Unmotivated gym partner!

So I have a similar story - I started training to run in October 2014. I'm not a great runner and I'm not a fast runner, but I run and I work damn hard at it. I'm determined to run a 5K in April of this year. A friend of mine saw/heard that I signed up for this 5K and decided I guess that anyone can run a 5K so she kept messaging me with questions about how she could "only" run for 20 minutes right away and wondering if that's a good time after not running for over a year and blah blah blah. And she wanted to run together - but kept dropping hints like oh I wish you didn't go so early in the morning so that I could go with you. Why don't you go later? Have you ever tried going later? and so on and so forth.

At first, it made me mad that she was doing this - considering it took me like 3 months to be able to run for 10 minutes straight - but then I was like I'm doing this for myself - I know how hard I've worked and the people closest who mean the most to me know how hard I've worked for it so eff her.

It's been 3 weeks of running (for her) and she already has shin splits and horribly sensitive heels because she told me I was stupid for how much I spent on my shoes and no one needs shoes like that for "just doing a small 5K"

I got some small satisfaction out of it because at 250lbs I can run for 45 minutes (with small walking intervals) and have ZERO joint pain anywhere; the only pain I get is from tired muscles. However, what I did learn was to keep my friends (for the most part) and my work outs separate. I like to work out alone. I have some hot friends who just seeing their bodies makes me work out harder and want more for myself.

I don't need to go to the gym with them. I also am one of the last of my friends to get married (or even meet someone lol) and to have kids. Therefore my schedule is so much different than a lot of theirs and I just don't want to accommodate to that schedule.

My advice is really to keep it separate if you can't keep it civil - not saying your fault, just some people cannot stand to see anyone they know do something better than them. Like someone said, it's human nature to wish someone well but to secretly keep wanting the other person to not do as well as they have themselves.

Good luck!

Just straight up tell her you have to spend X amount of time at the gym and can't do less than that. If she says she can't go that long, well she's justified you having to go separately. And let your results speak for you.

livv365 wrote: »

So here it is, my best friend and I started the gym 2 months ago and I've never missed a session always trying my hardest and making sure that I eat clean. However she is missing gym sessions, eating at McDonald's all the time and making silly excuses not to come, but when she does demands we leave the gym earlier than I want to. I have no clue how to handle this because she is obviously my best friend and I'm at the end of my tether with it! I know this isn't like agony aunt but I need some advice, never been in this situation x

Very simple. Tell her that you both seem to want different things out of your health and fitness. Let her know that she is still your best friend, but you need to move on as far as the gym goes. Find another partner (one with the same goals and commitment you do).

I have a feeling I'm watching a love connection (or two!) happening! I agree that if you don't need her to motivate you to go to the gym (sounds like you are plenty motivated on your own), just start going when you want to without her. I wouldn't even mention that I'm going to the gym, and just go. You can meet up with her some other time.

Or if you do need a workout buddy. Take a group fitness class. The same people often go at the same time each week, so it's like having friends you meet every week. If you get friendly with some of them, they will likely notice if you miss and will ask where you were. Creates a good accountabiliy.

Best friends come and go. I've had people hate me for my success. You have to do you and do things without depending on others (ie don't carpool to the gym). If she is a real friend who cares about you she will understand and either step up or just let you be. If she is interfering she is jealous and trying to take you down with her. Cut her lose.

Best of luck!

livv365 wrote: »

Thank you! I've lost nearly a stone and she says when people say you look great 'I don't think she's lost anything,if anything she's put it on' fed up of it! I sound so nasty but it gets to a point when I can't be bothered with it anymore x

What a b*tch. That doesn't sound like very good friend behavior. I go to the gym with a friend and we do water aerobics together - I get to about 2-3 classes a week and she does 5. Good for her that she does 5! I noticed the other day that her face and arms/torso are really slimming out and complimented her on it, she's doing so great! Her success motivates me to try to get in for that 3rd class each week, instead of settling on 2, and I'm also doing some strength training outside the pool (which she isn't into, so I go by myself, and that's OK). We drive separately to/from the gym, so if I want to stay and go lift weights after class I can, if she wants to come early and swim some laps she can... Having a gym buddy can be great and really motivating, but it's got to be the right friend. It might be best for your friendship if you decide that working out separately is best for you...

How bout being blunt.

Try... "I had to get some extra strength training in if I'm going to be a pall bearer at your funeral."

Sounds like she needs a wake up call to me.

But bottom line, if she is inhibiting you doing better for yourself, cut her loose.

livv365 wrote: »

So here it is, my best friend and I started the gym 2 months ago and I've never missed a session always trying my hardest and making sure that I eat clean. However she is missing gym sessions, eating at McDonald's all the time and making silly excuses not to come, but when she does demands we leave the gym earlier than I want to. I have no clue how to handle this because she is obviously my best friend and I'm at the end of my tether with it! I know this isn't like agony aunt but I need some advice, never been in this situation x

This is why I don't do workout partners anymore.
Everyone I've ever committed to work out with, has bailed on me.. and also tries to get me to quit because they feel like slacking.
I just workout alone now. It's way easier timewise also than trying to coordinate with another person's schedule.