why do i feel guilty? im doing nothing wrong!

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JessesGirl05
JessesGirl05 Posts: 253
in Chit-Chat
to make this short, my BF and i have been together 6.5 years. we are distant. we dont really spend time together. he doesnt tell me i look nice, or smell pretty, etc. its just "hi. how was your day. thats nice. ok" and we go our separate ways. well tonight someone from my hometown added me on facebook. we werent friends but being the small town that it was we knew of each other.
the BF asked who i was talking to and i was honest. "IDK who he is. he's from X (home town) though"
anyways. now hes commenting on my photos. nothing inappropriate or anything. but telling me I'm cute, or pretty, etc.

i keep closing my browser out every time i leave my computer because for some reason im scared of the BF seeing it. WHY?! im not doing anything wrong. and neither is this other guy. hes just being nice. but i guess because hes being sweeter then what my BF acts towards me, it makes me feel like he will get mad? IDK....

late night rambling in this post i suppose

Replies

  • abellante_0205
    abellante_0205 Posts: 368 Member
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    you have every right to feel pretty!!! Maybe its a sign that maybe you need to do something to make yourself happy again!
  • DeKreyzisfitness
    DeKreyzisfitness Posts: 33
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    Maybe it is because you like hearing these things and you feel like you shouldn't have to hear them from strangers before you hear them from people you love. It sounds like your boyfriend might not show his love and appreciation in ways that you would like. It could mean that you need to talk with him and tell him that you feel slightly under appreciated. Sometimes though it's nice to hear it from strangers still when you don't believe your close loved one. ;P
  • missbp
    missbp Posts: 601 Member
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    Hmmm. If you truly felt like you had nothing to hide, you wouldn't be hiding anything. But, if you and your BF are so distant and he doesn't take the time to pay you a compliment once in a while, perhaps you actually are craving some attention from another man. It's understandable really. It's only human nature to want to be made to feel desirable and attractive. Some people need it more then others, but I think the reality is we all need it on some level.

    M
  • kandyland86
    kandyland86 Posts: 34
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    my husband and i have been together almost 6 years (june) and we had fallen into the 'slump'. we make a date night once a week and sit at the dinner twice a week now. usually our date night is just curling up together on the couch watching a movie on movie25.com ( its free) but it helps and the sit down dinners are WITHOUT the kids so we have the chance to talk and interact as adults. my husband also didnt tell me enough that i was pretty and never did those little things that matter most to me .... random flowers ( grocery store is cheaper) and just taking my hand and asking me to dance when a song we both enjoy comes on! i talked to him and its getting better! ....

    as for this other guy tell your signicifcant other that it bothers you that someone else has taken notice of you and he doesnt ... tell him you like the feeling it gives you to have someone notice you but you would rather it was him taking notice than an old hometown aquaintance.
  • dekarlo08
    dekarlo08 Posts: 102
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    First, I'm sorry that you feel your BF doesn't appreciate how you look and what you're going through on this journey. Second, my husband would not like me talking to some guy I don't even really know and he certainly wouldn't like that man commenting on my looks. So I do understand that guilty feeling you have. I'm not saying I agreee or disagree with my husband, it's his opinion. I think it's just a "man" thing.
  • kimber607
    kimber607 Posts: 7,128 Member
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    right now u aren't doing anything wrong, but let me just tell you that you could be opening up a can of worms..... and it could be a recipe for DISASTER
    I can't tell you how many problems have been caused by old friends re-connecting on face book (raises hand with first hand experience...with my DH..not me)
    Anyway it does sound like you are missing something....instead of wasting time on FB (and i know it must feel good to get the compliments u are missing at home)..try to re-connect with Your BF..talk to him..tell him what you are missing..what u crave

    GOOD LUCK
    I think it is so natural for all of us to get into a relationship slump..just don't play with fire....it's going to help what needs to be fixed at home

    ((HUGS))

    Kim
  • redtrain
    redtrain Posts: 32 Member
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    OKay as a guy i have to admit we are often just plain dumb. that being said I think if you are feeling under appreciated you owe to the Boyfriend to sit down and tell him how you feel. not in a vauge kinda way but in a direct upfront way (while staying positive and nice). I have been married for almost 14 years and I still havnt mastered the art of reading my wife's mind. Many times she has been all bummed out because she didnt feel like I was complimenting her enough. for me its a comfort thing. I show my appreciation not by commenting but by simple gestures. opening a door, random flowers and even washing a load of laundry now and then. I have always found it a little hard to "keep" constantly reasuring her that i think she is hot.
    just my opinion....
    have an awesome day

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