Need some advice.

LacheleG
LacheleG Posts: 37
edited September 27 in Motivation and Support
SORRY THIS IS A LONG POST!!!!

I have been having trouble dealing with a few things going on in my life and I dont know how to move on from being hurt. I have never been good at dealing with problems. I'm the type of person to just keep things all bottled up and I know that this is not healthy and am trying to change...but I dont know how to.....I DONT believe in going to a therapist and I DONT believe in getting medicine to help either...NO offense to anyone who does those.....

>heres a little bit that I have on my plate:: My father died last January (totally unexpected)....my mother decided that she was going to take her known pill problem to a new level after his death and kept trying to overdose (Though they had been divorced for almost a decade and were not on speaking terms)...her last "overdose" was in August of last year and I finally confronted her and told her to go to rehab or not speak to me until she did go to rehab bc I didnt need to loose two parents!! After I told her that while she was in the hospital she told me I was not needed in HER family any more and the entire family disowned me and have not spoken to me since..........January of this year I got fired after being at that job for almost 3yrs and it was the BEST job I couldve ever had, it also was totally unexpected! But at that job it did have its big down falls because my boss's constantly bullied me for the way I talked, walked, styled my hair, anything and everything about me, they just didnt like ME and made my life miserable...so they broke my confidence level down to absolutely nothing, so I guess it was a blessing in disguise but still the firing led to a big depression either way.....

so with all this on my plate I am still trying to boost my self esteem...try to find a job that I can enjoy while working at a job for the mean time which is a cinderella job, I am a janitor, a cook, a housekeeper, and basic overused underappreciated and this job has "mean girls" too .........I have realized I have become a mindless zombie..
>>>

I used to be fun and carefree and could talk to anybody about anything....I was very social and outgoing........but the past couple months I have just kept to myself and been a homebody---->which is not me at all!!!

so any kind advice would be appreciated!

Thanks

XoxO

Replies

  • leslielove
    leslielove Posts: 251 Member
    unfortunately what is probably best in your situation is to go talk to someone with some outside perspective who can give you strategies to help you deal with what's going on more effectively and ideas to move in a different direction if that's what's best. there are plenty of counselors you can do to without going to a "therapist" but you can not deal with it entirely on your own, as you have basically admitted.

    not sure what else you'd have people recommend to you?
  • tigertown11
    tigertown11 Posts: 310
    I can relate to you in some ways.
    first of all I got fired from a job that I absolutely loved to do and was extremely good at. In fact, they hired two people to do the work that had accomplished in one year. they never appreciated me. My clothes weren't up to the rest of the staff, i didn't have my nails done every week, I refused to gossip with the other girls in their cubicles. and then I got sick one time. I kept coming back into work to do what I could, then left at the demand of the doctors(of the hospital I worked in) and my managers told me as long as the doctors kept them informed, my job was safe. Well 20 minutes before I was going to go to the hospital to get iv fluids for 4 hours, they called to fire me.. never offered me FMLA or anything. A lawyer told me that I could fight to get my job back, but that was about all that I would get. Why would I want to go back to that ****! So I can relate to that part.

    Now losing a parent is hard. My mom died when i was one and still don't know how to deal with it.

    I have been through therapy. some help, some just agree with you, and others talk about their problems to you! If you find a good one, they can offer coping skills that you may have never thought of or others have to offer. what is your fear with therapy?

    As for medication, in your case, you may just need something temporarily to get over some anxiety. Who is going to know besides you and your doctor?

    And your mom, those are her problems that you will never fix. Your family will come around in time when they open their eyes. keep being yourself and they will see that you aren't the problem.

    I don't know how I can help you, but I can relate to a lot. Email me if you ever want to vent or chit chat about things, maybe me listening will help get a lot off your chest

    Becky
  • FTIM2015
    FTIM2015 Posts: 460 Member
    Oh hun I just want to give you a big hug!
  • westcoastSW
    westcoastSW Posts: 320 Member
    What is your fear/opposition against trying therapy? It's having a relationship and talking with someone, which you're trying to do here as well. I would recommend it.
  • LacheleG
    LacheleG Posts: 37
    Thats all I'm looking for with posting this is to see that I'm not alone. I am right there with you, at my job I was honestly the best worker they ever had and was actually told that by someone who was not my boss but was someone who had been there longer than my boss's. I was the same way I did my job and didnt gossip and that was a problem too! I was exactly the same on how I dressed or my nails..
    Thats horrible in the way they fired you! I'm sorry you had to go through that!
    I'm also sorry you lost your mother. :(

    Basically my problem with therapy is that I live in a small town so there isnt much here and to top it off the therapist/counselors we do have have BIG mouths so you know your situations will be repeated....and I actually did go to a counselor when I was young when my parents got a divorce and it was an older man who kept looking me up and down (uncomfortably) and wouldnt listen....or when he did listen he would try to prescribe me something...The town I live in has a big drug problem...there arent many doctors that want to "help" they just want you to be out of their office in 15mins or less and that is always to have you leave w some kind of prescription. and I want to be the minority in not using any drugs here.
    I have gone to a doctor for anxiety and depression and what he gave me didnt help...not only that but when I lost my job I lost my insurance so it is hard for me financially to go to the doctor bc its hard to make endsmeat with all the bills I already have.

    You helped more than you know :)
    thanks!!
  • LacheleG
    LacheleG Posts: 37
    ^^that post is for tigertown..
  • dlaplume2
    dlaplume2 Posts: 1,658 Member
    The thing you need to do is grieve. You are going through a lot of changes. Those changes take a toll you you both emotionally and physically. You shouldn't be afraid to ask for help if you need it. I don't belive in medication either. (in most circumstances) I do believe that there are chemical imbalances in peoples head that require treatment, but those are far and few between. When you have the sadness and stresses in you life, such as what you are going through, you shouldn't medicate yourself.

    If you don't want to see a therapist, how about a pastor or clergy person, or even a trusted advisor. Sometimes you need an outside person that isn't emotionally invested in the situation to talk to and bounce ideas off of. Maybe with all these changes you have gone through have brought you to a level of despair, that you just don't see. Some professional help may bring you up out of that and help you make clearer decisions that will improve the quality of your life.

    I am very sorry about your dad, I am also sorry that your mom didn't handle it well, and help you through that. I wish you the best of luck and hope you find a way to heal.
  • LacheleG
    LacheleG Posts: 37
    The thing you need to do is grieve. You are going through a lot of changes. Those changes take a toll you you both emotionally and physically. You should be afraid to ask for help if you need it. I don't belive in medication either. (in most circumstances) I do believe that there are chemical imbalances in peoples head that require treatment, but those are far and few between. When you have the sadness and stresses in you life, such as what you are going through, you shouldn't medicate yourself.

    If you don't want to see a therapist, how about a pastor or clergy person, or even a trusted advisor. Sometimes you need an outside person that isn't emotionally invested in the situation to talk to and bounce ideas off of. Maybe with all these changes you have gone through have brought you to a level of despair, that you just don't see. Some professional help may bring you up out of that and help you make clearer decisions that will improve the quality of your life.

    I am very sorry about your dad, I am also sorry that your mom didn't handle it well, and help you through that. I wish you the best of luck and hope you find a way to heal.


    Thank you so much! I agree with the medication and what you are saying is true about grieving!
    I dont go to church anymore so I will try to find a trusted advisor!
    thanks for the advice and kind words, I appreciate it!
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