Starting over, dissapointed in myself
Stenobun
Posts: 166 Member
In August of 2011 I started eating right and exercising. Within about nine months, I was 47 pounds down, almost halfway to my goal. Then something happened, I really couldn't tell you what, and I lost focus. I went back to old, bad eating habits and stopped working out. Now here I am, three and a half years later, and I've gained back 30 of those pounds. I knew it was bad because none of my smaller clothes fit anymore. But since, even at my lightest, I could never see how well I was doing, my image in the mirror wasn't enough to scare me straight.
Yesterday I hosted a baby shower for my sister and saw pictures of myself for the first time in a long time. (Like many people who are way overweight, I never allowed pictures to be taken of me.) And I saw, for the first time in a long time, just how bad I look.
Even being exhausted from the shower, I couldn't sleep last night. I lay there feeling panicked and depressed and so disappointed in myself I could hardly breathe. I know people say you shouldn't punish yourself and beat yourself up, that you should just consider every day a new day. But I can't help it. I can't believe I let this happen after I was doing so well for so long.
There have been days, in the last year or so, where I remembered how challenging it was to constantly think about calories, to not be able to eat the food I really enjoy as much as I want to, and to get myself up and moving six days at least out of the week. (I've always been a sedentary person and was never remotely interested in sports.) I would think that doing whatever I wanted felt much more gratifying than the constant vigilance. But I have to face the facts that that just isn't true. Feeling pain in my joints again, sweating when everyone else in the room is cold, not being able to wear the clothes I enjoyed at smaller sizes, getting tired just walking up the stairs, being ashamed of seeing people who haven't seen me in a long time and seeing that look in their eyes....and, most of all, hating with every fiber of my very large being the sight of myself in photographs, these are all the price I've paid.
Things have got to change again. I'm hoping I have the strength to make it happen.
Yesterday I hosted a baby shower for my sister and saw pictures of myself for the first time in a long time. (Like many people who are way overweight, I never allowed pictures to be taken of me.) And I saw, for the first time in a long time, just how bad I look.
Even being exhausted from the shower, I couldn't sleep last night. I lay there feeling panicked and depressed and so disappointed in myself I could hardly breathe. I know people say you shouldn't punish yourself and beat yourself up, that you should just consider every day a new day. But I can't help it. I can't believe I let this happen after I was doing so well for so long.
There have been days, in the last year or so, where I remembered how challenging it was to constantly think about calories, to not be able to eat the food I really enjoy as much as I want to, and to get myself up and moving six days at least out of the week. (I've always been a sedentary person and was never remotely interested in sports.) I would think that doing whatever I wanted felt much more gratifying than the constant vigilance. But I have to face the facts that that just isn't true. Feeling pain in my joints again, sweating when everyone else in the room is cold, not being able to wear the clothes I enjoyed at smaller sizes, getting tired just walking up the stairs, being ashamed of seeing people who haven't seen me in a long time and seeing that look in their eyes....and, most of all, hating with every fiber of my very large being the sight of myself in photographs, these are all the price I've paid.
Things have got to change again. I'm hoping I have the strength to make it happen.
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Replies
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Just jump back on and stay motivated... Once you start you'll feel fab!
I also hate giving up the food I love but I managed to incorporate the goodies in my diet while still dropping the pounds.
Add me, let's share ideas...0 -
You've done it once, you can do it again. I've had 3 babies in the past 6 years, so I've been in this circle of pregnancy weight gain (despite exercising through my 1st and 3rd pregnancies), losing all the weight and looking great, then getting pregnant again lol. It is depressing sometimes. Pre third pregnancy I was the thinnest I'd been in years and looked amazing, and I'm now 10 months post partum and still not back to where I was, and I don't feel like me, but I need to be patient and know I will eventually get there.
Try to develop habits you know you can maintain...don't restrict too much, don't deny yourself all the foods you enjoy. As for exercise, once you get in a routine you get used to it, and then you miss it if you can't exercise one day. Perhaps get yourself a Fitbit so you can hit 10,000 steps a day.0 -
We are food addicts.... I too struggle... I seem to be in Groundhog day...I keep doing good losing then GAIN it ALL back....... I now know that those foods I miss are my trigger foods and they can NO longer be allowed EVER...........
I am just starting over again today.......LCHF just makes sense to me. Its really the only food plan that keeps me full and satisified...... Moderation of trigger foods have never worked....So back to the beginning for me too............Feel free to add me if you'd like motivational partner
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Me too !!! Starting again tomorrow after months and months probably a year of bad eating !!!! Tonight I feel sick and terrible and I know what's to come, it's hard, and for me when I'm eating bad food im eating it to rebel or something most of the time I'm not even enjoying it, so not sure why I'm doing it, but tomorrow I'll start again, time to make the change back to being healthy and happy rather than full and uncomfortable0
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Your story is similar to mine. I lost a lot of weight in 2004 or so...then I was 60-70 lbs overweight and weighed 206 lbs. ..I lost 40....had about 30-35 lbs to go...did the same thing. Over the course of a few years I gained and gained and ended up at 245. Lost some...gained it all back.
I am of a different mindset now. I will succeed . I want to be physically fit...and a normal weight.
Feel free to add me if you want. I will be happy to share and encourage you.0 -
About six years ago I started to get serious about my overall health, starting with cutting out alcohol, which had been a huge part of my daily life. It took some time, but that gave me the energy to begin exercising again and over the course of a year or so, I lost a good 40 lbs. I became a addicted to walking and it really helped, until the knee pain started. I used that as an excuse to stop exercising, and stopped keeping track of my weight, and of course it crept up. A few months ago I went to see my Dr. She noted the weight gain, but also the cholesterol level in my body and wanted me to go on medication. I said give me three months to get the numbers down because I definitely didn't want to go on meds. I'm now two months in, have dropped about 16 lbs.
I'm approaching retirement in a bit over a year. I have two adorable grandchildren that I want to see grow up. I have a wife that I want to spend lots of time with over the next stage of my life. All of these are motivating me to change. I want to be healthier, to have more energy, to be able to walk a flight of stairs and not be huffing and puffing. I don't want to drop dead from a heart attack one day.
Losing weight is hard initially, but then it becomes part of your routine if you're disciplined about it. It's also easy to get off track, so you have to recognize that we're all imperfect human beings. Have the courage to admit that and then make changes for the better.0 -
You can do it. Remember it's EASY to eat junk food and be lazy and much harder to be disciplined about diet and exercise. Make it part of your lifestyle. Set your workout schedule for a time you can stick to. For me that's 6am because nothing else interrupts me that early. But EVEN IF you miss your workout, diet is the key. Be committed to it, especially in social situations. It's easy to ignore your diet when everyone else is indulging. Don't fall into that trap! Be committed and you'll see results quickly. That will motivate you to keep going. Just get back on track now--you know what to do because you did it before. Good luck!0
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Starting fresh here to.
we can do this. 0 -
I know exactly what you are talking about. I lost 20+ lbs and then I gained it back. When I lost the weight 20 lbs didn't seem like much. After I gained it back I realized how much it really was. I tend to carry weight in my stomach and when you can't get on a ride at a park it is extremely embarrassing and that's what happened to me in October. It's an eye opener for sure. I'm not letting this defeat me and you shouldn't either. You can do this you did it before. You got this, let the journey begin for all of us.0
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Keep thinking about those pictures you saw yesterday, and use them for motivation, not as a trigger to beat yourself up. My wakeup call was seeing my weight on a my biometric screening form, and I carry that vision around with me every single day. I hadn't gained 30 pounds. I was up 120 from my lowest point in 1989. 120 pounds. Can you imagine anything more discouraging -- or motivating?
Whatever it is in your brain that is making you eat to excess -- that's your enemy. It's a thief that's trying (and succeeding) to steal your health, feelings of confidence, mobility, feelings of self-worth...you add as many more things as you like. For me, it was my freedom. I didn't feel free to do any of the things I love to do. It's a thief. I decided to fight back against something that was robbing me of my freedom. I began to see my body and my lifestyle as a prison -- and I was the only one with the key.0 -
Let's face it we're all human and we all give into temptation and the little voice telling us it's too hard but that doesn't mean we don't keep pushing forward and trying to make better choices. You are strong and you can and will do this not for the approval of others but for yourself! Reach out when you need support and when that voice in your head tells you that you can't do it! We are all here for you. You can do it!0
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I totally empathize. I was within 17 pounds of my goal weight 3 years ago, and when I restarted my efforts this past week I see that I am 66 pounds from it. Holy crap, right? The fact is, we are all human and can easily fall back into our old ways. We are in great company.
The benefit of restarting now is the knowledge of how it feels to have not reached our goals. It is such a good motivator. We have become older and wiser and now is the perfect time to make our goals a reality. One day at a time is how its done, as we know from experience. Let go of that sense of failure and tap into the excitement of going for it again. It is about attitude- we know we have the tools and the talent to do this, we just have to get our minds up to bat on this effort. Let's do it!!!!! 0 -
I understand its a bummer, but its done now, so dont beat yourself up about it. You have done it before and you cna do it again, learn from it and you can be even more effective this time. Maybe get some friends so when you get into new territory they can keep an eye on you. Believe in and supporty uoirself that this time you will make it to the finish line.
Tbh i thought you were going to have put it all nack on, there was someone posting yeserday who had regained 40lbs in six months allegedly. You have reasons to be positive, get back on it and you can lose it plus this time keep it off.0 -
The way I view it, every new day is your first day, whether you're fit or fat. Good luck.0
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What a great group to have joined last night, weighted myself this morning, heaviest i have ever been, thought to myself *kitten* it's gonna be hard work, updated my weight in my fitness pal read all your messages and I'm ready !!!! I'm off to work so morning work outs are not good for me so a day of discpline with food is my first goal how is everyone feeling this morning ! Up and ready !!! 0
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I totally know where you're coming from! I was once really close to my goal and then life got in the way I guess and now I'm the biggest I've ever been and my goal is so far away it's not even visible. So far I've lost 20 pounds, but still have about 70 to go. Each day is a new day, and some are better than others. We can do this! Anyone in this thread looking to add motivational friends, please feel free to add me. We all need the support!0
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Thank you all so much for your wonderful comments. I've had a successful eating day and I went for a lovely walk outside (the first day it's been warm enough to do so in about a month, and I enjoyed it). It helps to hear that there are other people who have fallen hard and gotten back up. And I'm so glad to read that my post and the answers you all gave to it are helping to motivate others, too. You're all awesome!0
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When I saw your topic heading, I completely related. I am exactly in the same headspace as you. My clothes from last spring don't fit me this year and it is maddening. Especially since I have yo-yo'd three times in a decade.
But everyone else who commented is so right. We've done it before. There's no magic. It's just staying focused. Of course I hate thinking about every bite I take. I resent that I need to do it when people around me just ...eat. But I suppose everyone has challenges in life and keeping my weight in a healthy range is one of those challenges.
Good luck! Be kind to yourself.0 -
Your story is similar to mine. I lost a lot of weight in 2004 or so...then I was 60-70 lbs overweight and weighed 206 lbs. ..I lost 40....had about 30-35 lbs to go...did the same thing. Over the course of a few years I gained and gained and ended up at 245. Lost some...gained it all back.
I am of a different mindset now. I will succeed . I want to be physically fit...and a normal weight.
Feel free to add me if you want. I will be happy to share and encourage you.
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Your story is my story. We started in 2011, went up and down. 2012 I lost 48 pounds. I'm at my biggest right now, and just can't keep the motivation past a month. I'm addicted to food, but can't figure out why. Sugar is my kryponite0
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Thanks for sharing your story. I understand how you feel... I'm in the same boat. Lost 30 lbs then ended up gaining it all back plus a few. For me, I got so burnt out that I was only 3 lbs from my goal weight and my mind and body just shut down. I was working out like crazy and I just felt as if I couldn't keep pushing myself like that. So when I stopped working out, I started eating more and more and the weight came back. I still fall into the mindset of "push myself super hard now to get the body I want" but I have to remind myself (sometimes daily) that this is a lifestyle change, not something I start and stop.
So now I'm taking it day by day. Sometimes I'm motivated to do double workouts a day, sometimes I don't want to do anything at all. But in a given week I do more exercise and clean eating than not.
Don't give up. Try to figure out what caused the slip. If you can't think back that far, it's OK. Keep making positive changes to your fitness level and eating and you'll get the weight off. Just be patient (which is the hardest thing for me to do).0 -
I'm "starting over" for the 5th!!! Time. We can do it, wanna be friends? I have 50 lbs to lose.0
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hooray for starting over!!!! there are many of us here who have done that. this time for me is different. I am tracking everything I eat as honestly as I can and not beating myself up when I go over. I have stopped the all or nothing thinking about food. This is a lifestyle change for me for the rest of my life and I swear I never thought of weight loss like that before.
welcome back YOU CAN DO THIS0 -
The best way to maintain weight loss in my opinion is through journaling your caloric intake. I gained some weight back when I stopped journaling because once again, I thought I was not overeating. The only way to prove to yourself that you are taking in too many calories is to keep track of what you eat. Journaling has to become part of your daily lifestyle, not just a temporary thing, like a diet.
Next you should exercise at least 4 days a week, at least 60 minutes each time. And if walking is all you enjoy, then walk as fast as you can, and gradually increase the speed. Along with cardio, weight training is also highly recommended. Make journaling, cardio and weights part of your new lifestyle and your next weight loss change will be permanent!!!
A great book that has helped me to change my eating habits is "Eat Right For Life" by Dr. Ann Kulze. She explains the science behind food and the reasons why our body craves donuts, fast food, chips, sodas, etc, etc.
Good luck and don't give up!!! Keep trying!!!!0 -
I was heaviest right before I got pregnant with my first son. It was like a switch. I could eat right. I always asked myself is this what he needs. I was more concerned for him than myself. I came home from the hospital weighing less than prepregnancy. I worked from there. I wanted another baby and I had to be healthy. I got pregnant and I was at my healthiest weight in a long time at six months. I had him and now I just teeter the same eight lbs up and down. I am still lower than before my first but have yet to reach my goal. I know I should want to be healthy for me and my kids but it isn't the same. I don't ask myself if it is what I need anymore. I'm trying hard to want to do this for me.0
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aidensmommy91612 wrote: »I was heaviest right before I got pregnant with my first son. It was like a switch. I could eat right. I always asked myself is this what he needs. I was more concerned for him than myself. I came home from the hospital weighing less than prepregnancy. I worked from there. I wanted another baby and I had to be healthy. I got pregnant and I was at my healthiest weight in a long time at six months. I had him and now I just teeter the same eight lbs up and down. I am still lower than before my first but have yet to reach my goal. I know I should want to be healthy for me and my kids but it isn't the same. I don't ask myself if it is what I need anymore. I'm trying hard to want to do this for me.
How old are your children now? I've found that once mine started eating proper meals I've changed what I eat. I used to just eat salad to lose weight and stick to 1200 calories, which was fine when I just had my eldest, but I wouldn't dream of just giving my kids just salad, so I started to cook more. My eldest is nearly 6. My other two are 3 and 10 months.
So now they have great eating habits and they just eat what we do. They know things like chocolate, cake, crisps etc is fine in moderation.
When you have kids and you want them to grow up healthily and loving exercise, you need to lead by example.
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I'm starting over again0
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I could have written your post a couple years ago. I lost 30 pounds, gained 15 back, yo-yo'd for a while, and gave up (had two babies in that time frame, so it was a while). Happy to say that I recommitted, lost the 15 plus 35 more. About 10 pounds from goal now. I did it, and so can you! Recommit, take it a step at a time, and don't beat yourself up. Life happens, and sometimes our priorities get skewed. Start today, make some changes, and go from there.0
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