Have Others Suggested You're Trying To Lose Too Much Weight?

lepnat · February 2015

Since I started the process of eating healtier, I've lost a little over 50 pounds. My goal is to lose another 40, which would put me right at a 25 BMI. I've been that weight before and felt comfortable at it (and not deprived).

Lately, I've been hearing from a few people things like "just stay where you are, you'll look too skinny if you keep losing". Even my wife who is super-supportive (and very comfortable in her own healthy skin) has expressed some concern I'm trying to lose too much, and I was at my goal weight when we first met.

Personally, I think my slightly odd body type (smaller upper body, large legs and child-bearing hips) gives people the idea I don't weigh as much as I do (I'm about 210 right now and 5'9"). Maybe I also look "skinny" since I have been unwillingness to buy new clothes until I get closer to my goal (still wearing my 44 waist pants and XXL shirts). Whatever the reason, I've been caught off-guard by the responses.

I don''t want to feel defensive over what I am trying to do. In the end, I know where I'd like my weight to be, and my doctor has certainly not questioned me on it. Thus, I'm wondering if others here are getting some similar feedback from family/friends, and how are you handling it?

mhausler93 · February 2015

I get that a lot. From everyone but my docs. My family tells me to not lose weight because I'm "fine the way I am. " and my fiancé tells me constantly that if I lose 40 lbs I'll be "too skinny" and it'll be "unhealthy" and it won't be attractive. I usually respond with "I'm not doing it for you, or to please you asthetically, I'm doing it for me and because I don't like the way I look or feel.

And for perspective, I'm 5' 4", and currently weigh 173. My lowest was 150, and I was a size 8, and I was happy but still wanted to lose about 10-15 more lbs for my extra fatty areas to slim down some. So, my goal is to lose 30-40 lbs, but I totally understand where you're coming from. It's disheartening sometimes, but I just remind myself WHY I'm doing it, and that when I get there all of the people that told me not to will be telling me how awesome I look.

PennyHartz · February 2015

Yep, I've gotten that response. I recently saw a bunch of my extended family, who I hadn't seen since before I started losing weight and I heard a lot of "you're at your goal, right? Don't lose any more!". I just give vague answers because the truth is no, I'm not at my goal. I'm not even considered a "healthy/ normal" weight yet by the BMI chart and I'm probably 20 lbs. higher than my lowest adult weight. I think a lot of it is that people get used to seeing you overweight, so when you lose a lot you look "too skinny" until they adjust to it.
That being said, my husband has been losing with me and I've definitely had a few talks with him when I became concerned that he was losing too much/ too fast. You just have to try to figure out if someone's comments are really coming from a place of genuine concern. I wouldn't worry about it until you're at least in the healthy range for your height.

Yodee · February 2015

I sometimes wonder why they can say something about "being to skinny" but they never said anything about "being to overweight"?

Chief_Rocka · February 2015

Don't tell anyone what you're doing. Problem solved.

neaneacc · February 2015

Unfortunately people get jealous of other people's weight loss. Just remember you are trying to be the best version of you, and forget the stupid comments. If your goal is to get and stay healthy I will support you 100%!

soccerkon26 · February 2015

My mom keeps telling me to just exercise but to just eat whatever I want because I'm "skinny"

(I come from a family where all of my close relatives are overweight, so in comparison, I looks "skinny")

a_candler · February 2015

Yes my husband has said I'm too skinny since getting under my typical weight. I'd been 20 heavier w baby weight for 2 years now. I lost that easily enough and have since lost almost 15 more and he's not happy. I would like to loose another 5-10 but with him hounding me its hard keeping motivation up.

Holly92154 · February 2015

Lol I'm down 51 pounds and 20-30 from my goal weight. I saw a few old friends last weekend and they were shocked. I get comments like that a lot. It is an adjustment for friends and family. Sometimes there is a little jealousy mixed in. Don't let it get you down.

Velum_cado · February 2015

Yeah, I started getting that when I was about 20 lbs from my initial goal (which put me at 220 lbs, 5' 7"). I'm pretty much maintaining now at around 175-180 lbs, so still technically "overweight", and I hear a lot of, "Oh, good, you don't want to get TOO skinny".

I think it's just that you probably do look quite skinny to them, compared to how you looked before. They're adjusting to your new appearance.

ILiftHeavyAcrylics · February 2015

A time or two.

My thoughts are this-- most people should just be ignored. When people I barely know comment on it I just assume they're not used to seeing me thin and it's somewhat shocking to them (it's been a few years now so that rarely comes up anymore), or they're used to being around people who are larger so that's what seems normal to them. I'm not really sure why almost-strangers think it's appropriate to comment on others' bodies but they do so I just don't let it bother me. Thankfully most people who know me now have only ever known me this way so it's not an issue anymore.

When it's people who know and love me I give it more thought. If it was my husband I would give it serious consideration. Not saying I'd necessarily change what I was doing but his opinion would have a lot more weight to me than some random person. It would make me ask myself I would still be healthy and happy at the weight for which I was aiming, or if I'm just aiming for a random number that I think represents "thinness."

In the end you just need to feel good about what you're doing. Do your best to make sure it's healthy. Communicate with your wife why it's important to you and ask her to clarify why she feels it wouldn't be a good idea. Be flexible about your goal as you approach it-- you might find that it changes as you get closer. And keep in mind that it takes the brain about 6 months (usually) to catch up and really see what's in the mirror, so you may not be seeing what they're seeing yet.

jglovicz · February 2015

A bmi of 25 is definitely not to skinny..."haters gonna hate". Just tune them out and take are of yourself!

my3boys424 · February 2015

I'll never understand why people think it's ok to tell you you're 'too skinny'. I don't tell them they really should eat less and move more ... Or when people question why I still count and weigh all my food. Hello!!! Before I did this I weighed 50+ pounds more.

jim180155 · February 2015

lepnat wrote: »

Since I started the process of eating healtier, I've lost a little over 50 pounds. My goal is to lose another 40, which would put me right at a 25 BMI. I've been that weight before and felt comfortable at it (and not deprived).

Lately, I've been hearing from a few people things like "just stay where you are, you'll look too skinny if you keep losing". Even my wife who is super-supportive (and very comfortable in her own healthy skin) has expressed some concern I'm trying to lose too much, and I was at my goal weight when we first met.

Personally, I think my slightly odd body type (smaller upper body, large legs and child-bearing hips) gives people the idea I don't weigh as much as I do (I'm about 210 right now and 5'9").

I'm 5'9" and 147 lbs, down 41 lbs from 188. You're not too skinny. You've done a great job so far and you're right to keep going.

Setting a BMI target is good. Measuring your bodyfat percentage is even better and will give you a clearer picture of your overall fitness. If you're interested, calipers are a good measuring tool. And calipers are cheap at less than $9.

amazon.com/Accu-Measure-Fitness-Personal-Caliper-Measurement/dp/B000G7YW74/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1424529913&sr=8-1&keywords=bodyfat+calipers

My initial goal was 150 lbs. I hit that late last summer and have been hanging around the same weight since then. A couple weeks ago I decided I was going to target 140 to get rid of the last bit of flab before reversing direction and bulking back up for added muscle.

Two days ago I was at the dentist and the hygienist started giving me a hard time about the weight I've lost. She seemed alarmed the last time I saw her in August and this time she thought I had lost even more weight, but I was only down another 3 pounds. She went on and on for a while. I bit my tongue. I didn't think it was jealousy, I thought it was more a matter of perspective. She's overweight and I think she sees overweight as natural. But I couldn't tell her that without pointing out that she needs to shed a few pounds herself.

One last thing: You might want to start a strength training routine if you haven't already. It'll help you mitigate muscle loss as you lose weight. It'll also improve your strength, looks, and overall well being.

Jolinia · February 2015

I think if you went to a doctor you'd be cheered on for the sake of your health. I suppose you could then get a doctor's note to show your concerned friends and family.

joepratt503 · February 2015

This is simple...do you for you...f* em all if they don't like it.

I guess that sounds a little abrasive but, really, its the only way to get where you want to go and stay there.

valente347 · February 2015

It might not even be jealousy driving the comments. There could be other thoughts motivating them.

1. Some people don't like change, or are tired of accommodating (in their eyes) your new lifestyle.
2. Some close family members and friends might be worried that you're getting obsessive (even if you're not) because they are hearing a lot more about food and fitness from you than before.
3. Some people might just be uncomfortable with all of the hard work you are putting in because they can't imagine how you manage to fit it into your schedule. Maybe they're irrationally worried you're letting other things slide in order to lose weight.
4. Finally, some people imagine weight loss to be difficult (it is!), and feel compelled to tell the people they love that they shouldn't have to go through that hardship. Then they rationalize "Too Skinny!" as a way to express that feeling.

LovingLife_Erin · February 2015

I told one friend that my first goal was to lose 80 lbs and she sat me down and told me she was worried, etc. I had to explain that I could literally lose 150 lbs and just be into a healthy bmi range. I've now lost 56 and just look slightly smaller, and less bumpy, but clearly still overweight. I think she gets it now.

Have Others Suggested You're Trying To Lose Too Much Weight?

Replies

Categories