why do people sabotage
razisready
Posts: 41 Member
I lost 16 lbs and found family and friends unhappy with my weight loss and said l looked ill. They would be negative and push me to eat extra food. Now l have gained it all back no one says anything. Does anyone else have this problem?
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Replies
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There are a couple of things that could be happening here:
1. They felt jealous/insecure because of your weight loss, so they wanted you to regain the weight.
2. You really didn't have 16 lbs to lose and became underweight.
3. You were at a healthy weight but arrived there through unhealthy means (extremely low calories with improper nutrition) and so you were, in fact, ill.
Can you provide more information about how you lost the 16 lbs, and what your starting and goal weight are?0 -
Jealousy.
My mom is obese and calls me anorexic all the time.
I'm just like... sure mom
Keep on hating.
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razisready wrote: »I lost 16 lbs and found family and friends unhappy with my weight loss and said l looked ill. They would be negative and push me to eat extra food. Now l have gained it all back no one says anything. Does anyone else have this problem?
How did they force you to eat? Did one hold you down while another stuffed food in your mouth?
You are making excuses. You are on a solo journey and you caved to outside pressure which encouraged you to do what you really wanted to do anyhow.
No one can do it for you and no one can sabotage you. Do it for yourself.0 -
PeachyPlum wrote: »There are a couple of things that could be happening here:
1. They felt jealous/insecure because of your weight loss, so they wanted you to regain the weight.
2. You really didn't have 16 lbs to lose and became underweight.
3. You were at a healthy weight but arrived there through unhealthy means (extremely low calories with improper nutrition) and so you were, in fact, ill.
Can you provide more information about how you lost the 16 lbs, and what your starting and goal weight are?
This. Usually one of these three.0 -
razisready wrote: »I lost 16 lbs and found family and friends unhappy with my weight loss and said l looked ill. They would be negative and push me to eat extra food. Now l have gained it all back no one says anything. Does anyone else have this problem?
I don't think you can blame them for your weight gain. You did that to yourself. Even if you think they "pushed" you to eat extra food, you ate it. You didn't have to eat it unless of course they held a gun to your head.0 -
What looks like sabotage to one person looks like an invitation to another. Why does someone offer food/drink? Because they like you and want your company and your participation in something THEY enjoy. They're thinking of what would be fun/enjoyable for themselves. They're not thinking about your diet.0
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Hang in there! If you did it before you can do it again. Hopefully you can find a group of friends in this community who will support your efforts.0
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Stipulating that your assessment is subjective, and not objective, only you can decide if you feel healthy at any given weight. What does your doctor say? Others can (and will) make comments; you decide how you will respond.0
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razisready wrote: »I lost 16 lbs and found family and friends unhappy with my weight loss and said l looked ill. They would be negative and push me to eat extra food. Now l have gained it all back no one says anything. Does anyone else have this problem?
How much do you weigh? Could it be that you were already at a healthy weight?
I also think that a lot of people don't know what a healthy weight is anymore since a lot of the population is overweight or obese. I weigh around 153 pounds & had a customer the one day ask if I weighed 100 pounds.
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It takes a lot of willpower to lose the weight, but I think the toughest thing is spending time with friends/family and maintaining healthy eating habits in social situations. I don't plan on avoiding family functions, so I've had to adapt a lot. Like a lot of families, food is a way for mine to show their love, and they get personally affronted when I choose not to eat what they eat. I don't get preachy about it, but a lot of them can take it really personally when I don't eat what they eat, or turn down food they are trying to get me to eat. I've discovered that they can take it so personally because they take it as a judgment on their own weight or nutrition habits. Also, I agree with ahoy_m8 above, as sometimes it isn't about the diet, it's just them sharing how they enjoy themselves.
I just had a direct conversation with my friends & family, asking for their support and explaining that I don't expect to be catered to, but they're going to see me making different choices now and to keep a cap on the commentary. Also, although it's really not any of their business, I did explain that my weight loss was doctor ordered, and I needed to get healthy. That last part shouldn't have been news to anyone, and so when I put it so directly, I had more success with getting the support I needed.
Good luck!0 -
They don't. You gained weight because you ate too much, not because they force fed you. Also maybe you were legit underweight.0
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razisready wrote: »I lost 16 lbs and found family and friends unhappy with my weight loss and said l looked ill. They would be negative and push me to eat extra food. Now l have gained it all back no one says anything. Does anyone else have this problem?
There are a multitude of reasons that people say things that may sound like sabotage – some are well-intentioned and some are not.
For me it was a matter of:
1 – Not discussing everything in detail with family / friends unless they were specific questions. Sometimes, I’d suggest they check out MFP for a feel for what I was doing.
2 – Multiple doctors had told me to lose weight and more than one cardiologist recommended surgery.
3 – The goals I set were more than in line with any reputable height/weight chart or study.
My “go to” in difficult situations would be something like –
“I am following the advice of 2 cardiologists and my family doctor. My doctors are aware of my diet and goals. My objectives are completely in line with all valid height/weight reference chart ranges. If you have any medical resource to the contrary, I would certainly like to read it. ” That always ended the conversation.
Directness (not rudeness) and facts usually won the day.
No one could ever pushed me into eat anything. I have never blamed anyone but myself for being obese. I continued to buy my wife ice cream, McDonalds etc. – as she has no food issues and eats in moderation. I never asked her to pay the price for my weight problems.
Good luck to you.
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beemerphile1 wrote: »razisready wrote: »I lost 16 lbs and found family and friends unhappy with my weight loss and said l looked ill. They would be negative and push me to eat extra food. Now l have gained it all back no one says anything. Does anyone else have this problem?
How did they force you to eat? Did one hold you down while another stuffed food in your mouth?
You are making excuses. You are on a solo journey and you caved to outside pressure which encouraged you to do what you really wanted to do anyhow.
No one can do it for you and no one can sabotage you. Do it for yourself.
Ouch..
Please remove the chip from shoulder..
She was asking a question.. why people were negative when she lost the weight, but was neutral to her gaining the weight back.
She was just asking a question.
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Fixed it for youCommander_Keen wrote: »beemerphile1 wrote: »razisready wrote: »I lost 16 lbs and found family and friends unhappy with my weight loss and said l looked ill. They would be negative and push me to eat extra food. Now l have gained it all back no one says anything. Does anyone else have this problem?
How did they force you to eat? Did one hold you down while another stuffed food in your mouth?
You are making excuses. You are on a solo journey and you caved to outside pressure which encouraged you to do what you really wanted to do anyhow.
No one can do it for you and no one can sabotage you. Do it for yourself.
You gave an honest answer, you are a bully.
She was just asking a question.
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razisready wrote: »I lost 16 lbs and found family and friends unhappy with my weight loss and said l looked ill. They would be negative and push me to eat extra food. Now l have gained it all back no one says anything. Does anyone else have this problem?
Truth be told, its a perception issue. people who have seen you at a certain weight for X amount of time, and when you lost X amount await, it looked funny/strange.
Now a new person, who see you for the 1st will think you look healthy from the start.0 -
I'm sorry your family forced fed you until you gained back all the weight. They are not very nice.0
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Op are you a healthy weight? Are you underweight?0
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beemerphile1 wrote: »razisready wrote: »I lost 16 lbs and found family and friends unhappy with my weight loss and said l looked ill. They would be negative and push me to eat extra food. Now l have gained it all back no one says anything. Does anyone else have this problem?
How did they force you to eat? Did one hold you down while another stuffed food in your mouth?
You are making excuses. You are on a solo journey and you caved to outside pressure which encouraged you to do what you really wanted to do anyhow.
No one can do it for you and no one can sabotage you. Do it for yourself.
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Hi thanks for your constructive criticism. I was borderline diabetic and that was the reason l changed my lifestyle. I have put the weight back on due to a gym injury and began to believe that l wasnt eating enoughand felt that no one was happy with my weight loss. I am back in the gym and back on mfp and losing weight slowly. Just focused on that l will not allow anyones opinions to affect my weight loss journey and l am only accountable to myself thanks0
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jennifershoo wrote: »I'm sorry your family forced fed you until you gained back all the weight. They are not very nice.
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I am back on it and focused and now know not to let anyone's judgements affect my weight loss journey. I just wondered if anyone else had any experiences thanks appreciate all comments0
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PeachyPlum wrote: »There are a couple of things that could be happening here:
1. They felt jealous/insecure because of your weight loss, so they wanted you to regain the weight.
2. You really didn't have 16 lbs to lose and became underweight.
3. You were at a healthy weight but arrived there through unhealthy means (extremely low calories with improper nutrition) and so you were, in fact, ill.
Can you provide more information about how you lost the 16 lbs, and what your starting and goal weight are?
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Hi family and friends said they liked the older larger version of me. I lost weight through exercise and calorie controlled diet of 1200cals l was 12stone and went to 13stone 3lbs0
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razisready wrote: »Hi family and friends said they liked the older larger version of me. I lost weight through exercise and calorie controlled diet of 1200cals l was 12stone and went to 13stone 3lbs
When you use the quote button, you can just write under the text you quote.0 -
razisready wrote: »Hi family and friends said they liked the older larger version of me.
That's... kind of an odd thing to say. Did you ask why?0 -
techgal128 wrote: »razisready wrote: »Hi family and friends said they liked the older larger version of me.
That's... kind of an odd thing to say. Did you ask why?
Could just be cultural. Some cultures prefer larger bodies re: female standard of beauty.0 -
techgal128 wrote: »razisready wrote: »Hi family and friends said they liked the older larger version of me.
That's... kind of an odd thing to say. Did you ask why?
Could just be cultural. Some cultures prefer larger bodies re: female standard of beauty.
Very true. I didn't even think of that.0 -
Sabotage would be say feeding you something that is nutritionally healthy when intern it is. So it doesn't sound like sabotage. What is does sound like is that you were coerced to their points of view and gave in.
Now realize that it's a point of view and not always something you need to agree on.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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