Did you tell your partner how much debt you had before you committed yourselves?

_John_
_John_ Posts: 8,646 Member
edited November 12 in Chit-Chat
I ask because someone I know got blindsided by their SO's student loans. My wife and I were both in the black when we got married.

Replies

  • Archerychickge
    Archerychickge Posts: 606 Member
    Um, yeah... that's a conversation EVERYONE should have prior to any committed relationship where finances are shared. It's the adult thing to do.
  • scottbad
    scottbad Posts: 33
    We both admitted that before we were married neither one of us had any debt or assets. Started at ZERO.
  • lloydrt
    lloydrt Posts: 1,121 Member
    I had student loans, but no credit card expense or car note......I drove a beater, I did think that it was important to get an education, that is why I borrowed money......I dont think I would have had many opportunities had I not got a degree..to me, student loan is an investment long term......Im still out of debt and did need a college degree to land my job, so it was a good investment........
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
    Yes. I think. It was a long time ago.
  • cnadiger
    cnadiger Posts: 168 Member
    Yes. This time. I was blindsided by my ex-husbands debt load and I think it gradually led to the divorce because I was so angry about his bad credit crimping my lifestyle.
  • sevsmom
    sevsmom Posts: 1,172 Member
    Totally upfront. Of course, it was minimal. And by minimal, I mean paid off in like 2 months. Hiding debt is not cool. Not cool at all.
  • tchell99
    tchell99 Posts: 434 Member
    How someone handles their money is important to me. That talk happens pretty early on if I am considering getting serious with someone. Debt is by no means a dealbreaker, but digging in deeper with no plan to get out is, as is lying about money.
  • sugardetox
    sugardetox Posts: 149 Member
    edited February 2015
    Prenup. Hate it when people say that the only reason to get a prenup is because you are planning on the marriage to fail. We did to protect ourselves and our kids. I had significantly more assets when we got together and he had significantly more debt. Transparency is ABSOLUTELY the way to go. The most common reason for fights in a marriage is about money. If someone blindsides someone else that is going to start a huge fight for sure.
  • ttcbelieve
    ttcbelieve Posts: 181 Member
    Its fairly common in my opinion, a lot of SO with debt do not tell and sometimes we do not ask even when we suspect. I think its fraudulent but there is very little anyone can do about it. Its not like you are going to get divorced over it. They did not lie outright, they lied by omission but i think its very wrong
  • FitFitzy331
    FitFitzy331 Posts: 308 Member
    Yea you should be relatively upfront about this, not a first date conversation but my boyfriend and I talked about our student loans within a month or so of dating, long before we moved in together and began sharing expenses.
    Maybe its different areas but I only know a handful of people who never had loans and only a few more beyond that who have paid them off entirely before getting married. So to me, loans aren't deal breakers but having awful credit from not paying them etc... that's where the problems come from.
  • solarpower03
    solarpower03 Posts: 12,161 Member
    sugardetox wrote: »
    Prenup. Hate it when people say that the only reason to get a prenup is because you are planning on the marriage to fail. We did to protect ourselves and our kids. I had significantly more assets when we got together and he had significantly more debt. Transparency is ABSOLUTELY the way to go. The most common reason for fights in a marriage is about money. If someone blindsides someone else that is going to start a huge fight for sure.

    True! It was not common during my time but one of the best thing that could happen in relationship context! I will never ever marry without prenup!

  • cnadiger
    cnadiger Posts: 168 Member
    ttcbelieve wrote: »
    Its fairly common in my opinion, a lot of SO with debt do not tell and sometimes we do not ask even when we suspect. I think its fraudulent but there is very little anyone can do about it. Its not like you are going to get divorced over it. They did not lie outright, they lied by omission but i think its very wrong

    I did. Not right away, but it erodes the trust and puts added pressure on everything when the debt is big enough.
  • crystalflame
    crystalflame Posts: 1,049 Member
    Yep. We had that conversation. And then we got drunk and had that conversation again, and I found out he had $5000 in credit card debt. He didn't think it counted as he'd gotten it down from $20,000 over the years, so $5000 didn't seem like a lot to him. I made it very clear he was going to pay that off before we did anything more serious like get engaged. He paid it off in 3 months. To be honest, I was like wtf, you could afford to pay that off in 3 months, why didn't you do that before now?!?! But everyone handles money differently, and it's been a good learning experience for both of us to communicate about it and prioritize where we spend and save. We were both debt free with a healthy nest egg in the back when we got married.
  • WickedPineapple
    WickedPineapple Posts: 698 Member
    Absolutely. We knew about debt, how much we save/spend (general spending habits), how much we make, credit scores, etc. long before we got married. I don't understand how that could not come up at some point before marriage.
  • Belle8312
    Belle8312 Posts: 2,151 Member
    I'm single, but I will absolutely disclose my financial situation once I get to that point in the relationship with someone. If you can't be honest with your finances, even if they aren't that great, then what else are you willing to lie and hide about? While I do have some debt, 2 credit cards that I am not proud of, I will be completely honest and in the event whoever I am with decides that's a deal breaker, then okay. We move on....or I pay off my debt. Simple as that.
  • Sinistrous
    Sinistrous Posts: 5,589 Member
    I have none.
  • iwillsucceed0444
    iwillsucceed0444 Posts: 432 Member
    I have no debt and no partner, but I would have that talk before any getting into any serious relationship.
  • Charity2001
    Charity2001 Posts: 24
    crystalflame wrote: »
    Yep. We had that conversation. And then we got drunk and had that conversation again, and I found out he had $5000 in credit card debt. He didn't think it counted as he'd gotten it down from $20,000 over the years, so $5000 didn't seem like a lot to him. I made it very clear he was going to pay that off before we did anything more serious like get engaged. He paid it off in 3 months. To be honest, I was like wtf, you could afford to pay that off in 3 months, why didn't you do that before now?!?! But everyone handles money differently, and it's been a good learning experience for both of us to communicate about it and prioritize where we spend and save. We were both debt free with a healthy nest egg in the back when we got married.

    Look at it this way, you were important enough to him to commit to ending the frivolous spending and paying that off!
  • zaxx1953
    zaxx1953 Posts: 389 Member
    edited February 2015
    I have some student subsidized debt, and it's actually wonderful debt to have at the rate it sits at permanently....yay inflation!!!

    I don't get how white collar types with jobs paying them a decent amount (say over 60k) can have these huge debts; it's completely ridiculous.

    Suck it up, get some roomates and live cheap for a yr or two....the craziest thing most idiot Americans do is go out and buy a new car right after getting their first real jobs....and half of these morons buy 30k dollar cars!!! There is no tax benefit and it's a depreciating asset. STOP FKN SPENDING SO MUCH AND PAY OFF ANYTHING OVER 4% APR in your life.

    I've never had a car loan in my life and hopefully never will. What an idiotic concept.....taking out a loan to buy a car!!!
    (obviously there are rare exceptions when the offers go below 2-3% APR in real terms)

  • Madame_Goldbrick
    Madame_Goldbrick Posts: 73 Member
    Minimal debt for me. No partner either. If I met someone then yes I'd be upfront about any financial issues. But I'd rather keep incomes separate with a shared account to contribute to equally for joint expenditures. Although never actually lived with someone so not sure how well it all works in practice really!
  • ChicagOH
    ChicagOH Posts: 75 Member
    It wasn't an issue since we started as kids with $500 bucks between us and a dream. Financial secrets are grounds for divorce.
  • Azexas
    Azexas Posts: 4,334 Member
    My boyfriend and I had a very extensive conversation over student loans, car loans, credit cards and then the random bills we have since we started talking about living together. I thought it was going to be a awkward conversation but it actually went very well.
  • pollypocket1021
    pollypocket1021 Posts: 533 Member
    ChicagOH wrote: »
    It wasn't an issue since we started as kids with $500 bucks between us and a dream. Financial secrets are grounds for divorce.

    Ditto. We started dating freshman year of high school and 14 year olds don't generally have as much financial baggage.
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