Feeling Fat and Sad - New to MFP

Options
Babs0789
Babs0789 Posts: 1 Member
in Introduce Yourself
Today, as I was getting dressed, I looked at myself in the mirror and it was like, for the first time in a long time, I was actually seeing myself. And the person I saw was a shock to me. I didn't realize I had become this big...I don't know how I let this happen.

Six years ago I was 160lbs (6' tall). Prior to that I struggled with eating disorders and had health problems because of that, but I was thin and I loved that. Then, I gave birth in 2009 and weighed 210-ish lbs. I was down to 170 by the time I got pregnant and gave birth again in 2011 and around 220lbs. Since then I have fluctuated with my weight. I got down to 190, then 189 and I was feeling good, two years ago. This time last year I was 220lbs and today when I weighed myself I was 265lbs. Seeing that number shocked me and made me feel sick and incredibly sad.

I don't feel like I eat too badly. But I do over eat. I get snackish and eat and eat and eat. I eat away my emotions and don't exercise at all. I had been doing Jillian Michaels when I was down to 190lbs but found it too rough on my body.

I hate the way I look. I don't feel attractive. I get out of breath walking up the stairs. I just don't know what to do. I feel so sad that I have let myself get to this point.

Replies

  • taco_inspector
    taco_inspector Posts: 7,223 Member
    edited January 2015
    Options
    Babs0789 wrote: »
    Today, ... I just don't know what to do...
    Babs... it can be done; you know that. Here you're not alone unless you want to be.

    One of the things that drew me to MFP was having an easy way to log my eating. Logging food intake gives you better insight into what's actually going into you, so you can better get a grip on what's going on with you. Give it a go, log your intake truthfully and honestly, add notes if you wanna - it's a private thing that you can do for yourself.

    Just like walking up those stairs, you've gotta start somewhere. Get in the habit of logging, even without trying to hit any specific intake goals, and you'll find yourself making tiny decisions along the way... you know, that old "journey of a thousand miles starts with one step" crap... Log what's going in, and you'll see what's going on.

    You're here, so that's obviously something; stick with it Babs.
  • kristen6350
    kristen6350 Posts: 1,094 Member
    Options
    Ok, time to pick yourself up and dust yourself off. Today is a new day. The past is the past.

    Start with small changes. A big thing for me was "work food". You know, the food people bring in because they think they are doing you a favor, but really they are making it easier for you to get fat. A donut here a cookie there and before you know it a year later you are 20lbs heavier. So, Mid December I said "Enough is Enough" and just stopped eating food brought into work. I ate only what I brought. Nothing from the cafeteria, nothing from the vending machine. If it wasn't in my snack/food bag from home, it wasn't going in my mouth.

    Next is figuring out other downfalls or patterns. Another big one was "Snacking on the couch at night". You know the kind, the dinner dishes are washed, everything is done for the next day. It's just you, the couch, a bag of chips and Netflix. Well, now it's the same, but I weigh out a portion of chips, I log it, then I enjoy just them. Not the bag.

    I started pre-logging food and deciding a day ahead what I'd eat and sticking to what I logged because it was too much of a PIA to change it.

    I'm 5'11, on Dec. 10th I started at 166.4. Today, 52 days later I weighed in at 157. I have 4 more to go to my "I'm good" weight. That's 9lbs in 52 days just from logging my food, watching portions & thinking what the food will do to me if I eat it and if it's worth it. No exercise. Now, I know everyone else is going to be on me, but I don't exercise in the winter. I live in OH and I hibernate. I get up, go to work, go home and hibernate. Now, come spring, I'll do 4-5 mile walks after work everyday. Until then, I'll do it my way. I think it's working and I'm not driving myself insane. Oh, and my pants are big.

    Seriously. This is all mental. Anyone can do this but it takes work. But the work is worth it.
  • trajanAz
    trajanAz Posts: 28 Member
    Options
    I understand feeling sad, but you should know that where you're at isn't somewhere you have to stay. Things can get better, and the fact that you're here is indicative that you're ready to make a change.

    Start by forgiving yourself--beating yourself up is just going to hold you back. No matter where you're at today tomorrow can be better. No matter how trite that sounds it's true, and it's something I've had to remind myself while I was staring my huge weight loss numbers in the face. It really does get better every day.

    Good luck. I hope things get better soon.
  • scrapbookingtm
    scrapbookingtm Posts: 1,916 Member
    Options
    I think we have all been there at some point. I know I have. Now it's time to take control. I had to start really small because of medical problems. I started with walking. Any amount will do. Just start. And figure out how much you should be eating and log everything. I have come a long way but there are still days that I just walk because that's all I can do. Good luck. Be kind to yourself and love yourself. Make small goals so you see your progress.
  • mamanewland
    mamanewland Posts: 281 Member
    Options
    You can do it! It can be hard to get motivated, but you can do it! I'm down almost 40 lbs. Add me as a friend!
  • Locagirl87
    Locagirl87 Posts: 14 Member
    Options
    Hey there! You've made great strides just getting on MFP; at least that's what I tell myself. I've been seriously counting calories for just over 10 days and I know exactly how you feel! I really have let myself go and I feel as though it affects and cripples everything from my work life to my personal one. For me it's all about small changes and taking things a day at a time. I have around 80 lbs to lose and it is something that can't happen overnight...although I am definitely an instant gratification person so that is a challenge for me! Try to start implementing healthy foods in to your diet and try some form of light exercise and take it from there. I know as the days go by for me that I slowly feel myself getting more energy and wanting to branch out to more challenges. Raise the bar a little higher, ya know? I also give myself a small cheat to help get through the day...I let myself have a cup of Coke Zero (terrible stuff I know!l) and it's just enough sweet to get me by the massive cravings I'm accustomed to. I LOVE my sweets and I LOVE my carbs more so it's tough not to immediately turn to them. I'm rambling here, but I understand how you feel and just know that you are beautiful and you always have been...You've just got some weight to lose to get your healthy self back. :)
  • clemonscourtney
    clemonscourtney Posts: 1
    Options
    I feel like I could have wrote that, with a few differences! :S ... horrible feeling, I know! But at least your doing something about it! I weighed myself last week and was 268 :( been feeling mighty low ever since! Prior to weighing myself I was on a no junk food thing (no pop no white bread no chocolate etc! 3 of my favorite things in the world! I probably had them fairly regularly prior to)

    I just ended the 21 day no junk food challenge, had a cheat meal and will continue this challenge or at least not binge/emotional eating for the rest of my life..I hope lol

    Good luck to you! Please add me if your comfortable and hopefully we can encourage each other! Ps this was my first post..other people who are willing to encourage me are welcome to add me as well!
  • amberashleygetsfit
    amberashleygetsfit Posts: 31 Member
    Options
    Babs0789 wrote: »

    I hate the way I look. I don't feel attractive. I get out of breath walking up the stairs. I just don't know what to do. I feel so sad that I have let myself get to this point.

    I know this feeling... After I meet my husband I gained 50+ lbs and now I have over 70 lbs to lose. What got me out of my "depression" was my determination to change. Losing weight is all mental... for myself I found that I had to change my way of thinking about myself. I wouldn't buy myself new clothes because I felt ugly and fat saying "I don't deserve new clothes because of the way I look". WRONG!!!

    My sister got married in Sep. '14 and looking at her beautiful photos I was sad because I changed so much with in 6 years that I didn't know who I was looking at. I was done beating myself up and I knew at that moment I needed to change.

    I have been starting and stopping since I can remember but I actually committed
    in October 2014 and now I can't be happier I only weigh myself once a month so I don't discouraged. I haven't lost much but I feel good and that's what matters.

    Let's be friends to motivate each other!!!
  • SJunczyk
    SJunczyk Posts: 430 Member
    Options
    I was like that. Last year I had aimed to actually get my butt in gear. But I wasn't mentally prepared. My year felt pretty crap to me and my new year didn't start as I had hoped.

    So I told myself that if I want to feel better as well as look better, then it is down to me.

    I am amazed at how much more determined I am this year. I am ready. I am willing. I CAN do it. I WILL do it.

    It isn't a quick fix but a long term plan :)

    This is my year! Nothing will stop me :)

Categories