Supportive or not.

Well I am no in your shoes. My fiance completely supports me, and actually he started going to the gym and has actually lost more weight than me.

It sounds like he is insecure and maybe not so comfortable with the relationship. If he sincerely feels that you will leave him, there has to be something else giving him that idea.

If that's not the case, try to get him involved without being pushy. Suggest after dinner walks or find things that ivolve being active, but are still fun.

Hope everything works out.

I have sympathy for you....My husband and I started this journey together. We are each other's strongest supporters. It is hard to liv seperate lifestyles in a marraige when it comes to health....I hope you can enlist him because you deserve to be the bet you can be.....pardon me for saying so but he sounds insecure....:flowerforyou:

Sometimes it just the fear of losing you...as you lose weight just include him and make sure he knows that you still want to be with him. My husband isn't so supportive either, well he is okay with me losing weight but typically when I am dieting he likes to bring my favorite candies or sweet treats home...

I've been struggling with this too. My BF get's reimbursed for a gym membership from his insurance provider if he goes so many times per month... you think he will re-join and go with me? No. His thought - It's summer, so why would you want a gym membership?? He keeps unhealthy food and snacks in his house (hello, a tub of freakin MARGARINE!) when he knows I'm trying. Then he gives me a hard time when I grab a small bag of cheez-its as snacks. Hi, you were on the same 10 mile bike ride, and I happen to have an extra 400 calories today, so shut it.

Little does he realize... when I'm feeling fat and unattractive, he's the one that suffers. So you think he'd be on board with some activity! He told me that he thinks I had the most success with weight loss when I had a personal trainer... I had to remind him that he was also going to the gym with me 1-2x per week at that time too.

Clueless.

Don't have an SO at the moment, but only one of my BFs was ever seriously invested in my weight and he was the opposite of your BF. He never thought I was thin enough and let me know it every minute of every day. I got sort of dangerously thin for awhile there and then eh got scared. But the damage was done, and his constant undermining of my appearance was a large part of why I didn't marry him when he proposed.

I had one BF who was constantly worried that I would leave him. I looked great at that point and traveled extensively for work. I eventually broke up with him because he was so incredibly insecure that it just wore me out.

I don't know--it sounds like you may not be in the best of relationships IMO. If you've been together for 5 years, what's up with the 2 year engagement? If you both really wanted to get married, you'd be married by now. So it seems that one of you is holding off on the commitment.... If he doesn't believe you are in it for life by now, why are you engaged?

Wouldn't you rather be with a man who loves and supports you? Who wants what's best for you and cheers you on? If he can't handle this, what's he going to do when you have 3 screaming kids, a big mortgage and one of you loses your job? Your journey into better health is a fairly minor stress. If he can't handle it, I'd seriously wonder how he'd handle BIG stresses that come with a life together...

do it,.. lose the weight, get the tummy tuck and dump him. it's not his phyiscality, but mentality,, it's controlling,, you'll be, all your life,, trying to boost him up.. an exhausting way to live.

the other two ladies are right. try to get him to work out with you. my boyfriend won't go to the gym with me but that's ok because he makes a point of coming over every day after his 10 hour work day and walks with me for a half hour every day. on the weekend we go walk at the park for an hour or more. when he is here and i cook i make low calorie food. when we go out to dinner we generally get fish or chicken and a salad or a 500 calorie meal. talk to him nicely about how you feel he isn't being supportive. ask if there is any way you could help ease his mind. explain you are wanting to get healthy for yourself and yalls future. tell him you wish he would lose weight with you because you want a long life together. that's what i did with my boyfriend. he has lost more weight than me. we started our lifestyle change on valentines day. that was the best gift he ever gave me.

that is really selfish of him and very insecure... I am sorry.

My husband is very supportive. I had to lose weight, and he wanted to gain weight (he was so skinny- 136 and 6'1 when he joined the army). I was 200 lbs and 5'8.... Fast forward to 3 years later, he goes to the gym and lifts weights/does cardio for 2 hours ON TOP of his PT in the AM... and I am still running and lost 40 lbs... Him getting bigger and me getting smaller made us look like a better couple lol. He is somewhere over 180 now and looks like one of those people on the fitness magazines LOL and now he is heavier than me!!!!! (except I am pregnant so I am gaining weight)

Maybe ask him to join you in losing weight? That is kind of ridiculous for him to hold you back when you are doing it for fitness.

My husband tries to be supportive but doesn't really know how to be. He has NEVER been overweight in his life and has always been pretty athletic. This time around he is taking this journey with me. My previous attempts have been at weight loss. This time I decided it to do it in a way that I feel I can maintain and I am trully trying to make it a lifestyle change. He is changing his lifestyle with me so that we can have a long healthy life together and can watch our son grow up together.

He is great when things are going well, but when I get down in the dumps because I have had a bad week or am frustrated because of a bad choice I made he doesn't really know how to respond. But he tries which I appreciate and when I need to vent to someone who understands I just pop on here and write a post and get the support I need to get over my hurdle.

Are there ways you can incorporate your fiance into your process so he can see that it isn't going to change the way you feel about him? For instance, maybe take walks nightly together so you can get some exercise and you get to spend some QT together. One thing that help my husband get on board was the food. We sit down every Sunday and plan our meals together. IF he wants something unhealthy I take the suggestion and try to find a way to make it healthier. Maybe if he is more actively involved and it is something you can use to strengthen your relationship he will gain the confidence he needs to feel secure.

Sounds like you might have the right idea in moving out, creamnshugar. He is being selfish by not wanting you to be healthy and happy. I don't think someone in love would ever want that.

Another lady here commented that this kind of relationship gets exhausting and in the end isn't sustainable, and I couldn't agree more. I used to be in a relationship where the guy was so insecure and possessive that he eventually talked me into not talking to any other guys, not wearing sleeveless shirt or shorts, and even not talking to a lot of my friends that he insisted were "trying to break us up". It starts off as small things, and then things get worse and worse as the relationship goes on and you allow him more control over you.

Please take care of yourself and do what you need to do to make you and your children happy. I hate to be harsh, but it sounds as if you would all be better without him, unless he does a lot of maturing and changing.

I agree with the previous posts. Changing your lifestyle is a huge and at times seemingly impossible task. If you add a partner that is not "in it to win it" with you...not good. Wishing you the very best of luck!

It is hard to live seperate lifestyles in a marraige when it comes to health

Quote of the day goes to you. There is SO much truth to that.

yep, my ex was not suppportive, he told me he didn't care what I looked like, but when I tried to lose weight would ***** I was punishing him, and then at the end complained I was fat(one of many reasons he is an ex)