Hi! I'm new!

So I gained a lot of weight over the last 5 or so years, due to a bad money and living situation as well as the depression that came along with it. I won't go into all the nitty gritty details because that part of my life is now over and I am now very happy and super focused on changing myself for the better.

I topped out at 315 pounds. That was the highest weight I saw anyway, but I know that around 10 pounds of that was water weight, because I saw that only once after a bingeful trip to New York where I knew I was going to eat everything I wanted and feel like crap afterwards. I had been ready to begin to lose weight a couple months before this trip but something in me did not want to let me start until afterwards, and I took the opportunity to be a total glutton, not only so that I could enjoy all the splendor, but so that I could also feel the bloated after affects, so that I could remember that feeling. I tell you, I never wanted to be hungry so badly in my life and it took me two days after the 7 day trip to start actually feeling hungry again. I weighed myself directly when I got home and I was 15 pounds heavier than when I left (300). So I may have gained a couple actual pounds, but most of it was definitely water weight. Therefor, I cannot in honesty count this as my true highest weight. I am just going with an even 300, because I was steady at that weight for a good 6 months or more.

So after the trip I started making strategic changes to my diet. I did not have to change much to be perfectly honest. I cook a lot and usually eat very healthy anyway. The main problem at this point (not for the previous 5 years, that was mainly no access to healthy food, and eating charity foods, like mac and cheese from the food bank and half rotting vegetables), was that since I had been in a better financial position than the previous 5ish years, I had less self control than I needed to have. I missed so much about great food and allowed larger portions than I knew I should eat, and allowed any and all treats any time they struck my fancy. Pizza whenever I wanted, ice cream whenever I wanted, whatever. I had been doing this for about a year and gained my last 15 or so pounds this way. Finally when I saw 300 on the scale, I began to realize it was time to take action. It took me around 6 months to get my head totally ready to begin, but I did at around June of this year.

I am losing weight very slowly and very easily. My philosophy is this:

I eat mostly home cooked meals with very reasonable portions that are typically made primarily of meat or other protein (fish, eggs, etc, and portions of around 4 to 6 ounces) with vegetables and/or low Glycemic load fruits (Peppers, eggplant, etc). Veggies can be raw or cooked, doesn't matter to me as long as I enjoy both styles frequently (so today I may have a raw salad with dinner and tomorrow I may have sauteed broccoli with garlic). Grains are kept to a bare minimum and are considered treats. So If I want rice with my meal I can have it, but only a small amount (unless I am really in the mood for a whatever moment) and only very occasionally, like less than once a week. Bread is not outlawed, but that is something I try to avoid as much as possible, still again, nothing is 100% illegal.

I eat three meals a day and don't force myself to snack, but if I do desire a snack it can be fruits, or veggies in some form, or a small smoothie, or cheese, or something else that is not super processed and tastes yummy and makes my belly happy. Some days I'll have no snack at all and some says I'll have up to three. Just depends on what my tummy asks for.

I deprive myself of nothing and have no problem indulging in holiday feasts, but typically not pigging out or anything. I really hate that super full feeling. I allow myself to go out to restaurants on occasion and have cheesecake after the, already too high calorie meal if I really want it. I may bake cookies once in a while, whatever. But the trick is, I make it a conscious effort, and an easy one at that, to only do these truly off "diet" things less than about 5% of the time. I may even have one week where I do naughty things 3 times in a week. I do not punish myself in any way for it. I just enjoy it and simply remind myself that next week I should probably take it easy, but still, no pressure.

I find with this relaxed approach I can be totally honest with myself and the whole process of losing weight feels completely effortless. Even my perfectly spot on healthy meals are wonderful because, well, healthy food is GREAT anyway! I never feel like I would rather be eating something else.

I cannot exercise a whole lot yet. During my poverty I injured BOTH of my knees very badly and had no access to medical care. This resulted in them never healing properly and now I am in physical therapy trying to mend them. I can walk just enough to get my main errands done but not much more than that, however they have been improving more and more lately and I hope to be more active soon. Soon I will move to a building with a pool and that will really help! I cannot wait for that!! So, so far my weight loss has been mainly free of exercise, but I have done enough walking, and floor movements that I know I have at least maintained my muscles, if not gained some muscle mass. Despite still having a long way to go with my mobility, I am FAR more mobile that I was back in June. Still, I must remain classified as sedentary for the time being. Humf.

So until about 2 months ago I was loosing weight at approximately 4 pounds a month. A slow rate that I am quite happy with. However, right as I hit 280, something happened to me. I started feeling SUPER HUNGRY all the time, and had CRAZY food cravings, for stuff like pancakes! of all things. I don't even like pancakes all that much. About 4 weeks ago I realized that I was back up to 286, and started wondering why my brain was turning against me. There was nothing hard about what I was doing! So why wasn't I doing it anymore? So I took a pregnancy test. It was positive. WOAH! Suddenly it all made sense and I did not feel bad about the weight gain then, but resolved to keep my eating more in check, since that I knew that hormones were trying to negate my efforts. My whole plan changed from weight loss to simply eating as much nutrient rich food as I could to grow my baby. I and my sweet husband were just overjoyed! Sadly, shortly after we found out the happy news I had a miscarriage.

Now it has been a few weeks, I am emotionally ok, and I am now back in weight loss mode. Today I hit a new milestone. 279!!! Every time I see a new tens place I get really happy, and this one was a long time coming, with the pregnancy throwing me all off.

I plan to continue with my weight loss philosophy and hope that I can be at least a little healthier by the time I conceive again. I do not really stress about calorie counting because the way I do things, I just know that I eat the right amount. I go by what my body tells me, and it really works. Still, I am kind of an OCD list and chart maker, so I enjoy charting things. Therefor I am going to play with the calorie counting tools on this site for a while and just see what kind of fun numbers poop out of it.

I'd like to get to know a bunch of people here and read your stories. If you read this whole thing THANK YOU! And I'll see you around!