Weightloss = Unwanted Attention?

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ColeyCannoli
ColeyCannoli Posts: 147
in Motivation and Support
I've been thinking which is never a good thing :embarassed:

I have always had a hard time getting under 140 and staying there -- I'm starting to figure out on reason why. Everytime I drop down into the 130s, I start getting unwanted attention, especially from more rude people. I'm certainly no super model at any weight, but I guess a thinner me is cuter than a chubby me and people feel the need to stare or come up to me more often. I really don't like it. I am an introvert and I don't really care for attention, especially when I'm just trying to get done with a workout or run errands. I know people are not trying to be mean but it is still extremely uncomfortable for me. I don't want to come across as cold, I'm just shy and don't always feel like I look nice enough to have people staring at me. Judging me... Besides, the ones that bug me are often rude and don't understand subtle hints to "go away please." I'm sure I'd be fine if it was just nice people being friendly.

I think this is why I never can get past this plateau, no matter how many times I've gotten there in the past. I drop some and get freaked out and gain it back.... guess you can say I "hide" behind my weight. I'm not saying this as an excuse, cause I'm still gonna try my best and I'll move past it this time (for sure!) but it's something I've noticed I'll have to work on outside of eating right and exercising. What's the fun of being in shape if I can't enjoy it, right? Anyone else share this problem? I'm sure it's more common among my fellow southerners and non-big city dwellers. How do you handle unwanted attention?
Much love everyone and thanks for listening to my rantings. :flowerforyou:

Replies

  • BeautifulTestimony
    BeautifulTestimony Posts: 37
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    ColeyCannoli... Remember to just be you and to love you at any size and I believe that you will be alright in the end!!! Good luck. Feel free to add me as a friend.
  • themommie
    themommie Posts: 5,011 Member
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    I can relate. I feel uncomfortable with the attention also, especially from the opposite sex. I need to find a way to get past this because i really do want to lose the weight, get inshape and look nice. I wish i had some good advise for you......:blushing:
  • Want2BeBetter
    Want2BeBetter Posts: 44 Member
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    This is a bit of a problem that I have had and still do have a bit of (fear of attention). This time around rather than give in to my fears I'm trying to focus on my own health and how good I feel when I'm lighter.

    I used to hide behind my weight and use it as an excuse but I'm trying to focus on losing weight for me and give myself goals and rewards to coax myself along. I really love to go hiking and have let my weight get to the point that something I love doing is uncomfortable so this motivates me.

    Trying to think of things that are more inportant to me than any obsticles and keeping them in mind (I write them down) helps alot.

    Also I practice my brush off and ignoring skills which always make me feel rude but are better than putting up with anoying people.
  • patchyp88
    patchyp88 Posts: 2
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    I have that very same problem
  • DeKreyzisfitness
    DeKreyzisfitness Posts: 33
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    I find that having headphones in my ears helps... even if I'm not listening to anything. Sometimes I even put them in before I walk into the gym and wear this in-the-zone-face so that people assume I won't hear them. It works and is really good for days when I just don't feel like being talkative. I don't have to be rude either. Sometimes too if I have to get stuff at the store I just walk really quickly and look ay my phone for the time a lot so that my body language tells people I am in a hurry. That usually works pretty well too. And sometimes.... I will put my migraine face on. I know this all sounds crazy but I would rather do a little acting to avoid unwanted attention than be unable to stifle a fake smile or have to snap at a person on a really stressful day. I don't know if this helps you but.... you never know until you try. :) Good luck
  • Sara1978
    Sara1978 Posts: 213 Member
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    About ten years ago, I was an avid runner. While running through the park one day, someone attempted to assault me. I managed to fight him off, but I stopped running after that incident, and that was the start of my gradual weight gain up until last year when I decided it was time to take control of my health again. Weight (and all the baggy, unflattering clothes that I stocked up on) were armor of a sort; I felt like men didn't notice me as much when I was chubbier, and if I never showed off any of my "assets", and after that day and what almost happened, I felt like it was a good thing to go unnoticed.

    I've had to work hard to convince myself that I was being kind of crazy, that the vast majority of men aren't scumbags and aren't going to pose any kind of threat to me even if they think I look cute, and that I don't need the armor. I think it's really just a matter of getting fed up to the point where you want to take back yourself and your body-- and just letting the fear go, because ultimately, fear is what holds us back.
  • Atleast40
    Atleast40 Posts: 62 Member
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    ...

    Also I practice my brush off and ignoring skills which always make me feel rude but are better than putting up with anoying people.

    These are necessary skills to learn and practice. Unfortunately, to few males are being taught the right way to admire a woman without making her terribly uncomfortable. Work on your self-confidence and acquire and practice these skills. There are books on this subject matter. Stick to your fitness goals and good luck :smile:
  • DustinReiner
    DustinReiner Posts: 157 Member
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    Wow, first it is a complement, even if it is from unwanted people.

    Take the complement and work through it. (??) Learn to use it to your benefit WITHOUT USING people. Pretty people go far, be one with a personality.
    Second headphones, even if you’re not listening to anything. If your working on your body, work on the rest of you to, your mind. Mind over matter, and something’s don’t matter. But there are other people on this planet and sometimes we have to deal with them. Sometimes some of these people might just surprise you.



    4822665.png
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  • ColeyCannoli
    ColeyCannoli Posts: 147
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    Wow, first it is a complement, even if it is from unwanted people.

    Take the complement and work through it. (??) Learn to use it to your benefit WITHOUT USING people. Pretty people go far, be one with a personality.
    Second headphones, even if you’re not listening to anything. If your working on your body, work on the rest of you to, your mind. Mind over matter, and something’s don’t matter. But there are other people on this planet and sometimes we have to deal with them. Sometimes some of these people might just surprise you.



    4822665.png
    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Calorie Counter

    See... I know it sounds conceited to complain about but there is something almost threatening about it at times. It's a girl thing, I guess. Why cat calls are not cool for most women. Thank you for your comment though. I gotta remember that most people don't mean any harm. :)
  • ColeyCannoli
    ColeyCannoli Posts: 147
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    About ten years ago, I was an avid runner. While running through the park one day, someone attempted to assault me. I managed to fight him off, but I stopped running after that incident, and that was the start of my gradual weight gain up until last year when I decided it was time to take control of my health again. Weight (and all the baggy, unflattering clothes that I stocked up on) were armor of a sort; I felt like men didn't notice me as much when I was chubbier, and if I never showed off any of my "assets", and after that day and what almost happened, I felt like it was a good thing to go unnoticed.

    I've had to work hard to convince myself that I was being kind of crazy, that the vast majority of men aren't scumbags and aren't going to pose any kind of threat to me even if they think I look cute, and that I don't need the armor. I think it's really just a matter of getting fed up to the point where you want to take back yourself and your body-- and just letting the fear go, because ultimately, fear is what holds us back.

    Thank you for sharing this! I think this is closer to my problem because I feel almost threatened. I guess I never got much possitive attention for my looks before. I'm glad you are feeling better and I'm so inspired by your weight loss! You look great :)
  • musica814
    musica814 Posts: 301 Member
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    I have the same "problem". Even overweight I'm very curvy and also hispanic...so for some reason I get a lot of attention from hispanic/mexican men. I know, it's sound "racist" but it's true. I feel as though even if they're standing 10 feet away from me, they're invading my personal space, undressing me with their eyes and staring at me without my permission. I've just come to realize that men will be men, it's only gonna get worse as I lose weight and reach my ideal weight, but I can't let that keep me from being happy and healthy.
  • LadyRugerSnow
    LadyRugerSnow Posts: 11
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    Its not conceited at all. Just try to keep in mind that you are doing this for yourself and it doesn't matter how others respond.

    Keep +, and you will attract +!
  • healthekate
    healthekate Posts: 22 Member
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    I absolutely know what you mean. I do A LOT of walking, and I have noticed a change since I started losing. It really can feel threatening, especially if you're in a remote area, or if it's dim or dark out. I get it, and it sucks that it's something most women have to deal with in the world. Keep your chin up; you'll get past this plateau despite this nonsense!
  • kitkatcatherine
    kitkatcatherine Posts: 1
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    First off, do you live in a Hispanic neighborhood? I don't mean to sound racist but I have noticed that in my (very Hispanic) neighborhood I get a lot more catcalls then I do else where, but they tend to be a lot less threatening. If some random guy honks or yells "lookin fine" out his window it's a complement and you should take it as such. If it's more threatening, of course, it should be handled differently. However most of it you can just ignore. I've been getting that kind of attention since I was 13 it's become really easy to ignore. Maybe you just have to get used to it.

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