Lost 100 pounds, Got Dumped :(
CupcakeCardio
Posts: 50 Member
Hey soooo this week I celebrated having lost 100 pounds.. and the next day my live in boyfriend of 3 years whom I have known for 10 years broke up with me (long story short and in his words... because im just a *kitten* who needs to get off my high horse)
we didnt break up because i lost weight if it sounded like that.. they just both happened in the same week
so i have gained 10 pounds in 3 days... i need to form healthy ways of dealing with my emotions.. also i need to stop being a *kitten* and get off my high horse... any suggestions? im open to change lol
we didnt break up because i lost weight if it sounded like that.. they just both happened in the same week
so i have gained 10 pounds in 3 days... i need to form healthy ways of dealing with my emotions.. also i need to stop being a *kitten* and get off my high horse... any suggestions? im open to change lol
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Replies
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I am assuming there is more to the story? 1. No one has the right to speak to you that way. My partner would never ever call me any names, ever. That is abusive. 2. If he did not like how you were behaving he should have addressed it in an appropriate way. 3. Breakups are hard and you need to allow yourself to grieve and be easy with yourself. 4. He probably WANTS to sabotage your success, do not let him. Every time you think of him workout, do a hobby, call a friend, take a hot bath, etc. Do something for YOU. You will get back on track in time.0
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Go find all the motivation you possibly can for getting your eating back on track. Concentrate on making yourself happy. Everything happens for a reason. And if you're being "......" And on a high horse, then there was something bothering you about the relationship too. He was just able to make it sound one sided during the break up. But it never is. The boyfriend will be a distant memory soon. Go build new memories of your 100 lb lighter, awesomely single self (plus the weight you ditched once you were free of him!). You've done something amazing. Keep going FORWARD.0
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Do not undo all your hard work over a guy. In my experience, when people have accused me of being on a high horse it's either because I'm *right* and they don't want to face it, or because that person and I have different values. You will find a guy who shares your values.0
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Sometimes people can get scared or upset when one partner goes through such a massive change. A lot of times a partner of someone who's lost a lot of weight will get scared that you're going to leave them or something, so they kind of dump you before you can dump them.0
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Do not undo all your hard work over a guy. In my experience, when people have accused me of being on a high horse it's either because I'm *right* and they don't want to face it, or because that person and I have different values. You will find a guy who shares your values.
ya thats exactly what it is we have different values.. i think its important to talk about our feelings and support each other and he thinks its better to just walk away be angry and not talk to eachother for 3 days then forget it happend and go back to acting like everything is fine again... unless it gets brought back up or you are reminded of it then he just gets all pissed again and wants to ignore me for a few more days... yes.. im on a high horse because i want to have a solution based discussion not just sit and point fingers for 3 days
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You're on a journey and not everyone will be joining you. Sounds like he can't handle that you know the extent of your awesomeness now. Any guy who can't deal with a confident woman doesn't deserve her. Let him go deal with his insecurities by himself. Cut yourself some slack and grieve and then be glad that you can move on to the next, better part of your life! Congrats on the weight loss. When you're feeling sad, love yourself by taking care of yourself with healthy indulgences (exercise, music, whatever makes you feel better), not eating.0
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Don't worry about it, obviously he would not support you in everything. I had to break up with an ex because he didn't support my dieting and wanting to be healthy. Breakups are hard, and you are doing great! Keep up the good work and when you feel like emotional eating do a workout instead! We are all here to help you!0
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congratulations on your weight loss, you have done so well. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do other than reign it in otherwise before you know the weight is back on. You just maybe needs some distractions instead of comfort eating. good luck.0
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Actually, he liked you + 100 pounds because that meant he was better than you and that made him feel secure. Now, you look great, he feels insecure, so he dumped you before you could dump him. He didn't want a healthy girlfriend-he needs something to be wrong with you so that you would feel insecure and be grateful to be with him. Calling you names was just to get you to feel bad about yourself so you would come back to him. Sadly this was not really a healthy relationship. Don't believe the things he said. You have accomplished an amazing task of losing 100 pounds! Believe in yourself!!! You've got a lot of possibilities before you.0
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one day you'll look back and be happy about all this. Losing the weight , and the dead weight too !!
you'll be fine , keep with the program you're on ..exercise when stressed ( worked wonders for me when my rs ended )
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You are young and free to make more choices in your life. This isn't a setback, it's an opportunity.0
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Save the money you would have spent on together meals or other boyfriend stuff, and get yourself a punching bag. GOOD stress release!!0
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CupcakeCardio wrote: »Hey soooo this week I celebrated having lost 100 pounds.. and the next day my live in boyfriend of 3 years whom I have known for 10 years broke up with me (long story short and in his words... because im just a *kitten* who needs to get off my high horse)
we didnt break up because i lost weight if it sounded like that.. they just both happened in the same week
so i have gained 10 pounds in 3 days... i need to form healthy ways of dealing with my emotions.. also i need to stop being a *kitten* and get off my high horse... any suggestions? im open to change lol
Hmm, based especially on your age, I am not at all sure that your weight loss has nothing to do with breaking up. I would bet that you used to be more insecure and that made your boyfriend feel better about himself and feel like you would always put up with his behaviour. The better you look and the more confident you become, this is causing problems to him if he is as immature as your second post makes him look like
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Without knowing the whole story, I think the translation is, "I can't live up to your high standards." Don't lower your standards, find someone who lift's/motivates you.0
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First of all, don't forget that it's pretty much impossible to gain ten pounds of fat in three days. You would have had to have eaten in excess of 35,000 calories above your TDEE plus not pooped any of it out without being absorbed... so it's most likely water weight from eating foods your body isn't used to anymore combined with maybe one or two extra pounds.
Second, everything happens for a reason. He might be a good guy for the old you, but you're changing. If he can't adapt, he can't adapt. Right now, you're on an important journey, a fight for your life and well being. You might come across as having certain needs right now... because you DO have certain needs right now. Once you're where you want to be and maintaining for a while, it will change again. If he can't hang in for the long haul, he's just not the right one. And that's okay.
You're going to get back on that horse. You're going to lose the rest of the weight you want to lose. He's either going to figure his own crap out and decide to grow as a person with you, or you're going to meet someone that is more compatible with the "new" you. Either way, your life will be awesome. Just focus on yourself.
It sucks. I know it does. But one way or the other, it will be okay. Don't be too hard on yourself. Allow yourself a couple of days to sulk, and then use it as motivation.
YOU GOT THIS!!0 -
CupcakeCardio wrote: »Do not undo all your hard work over a guy. In my experience, when people have accused me of being on a high horse it's either because I'm *right* and they don't want to face it, or because that person and I have different values. You will find a guy who shares your values.
ya thats exactly what it is we have different values.. i think its important to talk about our feelings and support each other and he thinks its better to just walk away be angry and not talk to eachother for 3 days then forget it happend and go back to acting like everything is fine again... unless it gets brought back up or you are reminded of it then he just gets all pissed again and wants to ignore me for a few more days... yes.. im on a high horse because i want to have a solution based discussion not just sit and point fingers for 3 days
I hear ya on that. Sometimes it's just best to bottom-line the discussion and have strategies in place to move forward - otherwise it's running in place.
I think you are better off - so based upon this methodology, you should bottom line this - you lost 100#s and you must feel great. Don't undo all of that by compensating with food over the breakup. It's time to move forward - moving forward requires strength, conviction, resolve, perseverance. It's up to you.0 -
How much did your boyfriend weight? Looks to me like you actually lost a ton of dead weight, imho. 0
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2015igotya wrote: »First of all, don't forget that it's pretty much impossible to gain ten pounds of fat in three days. You would have had to have eaten in excess of 35,000 calories above your TDEE plus not pooped any of it out without being absorbed... so it's most likely water weight from eating foods your body isn't used to anymore combined with maybe one or two extra pounds.
Second, everything happens for a reason. He might be a good guy for the old you, but you're changing. If he can't adapt, he can't adapt. Right now, you're on an important journey, a fight for your life and well being. You might come across as having certain needs right now... because you DO have certain needs right now. Once you're where you want to be and maintaining for a while, it will change again. If he can't hang in for the long haul, he's just not the right one. And that's okay.
You're going to get back on that horse. You're going to lose the rest of the weight you want to lose. He's either going to figure his own crap out and decide to grow as a person with you, or you're going to meet someone that is more compatible with the "new" you. Either way, your life will be awesome. Just focus on yourself.
It sucks. I know it does. But one way or the other, it will be okay. Don't be too hard on yourself. Allow yourself a couple of days to sulk, and then use it as motivation.
YOU GOT THIS!!
i love you this rocks0 -
tedboosalis7 wrote: »CupcakeCardio wrote: »Do not undo all your hard work over a guy. In my experience, when people have accused me of being on a high horse it's either because I'm *right* and they don't want to face it, or because that person and I have different values. You will find a guy who shares your values.
ya thats exactly what it is we have different values.. i think its important to talk about our feelings and support each other and he thinks its better to just walk away be angry and not talk to eachother for 3 days then forget it happend and go back to acting like everything is fine again... unless it gets brought back up or you are reminded of it then he just gets all pissed again and wants to ignore me for a few more days... yes.. im on a high horse because i want to have a solution based discussion not just sit and point fingers for 3 days
I hear ya on that. Sometimes it's just best to bottom-line the discussion and have strategies in place to move forward - otherwise it's running in place.
I think you are better off - so based upon this methodology, you should bottom line this - you lost 100#s and you must feel great. Don't undo all of that by compensating with food over the breakup. It's time to move forward - moving forward requires strength, conviction, resolve, perseverance. It's up to you.
i love this! thanks
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Ok. First of all me being someone who is pro accountability I love that you didnt shame him for dumping you but instead took it and said "maybe i wasnt 100% perfect myself, what can i do to change that"! I love this! I am the same way in my marriage and id rather someone tell me the truth then sugar coat it and let me live the way i have been living! Could he have used better verbiage? Probably lol. Regarding the weight gain, when im stressedor depressed i starve myself but i over eat when bored. So when i feel myself thinking about food i ask am i really hungry or just want something in my mouth to comfort me? Typically its the comfort me reason. In that case keep healthy options around. I love chips and beer and when im bored i go to that, until last week when i got rid of almt he unhealthy options and now i crunch celery and drink sparkling water. Hang in there. One thing you dont want is for this to have power over you and all the hard work you've put in to losig so much! And there are sooooooo many more fish in the sea my dear!0
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You are young and free to make more choices in your life. This isn't a setback, it's an opportunity.
What Travis said! This guy just gave you a huge gift... and the chance to go down a new path of your choosing. I have been that type of situation before. Looking back, breakups can be the best thing possible!
Don't let a little emotional bingeing make you feel guilty. It was a one time thing and you're done with it. Now you can start exploring life as a single, independent woman with a new outlook on life.
Think about where you want to go from here and what you want to do to make yourself happy... and do it!! 0 -
CupcakeCardio wrote: »Do not undo all your hard work over a guy. In my experience, when people have accused me of being on a high horse it's either because I'm *right* and they don't want to face it, or because that person and I have different values. You will find a guy who shares your values.
ya thats exactly what it is we have different values.. i think its important to talk about our feelings and support each other and he thinks its better to just walk away be angry and not talk to eachother for 3 days then forget it happend and go back to acting like everything is fine again... unless it gets brought back up or you are reminded of it then he just gets all pissed again and wants to ignore me for a few more days... yes.. im on a high horse because i want to have a solution based discussion not just sit and point fingers for 3 days
This is not a healthy way to address conflict. Consider yourself lucky to be done with it - and now you will know what to look for next time. Go on and do you. And congrats on the loss. 0 -
You are young and free to make more choices in your life. This isn't a setback, it's an opportunity.
What Travis said! This guy just gave you a huge gift... and the chance to go down a new path of your choosing. I have been that type of situation before. Looking back, breakups can be the best thing possible!
Don't let a little emotional bingeing make you feel guilty. It was a one time thing and you're done with it. Now you can start exploring life as a single, independent woman with a new outlook on life.
Think about where you want to go from here and what you want to do to make yourself happy... and do it!!
I understand on a higher level that ending this unhealthy relationship is the best thing for me .. but i am 24 and i have had a boyfriend since i was 14 ... i lived with one guy for 5 years then left him for this guy and we have been together for 4 years... for the last 9 years of my life i have fallen asleep in somebodies arms... and now im just alone... it sucks0 -
CupcakeCardio wrote: »You are young and free to make more choices in your life. This isn't a setback, it's an opportunity.
What Travis said! This guy just gave you a huge gift... and the chance to go down a new path of your choosing. I have been that type of situation before. Looking back, breakups can be the best thing possible!
Don't let a little emotional bingeing make you feel guilty. It was a one time thing and you're done with it. Now you can start exploring life as a single, independent woman with a new outlook on life.
Think about where you want to go from here and what you want to do to make yourself happy... and do it!!
I understand on a higher level that ending this unhealthy relationship is the best thing for me .. but i am 24 and i have had a boyfriend since i was 14 ... i lived with one guy for 5 years then left him for this guy and we have been together for 4 years... for the last 9 years of my life i have fallen asleep in somebodies arms... and now im just alone... it sucks
The best thing you can do for yourself is learn how to be alone and focus on you. When you're confident being alone, then you won't get tangled up with the wrong guy for the wrong reasons.
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CupcakeCardio wrote: »You are young and free to make more choices in your life. This isn't a setback, it's an opportunity.
What Travis said! This guy just gave you a huge gift... and the chance to go down a new path of your choosing. I have been that type of situation before. Looking back, breakups can be the best thing possible!
Don't let a little emotional bingeing make you feel guilty. It was a one time thing and you're done with it. Now you can start exploring life as a single, independent woman with a new outlook on life.
Think about where you want to go from here and what you want to do to make yourself happy... and do it!!
I understand on a higher level that ending this unhealthy relationship is the best thing for me .. but i am 24 and i have had a boyfriend since i was 14 ... i lived with one guy for 5 years then left him for this guy and we have been together for 4 years... for the last 9 years of my life i have fallen asleep in somebodies arms... and now im just alone... it sucks
You really need time to yourself. Not with someone else. Find out who you are as a person, without that influence.0 -
CupcakeCardio wrote: »Do not undo all your hard work over a guy. In my experience, when people have accused me of being on a high horse it's either because I'm *right* and they don't want to face it, or because that person and I have different values. You will find a guy who shares your values.
ya thats exactly what it is we have different values.. i think its important to talk about our feelings and support each other and he thinks its better to just walk away be angry and not talk to eachother for 3 days then forget it happend and go back to acting like everything is fine again... unless it gets brought back up or you are reminded of it then he just gets all pissed again and wants to ignore me for a few more days... yes.. im on a high horse because i want to have a solution based discussion not just sit and point fingers for 3 days
um, what? are you 12?
it's not about having different values to want to have functional interactions. Who the F*** as a grown up tolerates people they don't get to talk to for several days? That's just asinine.
Nobody in a functional grown up relationship has to deal with people putting them on the silent treatment for days at a time. If someone tries to convince you otherwise they are lying to you. Normal grown people talk through their issues after *maybe* a while to let them cool off, though really grown ups should be able to work it out without a god damn fanfare.0 -
hortensehildegarde wrote: »CupcakeCardio wrote: »Do not undo all your hard work over a guy. In my experience, when people have accused me of being on a high horse it's either because I'm *right* and they don't want to face it, or because that person and I have different values. You will find a guy who shares your values.
ya thats exactly what it is we have different values.. i think its important to talk about our feelings and support each other and he thinks its better to just walk away be angry and not talk to eachother for 3 days then forget it happend and go back to acting like everything is fine again... unless it gets brought back up or you are reminded of it then he just gets all pissed again and wants to ignore me for a few more days... yes.. im on a high horse because i want to have a solution based discussion not just sit and point fingers for 3 days
um, what? are you 12?
it's not about having different values to want to have functional interactions. Who the F*** as a grown up tolerates people they don't get to talk to for several days? That's just asinine.
Nobody in a functional grown up relationship has to deal with people putting them on the silent treatment for days at a time. If someone tries to convince you otherwise they are lying to you. Normal grown people talk through their issues after *maybe* a while to let them cool off, though really grown ups should be able to work it out without a god damn fanfare.
i compleatly agree ... my dad is coming to pick me up and i am going to stay with my mom on the family farm for a few days ... im going to focus on me and getting into a fitness routine so when i come back fresh ill be ready to start a new job and just support myself for a while0 -
You probably are very much better off, but some people get obsessive about health/fitness to the point that it consumes them.
That's fine if whoever you're (to everyone in general) with or going to be with is prepared for that, but still you may have not even recognized it.
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