The only person in my household making a lifestyle change
S_Evanson613
Posts: 62 Member
I am living with my toddler daughter, my boyfriend and his father - both of whom are over weight, too. Unfortunately, neither of them are trying to lose weight or change their lifestyle, which has proved to very difficult for me. I want to be there and live a happy and healthy life for my daughter, but when the guys bring really unhealthy food (for instance, they ordered pizza for dinner on Friday while I ate chicken and broccoli) it's really difficult for me to stay focused and motivated. I cook every night and pack lunches for me and my boyfriend, but I find that I am usually making two (or three if it's something my daughter doesn't like) dinners every nights because they don't want the healthy dinner. My boyfriend is trying to be motivational and supportive but he also says he loves me and finds me beautiful the way I am and doesn't want me to lose too much more weight.
Is anyone else in this same boat, and if so, how do you find the motivation to keep going?
Is anyone else in this same boat, and if so, how do you find the motivation to keep going?
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Replies
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I was in a similar situation last summer when my father in law was having marital troubles and moved in with my husband and I. We both eat healthy but my FIL doesn't. My husband and FIL had some fights about him bringing in junk food to purposely tempt us, and the whole thing didn't end well. Luckily after six weeks he went home to his wife.
During that time my weight loss was stalled and I gained back the 15 lbs I lost plus an additional 5 lbs from stress. I'm sorry I don't have better advice. I do however understand that sometimes family can be the biggest saboteur and I really feel for you. Wishing you the best of luck in your weight loss journey!0 -
If they don't want to eat what you have cooked, surely they can make something for themselves?0
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Yep. Same boat here. My husband buys nutty buddy bars, chips, chocolate chip cookies you name it. He also likes to eat mcDonalds at least once a week. I've decided I will only cook one thing. If they (hubby and three girls) want something different they can make it! I'm setting the example by being more healthy. He is a K-5 physical education teacher so he thinks it's ok bc he moves constantly during the day. He loves my "curves" but ultimately if you don't feel comfortable in your own body you have to make the change for you!0
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You just need to lay down the law OP. Its your house, your rules. If the men don't like how the ship is sailing then they need to put up or move out.
That's how my house is run. I tell my wife what we are going to have for dinner and if she doesn't want to cook it, she is welcome to make a second meal for herself.0 -
My husband can eat whatever he wants and not gain any weight, but he was raised to think if someone went to the trouble of making you a hot dinner you either eat it or you fend for yourself. Although there are times (usually once or twice a month) when I make something I know he flat out does not like e.g. potato leek soup and I will make him something that I flat out hate e.g. bacon (special occasion all mine meals).
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Let them eat their pizza & you eat your chicken & broccoli. Try to eat or at least not be starving before they bring it in the house...it eases the temptation to stuff a hungry stomach.
I can sympathize with you...I used to have that problem years ago about your age. Till I finally figured out I was too dang tired to cook like that. So I just started cooking what I wanted for my taste. The baby ate what I ate. (Yes, toddlers are babies
). And if the hub didn't like it, he'd pout & complain but I didn't cave to his whiney snotty self-absorbed self.
*
Oh...and you can always make a pan of gravy for the BOYS to dump all over their chicken & broccoli.
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I lost 95 lbs and my wife did not participate. she would have ice cream for dessert and I'd have a couple of apples. It bugged me a little, but just because I'm on a diet, doesn't mean the people around me are as well. You have to learn to eat healthy while those around you don't. It can suck, I'm not going to lie, but it can be done.0
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There are different ways to look at this.
The first one is to lead by example: keep going strong and maybe you'll inspire them. Meanwhile, you will need a LOT of determination. You should look for strong support online.
An other way is to accomodate everyone: accept a lower losing rate, cook "healthy junk food" (my mother actually gave me a cook book that revisited the classics) that everyone will eat. My boyfriend unknowingly lost 5 lbs that way lol.
The last one is to put your health and happiness before your boyfriend and making a move. That's harsh, I know. But some people are just toxic to us.
Good luck!0 -
I feel your pain.
My husband, 13 y/o daughter and 17 y/o son are all healthy and slim. My son plays football and can heat anything he wants because he's always working out and going to practice or weight lifting. My daughter is petite and can eat what she wants and my husband works for FedEx in shipping & receiving and is on his feet lifting boxes 7 of the 8 hours he works. They can eat whatever they want - meanwhile.........I'm trying to lose weight, and it's hard for me. The kids are always asking whats for dessert, or suggesting things for dinner - most of which I'm not going to eat. The thing that bothers me is when I buy Baked Lays for myself, or other low cal or "diet" foods for myself and my husband eats them instead of buying things he can eat. He can eat whatever he wants, why eat my snacks? SMH, it pisses me off, and I have been quite vocal about it. (sorry about that mini rant)
People who are not trying to lose weight have no idea how difficult it can be for those of us that are. For me, I am tempted all day every day. I'm trying so hard, but it's so easy to slip up. I've been on MFP what, 35 days or so? I've only lost 6 pounds in that time. I haven't lost any weight in the past week and a half. I'm trying not to get discouraged. It does become a challenge in the home if everyone doesn't have the same goals. I know that my family loves me and they're rooting for me when exercise is involved, but they have no idea how hard it can be for me to resist the foods they eat so that I can try to stay on track.0 -
I just want to find a <LIKE> button for awesome and cj. What they have said is point on. I would also recommend that you read itstimeRK's comments carefully. And then read them again.
The sad truth is that family can be your biggest help or your biggest hurt. You say your boyfriend says he loves you and finds you beautiful the way you are and doesn't want you to lose too much more weight. But, consider that your losing weight is something of a threat to him. He has no desire to lose weight, even though he may well be aware of a need to do so. So, let's say he is sixty pounds overweight and you are forty pounds overweight and you lose 45 pounds and get fit and healthy, change your lifestyle, etc., he will feel threatened and perhaps even in danger of your relationship dissolving. And that's not a judgment on your boyfriend, it's just the psychology of the situation.
You need to let your boyfriend know that his comments are NOT supportive. Encourage him to "help" you in your efforts - walk with you in the morning, help you find healthful meals that both of you can enjoy.
- Ask him if he would like his child to grow up overweight and doomed to a shortened lifespan. Because that is exactly what is going to happen if both of you do not change you collective mindset.
- And, bear in mind, your boyfriend has probably, like cj's hubby, been indoctrinated to the junk food mentality since childhood. And, like cj's girls, he is 'training' your child to an unhealthy eating habit. This can be changed but it's going to take both of you to do it and his attitude is not helping!
- Make him know that although you love him, you love your child too and you want your child to be healthy, as he should.
- And, as cj said, "...if you don't feel comfortable in your own body you have to make the change for you".
- And, making "two or three dinners a night" is just insane. You cook ONE meal. Let them know that you are cooking for you and your child. And make sure your daughter knows that, "Sorry, honey, you eat that or you go hungry." (And don't let daddy or grandpa be feeding her 'fat food'.) It sounds like she has already been indoctrinated to a fat food appetite and that needs to be changed quickly or she will most certainly grow up overweight and unhealthy. It won't be easy but it needs to be done.
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Good luck. (Sounds like you're going to need it!)0 -
Stay strong! Continue to eat healthy! You're setting a good example for your child and hopefully your boyfriend will join you to encourage your daughter to live a healthy lifestyle 0
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I admit to being that person. Three years ago my husband and I lost a significant amount of weight by eating healthy together. I got pregnant and he continued to try to be healthy but I used my pregnancy as an excuse not to and would get frustrated with him when he tried to do anything healthy. Eventually, he gave up and gained some weight back. In January I decided that I had to lose this baby weight and got back to my healthy habits. It took him a few weeks to get back into it again. I feel bad about not supporting him even though we laugh about it now.0
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I know exactly what you're going through and it's extremely tough. I think we need to get a bit selfish and think about ourselves a bit in order to stay motivated.
I have a very difficult time keeping my husband on track too and I've come to realize that I can't force him, so I'm going to try my best to focus on my journey. I wish you luck on your weight loss!
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You control what goes into your body. Eat food you like and fit it in your calories for the day.
Compromise a bit. Have some of what they want and some of what you want. Have a slice of pizza with a big salad for example.
When I plan meals everyone gets to give their input. Every month or so I write a list of 28 dinners. I ask dd and dh to come up with 9 things each and I fill in the rest. I divide that list into groups of 7 and put the weekly menu on the refrigerator. Dinner is not a surprise. If I know one person hates something I try plan a side dish they will like. If I am the only person who likes a food then I would not make it for a shared meal. I do not make separate dinners for everyone. If they don't want to eat anything I make then they can get their own food- leftovers, sandwich, cereal, whatever. Not everyone is going to like dinner every night but they can decide that before they get to the table instead of wasting my time.0 -
In my house I am luckily the one doing the cooking. If my dad doesn't like it, tough. Eat bread instead or cook for yourself.. *shrugs* 0
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Thanks to everyone for their encouraging words and support! I will take the advice and continue to move forward in my journey.
One thing I want to point out is that luckily my 2.5 year old is right where she needs to be weight and health wise. She is a very healthy eater (only asks for fruits and veggies for snacks) and will eat pretty much anything I make for her, with the exception of seafood! Those are the nights I'll make her something else.
But you are all right and I need to put my foot down and what I make is what's for dinner, they dont like - they are old enough to fend for themselves!
THANKS TO ALL OF YOU!!
Keep on keepin' on!0 -
First off you can't force anyone to eat differently. My hubby grew up in a house of processed foods and take out, I grew up in a house with mostly homemade food and very little take out or processed foods. The biggest thing I had to learn was it's ok for me to eat what I want, I do make multiple items at dinner BUT I don't cook 2 different meals. For example if I make chicken my sides could be a vegetable medley or veggies and whole grain rice, hubby could be eating frozen corn and rice a roni. I find it's really not that much "work" to prepare different items because we also end up with extra leftovers which means we've got items to be used as side another night or for lunch.
We still have pizza night once in a while (not weekly) and because I need/want veggies I get my half with veggies or I make/buy a salad to go with my pizza.
Your toddler will learn to eat what you eat, they're by nature picky eaters so you'll have that struggle at times but my big suggestion is to make food fun. If you're eating boring chicken and broccoli then you might have some issues but if all it takes is a little sauce or gravy to get her to try it then I say go for it.
I'll also add, my hubby fought the "healthy" foods for a long time but curiosity has gotten the better of him and he's discovered that broccoli on pizza is good, sweet potatoes aren't disgusting and sometimes a big salad for dinner is perfectly filling so in time and with patience you may not have to cook extra "side" dishes and those are the nights you can smile a little bigger knowing you had a positive influence.0 -
awesomewastaken wrote: »If they don't want to eat what you have cooked, surely they can make something for themselves?
This is the correct answer.0 -
i second (or third or 4th or whatever) the let them fend for themselves mentality. I cooked you a meal, if you don't want it figure out your own crap.0
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I'm in that situation...and a little more, in that I'm the only vegetarian in a house of proud carnivores! The basic thing is: You have to decide what YOU want. You can't make them eat the chicken & broccoli any more than they can make you eat that pizza.
Be strong to yourself, and hold true to what you want. Imagine the lesson you are showing that little girl: My mom is strong, I can be to!0 -
Did you say you hate bacon?My husband can eat whatever he wants and not gain any weight, but he was raised to think if someone went to the trouble of making you a hot dinner you either eat it or you fend for yourself. Although there are times (usually once or twice a month) when I make something I know he flat out does not like e.g. potato leek soup and I will make him something that I flat out hate e.g. bacon (special occasion all mine meals).
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DanniBuchanan1 wrote: »
Did you say you hate bacon?My husband can eat whatever he wants and not gain any weight, but he was raised to think if someone went to the trouble of making you a hot dinner you either eat it or you fend for yourself. Although there are times (usually once or twice a month) when I make something I know he flat out does not like e.g. potato leek soup and I will make him something that I flat out hate e.g. bacon (special occasion all mine meals).
With the heat of a thousand suns. The smell alone turns my stomach.
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You can still eat the pizza, just less of it, and lose the weight. You don't have to eat Chicken and Veggies.
And, you have to have enough "want and drive" to not crash and burn when things like this happen, because they will. Life is like that. My boyfriend isn't on "a lifestyle change", doesn't log his food and has "bad" things all over the place. I just don't eat them. Because I know what I have to do to get to my goal. IT's not about anyone else.0 -
I just make one thing and give my hubby bigger portions, sometimes if he's hungry later he'll have a quick peanutbutter sammich. You shouldn't have to make two meals thats ridiculous if they want something unhealthy tell them go ahead there's the fryer. ;P
"You just need to lay down the law OP. Its your house, your rules. If the men don't like how the ship is sailing then they need to put up or move out.
That's how my house is run. I tell my wife what we are going to have for dinner and if she doesn't want to cook it, she is welcome to make a second meal for herself."
Dude I was with you until you said it was your wife who cooks and you TELL HER to cook what you want or make herself a second meal FML poor lass! lol0 -
I understand completely but you have to determine what is right for you. I have two 16 almost 17 year old girls, plus my adopted daughters, six nieces and nephews come over on Friday and Saturday nights. I cook for them whatever they want. Sometimes I eat a reasonable portion of what I cook for them and sometimes I make myself something healthy for me. I exercise and go to the gym at least 5 times a week, they don't. I want to be healthy and lose weight, they could care less. When I get them take out, I make myself a taco salad or salad with chicken or something else. I do eat when I want, I don't believe in depriving myself. I believe that is when we fail. If I go over calories, I try better the next day.
I lose weight for me. While they can look at me and know that I've lost weight and I intend to keep trying to be healthy, they could care less. I'd like them to be healthier, but I feel it is a journey that each of has to take and take ownership of.
It is a hard battle, but it is worth it! One of my motto's is "You only fail if you quit trying!!" Keep trying and you will be successful. This is a great site, keep coming back!
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Maybe it's just who I am...but I would tell my boyfriend and kid that they're getting ONE meal or they get nothing (or he can cook for himself). I understand you love him and all, but that's ridiculous. He's a grown man and could stand to be a bit healthier himself. And your daughter will grow to learn what you teach her. If you show her that it's okay to complain about the food that she is given, she will every single time, until she is REWARDED with the food that satisfies her. You're not simply making her food, you're reinforcing a behavior that she will continue.
In my house, I am the cook. I make one meal. If they don't want it, they fend for themselves. It's not my problem. I also don't have children, but like I said...she will be like that if you allow her to be and follow your example.0 -
First of all you are gorgeous secondly I feel ya ! I'm a mom to a 4 yr old and 8 mo old, I work full time and go to school... I'm in the same boat with my husband but you know since he has seen me get results and sees how great I feel it has encouraged him to eat better as well (not like me but still better) so maybe it will leak on to them. Trying to find motivation when you live with others who don't live that lifestyle is hard but just remember you are doing it for your little girl! :-) Feel free to add me. :-)0
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Yes, my hubby has it pretty good. He made sure when we were splitting chores that he didn't end up with cooking. He claims incompetence. So he doesn't complain and eats what I make. If he doesn't like something I've made he breaks out the canned beans.....but he was raised to think if someone went to the trouble of making you a hot dinner you either eat it or you fend for yourself. Although there are times (usually once or twice a month) when I make something I know he flat out does not like e.g. potato leek soup and I will make him something that I flat out hate e.g. bacon (special occasion all mine meals).
He's sneaky though. He'll try and sniff out what night is fish night or if I am soaking beans and will make an excuse to eat out. Tit for tat. I've made breaded and fried "chicken" that was Cod. He caught on halfway through dinner. I also keep fixings around to make home-made pizza (thin crust, low-fat cheese). He tried to tempt me with take-out this past week and I pulled out the fixings from the freezer instead.
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Yes, my hubby has it pretty good. He made sure when we were splitting chores that he didn't end up with cooking. He claims incompetence. So he doesn't complain and eats what I make. If he doesn't like something I've made he breaks out the canned beans.....but he was raised to think if someone went to the trouble of making you a hot dinner you either eat it or you fend for yourself. Although there are times (usually once or twice a month) when I make something I know he flat out does not like e.g. potato leek soup and I will make him something that I flat out hate e.g. bacon (special occasion all mine meals).
He's sneaky though. He'll try and sniff out what night is fish night or if I am soaking beans and will make an excuse to eat out. Tit for tat. I've made breaded and fried "chicken" that was Cod. He caught on halfway through dinner. I also keep fixings around to make home-made pizza (thin crust, low-fat cheese). He tried to tempt me with take-out this past week and I pulled out the fixings from the freezer instead.
The chore splitting works in my favor for this one though. I do all the cooking, but he gets all the dishes and I really hate washing dishes.
I lol'ed about the breaded cod, that is pretty awesome.
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I am in the exact same boat. Even at work I'm the only one dieting. Sometimes really hard to stay motivated.0
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