How Do I Take Care of Myself while Taking Care of My Sick Mom?

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VickiMitkins
VickiMitkins Posts: 249 Member
in Motivation and Support
I am in need of ideas to keep myself motivated and on track with major life changes pending. My mom has COPD. She is in the latter stages and not doing well. Until recently she was managing, but then my step-father passed away in October and she went into a decline. To make matters worse, we live 500 miles apart. We are now planning to move her into my home, arranging an estate sale, packing etc. I have made several trips to her home to help and will be making another soon. All of this makes it hard for me to even want to worry about journaling or exercize. Any ideas would be great. Also friends going through similar situation would be great. Thanks.

Replies

  • Lizzy622
    Lizzy622 Posts: 3,705 Member
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    Get help where ever you can. My mother was able to connect with public health nursing when she was caring for my great uncle and it gave her at least a short break a couple of times a week. You very much need to take care of yourself because you have someone else who needs you to be well. It is not selfish to take the time to eat right and exercise even if it means hiring someone to give you a break. Good luck and stay healthy.
  • VickiMitkins
    VickiMitkins Posts: 249 Member
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    Thanks for responding. I think we will hire a house cleaning service which should free up several hours a week for me. We are also hoping she will improve somewhat in a warmer climate. She is in Pittsburgh area and the winters are not doing her any good. Since she will be in my home, the savings should also allow us to pay for some in-home personal care should she need it. The good thing is that mentally she is all there.
  • erincricket
    erincricket Posts: 26 Member
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    Hi Vicki--I'm sorry your mom is so ill, but I'm glad you're able to help her. I think one of the things you could do for yourself would be to move more--maybe buy a simple pedometer and just walk around the house. I have a fitbit that keeps me going sometimes. My dad is on hospice with congestive heart failure, and his condition is back and forth. My mom is taking care of him, but he does live in an assisted living facility. I think other things you could do would be to carve out time to do things you like, whether that is a hobby or other activity. Maybe planning things to eat that are easier to prepare yet healthy? I don't know if you have other family, a husband, etc, but please don't neglect your own health. I did send you a friend request.
  • kimny72
    kimny72 Posts: 16,013 Member
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    Sorry for what you are going through.

    You asked how to stay motivated - you will be better able to take care of her if you are in your best health.

    Keeping yourself fueled without weighing yourself down, moving more to keep your energy up, getting to a healthy weight will make you healthier. A healthier you will have more energy and a better frame of mind to be there for her.

    You also might be able to find an online support group for folks taking care of their parents to help you deal emotionally and get some advice on how to keep your own life on track while taking on this responsibility.

    Best wishes
  • lynxdiva
    lynxdiva Posts: 3 Member
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    I have been on MFP for a few years now but never joined the boards. I was searching for a support group for caretakers/caregivers. I will be 48 this week. I have 2 sons who are 4 & soon to be 7 (the day after my birthday) years old. I am the only caregiver/decision maker to my 90 year old father with dementia (who I recently had to place in a skilled nursing environment), have a mom with COPD and I work full-time. I am married to a great guy but his Mom was placed in memory care out of state and he has a brother who carries the "physical responsibilities" but my husband is still involved with care decisions. He's supportive but not sticking to an exercise program either, even when it's for us and our youngsters. I'm having a hard time with motivation to exercise. I'm hoping to make a few friends here who can understand the whole caregiver difficulty.
  • VickiMitkins
    VickiMitkins Posts: 249 Member
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    Hi Linxdiva. You really do have a lot on your plate. My husband and I don't have children, so that is both a blessing and a loss. My husband's parents are also getting to the point where they need help. Thankfully for us he has two sisters that are handling most of it. We are about two hours away so its a bit harder to help. He sometimes makes the trip to help with house and yard stuff. His third sister lives further away and helps when she can.

    Perhaps we can get a caregiver group started. I'm sure there are a lot of people on MFP facing similar issues.
  • msf74
    msf74 Posts: 3,498 Member
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    Just do the best you can (that may mean a shorter workout then you would like or some meals may not be ideal) and enjoy the time you have with your Mum.
  • dirtydeanz
    dirtydeanz Posts: 4
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    Hi, I understand what you're going through with having to take care of your mom. My mom was very sick throughout much of my life. She had Type I diabetes and Lupus, among many other diseases. She also had severe depression. My dad worked a lot and I only had a little brother, so being the oldest, I was the one who had to me a mother to my own mother. I remember having to miss school to stay home with her when she was sick, or take her to doctors appointments. Okay, I digress. Anyway, the best thing you can do to help your mom (and the most important) is to take care of yourself first. I struggled for years putting my mom and my brother first and it definitely took a toll on my body. I never ate a healthy diet, I was always so busy that I'd just eat whatever was in front of me. And the only exercise I really ever got was running back and forth to my mom. But when I started to realize how awful I was feeling I also realized that I wasn't doing a good job at being a caregiver either. The most important things you need to remember are to get plenty of sleep, keep a healthy diet, drink plenty of water, and always try to take at least a little time to do something you like to do. When you take care of yourself I promise it'll reflect. I know your mom doesn't enjoy needing you to care of her, so if she sees you happy she'll feel better too. It's hard at first, but you'll find the motivation.

    Deanna
  • VickiMitkins
    VickiMitkins Posts: 249 Member
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    Thank you. Wow. This is why I have stuck with MFP whether I'm on track with my goals or not. When you have something going on in yhour life, there are so many people willing to give a kind word, encouragement or just plain old good advice.
  • djscavone
    djscavone Posts: 133 Member
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    My wife did both parents for 9 years and I am doing my mom care for several. Moving her to assisted living as I can't do it any longer with my own family situation with adult kids moving back in. We found that we had to sacrifice even more time by doing our things early am or later pm. You need that time for yourself or you go insane or get anxiety build up. 30 minutes or an hour doing exercise like yoga, meditation, a good run, all helps. We had each other so I hope you have a partner that can help with the rotation. YOu are doing the right thing as family is very important.
  • djscavone
    djscavone Posts: 133 Member
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    dirtydeanz wrote: »
    Hi, I understand what you're going through with having to take care of your mom. My mom was very sick throughout much of my life. She had Type I diabetes and Lupus, among many other diseases. She also had severe depression. My dad worked a lot and I only had a little brother, so being the oldest, I was the one who had to me a mother to my own mother. I remember having to miss school to stay home with her when she was sick, or take her to doctors appointments. Okay, I digress. Anyway, the best thing you can do to help your mom (and the most important) is to take care of yourself first. I struggled for years putting my mom and my brother first and it definitely took a toll on my body. I never ate a healthy diet, I was always so busy that I'd just eat whatever was in front of me. And the only exercise I really ever got was running back and forth to my mom. But when I started to realize how awful I was feeling I also realized that I wasn't doing a good job at being a caregiver either. The most important things you need to remember are to get plenty of sleep, keep a healthy diet, drink plenty of water, and always try to take at least a little time to do something you like to do. When you take care of yourself I promise it'll reflect. I know your mom doesn't enjoy needing you to care of her, so if she sees you happy she'll feel better too. It's hard at first, but you'll find the motivation.

    Deanna

    God bless you! You look very young and to do what you did was very mature and selfless.

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