Sabotage

kristygay
kristygay Posts: 68 Member
edited September 27 in Motivation and Support
Why when someone is trying to make a life change, do others feel the need, not only to discourage them, but to out right try to sabotage them? My neighbor, who is also over weight, has tried 3 times in the last 2 weeks to convince me to make bad food choices. She is fully aware that my husband and I are becoming healthier and watching what we eat. We have lost 88 lbs between the two of us since January. The first two times she wanted "surprise" me by taking me out to lunch.Which normally wouldn't be a problem, but she wanted to go to the two restarants in the whole city that would have absolutely NOTHING on the menu that would allow me to stay in my calories and not starve my self the rest of the day! On both of those occasions I was able to convince her to go to a different restaurant, but she spent the whole time we were there, telling the waiters that she was out with her "healthy" friend today and that she was having to be "good". Then, today she comes over to my house bearing an entire plate full of homemade snickerdoodle cookies! I accepted them and put them in my kitchen. I was trying to be nice and give her the benifit of the doubt, I assumed that she forgot we are trying not to eat junk! Then she said, "I know you all are on a diet, but you can go off of it long enough to have a couple of cookies". I didn't know what to say,she was so blatant about it....I just kind of smiled and changed the subject!
The part that makes me most angry is that today, she WON! I actually ate a cookie! I logged it into MFP and I won't go over my calories because I exercised today.....but I am angry that I fell victim to the sabotage! Why can't people just be happy for someone when they are finally trying to do well, and not try to put hurdles in their path? Oh well, I guess I will look at it from the point of view, that I cleared 2 out of 3 hurdles, which compared to my old ways, is truly a great feat!

Replies

  • Wewilldoit
    Wewilldoit Posts: 1
    Wow, with friends like that, who needs enemies. Surround yourself with people who support you. Confront this person kindly and explain that when she brings cookies, etc. it makes you feel that she is not supporting your desire to be healthier. Then, if she does it again, stop spending time with her. She'll get it.
  • shamubegone
    shamubegone Posts: 14 Member
    I understand where you are coming from. It's hard to deal with people like that, but she is probably just struggling with her weight and subconsciously (hopefully) envious of your ability to do so well while she is not progressing. Just hang in there and maybe you can inspire her to get healthier as well. Just remember that misery loves company. By the way, I love how graciously you handled the situations. Very classy :]
  • mehlen
    mehlen Posts: 28 Member
    Misery loves company and she's certainly not serious about weight loss or being healthy...so why should anyone else. Really...it's about her...not you. Yes, we can "cave in" sometimes. We're allowed...even encouraged...but it needs to be at a time, and in a way that we choose...not someone else.

    I'm so sorry your neighbor did that to you. I know you can feel like a victim when that happens. I'm really proud of you for jumping back and doing the exercise to balance it out. That can be hard sometimes.

    Stay strong and don't kick yourself..
  • mehlen
    mehlen Posts: 28 Member
    My husband reminded one lady at work that he's diabetic and while he appreciates her bringing cookies to help me feel better after surgery...I don't eat cookies and he wasn't supposed to...unless it was her goal to kill him so I could collect the life insurance...would she consider something more healthy next time. She hasn't brought us cookies since. *grins*
  • Elzecat
    Elzecat Posts: 2,916 Member
    I got the "one cookie won't hurt you" comment from my officemate today...and I did eat one cookie. But I wish I'd been strong enough to a) refuse it (first oreo in 4 months...it was really GOOD but one was PLENTY) b) tell her that yes, one cookie could hurt my healthy weight loss progress right now...in reality I know temptations are out there and that one cookie won't make or break me, but I am coming off a weekend of bad food choices and my stomach was really unhappy with me today. Most of the time, I make healthier choices without even thinking about it much anymore...when I want a sweet I go for a spoonful of peanut butter, or cereal...I even have ice cream and dark chocolate in the house and haven't touched them in about 2 months!
  • dniapas
    dniapas Posts: 29 Member
    First of all, congratulations to both you and your husband on your weight loss. I've been dieting since January too, and I feel lucky to have found this site and this community.

    That said, maybe you should just let your neighbor know that you don't appreciate her efforts to derail you. explain to her why this is so important to you and your husband. If she's a true friend, she'll support your positive endeavors, even if that means leaving you alone. I get invited out to dinner and to cookouts all the time, and I make it clear that I'm on a restricted calorie diet. All of my friends and co-workers have been wonderful about it, and they go out of their way to encourage my dieting.

    Just remember that misery loves company. When someone sees another person making positive changes in their lives, and they don't want to do the same, they often try to derail that person. It might not even be a conscious effort on their part.

    Good luck.
  • suzypoozie
    suzypoozie Posts: 12
    Sounds a lot like my EX-husband. Many years ago I was trying to eat healthy and explained very nicely to him that he needed to keep the chips and stuff that he ate for lunch in his truck. He ate in his truck (he was a painter) so having them in there wasn't an inconvenience for him. He would bring them in every day and I would bring them back out, avoiding all temptation of eating them. Finally after doing this many times, explaining nicely every time, I dumped them out of the bag into the trash. After this he finally understood. He would also do things like take photos of me when I looked my worse. If I were lounging by the pool, or floating around in the pool, he wouldn't snap a photo of me sitting back, but would wait until I was leaning forward, stomach all bunched up, and CLICK away, or wait until I had one leg up our of the pool and was pulling myself out. I confronted him and he looked shocked and had no answer. i don't know if he was surprised because it was sub-conscience, or because he didn't think I knew what he was up to! EIther way, he was bad for me, and away he went. I would suggest the same thing for the neighbor.
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