HPV Does Not Stand For Hot Pink Vagina (Story)

This is a feature article I wrote for the VIU Navigator. It was published this month.

I went to the Opt Clinic a few months ago for my routine pap test. While it is not my favourite time of year, I am always excited afterwards because I know it will be a full year before I have to subject myself to the speculum and long, scratchy swab. The test went normally until the clinician asked me if anything else was wrong. I had to fess up that there was something funky going on down there.


“It’s itchy,” I said.

“Where?”

“Feels like way inside.”

The clinician investigated further, and had a feeling that it was something that she didn’t have the equipment to see. She needed a microscope, so we made an appointment at the hospital. Two weeks later, my legs were spread and I saw my vagina, loud and clear, streamed on a 52” LCD monitor. It was something no woman should experience.

The doctor explained that I have some tissue that looked a little suspect. He zoomed in and asked if I could see it on the screen. I looked over. Nope, just a big mass of pink.

“I’m going to take this swab and rub it over the tissue of your vulva. The swab is soaked with vinegar. If the tissue turns white, you have pre-cancerous cells.”

“Uh, okay,” I said. My heart started to beat faster as soon as I heard the word “cancer”. My hands started to shake, and the tissue immediately turned opaque. I was going to die.

“Well, looks like you have precancerous cells. We’re going to have to operate.” My surgery is booked. I have to take two weeks off work because my vagina will basically be hamburger. How the hell did I get this? I knew screwing would screw me in the end. I promise god, never to have sex again.

“We’ll do some tests to determine the strain of HPV you have, and whether or not it was transmitted sexually.” The strain? You mean this wasn’t caused by sex?

Actually, there are several types of HPVs that cause abnormal growth of cells on the vulva and cervix. After the testing was done, it was determined that I had contracted the virus through no fault of my own. It happens. It happens a lot. According to the Centres for Disease Control and Prevention, “Approximately 20 million Americans are currently infected with HPV, and another 6.2 million people become newly infected each year. At least 50% of sexually active men and women acquire genital HPV infection at some point in their lives.”

Frederick R. Jelovsek, MD is quick to point out, however, that “it is important to understand that it is not always sexually transmitted. In fact children can be positive for HPV antibodies […] Certain viral subtypes of HPV are much more commonly associated with cancer than other subtypes.”

So, if there is a predisposition for women to get the disease at some point in their lives, why subject them to all of these tests, just to find out that they too have been infected? Shouldn’t there be some sort of vaccine or immunization to such a common virus? Bring on the GARDASIL.

GARDASIL, recently approved by the FDA, is a vaccine aimed at young women. According to their website, “GARDASIL is for girls and young women ages nine to 26.” Vaccination is recommended for girls as young as nine because GARDASIL works when given before there is any contact with certain types of HPV.

If you’re already sexually active, you may still benefit from GARDASIL. Even if you have been exposed to HPV, it’s unlikely that you have been exposed to all the types of the virus covered by this cervical cancer vaccine. That means GARDASIL could still help guard you against HPV types you haven’t been exposed to.”

I’m 30 years old, so I am too old to receive the vaccine. It would have been nice if there was something like this to protect me before I contracted the virus, especially since it was not from sexual contact.

Although there has been some negative press on the safety of GARDASIL, when you consider that 50 percent of women will get the disease at some point in their lives, it seems almost worth the risk. Many American states are now making the vaccine mandatory for young girls, before they are allowed entrance into the sixth grade. If I had the option given to me when I was within the age requirements, I would have jumped at it (especially knowing what I know now).

Keep in mind that the vaccine isn’t a guarantee that you’ll sidestep contracting the virus. The best way to safeguard yourself is to get regular pap tests and cervical cancer screenings. They may not be the most pleasant fifteen minutes you’ll ever spend, but it’s a lot better than getting cervical cancer.