Unsupportive friends

NJCHERYL78
NJCHERYL78 Posts: 8 Member
edited November 13 in Motivation and Support
In the past 9 months, I've lost over 100 pounds and have completely changed my eating and exercise habits. I lead a healthy lifestyle now. I have a low carb, low fat, high protien diet and workout 5 days a week.

I've come to learn that some of my friends are so unsupportive and even encouraging bad eating habits and skipping the gym.

Has anyone else experienced this type of negativity from friends?

Replies

  • TheVirgoddess
    TheVirgoddess Posts: 4,535 Member
    I don't think it's negativity - I think it's that no one really cares what you're doing. That sounds mean, but it's true.

    Like, I'm a huge reader - I read all the time. I have maybe two friends that I talk books with, but the rest just don't care. It's not that they don't love me, they just don't share my passion. And that's okay.

    It's great that you've made your health a priority, but you shouldn't expect anyone to care but you. After all, you did for yourself, right? :)
  • debubbie
    debubbie Posts: 767 Member
    Congratulations on the weight loss and developing a healthier lifestyle! Some of your friends may be jealous of the attention that you are receiving since the weight loss, or realize that they don't want to put in the effort that you did to improve their health and hope they can derail you to feel better about themselves. This may not be the case, but some possible suggestions.

    You need to worry about you and continue to focus on your health. You may find over time that your set of friends change because your interests and goals for yourself have changed. Unfortunately, this is a part of life and you have to decide how much of their negativity and sabotage that you want to deal with on a daily basis.

    Again, congratulations on a great job!
  • xp0sed
    xp0sed Posts: 173 Member
    Honestly, my first thought was jealousy. It takes a lot to make a huge change, such as this, in your life. They can probably see that your look amazing, live healthier than ever before and you're overall happy.
  • trailrunner81
    trailrunner81 Posts: 227 Member
    TheVirgoddess wrote: »
    I don't think it's negativity - I think it's that no one really cares what you're doing. That sounds mean, but it's true.

    Like, I'm a huge reader - I read all the time. I have maybe two friends that I talk books with, but the rest just don't care. It's not that they don't love me, they just don't share my passion. And that's okay.

    It's great that you've made your health a priority, but you shouldn't expect anyone to care but you. After all, you did for yourself, right? :)

    ^^ This....can't really add anything of value or importance. Congrats on all your hard work paying off the way it has.
  • deaniac83
    deaniac83 Posts: 166 Member
    Can you elaborate a little as to exactly what you mean that your friends are encouraging bad habits? Is it just "hey you don't have to go to the gym EVERY DAY, come hang out with us!" Or is it "the gym is bad for you?" Is it "live a little" at the dinner table or is it "OMG I can't believe you've become a food snob?"
  • VintageMisery514
    VintageMisery514 Posts: 533 Member
    I wouldn't say they encourage me to fall back into bad habits, but there are a few that aren't really listening to my requests. There's one friend/coworker in particular that I've asked REPEATEDLY to not ask me what I want from whatever fast food place she's going to for lunch. And yet every.single.day she asks me with a grin and a bit of a giggle. Drives me nuts.
  • Biodaemonium
    Biodaemonium Posts: 28 Member
    TheVirgoddess wrote: »
    I don't think it's negativity - I think it's that no one really cares what you're doing. That sounds mean, but it's true.

    Like, I'm a huge reader - I read all the time. I have maybe two friends that I talk books with, but the rest just don't care. It's not that they don't love me, they just don't share my passion. And that's okay.

    It's great that you've made your health a priority, but you shouldn't expect anyone to care but you. After all, you did for yourself, right? :)
    I agree with this completely.

    Also with the possibility that other people react negatively towards your success and try to drag you down just so they can feel better.

  • earlnabby
    earlnabby Posts: 8,171 Member
    TheVirgoddess wrote: »
    I don't think it's negativity - I think it's that no one really cares what you're doing. That sounds mean, but it's true.

    Like, I'm a huge reader - I read all the time. I have maybe two friends that I talk books with, but the rest just don't care. It's not that they don't love me, they just don't share my passion. And that's okay.

    It's great that you've made your health a priority, but you shouldn't expect anyone to care but you. After all, you did for yourself, right? :)

    Do they say anything mean to you? If not, then I agree that they just do not share your passion. Find other things to do together rather than the gym.

  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,151 Member
    NJCHERYL78 wrote: »
    In the past 9 months, I've lost over 100 pounds and have completely changed my eating and exercise habits. I lead a healthy lifestyle now. I have a low carb, low fat, high protien diet and workout 5 days a week.

    I've come to learn that some of my friends are so unsupportive and even encouraging bad eating habits and skipping the gym.

    Has anyone else experienced this type of negativity from friends?

    Just because they don't go to the gym doesn't mean they're unsupportive. Are they saying negative things?
  • Unknown
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  • satisfyingmyinnerfatkid
    satisfyingmyinnerfatkid Posts: 43 Member
    VintageMisery514 wrote: »
    I wouldn't say they encourage me to fall back into bad habits, but there are a few that aren't really listening to my requests. There's one friend/coworker in particular that I've asked REPEATEDLY to not ask me what I want from whatever fast food place she's going to for lunch. And yet every.single.day she asks me with a grin and a bit of a giggle. Drives me nuts.

    Grinning and smiling and ignoring you as a person.. ? That sounds like straight up jealously. I feel like as much as this hurts to say this.. you may have to distance yourself from this person. There are tons of people that care about you and share your interests... you just have to find them.
  • callsitlikeiseeit
    callsitlikeiseeit Posts: 8,626 Member
    edited February 2015
    My friends don't eat how I do or work out like I do (even though some of them probably should ;) ). doesn't mean theyre not my friends - just means they aren't interested in doing THOSE THINGS WITH ME. Shoot, my husband has no interest in what I do regarding diet or exercise. he doesnt care if i do it - he just isnt interested. doesnt mean he doesnt love me. LOL

    Now if they are habitually putting you down, or making you feel bad for your choices (which you shouldnt) then I would say jealousy is at play and find new friends. And, you may want to find some new ones who DO share your lifestyle choices, it makes it easier and more fun to have someone to share that stuff with.
  • jennifershoo
    jennifershoo Posts: 3,198 Member
    You can't expect people around you to change. You were ready, they are not.
  • NJCHERYL78
    NJCHERYL78 Posts: 8 Member
    edited February 2015
    I think you're all right. Seems like some don't care, while others are jealous. A select few are happy for me. I would much rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies.

    PS- I let loose on the weekends.
  • runem2011
    runem2011 Posts: 34 Member
    Add me if you like
  • FunkenWagnel
    FunkenWagnel Posts: 131 Member
    TheVirgoddess wrote: »
    I don't think it's negativity - I think it's that no one really cares what you're doing. That sounds mean, but it's true.
    This. And it bores them, so they don't bother helping. It's not ideal, but stick to your guns :)
  • ruqayyahsmum
    ruqayyahsmum Posts: 1,513 Member
    my friends made several nasty comments about my weight loss (im down 165lb) then disappearred while i was ill

    ive withdrawn from most peoples company now and i just do me

    i go to the gym run my errands and naff all else
  • SeriouslySta
    SeriouslySta Posts: 458 Member
    edited February 2015
    TheVirgoddess wrote: »
    I don't think it's negativity - I think it's that no one really cares what you're doing. That sounds mean, but it's true.

    Like, I'm a huge reader - I read all the time. I have maybe two friends that I talk books with, but the rest just don't care. It's not that they don't love me, they just don't share my passion. And that's okay.

    It's great that you've made your health a priority, but you shouldn't expect anyone to care but you. After all, you did for yourself, right? :)

    This. This. This.

    Also, with the changes you've made, your group dynamic has changed! You're going to the gym, you're thinking of other things in which they are not involved/interested. There may be an element of jealousy - but I suspect that while, a tiny bit may be of your new you, the majority is of your time: They probably miss you!

    Maybe try thinking of it this way: They miss the old you, and are just coming to terms with/getting to know the new you. (If they had met you as this new person, what would the dynamic be?!?) Your relationships will shift and settle into different patterns with some effort. If you don't like how they settle, then you'll know it may be time to speak up or move on.

  • culb2012
    culb2012 Posts: 10 Member
    When we become healthier, we tend to become happier. We're less cynical. We see the beauty in things we didn't before. We have more energy. We're excited about things! Sometimes we do start to change. It's not a bad thing. Sometimes people feel left out or like we feel we're better than them. For the people that really matter, you assure them you still care for them. Other than that, find some supportive friends with the same goals and views. :)
  • culb2012
    culb2012 Posts: 10 Member
    And over 100 pounds lost!? Woot woot! Awesome achievement. :)
  • OwlCherri
    OwlCherri Posts: 13 Member
    Misery loves company. Don't give in. Congrats!
This discussion has been closed.

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