Horrible Breakup...am I overreacting?
likehlikeo
Posts: 185 Member
first of all: Sorry for grammar and spelling errors...I'm not a native speaker (I'm German)
I guess I just need someone I can tell all of this....My GF broke up with me at the beginning of February. We lived together for 2 years (and also have a dog together). It is really hard to find a place to live (affordable) where I live and most of all: you cannot get a new apartment in less than a few weeks. A friend of ours is moving out of his wonderful place and offered it to me, so I can move in at the end of this month.
Everything went well so far. We didn't fight and I moved to the couch in the living room. We lived for 3 weeks like we were rommmates basically, both hoping, that this will be over rather quickly. We both knew, that I would be out by the end of March.
But then it started...she hooked up with a new girl and spent the weekends and some nights during the week at her place. I was heartbroken, of course, but all of this is not my agenda anymore...I accepted that. I felt like an idiot staying home alone feeding her cat and taking care of our dog, while she was f****** her new chick somewhere else. So far so good...I got myself together and acted nicely and still fed her cat when she was away for the last nights.
We talked about it because I was upset and she promised me, that she would NEVER EVER bring the new one home and keep it all away from me, so she wouldn't hurt me any further.
But last night, she brought her new one home...to the place that is still my home as well, where I live and feel safe and can be myself. I sleep on the couch in a damn sleeping bag, while she is sleeping with her new girl in the bed I once bought with her. I wrote her a message when I left for work that said "please tell me you didn't do that..." She answered me, that she had a bad day yesterday and that she thinks, that it is not her duty to justify herself to me.
We never fought and even the breakup was okish (as far as this is possible). I really hoped, that we could still be friends (we have to share a dog after all), but this is shocking me. I never felt so awful in my life.
Is this an overreaction on my side? It is not my business anymore who she is seeing and what she is doing, but I was hoping, that she would have the decency to a) wait with a new girl until I'm out (or keeping it away from me, not expecting, that I would still go grocery shopping for both of us while she is happy with the new one) and b) not bring this person home. it is still my home as well.
I dunno, I'm run down and just want to switch my brain off. I never felt so violated in my life. She makes me feel like the biggest idiot looser ever.
Sorry for all the ranting. I'm sitting in my office, crying and needed to get it of my chest...:(
I guess I just need someone I can tell all of this....My GF broke up with me at the beginning of February. We lived together for 2 years (and also have a dog together). It is really hard to find a place to live (affordable) where I live and most of all: you cannot get a new apartment in less than a few weeks. A friend of ours is moving out of his wonderful place and offered it to me, so I can move in at the end of this month.
Everything went well so far. We didn't fight and I moved to the couch in the living room. We lived for 3 weeks like we were rommmates basically, both hoping, that this will be over rather quickly. We both knew, that I would be out by the end of March.
But then it started...she hooked up with a new girl and spent the weekends and some nights during the week at her place. I was heartbroken, of course, but all of this is not my agenda anymore...I accepted that. I felt like an idiot staying home alone feeding her cat and taking care of our dog, while she was f****** her new chick somewhere else. So far so good...I got myself together and acted nicely and still fed her cat when she was away for the last nights.
We talked about it because I was upset and she promised me, that she would NEVER EVER bring the new one home and keep it all away from me, so she wouldn't hurt me any further.
But last night, she brought her new one home...to the place that is still my home as well, where I live and feel safe and can be myself. I sleep on the couch in a damn sleeping bag, while she is sleeping with her new girl in the bed I once bought with her. I wrote her a message when I left for work that said "please tell me you didn't do that..." She answered me, that she had a bad day yesterday and that she thinks, that it is not her duty to justify herself to me.
We never fought and even the breakup was okish (as far as this is possible). I really hoped, that we could still be friends (we have to share a dog after all), but this is shocking me. I never felt so awful in my life.
Is this an overreaction on my side? It is not my business anymore who she is seeing and what she is doing, but I was hoping, that she would have the decency to a) wait with a new girl until I'm out (or keeping it away from me, not expecting, that I would still go grocery shopping for both of us while she is happy with the new one) and b) not bring this person home. it is still my home as well.
I dunno, I'm run down and just want to switch my brain off. I never felt so violated in my life. She makes me feel like the biggest idiot looser ever.
Sorry for all the ranting. I'm sitting in my office, crying and needed to get it of my chest...:(
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Replies
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Hey. That's crazy... I guess she could have been a little more inconsiderate but the fact that she did all this to you means you are better off without her.
It's going to hurt but in order to get over yhis0 -
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Time to go no contact0
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you are not overreacting. This is a horrible situation and you need to get out asap! I am so sorry you are going through this *hugs*0
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Thanks all! I really needed to hear it from someone else...as I really feel like losing my mind right now..."maybe I'm the crazy overly sensitive one??" <- this came to mind this morning while I walked my dog...I hope this is over soon and I can move into my own space...0
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likehlikeo wrote: »Thanks all! I really needed to hear it from someone else...as I really feel like losing my mind right now..."maybe I'm the crazy overly sensitive one??" <- this came to mind this morning while I walked my dog...I hope this is over soon and I can move into my own space...
You're not over sensitive. You've been hurt really bad. Sorry xoxo0 -
I'd be fuming. She should have had the decency to wait until you had moved into your new place. There is no need to rub it in your face at all. Good luck with the move and here's hoping you find a lovely new lady to make you smile again
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That is just so wrong and disrespectful! defiantly not overreacting.
you need to move out asap and rid yourself of her! 0 -
You're not being oversensitive at all, that was really disrespectful. It's not like you're hanging around and npt working at moving out, you have a plan and a time frame and she just shat on that. I'd be devastated too.0
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I'd have punched her in the jaw. You're not being overly sensitive at all.0
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I'm so sorry you had to put up with this *kitten*. I agree with all of the above...You're definetely NOT overreacting and no matter how tough it is, you MUST stay away from this person. You should show yourself the respect she didn't show to you (and herself for that matter, but we're concerned about you here)...I can't believe some people!
I hope everything works out well for you dear. Stay strong and take good care of yourself!
p.s. and rant away if it makes you feel any better! Don't worry about it. XD0 -
Urgh, that's unbearable! What a horrible experience. Just see it through until you can leave, then don't look back
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I'm so sorry. She is being heartless and inconsiderate. She shouldn't have done that. I totally understand your feelings. :-(
Not sure what you can do about it. Can you go stay with your friend whose place you're moving into?0 -
Yeah, I will try and stay calm, be polite and do my thing...the day I can move gets closer and I will just try and start a new life0
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Hey - that is rotten behaviour. Well done for being so calm and respectful so far. I think it is time to sit her down and lay out some firm rules for the time you have remaining. She was disrespectful and rude. I think it is completely reasonable to expect her to not bring anyone back to your home for the remainder of the time you are there, especially as your moving date is very soon. If you don't address it now then it is likely to happen again. Just because you are both managing to not have a messy break up doesn't mean there isn't hurt there and that needs to be respected. You both have all the time in the world after this to do what you want to do.0
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likehlikeo wrote: »Thanks all! I really needed to hear it from someone else...as I really feel like losing my mind right now..."maybe I'm the crazy overly sensitive one??" <- this came to mind this morning while I walked my dog...I hope this is over soon and I can move into my own space...
First time you called it your dog, not "our".
I vote you take the dog with you and say "eff it".
Sorry that this has happened to you.
I was in a similar situation of having to live with an ex til I could find a new home, didn't have the last bit happen tho...
It'll be over soon and you'll be a stronger person for it.0 -
When you break up with someone I think the best thing to do is cut all contact with them, amputate from your life. Seeing then, talking too them only prolongs it,
Go out get drunk, get laid0 -
likehlikeo wrote: »Tonydevolani_ wrote: »Give the dog for adoption now his parents broke upTonydevolani_ wrote: »Good story, can we have a picture of your girlfriend
What the heck is your deal? Trolls everywhere...
He's obviously too immature to be in this thread0 -
You have mostly dealt with it all very well. You had feelings for her and you dont like the rejection and fear of change that is coming. Its natural to feel raw and upset over this it just shows how deep you were in.
Imo you might wnat to accept a few things and let your mind catch up. She isnt your problem any more and that for a change you now ower yourself a duty to look out for yourself. That doesnt invalidate anything that went before you had great times but its passed. All thats happening now is you are realising she is not the person you thought she was. You talk about being decent and your expectations of her but she has chosen not to do that.
Either take it on the chin and move on accepting the fact you feel hurt or have a word with her about it asking her for a compromise because you found it hurtful and if she could manage to stay at hers. She either agrees or does not. If she agrees its problem sorted and if she doesnt then youve just discovered she cared less and doesnt respect your feelings as much as youd hoped for, but turn that on its head and get less upset about a person who osnt as nice as you thought. i.e why get upset over someone who is in fact a jerk?
It will be over soon, its natural to feel upset, be strong and look to the future.
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She sounds like a douche bag! Time you got rid of her! And NO, you are not over reacting at all!!0
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You are not overreacting, she is being a total C word. The sooner you can get out the better. Move on and find yourself a new girl. Sorry for your situation. Viel Glück!0
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What a horrible situation for you! But honestly, from where I sit, it looks like you dodged a long term relationship disaster and the sooner you can move on, the better. Any person that would be as insensitive to your feelings as she is does not deserve you in her life.
So unless you can find a friend's couch to camp out on for a few weeks, just cross of the days and know that there's something *much* better in your future.
The loss is hers, not yours.
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she sounds awful.
regardless of where you sleep, it is still your place too until you leave. it is completely disrespectful and just callous for her to bring home someone else, especially after specifically telling you she would not.
congratulations on escaping a relationship with a horrible and thoughtless person.0 -
That was definitely below the belt, whether it was intentional or not.0
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lishie_rebooted wrote: »likehlikeo wrote: »Thanks all! I really needed to hear it from someone else...as I really feel like losing my mind right now..."maybe I'm the crazy overly sensitive one??" <- this came to mind this morning while I walked my dog...I hope this is over soon and I can move into my own space...
First time you called it your dog, not "our".
I vote you take the dog with you and say "eff it".
Sorry that this has happened to you.
I was in a similar situation of having to live with an ex til I could find a new home, didn't have the last bit happen tho...
It'll be over soon and you'll be a stronger person for it.
This^ andwolverine66 wrote: »she sounds awful.
regardless of where you sleep, it is still your place too until you leave. it is completely disrespectful and just callous for her to bring home someone else, especially after specifically telling you she would not.
congratulations on escaping a relationship with a horrible and thoughtless person.
This^
You still live there and you should be entitled to have a simple enough ground rule as no new partners while the ex is still living there. From her actions she sounds like a real inconsiderate b!tch. Take the doggy and get out as soon as you can. Be happy to have rid yourself of someone like that. You are heartbroken now, but not forever. 0 -
Yes this is a crap situation but it is also her ex GF house too. So to say that something is not allowed in your own house because an ex is not ok with it. OP put yourself in your ex shoes.
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Thanks for all the encouragement so far. I really appreciate it. @yopeeps025 yes, it is her place as well, and I accepted the fact that she found someone new, but sleeping with someone in the bed I bought with her, while I am the one sleeping on the couch next door was a bit much for me to be honest. I didn't plan to wait it out and stay there for the next year, blocking her love life for ages. There is a set point where I can move. I don't really understand why one cannot wait with f****** around for two more weeks...well...I'm emotional atm...0
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Of course you're emotional! I'd be worried about you if you weren't!
Have you confronted her about this? Even if it doesn't change anything it might make you feel better for having gotten it off your chest. I can't imagine anyone being as insensitive as she is. If you find it difficult or uncomfortable to confront her with this, write her a letter, instead. Writing it down serves two purposes: 1. It gives you the ability to say *exactly* what you want without being interrupted, and without getting emotional. 2. It's cathartic - even if it doesn't change anything, giving written "voice" to your feelings validates them and will give you strength. 0 -
There's no use wasting emotion on what you have no control over. Move out and on as soon as it is feasible. Don't react in the interim.
Ihre Mitbewohner klingen wie eine echte Schlampe.0 -
I'm sorry you're dealing with this. She was waaaaay out of line bringing another person into the home you guys are still sharing!0
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