Starting over, dissapointed in myself

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Stenobun
Stenobun Posts: 166 Member
in Motivation and Support
In August of 2011 I started eating right and exercising. Within about nine months, I was 47 pounds down, almost halfway to my goal. Then something happened, I really couldn't tell you what, and I lost focus. I went back to old, bad eating habits and stopped working out. Now here I am, three and a half years later, and I've gained back 30 of those pounds. I knew it was bad because none of my smaller clothes fit anymore. But since, even at my lightest, I could never see how well I was doing, my image in the mirror wasn't enough to scare me straight.

Yesterday I hosted a baby shower for my sister and saw pictures of myself for the first time in a long time. (Like many people who are way overweight, I never allowed pictures to be taken of me.) And I saw, for the first time in a long time, just how bad I look.

Even being exhausted from the shower, I couldn't sleep last night. I lay there feeling panicked and depressed and so disappointed in myself I could hardly breathe. I know people say you shouldn't punish yourself and beat yourself up, that you should just consider every day a new day. But I can't help it. I can't believe I let this happen after I was doing so well for so long.

There have been days, in the last year or so, where I remembered how challenging it was to constantly think about calories, to not be able to eat the food I really enjoy as much as I want to, and to get myself up and moving six days at least out of the week. (I've always been a sedentary person and was never remotely interested in sports.) I would think that doing whatever I wanted felt much more gratifying than the constant vigilance. But I have to face the facts that that just isn't true. Feeling pain in my joints again, sweating when everyone else in the room is cold, not being able to wear the clothes I enjoyed at smaller sizes, getting tired just walking up the stairs, being ashamed of seeing people who haven't seen me in a long time and seeing that look in their eyes....and, most of all, hating with every fiber of my very large being the sight of myself in photographs, these are all the price I've paid.

Things have got to change again. I'm hoping I have the strength to make it happen.
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Replies

  • kalin73
    kalin73 Posts: 595 Member
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    Just jump back on and stay motivated... Once you start you'll feel fab!
    I also hate giving up the food I love but I managed to incorporate the goodies in my diet while still dropping the pounds.
    Add me, let's share ideas...
  • DawnieB1977
    DawnieB1977 Posts: 4,248 Member
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    You've done it once, you can do it again. I've had 3 babies in the past 6 years, so I've been in this circle of pregnancy weight gain (despite exercising through my 1st and 3rd pregnancies), losing all the weight and looking great, then getting pregnant again lol. It is depressing sometimes. Pre third pregnancy I was the thinnest I'd been in years and looked amazing, and I'm now 10 months post partum and still not back to where I was, and I don't feel like me, but I need to be patient and know I will eventually get there.

    Try to develop habits you know you can maintain...don't restrict too much, don't deny yourself all the foods you enjoy. As for exercise, once you get in a routine you get used to it, and then you miss it if you can't exercise one day. Perhaps get yourself a Fitbit so you can hit 10,000 steps a day.
  • IShowUp4Me
    IShowUp4Me Posts: 16 Member
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    We are food addicts.... I too struggle... I seem to be in Groundhog day...I keep doing good losing then GAIN it ALL back....... I now know that those foods I miss are my trigger foods and they can NO longer be allowed EVER...........

    I am just starting over again today.......LCHF just makes sense to me. Its really the only food plan that keeps me full and satisified...... Moderation of trigger foods have never worked....So back to the beginning for me too............Feel free to add me if you'd like motivational partner
  • kt8310
    kt8310 Posts: 5
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    Me too !!! Starting again tomorrow after months and months probably a year of bad eating !!!! Tonight I feel sick and terrible and I know what's to come, it's hard, and for me when I'm eating bad food im eating it to rebel or something most of the time I'm not even enjoying it, so not sure why I'm doing it, but tomorrow I'll start again, time to make the change back to being healthy and happy rather than full and uncomfortable
  • wizzybeth
    wizzybeth Posts: 3,578 Member
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    Your story is similar to mine. I lost a lot of weight in 2004 or so...then I was 60-70 lbs overweight and weighed 206 lbs. ..I lost 40....had about 30-35 lbs to go...did the same thing. Over the course of a few years I gained and gained and ended up at 245. Lost some...gained it all back.
    I am of a different mindset now. I will succeed . I want to be physically fit...and a normal weight.
    Feel free to add me if you want. I will be happy to share and encourage you.
  • robw235
    robw235 Posts: 25 Member
    edited March 2015
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    About six years ago I started to get serious about my overall health, starting with cutting out alcohol, which had been a huge part of my daily life. It took some time, but that gave me the energy to begin exercising again and over the course of a year or so, I lost a good 40 lbs. I became a addicted to walking and it really helped, until the knee pain started. I used that as an excuse to stop exercising, and stopped keeping track of my weight, and of course it crept up. A few months ago I went to see my Dr. She noted the weight gain, but also the cholesterol level in my body and wanted me to go on medication. I said give me three months to get the numbers down because I definitely didn't want to go on meds. I'm now two months in, have dropped about 16 lbs.

    I'm approaching retirement in a bit over a year. I have two adorable grandchildren that I want to see grow up. I have a wife that I want to spend lots of time with over the next stage of my life. All of these are motivating me to change. I want to be healthier, to have more energy, to be able to walk a flight of stairs and not be huffing and puffing. I don't want to drop dead from a heart attack one day.

    Losing weight is hard initially, but then it becomes part of your routine if you're disciplined about it. It's also easy to get off track, so you have to recognize that we're all imperfect human beings. Have the courage to admit that and then make changes for the better.
  • Florida_Superstar
    Florida_Superstar Posts: 194 Member
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    You can do it. Remember it's EASY to eat junk food and be lazy and much harder to be disciplined about diet and exercise. Make it part of your lifestyle. Set your workout schedule for a time you can stick to. For me that's 6am because nothing else interrupts me that early. But EVEN IF you miss your workout, diet is the key. Be committed to it, especially in social situations. It's easy to ignore your diet when everyone else is indulging. Don't fall into that trap! Be committed and you'll see results quickly. That will motivate you to keep going. Just get back on track now--you know what to do because you did it before. Good luck!
  • Buff2022
    Buff2022 Posts: 373 Member
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    Starting fresh here to. :| we can do this.
  • JennLKottler
    JennLKottler Posts: 8 Member
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    I know exactly what you are talking about. I lost 20+ lbs and then I gained it back. When I lost the weight 20 lbs didn't seem like much. After I gained it back I realized how much it really was. I tend to carry weight in my stomach and when you can't get on a ride at a park it is extremely embarrassing and that's what happened to me in October. It's an eye opener for sure. I'm not letting this defeat me and you shouldn't either. You can do this you did it before. You got this, let the journey begin for all of us.
  • tinascar2015
    tinascar2015 Posts: 413 Member
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    Keep thinking about those pictures you saw yesterday, and use them for motivation, not as a trigger to beat yourself up. My wakeup call was seeing my weight on a my biometric screening form, and I carry that vision around with me every single day. I hadn't gained 30 pounds. I was up 120 from my lowest point in 1989. 120 pounds. Can you imagine anything more discouraging -- or motivating?

    Whatever it is in your brain that is making you eat to excess -- that's your enemy. It's a thief that's trying (and succeeding) to steal your health, feelings of confidence, mobility, feelings of self-worth...you add as many more things as you like. For me, it was my freedom. I didn't feel free to do any of the things I love to do. It's a thief. I decided to fight back against something that was robbing me of my freedom. I began to see my body and my lifestyle as a prison -- and I was the only one with the key.
  • melly0405
    melly0405 Posts: 215 Member
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    Let's face it we're all human and we all give into temptation and the little voice telling us it's too hard but that doesn't mean we don't keep pushing forward and trying to make better choices. You are strong and you can and will do this not for the approval of others but for yourself! Reach out when you need support and when that voice in your head tells you that you can't do it! We are all here for you. You can do it!
  • YanskaNY
    YanskaNY Posts: 103 Member
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    I totally empathize. I was within 17 pounds of my goal weight 3 years ago, and when I restarted my efforts this past week I see that I am 66 pounds from it. Holy crap, right? The fact is, we are all human and can easily fall back into our old ways. We are in great company. :) The benefit of restarting now is the knowledge of how it feels to have not reached our goals. It is such a good motivator. We have become older and wiser and now is the perfect time to make our goals a reality. One day at a time is how its done, as we know from experience. Let go of that sense of failure and tap into the excitement of going for it again. It is about attitude- we know we have the tools and the talent to do this, we just have to get our minds up to bat on this effort. Let's do it!!!!!
  • 999tigger
    999tigger Posts: 5,235 Member
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    I understand its a bummer, but its done now, so dont beat yourself up about it. You have done it before and you cna do it again, learn from it and you can be even more effective this time. Maybe get some friends so when you get into new territory they can keep an eye on you. Believe in and supporty uoirself that this time you will make it to the finish line.

    Tbh i thought you were going to have put it all nack on, there was someone posting yeserday who had regained 40lbs in six months allegedly. You have reasons to be positive, get back on it and you can lose it plus this time keep it off.
  • AnthonyThrashD
    AnthonyThrashD Posts: 306 Member
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    The way I view it, every new day is your first day, whether you're fit or fat. Good luck.
  • kt8310
    kt8310 Posts: 5
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    What a great group to have joined last night, weighted myself this morning, heaviest i have ever been, thought to myself *kitten* it's gonna be hard work, updated my weight in my fitness pal read all your messages and I'm ready !!!! I'm off to work so morning work outs are not good for me so a day of discpline with food is my first goal :) how is everyone feeling this morning ! Up and ready !!! :smile:
  • moonchild226
    moonchild226 Posts: 11 Member
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    I totally know where you're coming from! I was once really close to my goal and then life got in the way I guess and now I'm the biggest I've ever been and my goal is so far away it's not even visible. So far I've lost 20 pounds, but still have about 70 to go. Each day is a new day, and some are better than others. We can do this! Anyone in this thread looking to add motivational friends, please feel free to add me. We all need the support!
  • Stenobun
    Stenobun Posts: 166 Member
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    Thank you all so much for your wonderful comments. I've had a successful eating day and I went for a lovely walk outside (the first day it's been warm enough to do so in about a month, and I enjoyed it). It helps to hear that there are other people who have fallen hard and gotten back up. And I'm so glad to read that my post and the answers you all gave to it are helping to motivate others, too. You're all awesome!
  • cj94404
    cj94404 Posts: 154 Member
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    When I saw your topic heading, I completely related. I am exactly in the same headspace as you. My clothes from last spring don't fit me this year and it is maddening. Especially since I have yo-yo'd three times in a decade.

    But everyone else who commented is so right. We've done it before. There's no magic. It's just staying focused. Of course I hate thinking about every bite I take. I resent that I need to do it when people around me just ...eat. But I suppose everyone has challenges in life and keeping my weight in a healthy range is one of those challenges.

    Good luck! Be kind to yourself.
  • TimikaGilmore
    TimikaGilmore Posts: 1 Member
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    wizzybeth wrote: »
    Your story is similar to mine. I lost a lot of weight in 2004 or so...then I was 60-70 lbs overweight and weighed 206 lbs. ..I lost 40....had about 30-35 lbs to go...did the same thing. Over the course of a few years I gained and gained and ended up at 245. Lost some...gained it all back.
    I am of a different mindset now. I will succeed . I want to be physically fit...and a normal weight.
    Feel free to add me if you want. I will be happy to share and encourage you.

  • TootsLampert
    TootsLampert Posts: 3 Member
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    Your story is my story. We started in 2011, went up and down. 2012 I lost 48 pounds. I'm at my biggest right now, and just can't keep the motivation past a month. I'm addicted to food, but can't figure out why. Sugar is my kryponite

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