My boyfriend needs to lose weight...

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queenbree13
queenbree13 Posts: 89 Member
in Motivation and Support
And so do I. I don't know how to talk him into changing with me. I love him no matter what, but for our health we both need to lose the weight. How do I get him to realize and eat healthier??? Please help!

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  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,695 Member
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    You can encourage and inspire someone, but you can't "talk" him into doing anything he doesn't want to do on his own. That's a decision he has to make.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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    Lead by example.
  • melly0405
    melly0405 Posts: 215 Member
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    I agree with ninerbuff above. Each of us has to do this on our own and the best you can hope it to inspire him to join you on the journey. Once he sees you looking and feeling better hopefully he will want it for himself.
  • jenncornelsen
    jenncornelsen Posts: 969 Member
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    ive been trying for years to get my husband to lose weight. we have a home gym full of equipment. i make healthy meals. i dont stock junk. he wont workout, brings in junk food, and eats out every day for lunch. nothing i can do. i need to focus on myself and hope one day he just is tired of being fat. ive lost 50 lb and this has not motivated him. in fact he has probably gained that much. we are each on our own journey. nagging doesnt help believe me.
  • 999tigger
    999tigger Posts: 5,235 Member
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    Agree with niner, trying to push someone will just make them push back. Lead by example. He might get interested and he might not. He might speak to you honestly about it and he might not. Thing that got me to change was I realised the health implications and figured Id rather live longer.
  • sengalissa
    sengalissa Posts: 253 Member
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    jenncornelsen wrote: »
    ive been trying for years to get my husband to lose weight. we have a home gym full of equipment. i make healthy meals. i dont stock junk. he wont workout, brings in junk food, and eats out every day for lunch. nothing i can do. i need to focus on myself and hope one day he just is tired of being fat. ive lost 50 lb and this has not motivated him. in fact he has probably gained that much. we are each on our own journey. nagging doesnt help believe me.

    Same here. I try not to get involved emotionally. I focus on myself.
    Although it is frustrating when I make a healthy lunch around 500 cals, and he eats 1.5 bagels with it. Effect undone.
    The only thing it does for me is that I get a little less generous on "my" vegetarian protein sources. They are expensive if you buy them (and I just love seitan and tempeh), and I always make sure to divide the meal 50:50 but the protein more like 70:30. Plus I tell everyone (mostly the kids) that you only get a protein bar if you lift.

    Bottomline: focus on yourself. Period.
  • kathrynrf89
    kathrynrf89 Posts: 26 Member
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    Do it for you, and he will do it when he is ready.
  • Lourdesong
    Lourdesong Posts: 1,492 Member
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    If you need to lose weight, then your weight should be your problem to solve regardless if your boyfriend decides to follow your lead in solving his own weight problem or not.

    You're not saying that you are actively losing weight, so I hope you're not tempted to make tackling your own weight be contingent on your boyfriend tackling his weight.



  • SkinnyGirlFatBody
    SkinnyGirlFatBody Posts: 98 Member
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    There is no amount of "talks" you can give someone that will make them do this with you if they aren't ready. I gained all my weight two years ago and I hated my body and the way I felt for that same amount of time, but I've only now reached the point where I am ready to commit myself to losing weight. It is a different journey for everyone and when he is ready he will do it, but you have to ask yourself how you will feel if he never wants to lose the weight?

    I would let him know when your going to the gym and ask if he wants to come or if your making a healthy meal if he would like one too. But I know for me personal when it felt like someone was nagging me or judging me on what I was eating it had the opposite effect.
  • ashleycde
    ashleycde Posts: 622 Member
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    Lead by example. Be the inspiration he sees when you're walking a little taller, and feeling all that much healthier. Your overall mental attitude will change, not just your dress size. He will notice that, and he may want to make the change himself. You can express your concern thoughtfully and let him know what is on your mind, but don't try to push him, as losing weight and eating healthier is a lifestyle change he needs to make the decision to adopt himself.
  • DucklingPrincess
    DucklingPrincess Posts: 36 Member
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    I'm in a similar situation with my mother... I'm hoping that if I manage to lose the weight, she'll be inspired to do it, too. I'm making a bit of progress with her... earlier she mentioned that once me and my brothers all move out, she hopes that she'll be healthy enough to travel with my dad, since she's always wanted to see the Grand Canyon. So she's finding more reasons to, which is something.
  • queenbree13
    queenbree13 Posts: 89 Member
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    Thank you so much guys. All of your input means a lot! (:
    I'm going to focus on me and let him do his thing and hopefully he'll follow suit. I just know it's helpful to have someone to share the journey with. It's harder when he goes to lunch everyday and dinner time he wants to order pizza! So I'll begin eating healthy and fitting exercise into my daily routine!
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,141 Member
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    queenbree13 wrote: »
    Thank you so much guys. All of your input means a lot! (:
    I'm going to focus on me and let him do his thing and hopefully he'll follow suit. I just know it's helpful to have someone to share the journey with. It's harder when he goes to lunch everyday and dinner time he wants to order pizza! So I'll begin eating healthy and fitting exercise into my daily routine!

    Good for you, it's the best way...you may well end up inspiring him to start himself.
  • AU_Girl
    AU_Girl Posts: 24
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    I've said this in another post, but I'll say it here, too. My husband started his fitness journey over 4 years ago. I just started mine (seriously) in the middle of December. Seeing him looking really amazing, exuding confidence, and being overall really happy eventually motivated me to get up off my butt. Just be patient and work on yourself. Everything else will work itself out one way or another.
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
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    queenbree13 wrote: »
    And so do I. I don't know how to talk him into changing with me. I love him no matter what, but for our health we both need to lose the weight. How do I get him to realize and eat healthier??? Please help!

    You can't.

    Start without him.

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