thin shaming

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skater5
skater5 Posts: 12 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hi, everyone. I haven't visited this site in I don't know long, a few months perhaps. But today and another time in the last few months a relative commented that I'm "underweight." I am 5'2" and 109-111, and according to height-weight charts, I am within the healthy range. I am not trying to lose more weight. I hardly exercise anymore -- not that I encourage that, exercise is always good whatever weight you're at -- and I try to eat healthy but am not a health nut. I eat fast foods and sugary foods every week -- not that I encourage eating fast foods (I know they're not nutritious).

Yet this relative likes to keep declaring that I'm underweight and talks about it behind my back. She is not known to always be polite and has made a few rude comments about certain other relatives that my other relatives don't even want to repeat because they're hurtful. Some of them believes she said them out of jealousy.

For the first time in a long time, I really know what it feels like to be the target of thin-shaming. I have heard that the people who make these comments usually have their own insecurities, which kinda makes sense now that I think about it, given her hesitancy to admit certain clothes are too small for her.

At 5'2" and 109-111, does anyone here think that's underweight?? I don't have much muscle. And what can I say to her to stop the hurtful comments?

Replies

  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
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    You can't say anything to stop her. She's a known busybody gossip. There's no reason to put any stock in what she says. Ignore her.
  • melly0405
    melly0405 Posts: 215 Member
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    What weight is healthy for you is between you and your Dr. Weight ranges are just that they are meant to guide you. As for stopping someone from commenting you could try telling her that her comments are hurtful but as jemhh said you can't stop people from talking but you can decide not to let it affect you.
  • skater5
    skater5 Posts: 12 Member
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    Thank you so much, jemhh. I should have clarified that a few times, she has said the hurtful comments to me directly. So should I have a comeback to say to her? Just stay quiet? It is impossible to avoid seeing her as there are plenty of family gatherings that we're both a part of.
  • Altagracia220
    Altagracia220 Posts: 876 Member
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    Ask her when she got her medical degree
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,717 Member
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    skater5 wrote: »
    Hi, everyone. I haven't visited this site in I don't know long, a few months perhaps. But today and another time in the last few months a relative commented that I'm "underweight." I am 5'2" and 109-111, and according to height-weight charts, I am within the healthy range. I am not trying to lose more weight. I hardly exercise anymore -- not that I encourage that, exercise is always good whatever weight you're at -- and I try to eat healthy but am not a health nut. I eat fast foods and sugary foods every week -- not that I encourage eating fast foods (I know they're not nutritious).

    Yet this relative likes to keep declaring that I'm underweight and talks about it behind my back. She is not known to always be polite and has made a few rude comments about certain other relatives that my other relatives don't even want to repeat because they're hurtful. Some of them believes she said them out of jealousy.

    For the first time in a long time, I really know what it feels like to be the target of thin-shaming. I have heard that the people who make these comments usually have their own insecurities, which kinda makes sense now that I think about it, given her hesitancy to admit certain clothes are too small for her.

    At 5'2" and 109-111, does anyone here think that's underweight?? I don't have much muscle. And what can I say to her to stop the hurtful comments?

    Her comments are NOT about you; they are about her. Seems to be her personality. That is a separate issue from your health. If you are healthy and happy, then who cares what anyone else says? Ignore her and move on.

    You can't change other people, you can only change how you react to them - my mantra.
  • farfromthetree
    farfromthetree Posts: 982 Member
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    If she said something to me directly, I may say something like "It makes me very uncomfortable when you say these things to me, please stop. I am taking good care of myself" It is total jealousy
  • The_Sandra
    The_Sandra Posts: 56 Member
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    skater5 wrote: »
    Thank you so much, jemhh. I should have clarified that a few times, she has said the hurtful comments to me directly. So should I have a comeback to say to her? Just stay quiet? It is impossible to avoid seeing her as there are plenty of family gatherings that we're both a part of.

    The next time she makes a comment to you about your weight, just look her straight in the eye with a confused look on your face, shake your head, and then turn around and walk away. People who feel the need to tear other people down don't deserve the satisfaction of a response.
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
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    skater5 wrote: »
    Thank you so much, jemhh. I should have clarified that a few times, she has said the hurtful comments to me directly. So should I have a comeback to say to her? Just stay quiet? It is impossible to avoid seeing her as there are plenty of family gatherings that we're both a part of.

    I would say "You are being rude. If you can't be polite, don't speak to me." Or, I might say "Thank you for your opinion. I will give it all the consideration it deserves." And then I would walk away or turn to another person and start talking to him/her.
  • NextPage
    NextPage Posts: 609 Member
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    I suggest you take the high road and reply "I am really not sure where your concern comes from but according to my doctor and my own research my weight is in healthy range for my height and gender." If she makes rude comments about other people besides you this might not stop her but it least it centers the conversation around facts rather than just her (non-expert) opinion.
  • skater5
    skater5 Posts: 12 Member
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    Thank you, everyone. I'm sorry, melly0405 and herrspoons, I didn't see your posts before I thanked jemhh.

    jazmin220, thank you. Nice comeback. Yeah, she is not a medical doctor.

    BAZH10, you are so right. One thing I can never change is her personality. That will never change. I am healthy and happy with my current weight. Thank you.

    farfromthetree, thank you for the good comeback.
    I think I'd actually feel uncomfortable admitting to her that I'm uncomfortable when she says these things to me. That's just me. But I guess I can replace it with another sentiment, and I can still let her know that I am taking care of myself and that I'm at a healthy weight.
    Thank you again. I so appreciate it.
  • megganjeninngs69
    megganjeninngs69 Posts: 51 Member
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    If i were u id just say thank u and take a big bite of a hamburger!! U def. Shouldnt give it another thout B)
  • Bellodesiderare
    Bellodesiderare Posts: 278 Member
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    skater5 wrote: »
    Thank you so much, jemhh. I should have clarified that a few times, she has said the hurtful comments to me directly. So should I have a comeback to say to her? Just stay quiet? It is impossible to avoid seeing her as there are plenty of family gatherings that we're both a part of.

    I'm flattered that my body is something you've obviously spent time thinking about.

    I might be skinny but at least I'm not ignorant and rude.

    Excuse me while I go cry in a corner and start planning my new diet.

    You might want to go cover up; your jealousy is showing.

    Kiss my skinny @$$.

    I had to lose weight for my new career as a stripper.

    Excuse me. I'm going to have to throw this up. I don't want to get fat again. *Walk towards bathroom.*

    Really any response that would make her uncomfortable is good :)
  • 3bambi3
    3bambi3 Posts: 1,650 Member
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    "What an interesting assumption." Then stare at her.

    If she asks what your doctor says about your weight, say "If it were any of your business, you'd already know."

    You don't need to justify yourself to her. It's between you and your doctor.

    And remember, "No" is a complete sentence.
  • skater5
    skater5 Posts: 12 Member
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    Thank you again, everyone. The new posts have come faster than I can type. I am so encouraged by all the support on this site.

    Thank you, The_Sandra, jemhh, NextPage, and meggan for all the further suggestions.

    It is hard to decide which suggestion to implement, for they are all so good. Possibly I'll end up using all of them, depending on how many times she keeps saying these things. I am hopeful that the hurtful and incorrect comments will eventually stop as I am not losing more weight and don't want to. I guess she is not used to my new look -- how new it is, I don't remember. It's at least several months -- although so far, it seems she forgets when she sees me, like it's the first time she's seeing me in a year.

    You all are a great bunch of people to give helpful suggestions. I was hoping for a few responses and am happy that I got a bunch. I appreciate it very much.
  • skater5
    skater5 Posts: 12 Member
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    A couple of new posts have come up as I was typing my last one.

    Thank you, Bellodesiderare. :) A little comic relief is always welcome.

    Thank you, 3bambi3. That's a good point. None of her business what my doctor would say.

    Funny (or not so funny) thing, when I was wearing a dress that may have not fit exactly right for me, perhaps a little small in places, she criticized me for that, too. I guess that is her way. She did that to her own daughter when she was little. I'm so glad her daughter did not grow up having a complex about it or anything. Does she delight in criticizing me? Sometimes it seems that way. Now that I think about it, she had also made hurtful comments to me in the past that weren't about my weight, but my intelligence and "slow" and inaccurate typing skills, too (auto-correct on a phone that I borrowed wasn't helping either).
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
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    How often do you see this woman?
  • skater5
    skater5 Posts: 12 Member
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    Whenever there are family gatherings which is at least several times a year -- if I had to guess I'd say about 10-15 times a year, plus a few other times here and there that I unexpectedly see her just because of our mutual relatives. Many more family gatherings to come in the spring season with religious events and birthdays coming up. Opting out of the family gatherings is not an option for me.
  • DearestWinter
    DearestWinter Posts: 595 Member
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    Discussing someone's weight is rude. I would level her with a glare until she stops talking. (Practice in the mirror if you like!)

    Quips are all good and well but I know when I'm in a situation I never think of the right thing to say. I find that a good glare is more effective.
  • skater5
    skater5 Posts: 12 Member
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    Thank you, DearesWinter. I don't think I've ever given anyone a glare, so I'll practice with a mirror.

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