Just had a truly horrible day, and I need help.

StarlaTheTempAtKZUG
StarlaTheTempAtKZUG Posts: 10
in Health and Weight Loss
I went to see a musical with a group of (skinny) friends.

I couldn't find anything to wear. None of my nice clothes fit. So I ended up wearing a t-shirt and I felt underdressed the whole time.

A friend got the waiter to take a photo of us in the restaurant before the show, and she put it up on Facebook. I was closest to the camera so I looked bigger than everyone else, and I looked HUGE. I'd never seen myself looking so big in a photo before. I looked two to three times as large as everyone else. I cannot bear to look at the photo, but all of my family and friends on Facebook have seen it, and I feel mortified.

We were running late to the musical, and everyone was running to get there, but I couldn't run. So we all ended up being late because of me.

I could barely fit in the seat, and I could tell that the woman next to me was annoyed, as she could feel my thigh pushing against her. I barely enjoyed the show because I felt so uncomfortable and awkward.

And to top it all off, my two closest friends have recently gotten into relationships. I am happy for them, but it makes me feel even more horrible about myself. There are only two single people left in our group of roughly ten (including me). I haven't been in a relationship since I started gaining excessive amounts of weight (almost four years ago). I KNOW it's because I am unattractive to men. And I am starting to feel very lonely.

I need to lose weight. I know my family and friends will support me if I ask for it, but I feel as though none of them will truly understand because they have never been as overweight as I am.

I need some support from people who have been where I am right now, which is why I'm posting this. I need to do something about my weight. I feel like I can't take this anymore. It is driving me crazy. All I see when I look in the mirror is fat. No matter which clothes I put on, all I see is fat.

I can no longer bend over without feeling like I'm suffocating. It's so hard to cut my toenails, shave my legs, tie my shoelaces, etc. I can't walk up a flight of stairs without huffing and puffing. My knees, ankles, feet, lower back and hips are sore all the time, and I know it's because of my weight. I am ashamed to go out in public. I am starting to feel truly desperate!

Do you guys understand how I feel? If so, please tell me because I feel so alone right now. Please add me as a friend. I really need some help.
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Replies

  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,151 Member
    Use this as your motivation. All thats required to lose weight is a caloric deficit.
  • queenliz99
    queenliz99 Posts: 15,317 Member
    Hey, cheer up!! You can do this!! Lots of successful people here :)

    read these to get you started

    http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/1296011/calorie-counting-101/p1
    http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/1080242/a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants/p1

    Best wishes
  • ilovemypeekapug
    ilovemypeekapug Posts: 106 Member
    Hi! I'm sorry you had such a bad day. I've had a similar experience in the past.... going to a show with skinny, beautiful friends and trying to keep up with them running. You've come to the right place....lots of kind, supportive people here on MFP. Use this app/website to make a plan, and follow it. It works! I wish I had some major words of wisdom, but I have only been at this for 4 weeks myself. My goal was to lose one pound a week and as of this morning I have lost 4 pounds in 4 weeks. It is going to be a long, slow process for us BUT we will do it!
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
    queenliz99 wrote: »
    Hey, cheer up!! You can do this!! Lots of successful people here :)

    read these to get you started

    http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/1296011/calorie-counting-101/p1
    http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/1080242/a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants/p1

    Best wishes

    I second this post. OP, please read. It will help you a lot.

  • Sued0nim
    Sued0nim Posts: 17,456 Member
    Good you've posted it so you have a record of how bad you feel right now to refer back to when your commitment wavers

    Now do something about it by reading those links and putting it into practice

    You've got this!
  • dougpconnell219
    dougpconnell219 Posts: 566 Member
    Yes, I've been there, as most of the posters here have.

    I'm sorry you had a bad night... But maybe it's a good thing. Keep that picture. Hang it on your mirror. Use it as fuel to make a change.

    Good luck! You can do it!
  • nmcknny
    nmcknny Posts: 479 Member
    You're in a good place to get moral support, and myfitnesspal works, the blog has good advice and recipes. It might help to join a group that has your same goals or characteristics (age, activities) to make some friends. Sounds like you really do want to lose weight. Start logging your food, so you'll know what you eat; if you don't exercise right now, try to start walking (or find some activity you'd like to start). Keep at it and you'll do it.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    You have expressed the pain of being overweight very well. I will be your friend. In the last eighteen months I have lost 90 pounds and the difference is life-transforming. I had a lot of help along the way.

    I agree you need friends who have felt what you do and understand how hard this is. I have a few suggestions.

    Buy yourself one cute outfit at your current size.

    Track your calories on MFP for two weeks just to get a sense how much you are eating now and to get used to tracking.

    Just as you have described the discomfort of being overweight, make a list of how different it will be when you are lighter. What will it feel like not being out of breath? Clipping your toenails? This list will come in handy later when discipline wanes.

    And as an aside, all men are different just as women are. I just happened on a man who loves his woman large. So I guarantee you are attractive to someone. Hopefully someone also attracted to your wit and charm.
  • AbsoluteTara79
    AbsoluteTara79 Posts: 266 Member
    Track you calories accurately and the weight will fall off. And make the decision to stop seeking the understanding or support of anyone outside yourself. This is YOUR body. You don't need anyone to care, understand, support, cheer, or whatever. You're the only one that can do the work so you have to be on board.
  • atypicalsmith
    atypicalsmith Posts: 2,742 Member
    AbsoluteTara79 wrote: »
    Track you calories accurately and the weight will fall off. And make the decision to stop seeking the understanding or support of anyone outside yourself. This is YOUR body. You don't need anyone to care, understand, support, cheer, or whatever. You're the only one that can do the work so you have to be on board.

    ^^Exactly!!!!
  • PeculiDar
    PeculiDar Posts: 18
    I know exactly what you feel like. I've been there, feeling miserable and loathing myself. But right now you need to take a step back, let go of the self-nagging and the pity you have for yourself; and logically assess the amount of work that needs to be done for you to fix your problem and be healthier.

    That extra fat on your body has stolen so much from you, and now you have the chance to take back your life. BUT. REMEMBER THIS.

    THERE IS NO QUICK FIX.

    There is no 28 day diet that will get you the kind of longterm results that will bring happiness.

    SLOW AND STEADY WINS THE RACE. Always.

    I don't know about you, but my obesity was due to my unhealthy relationship with food. I ate when I was sad, for comfort. I ate when I was happy, for reward. I ate when I was bored, so that I could have something to pass the time. Whenever I committed to a diet, I would go at it hardcore. I would basically strip myself of my comfort blanket, and I'd always crash and burn somewhere down the line.

    I suggest starting slow. Cutting out the really bad things first, or finding alternatives to them. Start counting calories at a 200 cal daily deficit (this website is great at telling you exactly what you need) and then moving on to more strict restrictions.

    For me, the cravings were a really huge deal. After reading a lot about obesity, I discovered that carbs cause some people (especially people with PCOS and insulin resistence problems, like myself) to feel hungry even when they've just eaten. I realized that I needed to watch my carb intake more carefully. That helped a lot too.

    I'm sorry for this long rant. If you want, you can message me and I can give you some more advice.

    It took me years to form a healthier relationship with food and to educate myself on the reasons behind my excessive body fat. Now I am in the overweight BMI region, and still have a long way to go; but I finally feel like my success is assured and am just taking it slow. A quote that gets me through the day: "Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway"
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    A big motivation for me was noticing that I was always walking behind others even though I was walking as fast as I could and my legs would start hurting, getting out of breath climbing stairs, and not being able to fit my nicer clothes. It felt really bad.
    I was thrilled the day I could bend over to tie my shoe instead of putting my foot up on something.

    You can do this!
    Don't do a crazy intense exercise or diet restrictions to begin with. Eat food you like. Exercise a bit. Just set a reasonable calorie goal to lose no more than a pound or two a week. Be patient. Log your food and drink as accurately as you can. Reduce portion sizes of higher calorie items.
    I have found it helpful to pre-log my whole day the night before or in the morning. I drink mostly water or unsweetened tea and save my calories for food.
  • Ooci
    Ooci Posts: 247 Member
    You sound so sweet, OP, I'm sure you are very loved. I believe you can lose the weight, it's sounds like you've reached snapping point with it. You've got a several-year (actually lifetime) journey ahead of you, but stick with MFP, the tracking and logging accurately, and by summer you're going to be feeling a LOT better about everything. The first fat falls off, and with that success, the feeling of confidence and power will increase. Just allow yourself to spread your wings and do it!

    A horrible evening, I had a lot of similar moments with my skinny friends feeling like Mrs Frump in my UK size 18 dresses and it was awful. Now, I'm the one getting the attention. It's a hard journey but it is the best thing you'll ever do.
  • NurseCU
    NurseCU Posts: 122 Member
    AbsoluteTara79 wrote: »
    Track you calories accurately and the weight will fall off. And make the decision to stop seeking the understanding or support of anyone outside yourself. This is YOUR body. You don't need anyone to care, understand, support, cheer, or whatever. You're the only one that can do the work so you have to be on board.

    I love this! So true, once you decide to do something for yourself, and not anyone else, any goal is within reach! In the short month I have been on here, I have found what a great support system MFP is. Keep it up, and even if you have a setback, forgive yourself (we are all human) and start fresh the next day!
  • LookAWalrus
    LookAWalrus Posts: 52 Member
    Today. Start TODAY. Don't tell yourself you'll start tomorrow or when all the "junk" food is gone from your pantry, and don't be like me and wait for a Monday or the 1st of the month. Go out and buy a measuring tape, a food scale, water bottle and a scale. Take before pictures if you are up to it, measure yourself and drink half your body weight in ounces to start.

    You can do it, it's not impossible. :)
  • Kabijots
    Kabijots Posts: 218 Member
    All of the above ^^. Good solid advice. We are all here for you. :grinning:

    TL;DR small changes, be patient. :D

    Please add if you want a friend.
  • SergeantSausage
    SergeantSausage Posts: 1,673 Member
    StarlaTheTempAtKZUG wrote: »
    I can no longer bend over without feeling like I'm suffocating. It's so hard to cut my toenails, shave my legs, tie my shoelaces, etc. I can't walk up a flight of stairs without huffing and puffing. My knees, ankles, feet, lower back and hips are sore all the time, and I know it's because of my weight. I am ashamed to go out in public. I am starting to feel truly desperate!

    It's time.

    It's now or never time.

    If this(above) doesn't motivate you, then nothing ever will.

    You know what you need to do ... and you have come to the right place to do it.

    Now let's see you do it.



  • FrancesAnnLFM
    FrancesAnnLFM Posts: 23
    Get outside walk for 20 minutes a day do it slow do warm up or stretches concentrate on how you feel before you walk even if its just around your home, soon you will be able to add more time to your walks and more distance, you also will notice lots of others who are walking trying to loose weight too, and smile just say HI, your not alone , walking is a wonderful way to gather your thoughts, go over your red flag foods, think about portion controls, when you want to munch ,,eat raw veggies with hummus or ranch or just nibble on cheese, keep a journal write down how you feel each day, what your body is telling you with aches or pains, drink lots of water, watch your salt intake, and smile..you are in charge you are the one on this new journey to healthier, get a hobby, everytime you loose 8 pounds buy something for that hobby, even if its reading books on foods that harm foods that heal, get some wicked new walking shoes, go nuts with wild colored shoe laces, sweat bands, hand weights, dvds,, you will love your new healthy lifestyle..your in charge..
  • FrancesAnnLFM
    FrancesAnnLFM Posts: 23
    ps if i can walk three miles with a 4 wheel walker and both knees in braces, and after falling down 4 times last year and shaking my fist at the sky and screaming bring it on goll dang it... cleaned that up wink,, so can you
  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,151 Member
    FrancesAnnLFM wrote: »
    ps if i can walk three miles with a 4 wheel walker and both knees in braces, and after falling down 4 times last year and shaking my fist at the sky and screaming bring it on goll dang it... cleaned that up wink,, so can you
    Awesome job!
  • obscuremusicreference
    obscuremusicreference Posts: 1,320 Member
    AbsoluteTara79 wrote: »
    Track you calories accurately and the weight will fall off. And make the decision to stop seeking the understanding or support of anyone outside yourself. This is YOUR body. You don't need anyone to care, understand, support, cheer, or whatever. You're the only one that can do the work so you have to be on board.

    +10000000000000000000000000000000

    I decided to start losing weight between lunch and dinner. I just could not go on feeling the way I did, and my weight was actually the easiest thing to change.

    I stopped overthinking things like the right foods. I stopped pressuring myself to exercise (although I do now and enjoy it very much). I stopped thinking about anything other than how I was going to stay under my calories for the day.

    I don't feel motivated to count calories or work out now, any more than I feel motivated to do laundry. I do it because it has to be done.

    You can do this.
  • Sued0nim
    Sued0nim Posts: 17,456 Member
    FrancesAnnLFM wrote: »
    ps if i can walk three miles with a 4 wheel walker and both knees in braces, and after falling down 4 times last year and shaking my fist at the sky and screaming bring it on goll dang it... cleaned that up wink,, so can you

    That's the attitude!
  • queenliz99
    queenliz99 Posts: 15,317 Member
    FrancesAnnLFM wrote: »
    ps if i can walk three miles with a 4 wheel walker and both knees in braces, and after falling down 4 times last year and shaking my fist at the sky and screaming bring it on goll dang it... cleaned that up wink,, so can you

    <3
  • SwankyTomato
    SwankyTomato Posts: 442 Member
    So, you hit your "line in the sand"? That is a good thing believe it or not.

    Turn your horrible experience into something positive for yourself. Buy a food scale. I got mine at WalMart, it is "The Biggest Loser" scale. Get some measuring cups and spoons.

    Start logging your food into My Fitness Pal. See how many calories you are eating and drinking on a day to day basis for at least a week.

    The next week, you go back and start tweaking your diet to try and reduce your calorie intake. The next week you "tweak" and so on until you get to a level where you are eating at your BMR (Basal Metabolic Rate).

    Once that is in hand then you start eating at a calorie deficit. Even if you set your loss for .5lbs/week, that will be enough to begin lose weight. It is a slower weight loss rate however key here is that it is something that is very doable.

    If you feel you can tweak your diet some more, set your loss for a 1lb/week.

    My technique is really "baby-baby steps" but just moving forward to a healthier goal is what it is all about. You can do it!
  • davis978
    davis978 Posts: 103 Member
    I am really sorry you had such a terrible day. Sounds like it was painful. I want to correct one thing you said though.
    StarlaTheTempAtKZUG wrote: »

    We were running late to the musical, and everyone was running to get there, but I couldn't run. So we all ended up being late because of me.

    The group was late to the musical because the group didn't leave the restaurant on time! You do not have to take responsibility for the whole group being late and put it on yourself. It's fine that you couldn't run. Lot's of people (even lots of thin people) can't. You are not the cause of the group being late. The group bears responsibility for being late.

    I understand it felt to you like it was your fault. I am not arguing with that feeling. I just often see overweight people - I think because of their shame about themselves - take on blame for things that they aren't actually the cause of. It was not your fault! It was everyone's fault!

    Anyway, glad you are here. Congrats on setting an intention to make a change. Good luck!
  • lectric102002
    lectric102002 Posts: 19 Member
    AbsoluteTara79 wrote: »
    Track you calories accurately and the weight will fall off.

    This.

    I log every single thing I eat, including things you wouldn't even think of like ketchup and other condiments, gummy vitamins, etc. It all adds up. Using MFP and the 3-hour diet, I've lost 24 pounds since Dec. of last year.

    You got this. :D

  • 111june
    111june Posts: 2
    I am sorry you had a bad day. It makes me sad that you feel so bad. I know it's easy to say, but please try not to be so hard on yourself. It's a long journey - don't stop! Baby steps! Practice positive self-talk. Someone shared this line with me once and I've found it to be helpful: "Let the still small voice inside of you be a kind and gentle encourager. Shut down mean and hateful thoughts. Love wins over hate."
    - I hope you have a better day today.
  • dougpconnell219
    dougpconnell219 Posts: 566 Member
    For what is worth...

    Baby steps are fine I guess. Seems to work for some people.

    Both times I've lost weight, I went with the "total earth shattering change" method. Fits my personality better.

    My point is, there are many ways to de-fat a cat. Try to find one that fits you and that you enjoy.
  • Bukeelaka
    Bukeelaka Posts: 70
    You're here now, you're doing this so you never have to feel that way again. About the picture, it'll make a great "before" photo. You can use it in your future success story to help motivate others.

    Take it one day at a time, like others said, baby steps. All the little things add up.
  • nancytyc
    nancytyc Posts: 119 Member
    I am there with you and feel your pain. How about being told you have to buy 2 seats on an airplane, AFTER YOU ARE ON THE PLANE AND EVERYONE CAN HEAR, then you know it is time to do something. Couple that with losing your ability to do your job because you don't pass your Federally Mandated medical requirements. So, been there where you are. But, I have lost 78 pounds in just over 9 months. I am the weakest when it comes to will power (specifically a shelf of donuts), but I did it. I got on a bicycle and rode until it started falling off. Move, eat, love.....stay away from crap food. There is no physical body that can not lose weight, only the person inside the body keeps us from doing it. Friend me and I will help.

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