It's so hard to wait for physical changes

missuswells
missuswells Posts: 35 Member
edited November 14 in Health and Weight Loss
Yet another day of someone asking me if I'm pregnant. Reaaaally getting sick of that one.

I'm making changes, but it goes very slow. I never used to have to work at being skinny; I just was. Now I'm older, sicker, and married to an overeater. I know that I CAN learn to exercise regularly and stop eating so much junk.

But how do you deal with the crushing sadness of not being able to SHOW your work for so long? The comments? Even the mirror. I just feel defeated. It wont stop me from doing what I need to do.

I think weight loss is just thankless work, until one day you've lost 50 lbs and then suddenly everyone says, wow! You dont get many 'wow's' for not eating that pint of ice cream today. lol

Replies

  • AmazonMayan
    AmazonMayan Posts: 1,168 Member
    It can be hard. I try to stick to knowing I am making changes even if it's not noticeable to everyone. YOU know you are changing and that is all that is important.

    As far as people asking such inappropriate/prying questions, I think it was on these forums I saw someone say they responded to such rudeness by saying "did you mean to be so rude?"
  • Ellaskat
    Ellaskat Posts: 386 Member
    All about your goal. My goal wasn't a diet. I decided this time, the first time, that I'm making a lifestyle change. So I'm excited by every pound and inch I lose, but I am not reliant on these results happening in some QuickTime frame to feel good about myself. I feel good about myself because I continue it be dedicated to my health. If I go 2-3 weeks without losing, I don't get crazy, but weight loss isn't linear, and I know I'll get there when my body is ready.
  • cgangl1821
    cgangl1821 Posts: 34 Member
    Ms. Manners addressed inappropriate questions in one of her colums and it has stuck with me. I have used it, and it works. "An icy 'I beg your pardon?' and look directly at that person and wait for their responce." Or if you are feeling slightly evil, you could ask them an inappropriate question (how much do you weigh, have you lost all your hair or is that a wig, ect). If they get offended, say 'I thought we were asking rude questions today" . Not the best for p.r., but effective. BTW, the 2nd one is NOT what Ms. Manners said, just something that I did when I was pregnate and strangers asked if they could touch my stomach. (I was cranky when I was prego...lol.)

    Either way, YOU know you are making progress and should be proud of yourself!
  • cosmo_momo
    cosmo_momo Posts: 173 Member
    I'm kind of in the same boat...I lost 10lbs a few years ago but I only weighed 148 when I started...I gained all of that back over time plus 10lbs. So now I feel like I'm doing all this work just to get back to where I originally started only to come out even and then have to continue to work to get past that to my lowest weight. Let alone get below THAT. But you just gotta keep reminding yourself that there is no other way than to work at it. You won't notice the physical changes for a while, but when you do you won't want to go back. :)
  • missuswells
    missuswells Posts: 35 Member
    cosmo_momo wrote: »
    You won't notice the physical changes for a while, but when you do you won't want to go back. :)

    I love the sound of that! I just keep imagining having a flat stomach again...it used to be, it can be again haha.

  • SergeantSausage
    SergeantSausage Posts: 1,673 Member
    Wait -- there's "crushing sadness" ?!?!

    I must have done it completely wrong then, huh?

    Tens of millions of us are doin' it all wrong.

    HINT: Sadness is a choice. It really is. You can choose to see it as an empowering, liberating, life changing, exhilarating and exciting experience or .... you can choose to wallow in a pit of sadness. It's a choice. Choose...
  • ogmomma2012
    ogmomma2012 Posts: 1,520 Member
    I never see my progress in the mirror. It has to be pointed out to me. I wouldn't be aware of it now if my pants weren't falling off me. That's how oblivious I am, I guess.
  • barbecuesauce
    barbecuesauce Posts: 1,771 Member
    missuswells wrote: »
    Yet another day of someone asking me if I'm pregnant. Reaaaally getting sick of that one.

    I'm making changes, but it goes very slow. I never used to have to work at being skinny; I just was. Now I'm older, sicker, and married to an overeater. I know that I CAN learn to exercise regularly and stop eating so much junk.

    But how do you deal with the crushing sadness of not being able to SHOW your work for so long? The comments? Even the mirror. I just feel defeated. It wont stop me from doing what I need to do.

    I think weight loss is just thankless work, until one day you've lost 50 lbs and then suddenly everyone says, wow! You dont get many 'wow's' for not eating that pint of ice cream today. lol

    I think you need a reason to work out, fitness goals in addition to your weight loss goals. What can't you do that you would like to do, and what small steps do you need to do to get there? Hard to feel sad when you've got NSVs besides pants sizes happening.
  • tomatoey
    tomatoey Posts: 5,446 Member
    edited March 2015
    barbecuesauce wrote: »
    missuswells wrote: »
    Yet another day of someone asking me if I'm pregnant. Reaaaally getting sick of that one.

    I'm making changes, but it goes very slow. I never used to have to work at being skinny; I just was. Now I'm older, sicker, and married to an overeater. I know that I CAN learn to exercise regularly and stop eating so much junk.

    But how do you deal with the crushing sadness of not being able to SHOW your work for so long? The comments? Even the mirror. I just feel defeated. It wont stop me from doing what I need to do.

    I think weight loss is just thankless work, until one day you've lost 50 lbs and then suddenly everyone says, wow! You dont get many 'wow's' for not eating that pint of ice cream today. lol

    I think you need a reason to work out, fitness goals in addition to your weight loss goals. What can't you do that you would like to do, and what small steps do you need to do to get there? Hard to feel sad when you've got NSVs besides pants sizes happening.

    Absolutely this. You have to get something out of your workouts.

    When I lost 50 lbs, I started out only intending to lose 20, and lost way more because I loved what I was doing. For me it was the immediate mood lift I got from cardio (at the time, DVDs and running - which I wouldn't now advise most people to start with, got injured, but it felt great. Other cardio can do that too, though). I didn't always love doing burpees, but I loved how working out made me feel - more energized, upbeat, just alive and ready to do things. That was enough to make me want to do more.

    Also, seeing my progress was motivating. At first, I couldn't make it through a lousy DVD. A month later, I was looking for something more challenging. Feeling stronger and knowing it was great.

    I was ok with Jillian Michaels type of stuff because I liked how it reminded me of calisthenics in gym class, lol, but if you're not enjoying your workouts, pick something you'll really like. The scale and the clothes might not shift the way you expect, so you need to find something about the process to hook into.
  • tomatoey
    tomatoey Posts: 5,446 Member
    missuswells wrote: »
    You dont get many 'wow's' for not eating that pint of ice cream today. lol

    Everyone should do some kind of activity, but if you're only losing via diet, maybe try getting into new ways of cooking. Find a way to make new foods exciting, instead of feeling sucky about not eating stuff.
  • Thunaer
    Thunaer Posts: 21
    My experience is that the more you lose, the more people start noticing. I've lost 55 lbs (a year ago), and people were really commenting me about that. But when I lost 20 lbs people already started noticing. Or at least they stopped telling me that I must've been eating a lot lately ;).

    Every pound you lose is more noticable. Think of it like an onion. The outer layer is very big, if you remove it the onion ('s radius) becomes smaller. The next layer is significantly smaller, but if you remove it the onion ('s radius) is reduced by the same amount.

    That can also be a strong motivation. The first pounds are easier to lose, later it becomes more of a challenge.
  • katkins73
    katkins73 Posts: 416 Member
    I think the trick is to look for the small things. I was way too focused on the scale and as a short 40+ woman that is not moving fast! I have started to really take notice of my body instead. I saw the top of my back is looking lean and my love handles are melting giving my hips a curvier rather than square shape. I have gone from aiming to get 10,000 steps a day to getting 14,000+ with little effort because being more active is becoming natural. Now most of these things are not obvious to people in my life so I love having friends here who I can share with and who cheer me on and who I support too. You can do this
  • Sued0nim
    Sued0nim Posts: 17,456 Member
    missuswells wrote: »
    Yet another day of someone asking me if I'm pregnant. Reaaaally getting sick of that one.

    I'm making changes, but it goes very slow. I never used to have to work at being skinny; I just was. Now I'm older, sicker, and married to an overeater. I know that I CAN learn to exercise regularly and stop eating so much junk.

    But how do you deal with the crushing sadness of not being able to SHOW your work for so long? The comments? Even the mirror. I just feel defeated. It wont stop me from doing what I need to do.

    I think weight loss is just thankless work, until one day you've lost 50 lbs and then suddenly everyone says, wow! You dont get many 'wow's' for not eating that pint of ice cream today. lol

    Work out more

    Lift heavier

    Punch things

    Win:Win

    :smile:
  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,151 Member
    Chose your attitude woman! Why would you say being healthy is thankless? Personally, this is a life change and I very much enjoy my new life and nothing makes me want to go back.
  • afacetocallhome
    afacetocallhome Posts: 91 Member
    My advice would be to concentrate less on your appearance, and more on your health. The physical changes will come eventually! I'm really looking forward to when I see a difference in myself, and I would be a liar if I said that that wasn't part of the reason I started. But what keeps me going is just the fact that I feel better, despite only being ten days in. I have more energy and I don't feel sorry for myself because I know I'm trying to make changes. I'm not eating junk food as often, so I don't feel sluggish and bloated. I know that, every time I work out, I'm taking a step in the right direction for my health, and that makes me happy. If you're watching what you eat and exercising, you're improving your health, and that's much more important.
  • mummyzena
    mummyzena Posts: 259 Member
    My dress size isn't going down but the weights I'm lifting are getting heavier and the speed and incline on the treadmill are going up for longer. That's enough to get me through the next hurdle.xx
  • missuswells
    missuswells Posts: 35 Member
    SergeantSausage wrote: »
    Wait -- there's "crushing sadness" ?!?!

    I must have done it completely wrong then, huh?

    Tens of millions of us are doin' it all wrong.

    HINT: Sadness is a choice. It really is. You can choose to see it as an empowering, liberating, life changing, exhilarating and exciting experience or .... you can choose to wallow in a pit of sadness. It's a choice. Choose...

    That's wrong and also extremely unhelpful. Feeling sad doesn't equal wallowing. Sometimes we just feel how we feel and try to work through it. I have bipolar disorder and PTSD. So don't freaking tell me that sadness is a choice. I believe in accepting and working alongside my emotions, not judging them.

    Anyway, to everyone else however, thank you, some good advice in here.
  • Flookbird
    Flookbird Posts: 81 Member
    How long have you been doing this? Taking photos really helped me as I can't see changes in the mirror. Even after losing 84lbs I still don't feel good when I look in the mirror, but I love looking at photos as I can really see the difference then! Strangely there have been a number of times when everyone I've seen at work has complimented me, so I guess there must be times when the weight loss really shows?

    Good luck, and make sure you talk through your feelings with someone if you can.
  • kathrynrf89
    kathrynrf89 Posts: 26 Member
    Every time I feel discouraged I just think "if I stick to it you will look different this time next year"
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    missuswells wrote: »
    Yet another day of someone asking me if I'm pregnant. Reaaaally getting sick of that one.

    I'm making changes, but it goes very slow. I never used to have to work at being skinny; I just was. Now I'm older, sicker, and married to an overeater. I know that I CAN learn to exercise regularly and stop eating so much junk.

    But how do you deal with the crushing sadness of not being able to SHOW your work for so long? The comments? Even the mirror. I just feel defeated. It wont stop me from doing what I need to do.

    I think weight loss is just thankless work, until one day you've lost 50 lbs and then suddenly everyone says, wow! You dont get many 'wow's' for not eating that pint of ice cream today. lol

    I think you need to be doing it for you, not for the wows from other people.
  • yesimpson
    yesimpson Posts: 1,372 Member
    You need to give yourself the 'wows' for not eating that ice cream. You don't need them from other people, you know you're working hard.

    Find little things that motivate you before the big changes become noticeable (which they will, with time), whether that's logging for a certain number of days straight, getting your 5-a-day, making time to go to the gym... whatever it is for you. You should be proud of yourself for getting started and making changes which you know will make you happier in the long run.
  • LAWoman72
    LAWoman72 Posts: 2,846 Member
    TavistockToad wrote: »
    missuswells wrote: »
    Yet another day of someone asking me if I'm pregnant. Reaaaally getting sick of that one.

    I'm making changes, but it goes very slow. I never used to have to work at being skinny; I just was. Now I'm older, sicker, and married to an overeater. I know that I CAN learn to exercise regularly and stop eating so much junk.

    But how do you deal with the crushing sadness of not being able to SHOW your work for so long? The comments? Even the mirror. I just feel defeated. It wont stop me from doing what I need to do.

    I think weight loss is just thankless work, until one day you've lost 50 lbs and then suddenly everyone says, wow! You dont get many 'wow's' for not eating that pint of ice cream today. lol

    I think you need to be doing it for you, not for the wows from other people.

    This. I am very overweight. I am going to be waiting a VERY long time for other people to notice anything. If I were to only feel good if, say, I had to wait until I dropped a jeans size, I would seriously fall right off the wagon. I am just trying to enjoy my life and have fun rather than waiting to feel positive until I see seriously see changes.

    I am just thinking very long-term.

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