Courage....at last!!

I've been blessed in so many ways, I've lost count. I have a wonderful husband who stood by me thin, thicker and thickest!! 2 Beautiful daughters and a successful baking business.

But I have also been diagnosed with a Pituitary tumour about 2 years ago. Pit tumours (as we call them) grow in the cavity just below your brain and behind the optic nerves. They wreak havoc on one’s hormones and can cause a whole host of health problems. The docs think that I've had it since my early 20’s and that, in partial, it was the reason for my extreme weight gain.

After some dramatic health problems caused by the tumour, we decided that it was time to try and remove it. The op was not that great of a success, but at least the pressure that build up in the pituitary cavity was released. After about six months of further treatment the tumour shrunk to a mere lesion!! That’s when my health improved and I got some of my energy back!!

For so long I had convinced myself that trying to diet and exercise would be futile. I weighed in at about 122kg (269lbs) and it felt like it was going to be too great of a battle. A battle against the hormones, a battle against my busy schedule and worst of all - I HATE dieting!

All that is still true, but I came at a point in my life when I've had enough of being invisible. It was as though the bigger I got, the less I was seen. People looked “over” me and no matter how I've coached myself to not feel slanted by subtle and sometimes not so subtle “you are fat” insults, they cut deeper and deeper every time.

After surviving the risky surgery and treatment I felt as though I got a second chance – a “do over” of sorts. But most of all I missed myself. I was lost inside this huge body – I could not even recognize myself when I looked in the mirror. I was as though even my face was that of somebody else’s.

So one day I started walking....I started of with walking as much as my schedule and body permitted me to and then I got onto “My fitness pal”. It helped keeping me accountable for what I put into my mouth - and believe me I still don’t diet - but I really try to stay under my set goals.

So.....6 months in I've lost 20 kg (44 pounds) and I’m able to run almost 5 miles!! Small steps, but I’m getting there and finally I found myself.... that courageous person inside of me. Finally I have the courage to run further, to say no to that off cut piece of cake and finally tell the world that I'm on a journey. A treasure hunt!! Finding small pieces of my old self along the way. Each pound lost is a blessing – it is one step closer back to the person who has been trapped on the inside for so long and every extra mile a can run is pure joy - it makes me feel like a warrior!!

I tell myself everyday as I’m telling you now – never give up. The treasure is worth it!