Need some advice guys.

ballwebhost · May 2011

Hi Guys,

I never seem to get many replies to topics I post, so heres one last time posting before I become an all time lurker in the forums. I seem to have a major problem and I cannot seem to let go.

Before I start , I am 21 and 5ft 7In.

Before I started to loose weight (February 2010) I weighed in at 87.8Kg (193.5Lbs), I was a happy person, happy in myself and happy with my life. I decided then that I was going to make some drastic changes to my lifestyle and to once and for all loose weight, after so many failed attempts. So I started using MFP, started going to the gym three times a week and reducing my calories to 1310/week to start with however I was always under-eating my calories, sometimes only eating 700 / 800 per day.

Weight loss was pretty fast, with physical differences showing within only 3 weeks. I was delighted, for once my weight was falling off me and I was on the road to being thin for the first time since being a child! The reduced calories were never a problem, I always felt satisfied with what I was eating and everything was going okay.

However now, I feel that this obsession is taking over my life. I now weigh around 59Kg (130Lbs) and I have never been more down, depressed and just feeling blue each and every day, and talking with colleagues, friends and family.. it all boils down to one thing... my one obsession...food... ! I am constantly thinking about food, constantly talking about food, I do not lie to you when I tell you each and every 2/3 minutes, a thought about food enters my head, whether its what I'm going to eat, what I've ate or how many calories I will be eating tomorrow.

Most days I will eat reduced calories as I feel if I eat anything normal that all the weight I have lost will pile back on and I will be back at the stage I was at last year. Now, don't get me wrong .. two or three times a week, I will go and eat out, either having a huge takeaway, or a meal with starter main and dessert. However after this I get extremely down, and I either go and walk for a long time to work it off, or reduce my calories dramatically the next day or two sometimes to only starving myself with 200 calories.

My question is , will I ever be happy again? I was happy when I wasnt obsessed with my weight, I simply wanted to loose weight to feel a bit better, I never wanted this obsession. I never wanted to be afraid of food, of calories. There was a stage in my life when I hadn't a clue what a calorie was or what the numbers on the back of foods ment. Now, I find everything that I eat, I look at the calories and nutritional information.. Its even gone as far as if im out having a coffee / latte or cappuccino I always try to find the nearest calorie count online or otherwise, something I would have never done.

I have an appointment with a psychologist next week the day after my 21st Birthday and hopefully she will be able to shed some light on this. My girlfriend has even said (because I'm afraid that of weight gain that I could loose her) that if I end up loosing any more weight that she would even consider a break as she fears for my health and thinks at the moment I look too thin.

Any help would be appreciated guys, I would appreciate some replies as I have taken the time to write the above essay, but essay over now and hopefully you guys, as friends could offer some support.

Best Regards,
Patrick

cmriverside · May 2011

Have you done any research online about eating disorders? Go to WebMD or MayoClinic.com.

You've gotten into a very unhealthy pattern. It can be broken.

The reason you may have trouble with replies might be you are on a different time zone than most of the United States.

But we all have times when no one listens or replies to our posts. It's not you.

ktbug82 · May 2011

I think you're making the right choice by seeing a psychologist. I hope that they can shed some light on what is going on with you. Just surround yourself with positive, supportive people and remember that getting your happiness back might take some time just like losing the weight did. Don't expect it over night. Take baby steps.

I hope that everything works out for you. I'm sure it will.

lisapickering · May 2011

Well I can't help as this isn't something that I've experienced, but I think it's a really good idea that you are going to see someone. Hopefully she will be able to help.

Good Luck!

mckshowie · May 2011

first, i am incredibly sorry you are going through such a tough time. any thought or feeling that consumes your entire being has to be agonizing.

that being said, i think that it is wonderful that you are going to talk to someone about your concerns. i am no psychologist, but i do know enough to observe that your deeper "issue" is likely not with the food. and talking to someone and sorting out what is really consuming you can only help.

i wish you the best of luck and don't think anyone on here can give you the kind of resolution or advice you may be looking for... but we can give you undying support and positive wishes for a happy and healthy life.

annie_p · May 2011

I think the visit to the psychologist is the best idea. And I think you will be happy again, just the fact that you admit there is something going on, and are willing to get help, tells me that you'll be okay.

sara21 · May 2011

I am glad you are going to see a psychologist. That's smart. You recognize that something isn't right and you're seeking help. Someone else posted the same concern last night...she met her weight goal, lost more weight, and can't stop obsessing. She's also going to see a professional. I would be interested to see what your doctor says. Sharing this information may help others also. I'm sure that others are feeling this way but not posting. I wish you the best!

nuimproved · May 2011

Glad to hear you are seeking some professional help. If your obsession is impacting how you function in your every day life you need to address it. Good luck in your journey.

MaryKatU · May 2011

It's good that you realize you may have a problem and are going to speak to a doctor. Best of luck to you

zacherybinx · May 2011

I think you have to grow and learn from your experiences, after all we're only human. So now that you know what you've done wrong and are doing wrong, it's very key to find a happy medium in eating healthy (both the right foods/right amounts) and in a consistent exercise regime. I know for myself and I can speculate that for most the toughest part with losing weight and keeping it off is the mental change one must make. If you're in it for the wrong reasons then you're not going to get the results you desire. You have to be in it at the end of the day for your health, happiness and longevity. If you're in it based upon solely how you look or because you want to look like so and so or have a certain body type then I think people do wind up obsessing over things way too much. I'd recommend seeing a nutritionist over a psychologist at this point so perhaps some things can be made more clear to you. Then, if it is truly all mental and you can't take facts/information for what it is then go to a psychologist/psychiatrist at that point. Just my opinion of course, but best of luck and keep the MFP gang posted on how things go.

ttkg · May 2011

I have absolutely no medical background whatsoever, but I think that if you're feeling unhappy and depressed and you feel this has become an obsession, then you definately need to speak with someone. It is great that you have taken that next step with your appointment next week. You've recognized this and are doing something about it - well done! Perhaps they can assist you becasue it sounds like you may have some self image issues.

I think you should be very proud of yourself for scheduling this appointment, be sure that you are completely honest when you meet with them, tell them everything and I am sure they will be able to help you. This is a first step into being a happier person, try to focus on the fact that you made this first step and are willing to put in the effort to change your life for the better.

I sincerely wish you nothing but positivity. :flowerforyou:

kellyyjean · May 2011

You are headed in the right direction. You know you need some help. I wish you all the best. You will be happy again!

Elzecat · May 2011

~I sent you a private message~

BeautifulTestimony · May 2011

Patrick, I really do not have all the right words to say... First of all, I would like to Congratulate you on your weight loss... Nevertheless, the only thing that I could think of while I was reading your "essay" :happy: was... you will have to find a balance. Enjoy eating whatever you eat, just eat in moderation... Don't over eat! Continue your normal calorie goal but if you have a cheesecake do it when you have a huge break in your calorie intake. If you become obsessed with dieting you may become Anorexic or you may find yourself binging... So, just be careful! Find a balance where you can be happy again without gaining all the weight. Maybe, if you have a cheesecake you can add another day a week to workout... Instead of three days you may need to add another day or workout or just another 30 minutes. Hope this makes since... I am new to all of this. Good luck pal!

ballwebhost · May 2011

Hi Guys,

Wow, thanks for all the replies already. Possibly because of the time difference I dont get replies before (I'm in Ireland so).

My main problem has been , I have set goal weights and achieved them and once I get to the goal I tend to set lower goals and it seems as though the cycle is endless. I have realised that I do not need to loose any more weight, I do realise that I am possibly too thin. However, most times I look in the mirror and I can see the heavy me.

I do see what other people are telling me that they see, a person that is obsessed with food and weight loss and an extremely thin person, however I don't seem like I can change this..

I do have alot of family issues going on at home too, with my sister being the main part. She's been in hospital paralysed from the head down unable to walk, talk move or do anything suffering from a condition called Locked In Syndrome where she is totally aware of her surroundings but unable to do anything.

I'm thinking that some of it can stem from this but I guess I will just have to wait until I can see the psychologist. I have been to a dietition before and didn't find it at all helpful, so I'm hoping a medical professional can certainly help.

A suggestion of family and friends, and sometimes myself is to delete MFP from my iPhone and to just deactivate my account, that might be one step in the right direction, but this is very very hard and plus, I enjoy reading these forums at night in work

Thanks
Patrick

jbug100 · May 2011

The key to this whole thing is moderation. You are not eating enough cals which is probably driving your preoccupation with food. It's a hard cocept to accept, but to lose weight permanently AND be healthy we need to eat and not be hungry. I also felt preoccupied with weight loss and counting cals and analyzing food, but once you have created good habits and have a good working knowledge of food, your body and how it works, now it is time to relax! That does not mean raiding the frig or eating carelessly, it means sitting back and enjoying the fruits of your labor. Don't make weight loss the goal anymore, make HEALTH you goal. You are doing the right thing by talking to a professional. Good luck to you. I hope You find peace in all of this. This process should set you free, not make you scared or unhappy.

lisa46219 · May 2011

I had the opposite problems years ago. I wasn't happy, and thought losing weight would make me happy. I lost 65 pounds, and kept it off for 4 years. Then I started to realize I was the same person- with the same insecurities and problems I had when I was heavy. Although my love life had picked up, I still wasn't happy. I began to gain the weight back. And now it's 10 years later, and all the weight- plus 30 pounds- is back. I am now trying to lose weight because it makes me feel better. I look at pictures of myself when I was at my lowest weight and think I look too thin. At the time, I was convinced I was a cow! You need to re-evaluate why you lost weight to begin with- to get healthy. Are you healthy now? Give yourself some slack. And if you are with someone who would leave you if you gain weight, is that who you really want to be with (although this does not seem like it's an issue). Your weight issues are yours- and you have to find the right balance for you. And, for me, weight issues are not just about food. Keep your chin up, talk it out with the therapist, and remember you're more than just a number on a scale!

butterfly0126 · May 2011

First i'd like to say that you have taken the first important step and realizing that this has become a problem and that you are seeking help for it. Good for you!! I hope you are able to overcome this and get back to enjoying life and being happy.

I have my own issue with food it's not an obsession it's more of a perfection. I am the type of person who is willing to put my all into everything i have a passion for, even losing weight. I have a problem making sure i only eat my recommended cal. intake and i try my best to never go over my sodium and sugar. I have gone over and under with all and when that happens i emotionally beat myself up, i don't run off and do a bunch of exercising but i kinda feel like i failed that day and that is a horrible feeling to me. I have researched so much to make sure i am doing everything the "right" way spent hours learning every tool out there to perfect this losing weight mission i am on. So i guess i can relate in a way. I am now in a place that I always tell myself tomorrow is a new day and no one is ever perfect.

The best of luck to you!!! Stay strong.

cmriverside · May 2011

Sometimes, we don't know what to say to people, too. Really weighty subjects like eating disorders, obsessions, family disability and things like that seem to be really hard for a lot of people to give advice on - and rightly so. The other questions you asked in previous posts may have been unclear, or unanswerable.

I think this site is awesome for people chiming in, but all the same, if you look at the other threads, there are usually a minimum of ten times as many "viewings" as there are posts on a thread (like, 450 people will read it, but only 30-40 will answer it.) If you happen to post at the exact same time as something titled " 100 pounds lost, bathing suit pictures".. . l'm sorry, but you just lost the attention of your audience :laugh: Too many threads posted at once will do that too, like right at dinner time (two hours ago - West Coast U.S) - everyone talking at once, literally.

Deleting the app from your phone may be good. Just use a computer only.

And, it does no good to use the site if you are defeating it by not eating. You are using a tool to bash yourself over the head. :noway:

I'm sorry about your sister. I hope you and your family can get some professional help as a family, too. I know in the U.S. there are social workers and counselors in the hospitals to help families cope with chronic illnesses. It affects all your relationships.

((hug))

mehlen · May 2011

Hi Patrick -
I find that the more I focus on my calories, the more I think about what food I'm going to eat next..or tomorrow. I know I keep repeating myself, but one of the things I've been seriously working on this time around is being totally and completely honest with myself. What fears are motivating me to lose weight? What do I want from losing weight? What did I do to get here? What do I want to change (notice I didn't say what "should" I change.) I am working on becoming aware of what is going in and am trying to make sure I each the healthy balance of calories (I tend to go under unless I try hard.)

Realizing that when you go under those calories...your body (and mind) go into starvation mode. When that happens, your metabolism slows down and it's easier to put on the pounds again. Focusing on healthy food choices and regularly hitting your minimum calorie counts will hopefully create a more balanced thought process on how food fits into your life.

Good luck.

VixFit2011 · May 2011

I think you're making the right choice by seeing a psychologist. I hope that they can shed some light on what is going on with you. Just surround yourself with positive, supportive people and remember that getting your happiness back might take some time just like losing the weight did. Don't expect it over night. Take baby steps.

I hope that everything works out for you. I'm sure it will.

This is the same advice I would give you. Also, it's not only calories that matter but most of all the nutrients in foods. Eating healthier can satisfy better.

cornerofgreystreet · May 2011

Alot of the symptoms that you mentioned are signs of anorexia. I hope you have success with your doctor and find somebody that can get you the help you need. Wishing you all the best.

Jenscan · May 2011

All I can say is, I'm glad you're getting some help. I really hope you don't fall victim to the fear and keep yourself healthy. MAJOR best wishes and please keep reaching out to us too.

ballwebhost · May 2011

Cornerofgreystreet, thats what terrifies me most! Is I have looked up information on the internet and from watching programs on television, I show all the symptoms of anorexia except for being underweight which I don't know if you actually have to be clinically underweight for anorexia.

cornerofgreystreet · May 2011

Cornerofgreystreet, thats what terrifies me most! Is I have looked up information on the internet and from watching programs on television, I show all the symptoms of anorexia except for being underweight which I don't know if you actually have to be clinically underweight for anorexia.

I don't know either to be honest with you. I do know that the symptoms you have may indicate an eating disorder. Please follow through with seeing your doctor and be safe. I think the most important thing is that you recognize you have a problem and want to do something about it. Eating disorders are nasty business but there is definitely hope for recovery. You can do it!!

NoAdditives · May 2011

I'm glad you have an appointment with psychologist, you really need professional help with this issue. Eating disorders, food obsessions, whatever you want to call it, are not easily dealt with without the help of a professional.

Mtsidad · May 2011

Glad to hear you are seeking some professional help. If your obsession is impacting how you function in your every day life you need to address it. Good luck in your journey.

Agree.

I'm afraid I can't give you advice, and I'm glad I'm not tempted to. I just want you to know that you have people who are listening to you and who are willing to encourage, support, and befriend you.

Now, with that said, I have to ask: How are you doing with the friends you have, both here and in real life? Do you have just regular guys you can talk to in real life? Are there some others online that you're able to share about this, openly, in a regular and consistent way? I'm just asking because for me the most transformative thing in my decades has been to get involved with a group of men where we've gone beyond joking and preening and jabbing. (I'm _so_ not advertising - just telling.) And I found that having some guys to tell all these painful things to and to have them listen to me has been an enormous freedom and release. Because I suspect you might just need to find some people who accept you as you are and with whom you can share these things.

Yeah, that last sentence is close to advice. But it's not. Sometimes people hear that ("you need to do X") and see it as advice that they can't follow and it just adds more of a burden. Don't treat it that way. Think of it more as "here's what I found, and it's really worked, but if it doesn't work for you, that's great, too - don't dig yourself deeper."

Good luck with your appointment. Your doctor will help you work this issue, and your friends here on MFP will be around to listen as well.

ballwebhost · May 2011

Glad to hear you are seeking some professional help. If your obsession is impacting how you function in your every day life you need to address it. Good luck in your journey.

Agree.

I'm afraid I can't give you advice, and I'm glad I'm not tempted to. I just want you to know that you have people who are listening to you and who are willing to encourage, support, and befriend you.

Now, with that said, I have to ask: How are you doing with the friends you have, both here and in real life? Do you have just regular guys you can talk to in real life? Are there some others online that you're able to share about this, openly, in a regular and consistent way? I'm just asking because for me the most transformative thing in my decades has been to get involved with a group of men where we've gone beyond joking and preening and jabbing. (I'm _so_ not advertising - just telling.) And I found that having some guys to tell all these painful things to and to have them listen to me has been an enormous freedom and release. Because I suspect you might just need to find some people who accept you as you are and with whom you can share these things.

Yeah, that last sentence is close to advice. But it's not. Sometimes people hear that ("you need to do X") and see it as advice that they can't follow and it just adds more of a burden. Don't treat it that way. Think of it more as "here's what I found, and it's really worked, but if it doesn't work for you, that's great, too - don't dig yourself deeper."

Good luck with your appointment. Your doctor will help you work this issue, and your friends here on MFP will be around to listen as well.

Hey,

Thanks for your reply.

To be honest, No to your answer about having regular guys that I can talk to.. I'm not a person that easily makes friends, and don't really have that many, none that I could talk so openly about this topic to, which is possibly why I am so worried about acceptance.

I appreciate what your saying and thank you for taking the time to reply, I'm glad that there are people there that will listen and not judge either. !

Thanks again everyone for your replies

Mtsidad · May 2011

Keep us posted how it works out.

Let me tell you from experience - when you start the journey of discovering where your pain comes from, you want the *solution* right away. It can take a bit of time, and there will be a few twists in the journey.

It's really important that you not think "I *have* to get better" but that you realize "I'm *going* to get healthy." And it may be that you discover some things about yourself you didn't think about before, and that you find strength you never exposed and weaknesses you'd never admit.

Which is OK, because it's not a contest. And we're not going to exclude you.

It was a very brave thing you did, posting this. I admire you for that.

Cristy_AZ · May 2011

I'm glad you have an appointment with a psychologist.

I have no experience or education to give you any advice on this other than to encourage you to keep that appointment and be open to the help that is offered you.

Best of luck to you and here's to your future happiness! :flowerforyou:

chennette · May 2011

I too believe you are headed inthe right direction. I am an emotional eater and I have issues with eating without thinking when I don't want to deal with issues at hand.
I am not a Pyschologist; however, I believe you are trading one obsession with another and the bottom line is to see what is triggering the obsession with food. It could be control or the lack there of. Check out this web site as well: www.shrinkyourself.com. Try it; it's worth a try to happiness.

One LOve!

Need some advice guys.

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