I just couldn't stay friends

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luckypony71
luckypony71 Posts: 399 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I was recently sent a friends request by a young lady that I feel may have an eating disorder. I am only basing this on her posts and the fact that she was 101 pounds and calling herself greedy etc. I tried to be nice, sent positive comments, at one point suggested counseling. In the end I just removed her as a friend.

I feel bad. I don't know her, How do you deal with people like that? What would be the correct thing to do if you really don't even know where this person lives.
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Replies

  • crazyjerseygirl
    crazyjerseygirl Posts: 1,252 Member
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    Sadly, eating disorders, like all health issues, are very difficult to treat if the person in question refuses to see it as a problem.
    You did what you could to help her. Maybe your actions planted a seed of help, maybe they didn't. Maybe she will read this and know your concern and seek some kind of help, maybe not.
    As to what you can actively do, never glorify a body type. Speak of health in front of children, never looks. Be genuinely happy with yourself, physically and mentally, at any weight while always striving to be a better version of you. Never comment on a persons size behind their back. Treat people of all sizes with respect and kindness. Let others see this and you will help stop more eating eating disorders before they begin.

    (Btw, these are general suggestions, I'm not suggesting you are currently unkind! It is difficult for me to get that across in this sort of format!)
  • hhnkhl
    hhnkhl Posts: 231 Member
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    Some people are very ignorant...i have tried to help a few people as well...but it didnt work out too well.... i understand how you feel.
  • cebreisch
    cebreisch Posts: 1,340 Member
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    There are just sometimes people who don't get it, or don't want to. I think at some point everyone goes through denial about something or another - whether it's food related, relationship related, job related, whatever. All you can really do is hope they have a revelation and that it happens sooner rather than later.
  • adamitri
    adamitri Posts: 614 Member
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    I have some on my friends list that are like that and at first they were triggering me but now I just want to help them and encourage them to at least take better care of themselves. I encourage them when they eat healthily, I encourage them when they're positive about themselves. In the end I just want to help, lets see how far I can go.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
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    You tried. What more can you be asked for?
  • knitapeace
    knitapeace Posts: 1,013 Member
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    I think we all end up with people like that on our friends lists. I'm not a doctor so I hated to try and give advice, and I felt hypocritical clicking "like" on posts that I just couldn't support in good conscience. If I can't give someone the support they need then I'm really not doing them any good, so I remove the friend and mentally wish them the best. I still have some MFP friends who self-report as having an ED, and who post about how they're trying to live healthier lives, and that's something I can click "like" on. :)
  • SatiaRenee
    SatiaRenee Posts: 798 Member
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    I unfriend them. I also unfriend people who are too negative and seem to get off on beating themselves up. I have three children and a granddaughter and a husband and two Siberian huskies. I'm already taking care of enough in my real life. I can't be taking care of someone I have met and probably never will meet.
  • cbhubbybubble
    cbhubbybubble Posts: 465 Member
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    I was unfriended by someone with a calorie goal of 500 and making comments idnicating an ED. She didn't have such goals when she first friended me or I wouldn't have accepted in the first place. Not sure where she went sideways along the way. I tried to give advice/support for healthier goals, but got unfriended. Not much you can do besides try to give some advice, but if ppl aren't interested in hearing it, they aren't ready and that's not on you.
  • SuperC_sa
    SuperC_sa Posts: 48 Member
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    You cant help people. I unfriend them.
    Gone down the route of trying to help and give advise too many times to see its pointless.
  • mccindy72
    mccindy72 Posts: 7,001 Member
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    I had a couple of people like that. I tried to encourage them, and offer suggestions. When they continually rebuffed my suggestions, or had excuses as to why they couldn't take them, I stopped making the suggestions, and just didn't say anything. When I saw that things just continued, I eventually unfriended them. Sad as it is, we can't fix everyone, especially those who aren't really ready for help or open to taking advice.
  • racingislife97
    racingislife97 Posts: 40 Member
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    Eating disorders are never about the food. Unless you're trained to deal with people who have an eating disorder, there's a very good chance you're just being manipulated into enabling the behavior. Again, eating disorders are NEVER about the food or the weight. It's other issues...
  • AwesomelyAmber
    AwesomelyAmber Posts: 1,617 Member
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    I've definitely been there...
    I do have a person or two on my friends' list that are recovering from ED. One in particular tries so hard, and has been on the right road for years now, but her struggle is real---just as I have been here for years trying to lose weight. She supports my efforts and I support hers. We fight the same battle on different ends of the field.
    Others I have tried to offer support only to feel like a "mom" and "babysitter" and eventually had to let them go on their own. Especially after seeing that they are not trying to recover but trying to find acceptance and encouragement to continue to kill themselves.....
    It's hard to want so badly to help others... but almost impossible when you never fought that battle.
    Take comfort in your attempts, but in the end you just gotta do what is right for you and your own mental wellbeing. <3
  • tekkiechikk
    tekkiechikk Posts: 375 Member
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    So many people really don't want to be helped.... they use communities like this forum for sympathy only (or sometimes looking for validation so they can continue with what they are doing). You can't help fix someone who enjoys being broken. Not saying this is the case of this young lady, but we all know people like this, who take a lot of pleasure from constantly complaining rather than fixing what is wrong. I think you did the right thing.
  • Reedern
    Reedern Posts: 525 Member
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    Currently I have a "friend" who logs weight every single day and it is usually a loss. However, after reading her diary, she literally eats garbage every day (cookies, cakes, chips, etc.) and only about 15-20 grams of protein. I can see why she is losing weight, but she seems content with what she is putting in her body. I am on the verge of unfriending because I feel she is NOT on a healthy path at all. Weight loss is not just about rapidly losing weight, but should be about doing it the right way by a healthy diet and exercise. Just my personal opinion.
  • janejellyroll
    janejellyroll Posts: 25,763 Member
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    Reedern wrote: »
    Currently I have a "friend" who logs weight every single day and it is usually a loss. However, after reading her diary, she literally eats garbage every day (cookies, cakes, chips, etc.) and only about 15-20 grams of protein. I can see why she is losing weight, but she seems content with what she is putting in her body. I am on the verge of unfriending because I feel she is NOT on a healthy path at all. Weight loss is not just about rapidly losing weight, but should be about doing it the right way by a healthy diet and exercise. Just my personal opinion.

    Honestly, if someone was looking at my diary daily and thinking that I was eating "garbage," I would want them to unfriend me.
  • shinisize
    shinisize Posts: 105 Member
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    It wasn't until I helped a coworker get help that I found out how confusing and scary the world seems to someone with ED. Every 'suggestion' to get help sounds like a vicious attack. "See a councillor" sounds like "You're bug-f*ing-nuts, you're so crazy you don't even know it". Telling someone to go see a Dr is really you telling them to go be sternly administered scare tactics and scolded about what-ifs. They may know you mean well, but it can hurt them every time you say something. What actually got through to her was finally having someone start asking her WHY she felt a certain way, but never expecting an answer. After a few weeks she finally opened up enough to talk about her stumbling blocks and ask for help getting help.
  • Josalinn
    Josalinn Posts: 1,066 Member
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    Another side may be that she was trolling you. While I agree that there are people on here with serious problems, some take advantage of that and get their jollies out of tormenting other people. Just an alternative to consider. I am not saying she was definitely a troll or not.
  • LAWoman72
    LAWoman72 Posts: 2,846 Member
    edited March 2015
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    janejellyroll wrote: »
    Reedern wrote: »
    Currently I have a "friend" who logs weight every single day and it is usually a loss. However, after reading her diary, she literally eats garbage every day (cookies, cakes, chips, etc.) and only about 15-20 grams of protein. I can see why she is losing weight, but she seems content with what she is putting in her body. I am on the verge of unfriending because I feel she is NOT on a healthy path at all. Weight loss is not just about rapidly losing weight, but should be about doing it the right way by a healthy diet and exercise. Just my personal opinion.

    Honestly, if someone was looking at my diary daily and thinking that I was eating "garbage," I would want them to unfriend me.

    Me too.

    I don't unfriend people for reasons like that. I actually don't pay much attention to my Friends list...I am a horrible Friend! :#

    If anybody un-friended me I'd never know it.

  • luckypony71
    luckypony71 Posts: 399 Member
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    shinisize wrote: »
    It wasn't until I helped a coworker get help that I found out how confusing and scary the world seems to someone with ED. Every 'suggestion' to get help sounds like a vicious attack. "See a councillor" sounds like "You're bug-f*ing-nuts, you're so crazy you don't even know it". Telling someone to go see a Dr is really you telling them to go be sternly administered scare tactics and scolded about what-ifs. They may know you mean well, but it can hurt them every time you say something. What actually got through to her was finally having someone start asking her WHY she felt a certain way, but never expecting an answer. After a few weeks she finally opened up enough to talk about her stumbling blocks and ask for help getting help.

    This makes sense
  • MaVieEntiere
    MaVieEntiere Posts: 135 Member
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    You did the right thing. Pray for her to find help. But she has to see it as a problem first...

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