Should I be hurt by this?

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SarahR1984
SarahR1984 Posts: 212
in Motivation and Support
I'm not sure if this is the right place to put this but I need some opinions. This is about getting my hair done by my friend. So my good friend is in beauty school. I used to go to the beauty school to get my hair highlighted until my friend started going there and decided she was ready to do it at home so she could get all the money instead of just the tip. Now highlighting is $25 at the school. She's done my hair about 4 times at home and I've given her $35 each time. She insisted that was fine and that the supplys weren't very expensive under $10 or $15.

Now she has become very short on cash due to multiple trips out of state to visit with her new boyfriend. I took my son to the school and had her cut his hair. The cut was $7 and I tipped her $12 because I knew she needed grocerys that week. My hubbys b-day party came and she wanted to go but wasn't going to since she had no money. We gave her $20 in advance for the next time she did my hair so she could come out with all our friends. Two days ago we had a tigers game to go to. I was sick so I told her the night before that I wanted her to have my ticket ($35-free to her) since she's moving soon and she had wanted to go to the game but couldn't. We had time to sell the ticket the next day but when she brought this up I told her no I wanted her to have it. I love hanging out with her and it's a lot of fun.

So today I texted her and asked if she could do my hair one day next week. She texted me back with "Sure but I'll have to charge $70 just bc of all the lightner I used..but with the 20 before it'll be 50:)" REALLY? Out of nowhere, after I paid some in advance she's telling me it's gonna cost me $70? To have my hair done by a student, by a friend? I could go to the college and get it done by her for $25! I just felt like I've been a good friend and she won't cut me any slack.

Don't know if I should be hurt by this or not. But I broke down crying when I told my hubby. I just felt hurt. I know she was thinking of charging more because of her finances but $70, for a student? And for me? I just gave her a $35 ticket to a Tigers game and a charter bus 2 days ago! Should I be upset or am I over reacting?

I don't know if it was the right thing to do but I texted her back that I will take the $20 I paid in advance and go to the school and get it done for $25 instead. She replied with "what? ok whatever I'll get you your money" something along those lines. Then I let her know that my feelings were hurt, blah blah, what I said here pretty much. She told me it's because she doesn't have much time or money, no hard feelings really..."don't hate me!" So I guess we are ok. But should I be upset?

If you read all that, thanks! I am venting so it was a lot. I am usually very laidback and don't get upset. Sorry if this isn't the right spot, but I could use some support as I'm feeling a little down now.

thanks for any and all opinions!
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Replies

  • mamagooskie
    mamagooskie Posts: 2,964 Member
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    I think you did the right thing. I would have been hurt too.
  • RHOyalT
    RHOyalT Posts: 204 Member
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    You definitely did the right thing. I would have been hurt too! The nerve!
  • kymarai
    kymarai Posts: 3,627 Member
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    Hard situation. I think you did the right thing though. A friend doesn't take advantage of you. I too would be hurt. Sometimes it is time to just say no!
  • PaulaJKelly
    PaulaJKelly Posts: 96
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    You're braver than most. Instead of stuffing your feelings and going to her and paying the $70 you reminded her that you had pre-paid for her services. I would think that she is acting like everything is fine. I wouldn't expect your $20 back but I would let it go. I think if you are able to wait until she moves and find a new hairdresser at the school that would be the easiest for you. You were kind to her and sometimes these things happen. I wouldn't try and reconnect with her but I would do your best to forgive her. It ultimately helps you.
  • Athena413
    Athena413 Posts: 1,709 Member
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    I can definitely see why you'd be upset about it, but I can also see her side, too. I used to have a friend that would charge us nothing for the products she used...and she was an assistant manager at a hair salon here in town, not a student...then when her and another girl branched off and opened their own shop, she started charging a lot more...simply because they had to stay in business and couldn't afford all the breaks they had previously given friends and family. I think financially for you, you did what was best since you saved a good deal of money, but I don't know that I'd make a huge deal out of it...is a hair appointment worth losing a friend over? I'm sure if she's a good friend she'll understand if you'd rather pay $25 than $70 for the same service. That would be silly for you to pay that much if you could just go to the school and have another student do it for a lot less.
  • LettyM62
    LettyM62 Posts: 130 Member
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    Sounds to me like she's trying to take advantage of your kindness.
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
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    Sounds like you handled it well, and so did she by being honest that she was doing it because she needed the money. Initially she really probably just wanted to ask you for some extra money to get by, but thought sort of filtering it into the hair coloring would make it easier.
  • sassylilmama
    sassylilmama Posts: 1,495 Member
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    I would have been hurt and pissed!
  • halexandra
    halexandra Posts: 24 Member
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    You definitely did the right thing! It's not your responsibility to take care of her finances- you can only help so much! And she was definitely taking advantage of your generosity.
  • McKayMachina
    McKayMachina Posts: 2,670 Member
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    She's probably just not thinking about it like that. You're keeping your own tallies that it doesn't sound like you shared with her so how can you expect that to be part of her perception? Sounds like you just need to call her and tell her you thought you guys were already square. If she disagrees, don't remind her of all the things you've done for her, it will just make her feel awful for not being more aware. And she will probably get defensive. If she doesn't see it your way, you ought to just have someone else do your hair from here on out.

    Keep in mind, you offered all this extra money to her. I know you did it to be a good friend and so that you could have her company but you have to own that and you can't hold it against her.

    Either way, if I were you, I'd just go to the college to get my hair done, regardless of whether she's working or not. Separate your friendship from business. Things will get better between you two that way. :)
  • 38Gigi38
    38Gigi38 Posts: 115 Member
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    I would have been hurt as well...It seems to me like she is taking advantage of a good friends kindness.
  • dragonbug300
    dragonbug300 Posts: 760 Member
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    You were very generous to begin with... it sounds like she's almost freeloading off of your generosity. At least she acknowledged that by admitting she'd upped the price because she was low on funds. If she wants to run a business from home, even if it is just for friends, she needs to be consistent. By telling her that you were hurt, she can learn from her own mistakes.
  • Jacquelyn913
    Jacquelyn913 Posts: 300 Member
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    You did the right thing. Sounds like she was taking your nice gestures for granted.
  • srtiemann
    srtiemann Posts: 76
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    I would be hurt too! Paying a little more for extra supplies I do understand but to go up to $70 is a bit much. I hope you can salvage the friendship.
  • LauraLLee
    LauraLLee Posts: 210
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    If she is your close friend you need to tell her how you feel and let her know how her actions have hurt you. Sometimes people are just oblivious of how they make people feel.
    You seemed to have been a good friend to her. I hope if you talk to her she will respond in love towards you too.
    And dont stop being giving just because it seems like it is the better thing to do. People with a heart like yours are rare and will be rewarded. Maybe not by the people we think it should come by, but I promise it will come back to you. So dont lose heart.
  • Nikkita29
    Nikkita29 Posts: 20 Member
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    I would be upset too... hurt and angry, to say the least. As long as you've said your piece and told her how you felt, there's not much else to do other than let the chips fall where they may. Hopefully she will come around and realize that even though she is hurting for money, she should never try to take advantage of a friend who has done nothing but help her. Hope everything works out for ya!
  • swchapman
    swchapman Posts: 29
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    :flowerforyou: You had every right to feel the way you did.You ladies are friends and you've been good to her so you expected her to lookout for you.Remain friends b/c money changes alot of things she's down right now but she'll be back up soon.What you should do is continue to let her do your hair if you like her work but go to her where the coct is $25.00 and not tip so much.Feelings are feelings and sometime we get hurt but we get back up too.Feel better about this.:wink:
  • sundance2032
    sundance2032 Posts: 376 Member
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    I agree with you, and if she was tight on money you both could have went and you paid for the highlighter. Then with the 20 you already paid her.

    I don't know what she was thinking. I have a friend that went to beauty school and she did not charge me at all. I paid her, just like you did to your friend before, but I would be shocked if she did that to me.

    Good luck and I hope everything is good between you two.
  • Shantre
    Shantre Posts: 66 Member
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    Seems like you have been giving giving giving and she has become used to it and may be trying to use you because you are nice.
  • crystalroy
    crystalroy Posts: 84 Member
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    people are greedy. no offensive but noticed in my experience that stylist are at the top of the list.

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