I can't shake off the fat girl mentality

I struggle with the same thing, but I don't have answers. All I have is my own experience. About a week ago I saw some video on Facebook or somewhere, who knows anymore, and the woman said, and I'm paraphrasing, that she does not feel fat. Fat is not a feeling, and when she feels fat she asks herself what it is she's really feeling. She would sit down and write, meditate, whatever it took to really get in touch with what she was feeling. That hit me like a ton of bricks and for a whole week every time I've felt fat, it was really me feeling inadequate, scared, stressed, exhausted, worthless, depressed, or angry. It was never the fat, it was me taking that feeling that I didn't want to face (especially the worthless one) and turning it back on myself and attacking myself emotionally for being fat.

I took this a step further last night and I will no longer call myself fat because not only is fat not a feeling, it's not a friggin character flaw. I am overweight, but I am not fat. Fat is the stuff under my skin, it's not me. For me, and I only speak for myself, being overweight is a symptom of something much larger than calories in/calories out. I am not fat, fat doesn't define me. It might for other people but s**** them. I am Michele. I'm a mom, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a business owner, a friend and I'm human so there's no way I can be perfect.

I want to be healthy not just physically but emotionally because I lost all this before. I was only 30 lbs from my goal but I never dealt with why I became overweight in the fist place so when things in my life got super stressful, I gained it all back. Almost all of it. I was 270, down to 180 with a goal of 150, then back up to 230. I ate 50lbs of stress instead of dealing with the stress, and the stress didn't go away it just got worse.

Looking at what I eat and how I worked out this week as loving myself instead of punishing myself for "being fat" has probably been one of the best weeks I've had in years. Asking myself why I "feel fat" has been eye opening, for me at least. I've lost 4 lbs in one week and I don't feel like I tried to lose weight, I feel like I've loved myself.

All of this is to say....I wonder if you have feelings of being inadequate in your parent's eyes and that was never resolved, (that's the worthless thing for me, being called worthless as a kid...ugh) but it comes out as "I'm a fat girl".

You are not fat. You have fat. You have done a great job in getting rid of that fat and you will continue to do so. Once you reach your goal weight treat yourself and hire a personal shopper so you can see how amazing clothes fit your un-fat self. I bet it will be breath taking.