lost in anorexia to binge eating and in between (warning: long post)

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bittersuitedear
bittersuitedear Posts: 4
in Motivation and Support
I have been battling eating disorders since the summer. I was anorexic without realizing it and in the fall I decided that I needed to gain weight. I began eating a ton on the weekends when my mom went out. I got so full and nervous that I became bulimic. This continued for a little while until my brother came back from the air force and moved in with us. I never really lived with him so it felt like an invasion of my space. I began fasting and then bingeing when he would finally leave the house because I was finally at ease and it was a release. Family discovered my bulimia and I began to seek help. Now I don't purge and my binge eating has become worse. I am beginning to gain too much weight and avoiding social things my relationships with friends avoiding are pretty awkward. I get bored because it's my senior year and I have nothing to do except for ap chem which I am doing poorly in because my teacher puts me students down when they do poorly and want help. My anxiety is through the roof and my only solace is eating a *kitten* ton of food. It's like nothing else even matters and all I want to do is be alone and eat. I am afraid of gaining more weight and nd I'd like to work out but I don't have a period from being malnourished and I hear that you should avoid exercise until it returns. I need guidance. This post turned into a rant but it's only a fraction of my problems. Anyone who actually gets through this deserves a gold star.

Replies

  • queenliz99
    queenliz99 Posts: 15,317 Member
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    You need to seek help from your parents and a therapist.
  • PrizePopple
    PrizePopple Posts: 3,133 Member
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    Yes, you need to seek help from your parents and professionals. No one here can or should be offering you any other advice in regards to your health and well being.

    Also, noting that you are a senior in HS, if you are not 18 you are not supposed to be on here as you have to be 18.
  • bittersuitedear
    bittersuitedear Posts: 4
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    I have a therapist and my parents are supportive but my father is too intrusive when I stay with him and my mother and brother seem to monitor me and make me feel ashamed about what my behavior which sends me deeper into seclusion and secret binges... I think I'm realizing things just by typing out my thoughts. It's therapeutic.
  • bittersuitedear
    bittersuitedear Posts: 4
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    I am 18. Ai guess this really isn't the right place to be venting. Should I delete this post?
  • sosoangel
    sosoangel Posts: 20 Member
    edited January 2015
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    Maybe you can try talking to your school counselor?
  • SuperSnoopy
    SuperSnoopy Posts: 3,464 Member
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    There must be many on here in the same situation and Im sure there would be help aand advice on here somewhere. I will try and find some for you. Keep smiling honey cus your special - you know that right? XXX
  • PrizePopple
    PrizePopple Posts: 3,133 Member
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    bittersuitedear wrote: »
    I am 18. Ai guess this really isn't the right place to be venting. Should I delete this post?

    Well no one here is going to give you advice outside of seek professional help, because to do so would be irresponsible as you have very serious issues that need to be dealt with. As a mother myself to two girls who are not so very much younger than you, the intrusive you see is them being concerned. Parents don't want to watch their children hurt, and chances are they are just doing what their gut tells them. I can't say I would be above following my girls around all day and sleeping right next to them in their beds to make sure they are safe. They are the greatest achievements of my life and I would do what I felt necessary to make things right. Just consider that, and talk to them. Tell your therapist what you wrote here. They all want to help you get better.
  • bittersuitedear
    bittersuitedear Posts: 4
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    thank you all for your words! I guess I didn't see the overbearing factor as love but I'm sure you are right prizepopple!
  • obscuremusicreference
    obscuremusicreference Posts: 1,320 Member
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    bittersuitedear wrote: »
    I have been battling eating disorders since the summer. I was anorexic without realizing it and in the fall I decided that I needed to gain weight. I began eating a ton on the weekends when my mom went out. I got so full and nervous that I became bulimic. This continued for a little while until my brother came back from the air force and moved in with us. I never really lived with him so it felt like an invasion of my space. I began fasting and then bingeing when he would finally leave the house because I was finally at ease and it was a release. Family discovered my bulimia and I began to seek help. Now I don't purge and my binge eating has become worse. I am beginning to gain too much weight and avoiding social things my relationships with friends avoiding are pretty awkward. I get bored because it's my senior year and I have nothing to do except for ap chem which I am doing poorly in because my teacher puts me students down when they do poorly and want help. My anxiety is through the roof and my only solace is eating a *kitten* ton of food. It's like nothing else even matters and all I want to do is be alone and eat. I am afraid of gaining more weight and nd I'd like to work out but I don't have a period from being malnourished and I hear that you should avoid exercise until it returns. I need guidance. This post turned into a rant but it's only a fraction of my problems. Anyone who actually gets through this deserves a gold star.

    1. Are you still under a doctor's care? Tell them everything you've told us.
    2. Discuss your teacher with your school's guidance counselor/administrators. Band together with other students if need be--you should not have to put up with that nonsense. I don't know whether any action will come of it, but you should not face repercussions. And I assume you've taken advantage of online resources for the subject, if you need to go over concepts.
    3. I get a gold star I guess, but as another poster pointed out: There is really nothing that we can do for you. You need more help than a message board can provide. Good luck!
  • obscuremusicreference
    obscuremusicreference Posts: 1,320 Member
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    bittersuitedear wrote: »
    thank you all for your words! I guess I didn't see the overbearing factor as love but I'm sure you are right prizepopple!

    Pffft. My mom is still overbearing and I'm in my thirties. I was venting to her about my boss and she wanted to go tell her off.
  • quilt938
    quilt938 Posts: 57 Member
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    you really need to find a counselor who specializes in this. I battled it briefly - think I had jsut a 'taste' and it was scary. I think it's aggravated by feeling controlled, yet not in control..very conflicting feelings. I had no stress outlet other than biting my nails and college made things worse.once I started losing weight (for health reasons) I felt weirdly in control and overdid it badly - became my sole focus until I needed more calories then I was freaking out. I told my mom and then she got to where it felt like every time I coughed she'd think I was throwing up and that controlled feeling made me very panicked.

    now i'm trying to lose - it's been over 25 yrs - but you're very young and help at your age from someone who knows how to help would be best so you dont continue with bad feelings towards food.

    you're worth it. you have to believe that and recognizing you have a problem is a great sign you'll be successful in overcoming or at least controlling it with help..I denied it..I think I was lucky I've never been able to throw up except uncontrollably otherwise who knows. but I never got help for it and have always had an unhealthy relationship towards food- I guess I decided I'd just be fat and use it as a comfort..then health stuff kicks in again.

    high school/18 is a stressful time
  • midge11049831
    midge11049831 Posts: 5
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    I am in the exact same boat, I am recovering from anorexia. Now I'm a binge eater, most of the weight (1 stone) has been through excesses amounts of food. Though I'm at a healthier weight, the unusual eating pattern needs to stop before I gain anymore!. I'm trying out an eating plan which involves some calorie counting but nothing is off limits, which will minimize my desire to binge. Just know that this is not permanent and you will get through this, I'm on the same journey :). Your desire to push through this should be your motivation!
  • onehottotty
    onehottotty Posts: 2
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    I'm a bulimic who's recovering after 17 years. You will never be "cured" and you will struggle everyday for the rest of your life. It's like alcoholism; you have to take one day at a time. Sometimes, it's even one minute at a time. Just remember that you always have a choice between your disease and your health. Lean on your family and friends. Their support will be what gets you through it. Good luck!
  • goal105pounds
    goal105pounds Posts: 2
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    bittersuitedear wrote: »
    I have been battling eating disorders since the summer. I was anorexic without realizing it and in the fall I decided that I needed to gain weight. I began eating a ton on the weekends when my mom went out. I got so full and nervous that I became bulimic. This continued for a little while until my brother came back from the air force and moved in with us. I never really lived with him so it felt like an invasion of my space. I began fasting and then bingeing when he would finally leave the house because I was finally at ease and it was a release. Family discovered my bulimia and I began to seek help. Now I don't purge and my binge eating has become worse. I am beginning to gain too much weight and avoiding social things my relationships with friends avoiding are pretty awkward. I get bored because it's my senior year and I have nothing to do except for ap chem which I am doing poorly in because my teacher puts me students down when they do poorly and want help. My anxiety is through the roof and my only solace is eating a *kitten* ton of food. It's like nothing else even matters and all I want to do is be alone and eat. I am afraid of gaining more weight and nd I'd like to work out but I don't have a period from being malnourished and I hear that you should avoid exercise until it returns. I need guidance. This post turned into a rant but it's only a fraction of my problems. Anyone who actually gets through this deserves a gold star.

    I was anorexic, didn't starve myself. I ate under 500 protein cal. And exercise everyday. I lost 12 pounds got to be 98 pounds. Now I'm 115. I gained muscle and fat. Different look. But I can't stop eating. I have binging problems. It started as I went to the Obgyn he gave me hormones pills. Ever since I'm a roller coaster 106-110 I hate the way I eat. Don't get me wrong. I don't eat breads and dairy. But I eat too much protein.
  • almondbutterbay
    almondbutterbay Posts: 221 Member
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    As someone who went from being anorexic to having a binge eating disorder, I would suggest you see a nutritionist as well as a counselor. A counselor may not be enought and may not be able to give you food advice (this is just based on my personal life so your experience could be different) either way get help as soon as you can cause you can recover from eating disorders and once you do life improves :) good luck to you

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