Dealing with insensitive or harmful comments about your weight loss?

missiontofitness
missiontofitness Posts: 4,059 Member
edited November 11 in Health and Weight Loss
Not sure where to put this, and I'll try to keep it simple.

Long story short, someone close to me today asked me if I had lost weight. I said yes (I've lost about 29lbs, and I'm now back to the weight I started college with). I was always very slender in high school, but bad eating habits in college + dating lead to a 30lb gain over five to six year period. I've now shed it again; wahoo!

I was then told by this person: "watch out; anorexia is on the horizon". I have never had an ED or disordered eating habits. I've approached my mission mindfully, have done .5lb/week since I started 11 months ago, and chose goals based on weights I have been in the past that kept me in a healthy BMI and at a healthy weight for my height. I'm 5'4, and went from 148-150 in March 2014 to 121-122 in February 2015. I look healthy (in the sense that I've lost weight, and look to be in a good place), and a lot of the random comments/questions I've gotten about my weight loss has reflected this.

I was really taken aback by this statement. Not only because it was an incorrect assumption (and I think it really belittles the severity and seriousness of anorexia, and those who live with it every day), but because this was said WITHIN EARSHOT OF A BUNCH OF PEOPLE. I was absolutely horrified.

I really didn't know how to react, so I simply stated I've been eating better, and attempted to remove myself from the situation very quickly. What's the best way to deal with comments that are wrong assumptions, insensitive, or potentially harmful? I have a feeling this conversation may come back up again in the near future (gut feeling), and I want to be prepared to deal with situations like this with this individual, and potentially others, in the future.

Replies

  • Sued0nim
    Sued0nim Posts: 17,456 Member
    edited February 2015
    "Did you mean to be rude?"

    "I appreciate your misplaced concern but would appreciate it more if you'd keep your extremely insulting thoughts to yourself"

    "My doctor and myself are both extremely happy with my approach and success, if you ever decide to make an effort to get healthier I'd be happy to offer some advice" <pointed look>
  • SergeantSausage
    SergeantSausage Posts: 1,673 Member
    edited February 2015
    I find simply not giving a fark what others say or think about me really helps.

    Try it some time. You'll like it.
  • CapnVillainBLK
    CapnVillainBLK Posts: 157 Member
    Just ignore them. You will find in life that no matter what you do, somebody will find something negative to say about it. You know in your mind what your goals are, you are at a happy healthy weight. Who cares what this DB and random earshot people think!?!?
  • missiontofitness
    missiontofitness Posts: 4,059 Member
    edited February 2015
    SergeantSausage wrote: »
    I find simply not giving a fark what others say or think about me really helps.

    Try it some time. You'll like it.

    See, I usually like that approach...except when other people are within earshot of someone mentioning an eating disorder to describe my weight loss. Then it goes from a situation I can ignore/easily explain, to "oh my god, I really don't know how to handle this now."
  • apple173
    apple173 Posts: 140 Member
    I don't care what people say when it comes to my weight, when i was too tiny, preparing for my wedding, when I got big from pregnancy, when I lost way too much because my marriage broke down and now that I have started to get some muscles.

    What you've done, losing weight is for yourself. If you're eating well and healthy and you know your body, it wouldn't matter what response you have for those people. They will think what they want. Be happy with your achievements.
  • missiontofitness
    missiontofitness Posts: 4,059 Member
    lvillani81 wrote: »
    Just ignore them. You will find in life that no matter what you do, somebody will find something negative to say about it. You know in your mind what your goals are, you are at a happy healthy weight. Who cares what this DB and random earshot people think!?!?

    Given that the comment made mention of an eating disorder, I find it a bit more concerning than a passing snide comment. I can deal with that.
  • Therealobi1
    Therealobi1 Posts: 3,262 Member
    I just laugh at any stupid comments and dont say a word. Been called lollipop head and skinny. Stupid thing is I am not even close to being skinny but I guess people were use to me being quite big.
  • Sued0nim
    Sued0nim Posts: 17,456 Member
    I am constantly advised to stop losing weight now

    You know what's funny? I am still 2lbs heavier than my maximum BMI range
  • SergeantSausage
    SergeantSausage Posts: 1,673 Member
    missiontofitness wrote: »
    SergeantSausage wrote: »
    I find simply not giving a fark what others say or think about me really helps.

    Try it some time. You'll like it.

    rm1TM.gif

    See, I usually like that approach...except when other people are within earshot of someone mentioning an eating disorder to describe my weight loss. Then it goes from a situation I can ignore/easily explain, to "oh my god, I really don't know how to handle this now."

    Simple: just extend to not giving a fark what those other folks think, right?

    It's a recipe for (literal) neurosis to dwell on these things too long.
  • queenliz99
    queenliz99 Posts: 15,317 Member
    Sometimes people say dumb things because complimenting is awkward for some. Maybe it was just a derp moment. Just keep doing what you are doing, I think your advice is always spot on :)
  • loribethrice
    loribethrice Posts: 620 Member
    I have this problem all the time. People feel the need to constantly comment on how thin I've gotten (I went from 204lbs to 138lbs so far) and are always telling me that I should stop or I look bony or whatever else they can think of. It drives me insane because I don't think that anyone should ever comment on someone else's body.
  • AglaeaC
    AglaeaC Posts: 1,974 Member
    edited February 2015
    You know you and you do you, let them do themselves. Whatever comments come your way, they usually don't reflect what kind of a person you are, but what the original commenter is like.

    In one ear, out the other. You can dwell on the crap or you can choose to ignore it, I suggest the latter since you perceive yourself not to be in danger of getting an eating disorder.

    Any kind of ponderings on what the rude person said and why they may have felt the need to do so are a complete and utter waste of your precious time and energy. Don't you agree?

    ETA
    Oh, and as for a reaction, none at all is usually the best response when people are dense around you. So many go for aggression or other kinds of retorts back, but the less you waste your energy the better. A blank stare should suffice, it insinuates that you aren't willing to engage in such moronic discussions, it is none of the other person's business, and they have crossed every line possible with you. So, silence, blank stare, walk away. Anything else is beneath you.
  • LyssaJ1
    LyssaJ1 Posts: 240 Member
    Okay...I'm hip to what you're saying, missiontofitness. Seriously, I have these 'friends'...a well-meaning couple, who back when I was at an *awesome* weight, approached me and essentially accused me of being anorexic. *Accused* even. What hurt is that I actually used to be anorexic...a long time ago...long before they met me. Just because I'd gone from my current weight, down to "acceptable military standards" (am prior Air Force).

    Sadly, I let it hit home...in a bad way. I now know, what to do if they should come at me like that again, when I get closer to that previous weight (am older, so that exact weight isn't realistic...at least not anytime soon.)

    It will be somewhere along the line of what rabbitjb said, in regards to my doctor's approval, and that their concern is misplace...but I'll gladly give *them* some suggestions.

    The most difficult part for me will be to have compassion for their either ignorance, or just plain mean-spiritedness. I say "mean spirited" because they both have "tried" to lose weight but make excuses as the day is long.

    One thing I won't do, is let it hurt or effect (affect?) me like it did before.

    Hang tough and rise-above. If you believe in prayer, pray for the stupid/ignorant. If you believe in Karma, wish them luck. ;) I have no clue what an atheist would do...maybe just throw science facts at them. It kind of sucks that we have to become medical encyclopedias, but eh ~shrugs~ we do what we must.

    Cheers!
  • callyart
    callyart Posts: 209
    I have had people ask if I am going too far. My goal is 10 stone and about 3 people have said I will be too thin (even though this is just below my average weight for my height!)

    I try to ignore them, and you should too!!
  • tomatoey
    tomatoey Posts: 5,446 Member
    edited February 2015
    Be confident about your experience and knowledge, rather than defensive.

    That person made a thoughtless and uninformed comment based on their own ideas about what's involved in weight control. Calorie counting (or portion control, whatever you're doing) is alien to most people because we live in a culture that encourages maximizing food intake. To those who don't count cals, it seems obsessive, and maybe it is, a little, until you get used to it, but it's necessary to counteract the multiple exhortations to eat more (from both the body and society). But that's a scary idea to a lot of people. Especially if they're overweight themselves and either want to not lose weight, or believe that it's impossible bc of their own failed attempts. Their conclusion: successful weight loss must = eating disorder, of course.

    Also, many people are by now used to seeing larger bodies, especially if that's common in their particular day to day, and they see average-weight people as abnormal in comparison. They may well think you look drawn, according to their personal standard (not real, just theirs).

    So think of that, so you don't get upset.

    You can try to make it not sound scary. You've mastered your process, and it's easy to you, it's not arduous. Let them see how easy it is. Throw facts at them and smile when you do. Demonstrably enjoy your food, so they see you're not suffering. Then change the subject.

    They'll probably still think what they think, but you can take more control of the interaction and shut them up.
  • Amanda4change
    Amanda4change Posts: 620 Member
    AglaeaC wrote: »
    You know you and you do you, let them do themselves. Whatever comments come your way, they usually don't reflect what kind of a person you are, but what the original commenter is like.

    In one ear, out the other. You can dwell on the crap or you can choose to ignore it, I suggest the latter since you perceive yourself not to be in danger of getting an eating disorder.

    Any kind of ponderings on what the rude person said and why they may have felt the need to do so are a complete and utter waste of your precious time and energy. Don't you agree?

    ETA
    Oh, and as for a reaction, none at all is usually the best response when people are dense around you. So many go for aggression or other kinds of retorts back, but the less you waste your energy the better. A blank stare should suffice, it insinuates that you aren't willing to engage in such moronic discussions, it is none of the other person's business, and they have crossed every line possible with you. So, silence, blank stare, walk away. Anything else is beneath you.

    ^^^^this^^^^
  • Ooci
    Ooci Posts: 247 Member
    I get this a lot - I even get it from my Slimming World Consultant. Even though my lower tum is 37 inches!! I just laugh as if they said the most preposterous thing in the world and say "there's no chance of that!"
    The other thing that really gets on my nerves is that people notice I've lost a lot of weight, and typically exclaim, with horror "Your face!" Followed by comments like "if older women get very thin, the face just gets so gaunt and unattractive" I honestly think this is mainly driven by jealousy. Jealousy and the desperate desire for similarly weighted company to endorse their choice. B*tches. Ignore them and carry on.
  • Sued0nim
    Sued0nim Posts: 17,456 Member
    Ooci wrote: »
    I get this a lot - I even get it from my Slimming World Consultant. Even though my lower tum is 37 inches!! I just laugh as if they said the most preposterous thing in the world and say "there's no chance of that!"
    The other thing that really gets on my nerves is that people notice I've lost a lot of weight, and typically exclaim, with horror "Your face!" Followed by comments like "if older women get very thin, the face just gets so gaunt and unattractive" I honestly think this is mainly driven by jealousy. Jealousy and the desperate desire for similarly weighted company to endorse their choice. B*tches. Ignore them and carry on.

    Actually the whole choose between your *kitten* and your face is true after a certain age - I have a couple of trusted friends on facewatch - their role is to tell me the moment I start to look older :wink:
  • firststepformefal
    firststepformefal Posts: 180 Member
    You can always ask them why your weight loss is a threat to them.
  • amusedmonkey
    amusedmonkey Posts: 10,330 Member
    If they are people you know are truly concerned, explain what you just did right here. If they aren't, just say "thank you for your concern but my doctor and I are happy with my progress"
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    If they are someone close to you then I would ask them why they would say that. I would tell them that you lost weight at a healthy rate over 11 months with sensible eating, are not an unhealthy weight and do not plan to be. I would let them know that tbeir comment is hurtful and wrong. You might let them know that they are acting stupid and offensive so they don't say stuff like this again.
  • honkytonks85
    honkytonks85 Posts: 669 Member
    Some people like to drag others down to make themselves feel better. They want everyone to be in the same position as them. Just ignore it.
  • NoelFigart1
    NoelFigart1 Posts: 1,276 Member
    "And your basis for the clinical diagnosis of this very serious disease is what?"
  • Wiseandcurious
    Wiseandcurious Posts: 730 Member
    missiontofitness wrote: »
    Not only because it was an incorrect assumption (and I think it really belittles the severity and seriousness of anorexia, and those who live with it every day.

    You already know what to tell them -this^. Literally say "You know, what you said really belittles the severity and seriousness of anorexia, and those who live with it every day."
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