why???

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running_mom
running_mom Posts: 204 Member
in Motivation and Support
Just to warn you this is a vent! I can't take it out on anyone else so just typing it out might work! My life sucks now... my marriage sucks. My husband is abusive in every way possible. My job sucks. Im a specal ed teacher that can't get through to any of the students this year. I can't lose wieght. No matter what I eat or how much I work out... the weight doesn't come off. I've thought about diet pills but I know that it would just hurt me more than anything. I have too much stretchy skin from my pregnancies that won't go away. No matter what I do I'm wrong, not good enough or a *****. I need a vacation. But can't take one because I tutor after school and will be teaching summer school. I want to save money to maybe start a new life.

If I didn't have kids I'd pick up and leave to a brand new city and never look back! But then I feel guilty for saying that because I'd die for my children.

I think I'll just go for a run if I can convince my husband to stay home and watch the kids. Then going to bed and start it all over!

(I've had longer vents... don't want to bore you! Sometimes you just need to get it out!)

Thanks

Replies

  • Xaspar
    Xaspar Posts: 726 Member
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    I certainly hope the venting helped ... (((HuG.Gs)))
  • raksha
    raksha Posts: 30
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    Keep your chin up!!

    :flowerforyou:
  • dlaplume2
    dlaplume2 Posts: 1,658 Member
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    You have the most beautiful children in that picture. I think while you are out there running, you need to think of some ways to appreciate them. Be greteful they are not special needs children, and figure out how to fix the things you are struggling with.

    I don't mean to sound harsh, but when you have a bad attitude, people around you, especially children, can sense it. If your husband is abusive, you need to find a way out. I didn't say it was easy, and I don't mean to make it sound so simple, but do it for your kids. They deserve a happy healthy mom.

    Best wishes to you.
  • oreyna49
    oreyna49 Posts: 152
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    It take a very unique individual to do the type of work you do. The lives you touch means more than anything. I'm sorry you are going thru tough times...sometimes we are given trials to overcome. Always remember that you can not always solve everything on your own. When the burden become too great to bear...put it in God's hands. Hope things get better for you.
  • jwhit6
    jwhit6 Posts: 14 Member
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    Vent away girlfriend, if you can't vent here where can you. My life sucked too a few years ago, husband went walk about 2 days after ivf op- never to be seen again !!!!, best friend also died from Brain tumour, 3 weeks before my beautiful boy (ivf worked!) was born . Last 8 years have been hard, but it does get better, I'm really proud of how my son & I have managed and what we've achieved. - My 30's were better than my 20's and so far my early 40's have been alot better than my 30's.... So bring it on, if we don't have dreams they can't come true. Stay focused, keep the force and believe in yourself. Take everything 1 day at a time.
  • shaheerahs
    shaheerahs Posts: 79 Member
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    If your husband is abusive you really should get out asap and not look back. I spent many years in an abusive relationship and it was not healthy for me or my kids. My life is 500 times better now that I'm out.
  • running_mom
    running_mom Posts: 204 Member
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    Thanks. I'm not always a downer... Just in a funk (for a long time) Why is it easier to help someone else see the better? I can be positive for everyone around me. But not myself.. Defenitely need to work on that!
  • otr12
    otr12 Posts: 632 Member
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    I strongly support working on a marriage, as opposed to giving up, in nearly every scenario. Abuse being the exception. And even sometimes people think they are being emotionally or verbally abused when they are not. But there is absolutely no doubt when it's physical!

    If you are being physically abused you can't get out of there fast enough. I know you just wanted to vent and weren't looking for people to tell you what to do. I can't force you to do anything. Would begging help? If not for you than for your children. Even if he is an angel to them they are learning life the wrong way. They pick up on more than you know. Do you know how easy it is to accidently kill a person? You could be considered another "accident" statistic and he would be alone with them.

    This is not your fault. There are safe places for you to go, even if you don't have any money. Do you need help finding one?

    Please leave!!!!!!
  • denise980
    denise980 Posts: 296
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    I teach special education and have no vacation time until June, but then I am teaching again in July, so I understand where you are coming from. It seems like there is no time to take for yourself and when you do you feel guilty because the people in your life need you.

    Keep your head up. Those kids need you (both your own children and the ones you teach). I know that you can pull yourself out of this funk. Things can brighten up. I promise.

    As for the issues with your husband, have you thought about counseling between the two of you? Be careful with someone who is abusive, whether physically or mentally, it can also scar your children, but I know that you know this already. You can get through this and we are here to help you!!!
  • shaheerahs
    shaheerahs Posts: 79 Member
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    Thanks. I'm not always a downer... Just in a funk (for a long time) Why is it easier to help someone else see the better? I can be positive for everyone around me. But not myself.. Defenitely need to work on that!

    Love yourself and know that you are worth it too. You deserve to be happy just as much as anyone else!
  • williediesel
    williediesel Posts: 15
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    I'm sorry but I have to play devils advocate here but if you life has taken a turn for the worst then you change the out come you get out of life what you put in and if you go around crying like you did on your post all day then what do you expect?? And your husband isn't here so we could hear his side of the story.....I just wonder what he would say ?????
  • running_mom
    running_mom Posts: 204 Member
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    I wasn't crying. I was venting. There is a difference. I didn't expect anything out of anyone from that post. Don't you find it better to get things off your chest than to keep it in. That's all I was trying to do.

    And as for my husband's side... no matter what I do or say I don't deserve to get hit, pushed, or knocked around. I admit what I do wrong in the marriage. I know I need to change things as well. He thinks I'm lazy. I work full time, went to school full time during both pregnancies. Got my master's in special ed. He does have a job that is swing shift so he can't be around that much. I understand. But, when he chooses to go to the bar instead of seeing his kids (that he hasn't seen in 4 days) he doesn't get much respect from me.

    I'm open to any criticism. I just don't want to talk to my friends or family about it because if they knew it wouldn't be good. If my husband and I got through this then myf family/friends would hate him. I wouldn't want that.
  • williediesel
    williediesel Posts: 15
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    I'm sorry no man who is a "real man" should ever hit a woman for that I'm sorry but like I said you are in control of your life I really do wish nothing but the best for you and your kids
  • otr12
    otr12 Posts: 632 Member
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    And as for my husband's side... no matter what I do or say I don't deserve to get hit, pushed, or knocked around.

    You got that right!
    ...then my family/friends would hate him.

    Of course they would hate him. I hate him. He deserves to be hated. Do you think your family/friends are idiots?
    I wouldn't want that.

    That is frightening and sad.
  • WVBayouGal
    WVBayouGal Posts: 45
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    I think we all feel like running away at times....we all have problems, just different ones. Not sure any of us would trade our problems for someone elses!!! The grass might seem greener, but we never know what kind or how much manure has been tossed onto that lush, beautiful green grass on the other side of the fence. Keep on keeping on! And vent all you want....it surely does help at times!!!!
  • tolygal
    tolygal Posts: 602 Member
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    I hope you don't mind me asking, but WHY haven't you left yet? Staying with an abusive partner is NOT good for the kids. You said, in your own words " hit, pushed, or knocked around." That is not healthy for your kids. It doesn't matter if he is abusing only you or both you and the kids - or even if he doesn't do it in front of them - they know what's going on - and believe me, they are learning from it. I'm sure you know that in your heart. But you said that you would die for your kids..... well aren't they worth whatever hardship you'll face if you get yourself and them out of there??? I'll bet you that if you do that, you will (eventually) feel so much better about yourself and your job and your life.

    I am sure there are two sides to the story, but abuse in any form is NOT okay, and that is NOT something that any person or child should have to grow up with. I'm pretty sure I've seen you post something about this abuse and your marriage before, so this is not anything new. I would highly consider moving on with your life.... Yes, it will be hard, but those kids are worth it ----and so are YOU!!

    I'm sure you guys have discussed the abuse, and obviously nothing is changing. NO MAN (OR WOMAN) IS WORTH BEING ABUSED TO BE WITH THEM!!!

    And of course your family would hate him if they knew. Doesn't that tell you something? Stop hiding it, talk to your family and friends and take charge of your life!!!

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