New user and need advice from anyone

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Jae2sweet
Jae2sweet Posts: 11
in Introduce Yourself
Hi I'm Jae2sweet! I am so thrilled to make a last great attempt before considering gastric bypass. I am sooooo ready to workout and learn new recipes. Glad to have this website to hold me accountable.

Here is an issue I am having:
A high school friend from over 20 ago Iand I reunited back in 2002. She has always been self-absorbed. However, after recently being diagnosed with a life-threatening illness, she has been fired up about proving the world wrong.

Well, when I saw her after 20 yr, she was disgusted at the fact that I put on about 100lbs since high school. My weight has been a life-long struggle. Instead of being a friend, she adamantly preaches to me about no matter how great my lab results were (recently had a great physical being 306lbs) that I would will die and all the health cchallenges I will have. I am well aware on a scientific level where I am and my issues. However, she gave me a huge weight complex, I mean worse than before. To the point where I couldn't face myself on a scale or in the mirror. This is the MAIN topic of conversation! So I do not want to visit her (as she begs me to) because I feel uncomfortable around her now.

She has been a good friend otherwise, for example when I was down on my luck, she was there foir me at times. She even helped me out with some school expenses a couple of times. So, I respect what she has done for me, but the emotional scars are taking forever to heal and forgive.

I expressed to her how she made me feel and she seemed remorseful 1yr ago. I stopped speaking to her because it was too much and the pain was really bad. I felt bad and let her back into my life and now she is back on the same kick again. It seems as if when she was down on her luck, she was remorseful. See, at the time she did this to me she was riding high with a rich boyfriend. Now, she is with another rich man and starting back on the same kick. Any advice woukd be great!

Jae2sweet

Replies

  • megabux
    megabux Posts: 179 Member
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    First I would say that a major conversation needs to take place between you and your friend. If she is a true friend she will be more understanding or considerate once you tell her exactly how her words hurt you. If she takes the snotty approach and starts giving you grief again, I would cut her out of your life, she is obviously poisoning your mind and your sefl esteem. You need to focus on you and getting you healthy for you, not because someone rags on you. I speak from experience. When I first started my journey I had to give myself a "life enema" and discard the negativity in my life, and you know what? I am much happier now, I am more focused on what I need and not feeling like I am trying to be something to someone I am not.
    You can do this, but you need to have positive people around you to cheer you on. Don't go at it alone! Good luck on your journey, and if you want a cheerleader in your corner, send me a friend request! We can support one another!
  • Heatherbelle_87
    Heatherbelle_87 Posts: 1,078 Member
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    As great of a friend as she may be, you need to drop her or ignore her.

    Im sure you very well know despite a great physical at your weight it would be healthy to lose the weight. That doesnt give her the right to constantly point it out. Everyone has a friend thats there when they are down and gone (and a B*TCH) when things are going good for them. What you have to decide is how you want it to effect you. I have always been bigger, curvier, and yes I will admit I have a little bit of a good feeling when I see HS classmates that have gained TONS since HS and are jelouse of my weight loss, but if they ask Im polite, tell them how Im doing it, and stress its been alot of hard work for me.

    You are doing these changes for YOU. Ofcourse everyone will have their opinions. I just cling to my MFP family (yep y'all are family not friends) because I have personal issues with my parents but here I can admit why I binge, I can get advice, but most of all I get people who support me even on my worst day, and I support them.
  • cufrst
    cufrst Posts: 5
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    listen i have put on 100 plus pounds since high school as well. No matter what put yourself first you are the only one that can change you. I woke up in September last year and decied no matter what it was time to get off the couch and do something about my weight and health. I have lost 90 pounds plus since. There is not doubt it is a struggle. Check out liveexercise.com for some exercise. Check out Michael Thurmounds 6 week body makeover for eating and recipies. It really works.:wink:
  • Crystals422
    Crystals422 Posts: 382 Member
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    This is a really tough situation. I think that since you already told her once how it made you fell and she did the same thing again it may be time to part ways. If she is truly sorry for what she said then she will contact you. None of my friends ever said anything to me about my wieght, which was 245 at my highest. Skinny people who don't eat healthy are able to have health problems as well.
  • cruiseking
    cruiseking Posts: 338 Member
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    I just cut two people out of my life (one was my own brother) who were just way too much of a drag on me. I love them both but I just realized that I can no longer be saddled with the mess in their lives. Some people just like to deflect the crap in their lives onto other people. Sometimes in life we all need to do what we may consider selfish. It been about two months since I have totally cut these two negative people out; and I gotta say, I am way happier for it. Is it coincidental that I thought about ME, and decided to start being healthy three weeks ago, and have lost 13 pounds since? I think not. Allow yourself to be selfish! Good luck.
  • lizzycomp
    lizzycomp Posts: 64
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    Wow! I can see where she may have caused you some scarring. Do understand that there are plenty of studies out there that talk about the health risks revolved around being over weight. If she cares about you and wants you around to share a life with you when you are both old and gray, she may have felt compelled to say something. But not all people know how to communicate those feelings in a healthy loving way. For you to succeed at being a "healthy" weight, you have to do it for you...because you deserve to be the best you you can be...FOR YOU! Your friend (if she's a true friend) can take a back seat for awhile while you sort out your feelings. A true friend will be there for you regardless of the time or the size. Hang in there!!! MFP has a great community to help you along if you're ready! :wink:
  • AprilHead
    AprilHead Posts: 36 Member
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    I'd say talk to her about it, and if she doesn't cut it out than stop hanging out with her.
  • Jae2sweet
    Jae2sweet Posts: 11
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    Thank you. I am going in direction. I need positive energy. She is very self-absorbed and a 'know it all' and when I try to talk to her she over talks me so loudly and I am slowly withdrawing myself from her. I told her that she need to slowly earn my trust.

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