when do diets stop feeling like a hellbox of eternal pain

Welcome aboard.
A diet will always feel bad, because you're being restrictive & denying yourself things.
If you change the way you eat, permanently, it's better. Don't deny yourself anything, just realize which things are healthier & eat more of them, and which things are less healthy & eat less of them.
(As an example, I had chocolate tonight, usually have peanut butter for breakfast, have pizza at least once a month, beer occasionally... but also have lots of fruits & veggies, whole grains, lean meats, beans, nonfat dairy.)

Here's a newbie help post I did, compiling links to helpful info including sexypants (go read it, then come back), accurate logging & weighing of food, setting reasonable goals (weight, calories, macros), motivation, etc.

Figure out if your goal of losing 20 lb puts you at a healthy weight.
If so, figure out how much you're eating now, to maintain the weight you're at, then cut 250 calories per day. That should have you losing 0.5 lb per week. It's going to be slow because you're close to your goal. Give it a month, and if you're not losing, cut another 50. Repeat until you're losing about 0.5 lb per week.
Don't go under 1200 cal per day unless you're very short (like maybe 4'9" or less) or your doctor says it's OK.

In that newbie post is a link to the goal-setting post, and the third BMI calculator there will show you how many servings of various food groups you should eat to maintain a certain weight. Put in your healthy goal weight.

Don't turn to sugar free. I was on that for a long time and it kills half the healthy bacteria in your body.. try honey or maple syrup- super good for you!
- once in a while brown sugar is okay. And basically after a while there's a charm to drinking coffee tea and other stuff without sugar cuz you end up for the first time tasting the real flavor of things..it's interesting. Makes you a bit of a purist.
- when buying brown sugar dont buy the kind that says brown sugar make sure it says demerara sugar. Otherwise its just coloured white sugar!

missykills wrote: »

i miss sugar r.i.p.

Since I Tried ADF dieting has been much easier

What Jennloella said.

I don't deny myself anything as long as it fits my goals. MFP has been the best and easiest way to a healthy me I've ever had.

I've learned loads and I'm having a great time!

you'll find your groove.

missykills wrote: »

i miss sugar r.i.p.

Missy,
You need to change your exercise routine, your body gets use to what you are doing, that's when we hit those plateaus.
I do weights and yoga or weights and cardio, different every day, so your body gets "confuse" and cannot adapt.