Horrible Breakup...am I overreacting?
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Do they put a scarf on the doorknob in Germany, to warn the roommate of action inside? I understand this is an American tradition. You might want to put a scarf on the doorknob to warn your former girlfriend (and her bring-home friend) that she can't bring someone home that day.0
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Hi @snickerscharlie yes, we talked after she hooked up for the first time and disappeared for the weekend, but not without sending me a totally unneccessary message at 4AM, waking me up, to tell me, that she will "stay the night somewhere else" and I should not worry...we talked after this weekend, when i stayed at home, feeding her damn cat (sorry for my focus on this kitty, but it sums it all up in a way) all weekend while she was with the new lady. Well, I told her, that I was hoping for a little bit more discretion and that I would really appreciate it, if she would not make me feel like a dumb idiot. She was the one laughing and saying that she would never ever be so cruel to bring her to our place.
Well...we all know by now how this went...
She also told me, that she knows how much of an *kitten* move this was and that she also knows, that she is hurting me big time, but that she needs to be egoistic and doing something for herself and that this is all not my agenda anymore, since we are not a couple anymore.
this makes me so mad and shocked...it is, as if she became a totally other person. She always had her little ego tripping tendencies...but this...wow...0 -
Sometimes women need to waste emotion on things in order to move past them completely. We're just wired differently.TheRoadDog wrote: »There's no use wasting emotion on what you have no control over. Move out and on as soon as it is feasible. Don't react in the interim.
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@likehlikeo Ok, reading these details, I'm 100% convinced that this *kitten* situation was a blessing in disguise for you! Run as fast and far away as you can from her and never look back. Actually, you should thank her for showing her real self to you soon enough before you invested even more emotionally in this relationship.0
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Sorry that you are going through this. I hope that nothing else like this happens before you are able to move out
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snickerscharlie wrote: »
Sometimes women need to waste emotion on things in order to move past them completely. We're just wired differently.TheRoadDog wrote: »There's no use wasting emotion on what you have no control over. Move out and on as soon as it is feasible. Don't react in the interim.
I understand, but until you move on you are wasting time that can be better served to improve your life. Hanging on just puts your life on hold.
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TheRoadDog wrote: »snickerscharlie wrote: »
Sometimes women need to waste emotion on things in order to move past them completely. We're just wired differently.TheRoadDog wrote: »There's no use wasting emotion on what you have no control over. Move out and on as soon as it is feasible. Don't react in the interim.
I understand, but until you move on you are wasting time that can be better served to improve your life. Hanging on just puts your life on hold.
So true. I actually feel like my life is on stand by right now. I don't want that of course. I should really plan something nice for the weekend, going out and doing something with my hard earned time...0 -
If she needs her freaking ego massaged that badly, tell her to do it elsewhere until you move out. It is *still* half your place until the end of the month!likehlikeo wrote: »She also told me, that she knows how much of an *kitten* move this was and that she also knows, that she is hurting me big time, but that she needs to be egoistic and doing something for herself and that this is all not my agenda anymore, since we are not a couple anymore.
this makes me so mad and shocked...it is, as if she became a totally other person. She always had her little ego tripping tendencies...but this...wow...
I can't imagine how awkward it must be to have the three of you there at the same time. Makes me wonder if the new girlfriend totally lacks morals and pride, too.
Big hugs to you!
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Big big hugs to you. Not overreacting one bit. As for the whole situation consider this to be THE NEWBIES PROBLEM NOW. You are free, free, free,....in the long run you will be happier and healthier for it.0
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Yeah, I guess it ultimately is...I have to adjust to the new situation and really hope, that the last days will be over soon...pew...0
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Good lord. Good riddance. You don't want someone like that in your life. Insensitive ho.0
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no way. As long as you are still living in the place you shared, she should be considerate and not bring other people back home. I would feel the exact same way. She is not playing nice. Be the bigger person, get out as soon as you can and move on. She obviously doesn't care about you enough to mind your feelings which shows you the exact person she really is. *hugs* be strong, you got this, this is just a speed bump in the game we call life.0
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She's definitely taking advantage of you. If it were me, I'd go sleep on a different friend's couch.0
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Op. you are 100% right. Get out now. I'm a little spiteful, so I would totally let the dog leave a steamy present of the bed.
Can't you ask to stay at your friends house/couch for a few days?0 -
You are not overreacting. She knows you are going to be moving out in a few weeks, and it is not a lot to ask not to bring the new person home. Think of it as proof that you can do better than her, and if she is that insensitive to your feelings, the breakup is a good thing. It may not feel like it now, but once you are out of the situtation and mourn the relationship, life will get better.0
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michelleLynette wrote: »Good lord. Good riddance. You don't want someone like that in your life. Insensitive ho.
What makes her a ho? For not cheating on her ex? She did nothing wrong. It's inconsiderate but is it wrong? She broke up, found someone else, and took her back home. I didn't know that was wrong.0 -
If this episode remains the "most violated" you'll ever feel throughout the rest of your life, you'll have a great life. Get over her. This is petty stuff in the grand scheme of things.0
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I suggest pulling up the corner of the carpet and putting a few shrimp shells and maybe a few fish parts there before you leave,won't stink right away but guarantee she won't enjoy living there wondering where that smell is coming from, it'll make you feel better
Besides she deserves it she was an @ss to you for no good reason. When you miss her, just think about how she treated you, hard to miss someone when you don't remember only good times. 0 -
She sounds heartless. Amazing how easily we can be replaced when we care about someone who doesn't feel the same. The most powerful person in any relationship is the one that cares the least.0
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Do you have any other friends you can crash with in the meantime?0
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You are in dnager of getting too involved. vent for a bit if you must then be prepared to move on and start a happier time in your life without her. It was a reasonable expectation she behave in way X, but she behaved in way Y. You are not going to change that nor do I see the benefit afte a while of getting upset that she behaved in a manner you didnt like. It should just be easier to move on and be glad you are doing so.
You cnat choose how someone behaves, but you can choose how you react to it. All getting upset will do is waste your time and confirm to her how emotional you are because thats the way she chooses to look at it. Thats why rather than harbour how wronged you have been (which doesnt get you anywhere) plan to keep yourself busy and look to the future without wasting more emotional energy. Some people can be mean.0 -
You are handling this very well so far, I respect you for dealing with this in such a mature way. Best wishes.0
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And from one German to another your English and grammar are perfect.
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Some people are like that. It is obvious you deserve someone better.
Don't mope. Move on. And forget about the dog. Don't use dog as excuse to be emotionally abused more.0 -
take the dog, F her.....0
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I know the feeling! I went through a similar situation with an ex-boyfriend, but he couldn't even wait a week after breaking up with me for me to move into my new place. He wanted me gone right away so he could bring girls home (which he told me straight up). Luckily, the place I had lined up allowed me to move in right away, so I didn't have to deal with him for the week before my moving date. After two weeks of moving out, he kept trying to get close again. All I can say is I wish I'd told him to back off then and there. It would have saved me a lot of emotional stress.
If you two do decide to share the dog, my advice would be to keep your exchanges short and civil when you hand the leash over or better yet, just keep the dog to yourself for now (especially if you are the one looking after the dog right now and she's not) and cut all contact with her. Move out earlier if you can or try to get out of the house as much as possible. Don't try to be friends for now, move on, and find something else to put your energy into (I got really involved in kickboxing and it helped so much). Hang out with your friends and dog, meet new people, and be happy If a year or two down the road you both have healed and moved on with your lives, then maybe you can think about moving on as friends again if you two feel you want to. 0 -
take the cat too.0
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likehlikeo wrote: »TheRoadDog wrote: »snickerscharlie wrote: »
Sometimes women need to waste emotion on things in order to move past them completely. We're just wired differently.TheRoadDog wrote: »There's no use wasting emotion on what you have no control over. Move out and on as soon as it is feasible. Don't react in the interim.
I understand, but until you move on you are wasting time that can be better served to improve your life. Hanging on just puts your life on hold.
So true. I actually feel like my life is on stand by right now. I don't want that of course. I should really plan something nice for the weekend, going out and doing something with my hard earned time...
Call up a friend. Go do something fun. Take a cooking class. Go for a hike. Log off and aget out there!
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I think you are in a really bad emotional situation that has no good emotional ending at this time. Continue to be true to your standards and behave like an adult or the situation will be far worse. When you are on the other side of this you'll understand this relationship was not worth the pain it's caused you and you are fortunate to have moved on.0
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