why aren't they happy for me?

karatsd
karatsd Posts: 35
edited September 27 in Motivation and Support
My step mom just told me that I was much prettier, when I was heavier because the fat in my face hid my age winkles. HELLO, talk about loved ones trying to sabotage! She then back tracked, or not to say, I'm not pretty..blah blah blah. (she's very obese and blames it on her diabetes) I want to inspire my loved ones, not make them feel insecure....
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Replies

  • sreimer07
    sreimer07 Posts: 154 Member
    I understand you dont want to make them feel secure, but if they are going to say things like that then you need to worry about you. You have to do it for you, try and let her comments roll of your shoulders and just show them that even with negative comments it's cane be done!
  • rfcollins33
    rfcollins33 Posts: 630
    What a blatant demonstration of jealousy and insecurity! MIL has got to do better!
  • ChitownFoodie
    ChitownFoodie Posts: 1,562 Member
    Don't let it get to you. My brother always says stuff like, "You need to eat a sandwich, with extra mayo!" It's up to her to make the decision to get healthy. You made the right one and she is just jealous.
  • kdao
    kdao Posts: 265
    You have done an amazing job, congrats on your 54 pounds lost!!!!! The famous quote that I love and I am going to pass on to you: " Haters gonna hate" :tongue: Seriously though, don't let anyone take the significance of your loss away from you!
  • rebysue
    rebysue Posts: 136
    Good question! I think a lot of people go through this unfortunately. Here's my experience:

    http://gettingitbacktogether.blogspot.com/2009/12/that-was-short-lived.html

    Check out the comments on the post. They definitely made me feel a lot better!
  • LoveDLady
    LoveDLady Posts: 64 Member
    Sounds like my mother in law. That's why we have MFP. At least we have supportive friends here!! You look fantastic. I don't know what you looked like before, but you're beautiful and healthy now!
  • DropsOJupiter
    DropsOJupiter Posts: 131
    While it is true that the fuller face helps creases out wrinkles, who wants to hear that stereotypical compliment of "You've got such a pretty face" with the unstated "Unfortunately, you are way overweight!" Diabetes doesn't make you or keep you fat and I know cuz I am a T2. You are a reality check for your step-mother. Take it as a compliment and know you are pretty inside and out....and a lot healthier as well!
  • Daddy_Jacob
    Daddy_Jacob Posts: 34
    just push threw it girl as long as your happy with your life and look nothing else should matter
  • chustzs
    chustzs Posts: 5 Member
    Its hard to say exactly what her (their) issues may be...she may feel food was a bond, like a connection for the two of you. Even so, Congratts, you're doing a wonderful job with your program! Go gettum! Please continue to be my inspiration, I'm just starting my weight loss journey and I'm working our almost everyday - so with just what I've started with, I even feel much better! My goal is to loose 50 lbs...I want to feel sexy to me, oh what a journey.... Thanks for your story! Keep up the good work!
  • aunt_hbomb
    aunt_hbomb Posts: 204
    Some people are negative to begin with, top that with your success at something she clearly has not been able to do and you get negative comments. Don't let it bother you, its not anything you can control. You control how you feel, what you say and what you put in your mouth. Just relish in your successes so far and keep working at it.
  • MrsCon40
    MrsCon40 Posts: 2,351 Member
    (she's very obese and blames it on her diabetes)
    .

    She should be blaming her diabetes on her obesity!

    People are just jealous. Your success is shining a light on their insecurities.

    Let the comments roll right off and know from where they are coming (their insecurities, not their love). You're doing GREAT and you know that a healthier body is way more beautiful and sexier than some fluffed up wrinkles any day :wink:
  • doobabe
    doobabe Posts: 436 Member
    First f all, she can most certainly blame the diabetes on being obeise and not visa versa!

    Im sorry that she said that to you! Wth is wrong with this woman? Why would a reasonable human being want you to be overweight and unhealthy? Answer- a jealous one. From the sound of it, she is upset with her own situation and we all know misery loves company. This is YOUR journey to health not hers, and if she is not supportive that is her own issue. You cant please everyone, my dear- TRUST ME I know this! I have family that is less than supportive or accomidating and I take it with a grain of salt. Remember, this is for you- not any one else!

    On the brighter side- congratulations on your weight loss and I think you look amazing!
  • anubis609
    anubis609 Posts: 3,966 Member
    My, how supportive...:sick:

    She should blame her diabetes on her obesity.

    EDIT: efconroy, doobabe, and me - simultaneous thoughts. High 5!
  • BakingGranny
    BakingGranny Posts: 112 Member
    Oh hon,I have always told my 6 children that there are things in life you can NEVER take back. 1.WORDS 2.VIRGINITY I'm sorry your Mama says those things to you,but this program isn't about her,it's about you. this is your recovery. I think maybe it i jealousy also but my Mama was the same way. It hurts but forgive her for your healing not hers. God bless you as we journey this road together.
  • anthony438
    anthony438 Posts: 578 Member
    You are BEAUTIFUL!!! Let no one tell you otherwise :smile:
  • zeeeb
    zeeeb Posts: 805 Member
    jealousy!!!

    sure, it's often true, and i've noticed it myself and on my partner, the wrinkles come out when you lose a bit of weight. but seriously, i'd prefer a few wrinkles over a big fat embarrassing ar$e any day thank you very much.

    i'd prefer to be comfortable in the plane seats, i'd prefer to be able to shop at normal shops, in normal sizes, i'd prefer to feel "normal" than to feel fat any day, so a few wrinkles, a bit of saggy skin, some empty stretch marks, i can deal with that, if i'm full of life, full of energy, positive, self motivated and feeling awesome, it's a small price to play.

    she's obviously in the world of excuses and using her diabetes as her excuse and her crutch. if she doesn't want to make a change, that's a shame, there are far too many people in this world like her. stick to it, you are doing great, and she would be jealous as hell of you now that you have quit making excuses and taken control back.
  • karatsd
    karatsd Posts: 35
    wow, that was my first post on this site- what support! Actually, I don't believe her intent was to hurt me and I hope I can truly inspire people. Sometimes, people that love us say things that they don't realize....she has in the past told me she thought I was doing a good job. I choose to stop my negative thinking and just be proud of myself and love those that need it the most! Again, thanks for the support and reminders to focus on my own journey:wink:
  • maarbo
    maarbo Posts: 22
    1st - sorry that your Mom is so insecure that she can't stand the thought of you improving yourself. Most parents want what is best for their children. Just let her comments role off your back and continue doing what you know you should be doing.

    2nd - while I agree that her diabetes is largely due to her obessity, being diabetic makes it hard to lose the weight that caused it. Just ask my wife and her siblings. Also, You can become diabetic without being overweight -- my father-in-law was always skinny and underweight but developed diabetes in his 60s.

    Good Luck and Keep Moving Foward!
  • KickassYas
    KickassYas Posts: 397 Member
    you know its kinda sad. it was a petty comment made in haste as she realized just how beautiful AND healthy you now are. OF course she started to backpeddle the moment she realized what came outta her mouth.

    when we hate ourselves, when we are filled with misery we tend to hate on those who have fought to not be like us. that's what she did.

    There's no excuse.

    But!!! let the haters hate girl. you know you're doin something right when you have petty hate and jealousy poppin outta the woodwork and the next time she says something be kind and offer to help her lose the weight that will probably take her down.

    YOU ARE GORGEOUS!!!
  • breezymom81
    breezymom81 Posts: 499 Member
    She ought to blame her diabetes on being obese! It is jealousy, plain and simple great job and we are happy for you!!
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