I just couldn't stay friends
luckypony71
Posts: 399 Member
I was recently sent a friends request by a young lady that I feel may have an eating disorder. I am only basing this on her posts and the fact that she was 101 pounds and calling herself greedy etc. I tried to be nice, sent positive comments, at one point suggested counseling. In the end I just removed her as a friend.
I feel bad. I don't know her, How do you deal with people like that? What would be the correct thing to do if you really don't even know where this person lives.
I feel bad. I don't know her, How do you deal with people like that? What would be the correct thing to do if you really don't even know where this person lives.
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Replies
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Sadly, eating disorders, like all health issues, are very difficult to treat if the person in question refuses to see it as a problem.
You did what you could to help her. Maybe your actions planted a seed of help, maybe they didn't. Maybe she will read this and know your concern and seek some kind of help, maybe not.
As to what you can actively do, never glorify a body type. Speak of health in front of children, never looks. Be genuinely happy with yourself, physically and mentally, at any weight while always striving to be a better version of you. Never comment on a persons size behind their back. Treat people of all sizes with respect and kindness. Let others see this and you will help stop more eating eating disorders before they begin.
(Btw, these are general suggestions, I'm not suggesting you are currently unkind! It is difficult for me to get that across in this sort of format!)0 -
Some people are very ignorant...i have tried to help a few people as well...but it didnt work out too well.... i understand how you feel.0
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There are just sometimes people who don't get it, or don't want to. I think at some point everyone goes through denial about something or another - whether it's food related, relationship related, job related, whatever. All you can really do is hope they have a revelation and that it happens sooner rather than later.0
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I have some on my friends list that are like that and at first they were triggering me but now I just want to help them and encourage them to at least take better care of themselves. I encourage them when they eat healthily, I encourage them when they're positive about themselves. In the end I just want to help, lets see how far I can go.0
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You tried. What more can you be asked for?0
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I think we all end up with people like that on our friends lists. I'm not a doctor so I hated to try and give advice, and I felt hypocritical clicking "like" on posts that I just couldn't support in good conscience. If I can't give someone the support they need then I'm really not doing them any good, so I remove the friend and mentally wish them the best. I still have some MFP friends who self-report as having an ED, and who post about how they're trying to live healthier lives, and that's something I can click "like" on.
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I unfriend them. I also unfriend people who are too negative and seem to get off on beating themselves up. I have three children and a granddaughter and a husband and two Siberian huskies. I'm already taking care of enough in my real life. I can't be taking care of someone I have met and probably never will meet.0
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I was unfriended by someone with a calorie goal of 500 and making comments idnicating an ED. She didn't have such goals when she first friended me or I wouldn't have accepted in the first place. Not sure where she went sideways along the way. I tried to give advice/support for healthier goals, but got unfriended. Not much you can do besides try to give some advice, but if ppl aren't interested in hearing it, they aren't ready and that's not on you.0
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You cant help people. I unfriend them.
Gone down the route of trying to help and give advise too many times to see its pointless.0 -
I had a couple of people like that. I tried to encourage them, and offer suggestions. When they continually rebuffed my suggestions, or had excuses as to why they couldn't take them, I stopped making the suggestions, and just didn't say anything. When I saw that things just continued, I eventually unfriended them. Sad as it is, we can't fix everyone, especially those who aren't really ready for help or open to taking advice.0
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Eating disorders are never about the food. Unless you're trained to deal with people who have an eating disorder, there's a very good chance you're just being manipulated into enabling the behavior. Again, eating disorders are NEVER about the food or the weight. It's other issues...0
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I've definitely been there...
I do have a person or two on my friends' list that are recovering from ED. One in particular tries so hard, and has been on the right road for years now, but her struggle is real---just as I have been here for years trying to lose weight. She supports my efforts and I support hers. We fight the same battle on different ends of the field.
Others I have tried to offer support only to feel like a "mom" and "babysitter" and eventually had to let them go on their own. Especially after seeing that they are not trying to recover but trying to find acceptance and encouragement to continue to kill themselves.....
It's hard to want so badly to help others... but almost impossible when you never fought that battle.
Take comfort in your attempts, but in the end you just gotta do what is right for you and your own mental wellbeing.
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So many people really don't want to be helped.... they use communities like this forum for sympathy only (or sometimes looking for validation so they can continue with what they are doing). You can't help fix someone who enjoys being broken. Not saying this is the case of this young lady, but we all know people like this, who take a lot of pleasure from constantly complaining rather than fixing what is wrong. I think you did the right thing.0
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Currently I have a "friend" who logs weight every single day and it is usually a loss. However, after reading her diary, she literally eats garbage every day (cookies, cakes, chips, etc.) and only about 15-20 grams of protein. I can see why she is losing weight, but she seems content with what she is putting in her body. I am on the verge of unfriending because I feel she is NOT on a healthy path at all. Weight loss is not just about rapidly losing weight, but should be about doing it the right way by a healthy diet and exercise. Just my personal opinion.0
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Currently I have a "friend" who logs weight every single day and it is usually a loss. However, after reading her diary, she literally eats garbage every day (cookies, cakes, chips, etc.) and only about 15-20 grams of protein. I can see why she is losing weight, but she seems content with what she is putting in her body. I am on the verge of unfriending because I feel she is NOT on a healthy path at all. Weight loss is not just about rapidly losing weight, but should be about doing it the right way by a healthy diet and exercise. Just my personal opinion.
Honestly, if someone was looking at my diary daily and thinking that I was eating "garbage," I would want them to unfriend me.0 -
It wasn't until I helped a coworker get help that I found out how confusing and scary the world seems to someone with ED. Every 'suggestion' to get help sounds like a vicious attack. "See a councillor" sounds like "You're bug-f*ing-nuts, you're so crazy you don't even know it". Telling someone to go see a Dr is really you telling them to go be sternly administered scare tactics and scolded about what-ifs. They may know you mean well, but it can hurt them every time you say something. What actually got through to her was finally having someone start asking her WHY she felt a certain way, but never expecting an answer. After a few weeks she finally opened up enough to talk about her stumbling blocks and ask for help getting help.0
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Another side may be that she was trolling you. While I agree that there are people on here with serious problems, some take advantage of that and get their jollies out of tormenting other people. Just an alternative to consider. I am not saying she was definitely a troll or not.0
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janejellyroll wrote: »Currently I have a "friend" who logs weight every single day and it is usually a loss. However, after reading her diary, she literally eats garbage every day (cookies, cakes, chips, etc.) and only about 15-20 grams of protein. I can see why she is losing weight, but she seems content with what she is putting in her body. I am on the verge of unfriending because I feel she is NOT on a healthy path at all. Weight loss is not just about rapidly losing weight, but should be about doing it the right way by a healthy diet and exercise. Just my personal opinion.
Honestly, if someone was looking at my diary daily and thinking that I was eating "garbage," I would want them to unfriend me.
Me too.
I don't unfriend people for reasons like that. I actually don't pay much attention to my Friends list...I am a horrible Friend!
If anybody un-friended me I'd never know it.
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It wasn't until I helped a coworker get help that I found out how confusing and scary the world seems to someone with ED. Every 'suggestion' to get help sounds like a vicious attack. "See a councillor" sounds like "You're bug-f*ing-nuts, you're so crazy you don't even know it". Telling someone to go see a Dr is really you telling them to go be sternly administered scare tactics and scolded about what-ifs. They may know you mean well, but it can hurt them every time you say something. What actually got through to her was finally having someone start asking her WHY she felt a certain way, but never expecting an answer. After a few weeks she finally opened up enough to talk about her stumbling blocks and ask for help getting help.
This makes sense0 -
You did the right thing. Pray for her to find help. But she has to see it as a problem first...0
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I think you did the right thing. I had an MFP friend who was drinking vodka every day, commenting on getting drunk often, etc etc. I don't judge other people's choices and in that case I felt it inappropriate to comment to someone I didn't know. I also grew up with an alcoholic relative so it was a trigger for me. I didn't say anything, just deleted. It still bothers me that I didn't at least attempt to help, but in the end I had to be selfish.0
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The problem is when you try to say something to help people they're usually in a bad place where they won't listen to even the best advice and once you make an effort, you're sort of sucked into their problem. I don't like to do that just because it feels like there's a lot of pressure for you to say the right thing and come up with a fail safe solution to every problem. Usually these things go along the lines of friend bringing up an issue, you respond with reasonable advice, they respond back insisting that won't work so what else do you suggest and that's it, you're trapped.0
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I had the same situation happen to me last week. I had a "friend" that would log things like "Fake meal so I can reach MFP Goals - 1200 Calories" and log a few real foods only adding up to sometimes 300 real calories a day. Her posts were always negative and sometimes scary. I felt sorry for the girl but I had to unfriend her. I'm trying to work on bettering myself and my body and I really didn't want to see stuff like that everyday. You got to do what you got to do sometimes.0
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_tierachanel wrote: »I had the same situation happen to me last week. I had a "friend" that would log things like "Fake meal so I can reach MFP Goals - 1200 Calories" and log a few real foods only adding up to sometimes 300 real calories a day. Her posts were always negative and sometimes scary. I felt sorry for the girl but I had to unfriend her. I'm trying to work on bettering myself and my body and I really didn't want to see stuff like that everyday. You got to do what you got to do sometimes.
That blatantly sounds like an attention seeking thing. Calling a meal that definitely seems designed to get people to notice the problem, because you could just simply put in quick added calories. And that's the problem, people are using MFP as a place to get help and advice from unqualified people for serious problems when they should be seeing professionals.0
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