did your workout dvd already:) Ive done 30day shred and right now Im doing Slim In 6, they work!!! Just dont feel bad taking an hr of time for yourself cuz they need a healthy mother, your doing this for them too dont forget. Best of luck to ya :)
  • ButterflyKristen
    ButterflyKristen Posts: 109 Member
    I'm sorry I don't have the answer for you. I just wanted you to know that you're not the only one in that boat though. I have a 9 yr old son and it is hard to juggle work, working out and spending enought time with him. He is also a little on the heavy side and I worry about his future health wise.

    A few suggestion I may make would be to make a game of it. Maybe race her, you walk/running & her on her bike, to different locations. Also you incorporate exercise into a game of Simon Says........Simon says jump rope for 1 min, run in place, 10 burpees (an exercise I recently learned), 15 jumping jacks. I think as long as you're having fun with it and it seems like a game to her, she may be more agreeable to do it.

    What she said. Also, give her a choice of a few activities. If she gets to choose, she might be more into it. I have a 2 year old. I put him in the jogger and run for 45 to 60 mins. I also do dvd's and he has fun "helping" me with my abs exercises (he makes planks even harder!). I have a spinning bike (LeMond) in the "play room" and sometimes I crank on that while listening to his songs (which he loves) and plays with his toys (he has his own play table in that room too). He tries to take me off my game, ("mommy get off") but sometimes I am able to distract him by asking him about his toys or dancing on the bike to his music. I really do think you can make if fun for her by including her and she will benefit from seeing you exercising and having fun doing it! What a great thing you are doing for YOU and for your beautiful daughter!
  • 1234lbsgone
    1234lbsgone Posts: 296 Member
    I'm a single mom too, so I get where you are coming from. I agree that these are times you can't count as a workout. Maybe do 1 hour at the Y and the second hour with her. Or, sign her up for a class at the Y, like dance or something. They always have something going on.

    When my daughter was that young, we didn't bike ride. Her little legs just can't keep up. Sometimes I would let her ride, and I would walk. It was easier for us to keep the same pace and that way I did burn some cals.

    Another thing we did was ALOT of walking. Every day after dinner we walk. From the time she was in a stroller till now. She expects it and its our time together. To keep her interested while we were walking we played games like I Spy or the letter game. Plus I made up a game- We take turns making I AM statements. They all have to be positive, like, "I AM beautiful." We also did "I am thankful for...." It made the walk go by faster, triggered positive thinking in her own mind, and it was great bonding. She's 11 now and still likes to do that when we walk. It instills positive thinking about self image without directly talking about negativity.

    Other options you could use are doing parks on the weekends, playing tag, hide and seek, racing on foot or on bike (Make sure you let her win a few, lol), mommy and me classes.......
  • kdouglas11
    kdouglas11 Posts: 185 Member
    Ok... I assume because you asked for parenting help, you will not be offended.

    Second, my credentials. I have a Master's Degree in Early Childhood Education. I work for a child care resource and referral agency to train parents and child care givers how to work with children...

    That being said, my advice is research based... and valid.

    1. Your child doesn't just cry for 'no good reason' She is communicating to you.
    2. More so, if you allow yourself to be angered by her whining, she is controlling your emotions.
    3. It sounds like she's seeking negative attention... maybe because she feels as if you're not paying any attention to her.


    Some things you can do... slow down, let your child walk with you. Maybe she just doesn't like the bike.

    Push your child in a jogging stroller, while singing or chatting to her the whole time, this will allow you to run, and it will allow your daughter to relax while hanging out with you.

    Play games with your child that have exercise, such as kicking a ball, 'racing' etc.

    Give her a choice would you like to go to the gym's child care or would you like to ride your bike this evening?


    I hope this helps.

    K
  • ButterflyKristen
    ButterflyKristen Posts: 109 Member
    "Never make eye contact while eating a banana." Ha! I love it!!!!! :laugh:
  • savlyon
    savlyon Posts: 474 Member
    Thanks for all of your advise. It is totally appreciated!!!

    I definitely feel like things are off balance-I've lost almost 40 lbs in 4 months--so there has been a lot of focus on that while other things have been put off.

    Today is "rest" day so I will try to implement some of the ideas since getting a work out isn't my goal.
    Thank you! :)

    Savannah
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