Afraid to lose? Am I alone?

Slasher09
Slasher09 Posts: 316 Member
edited November 11 in Health and Weight Loss
I don't know what my problem is. I have been gaining and losing the same few pounds for 6-8 months. I KNOW why I don't keep losing, that isn't the issue. I do really well until I have a weigh-in where I am actually making progress (beyond losing from a recent gain) and on that day I will find myself grabbing snacks constantly. Yesterday I woke up and had a goal met. At work that day I ate a few snack packs of M&Ms, animal crackers, cheese-its (I'm a nanny) and poured a lot of creamer in my coffee. I wasn't even hungry or craving sweets. I always do this when I am actually losing weight.

The only thing I can think of is that I maybe have a mental block from a decade and a half of anorexia/bulimia. I think I am afraid of losing weight because I am afraid that means I am not healthy, despite the fact that I eat balanced now, I do not restrict, I almost never purge (I have a slip up every 4-6 weeks, as opposed to purging 5-10x a day years ago) and I am active. I am at a "healthy" weight for me, but I could also lose up to 15-20lbs before I start to be underweight, and I only want to lose 8-10.

Has anyone had a block like this? Is there anything that helped you? Or just keep reassuring myself that what I am doing (eating balanced, being active) IS the healthy thing and that mindless snacking is the unhealthy choice.

If it helps I am 5'6 155lbs (I'm a size 8) and I have a target of about 1800 cals a day as I am looking for slow, sustainable weight loss, and I am training for races.

Replies

  • dougpconnell219
    dougpconnell219 Posts: 566 Member
    Perhaps you are not afraid to lose, you are afraid to fail. You are afraid that if you give it your all and don't lose, you will fail. So you sabotage yourself.

    Don't fear failure. Failure is life's best teacher. The only people who never fail are those who never try. Try your best, learn from your mistakes, and move on to the next attempt.
  • EvgeniZyntx
    EvgeniZyntx Posts: 24,208 Member
    edited January 2015
    You might want to seek a real live person to discuss these issues in person.
  • skinnylove00
    skinnylove00 Posts: 662 Member
    I know exactly what you mean. It's not that you "fear failure," it's just that your habits have become your comfort zone. For me, eating is a source of comfort and it's hard because I feel like I'm always sabotaging myself when I'm trying to lose. You really just have to push through it. On the days where you're like, "well i can just mindlessly indulge on this pack of Fritos because I've lost 5lbs so far!" remember your goals...say "this is the familiar, this is my comfort zone, and if I keep doing this everyday I will always be stuck here. It hurts more to stay the same than it the hurt it takes to change. I want to change. I will deal with the temporary discomfort that it will bring so I can reach a new level."
  • girlviernes
    girlviernes Posts: 2,402 Member
    You have come a long way, but if you are still purging you are still at risk. You need to take that behavior out of your back pocket. I would recommend maintenance at least until then. Maybe talk to a therapist to work through this final stage of recovery.
  • Ellaskat
    Ellaskat Posts: 386 Member
    it sounds like you're doing amazing! Given your history though, it might be a good idea to have at least 1 meeting with a nutritionist who helps folks with EDs. Maybe if you had the confidence of an 'expert' you're doing this right, you would feel more confident about what you're doing... just a thought. Good luck!
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