A little scared of weight loss in re: to s/o

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witheredorchid
witheredorchid Posts: 164 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
So has anyone else been a little scared there s/o wouldnt be attracted to them if they lost weight? I meet my fiancee at my highest weight and he constantly tells me I'm the perfect weight. As much as I want to just be content with my weight I rather be healthy and actually FEEL beautiful. It's not like he's had a history of dating overweight girls though. In fact all his ex's that I've seen are like 6', 110lbs, with giant boobs. I am on the other end of the spectrum in every way. It's extremely frusterating because the more weight I loose the more he growls everytime he hears me say "calorie" or "workout". He said he would be supportive but I think that he just thought I wouldnt have the will power to do it. I'm so freaked that if I loose the 81 lbs I want to that, even though I know he'll still love me, he won't be sexually attracted to me. :(

Replies

  • SlowlyLosingLolita
    SlowlyLosingLolita Posts: 93 Member
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    I'm sure he will be. I've worried about that, too but it seems that my boyfriend just keeps getting more hands-y lol. He said he likes how I'm more confident and don't shoo his hands away anymore.
    He loves you for you, Thick or thin. You'll feel better, you'll feel sexier, and it will make your relationship better.
    You have nothing to worry about.
  • Winged_Victory
    Winged_Victory Posts: 58
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    You should tell him what you just told us.
  • Crooks0204
    Crooks0204 Posts: 189
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    You should tell him what you just told us.

    I agree!!! You should discuss it openly with him...the more you ignore your feelings and worry about it, the bigger the issue will become.
  • mayasmom
    mayasmom Posts: 61 Member
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    he may be worried that you'll leave HIM once you reach a healthy weight. it could be his own insecurities that have him make you feeling insecure about losing the weight in the first place. is he overweight? could he be feeling threatened?
  • dawniewest
    dawniewest Posts: 37 Member
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    Men are sexually attracted to.....sex. They fall in love with a person they get to know AFTER the initial attraction draws you to them. He will still love you and if you feel better about yourself, you will feel....sexier which will only benefit him! ;) I do know that men don't find it "sexy" when we tend to obsess about our weight or the process of loosing weight, so maybe switch your "language" to refering to eating healthy, and feeling energized after the gym. Other than that, keep up the good work! With him or without him you are improving the quality and quantity of your future by your endeavors! :)
  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member
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    We don't know him well enough to assess. You really should talk to him about this though. Communication is vital in a healthy relationship.
  • Dreamtime
    Dreamtime Posts: 1
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    You should be clear as to why you are losing weight and improving your overall health. It should be for you and no one eles. If he loves you as he says he will stick around, if he is using YOUR pounds as his security blanket he may leave, but then do you really want a partner that doesn't love you for you? I also wonder why he is no longer with the blond bombshelIs? I would advise doing what you want for you, and keep communication open with him, if he IS your one and only he will be there for you through thick and thin.:love::flowerforyou:
  • carpediem3
    carpediem3 Posts: 320 Member
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    I'm sure he will. Your a beautiful girl! My hub met me when I was 135lbs, size 7 and still was madly in love with me at my heaviest -- just 4 months ago at 246, size 16/18. My hub loved me thin, and loves me fat but I'm still me. Just remember weight doesn't make the person, personality does. I'm sure you have nothing to worry about!
  • beautylovetruth
    beautylovetruth Posts: 130 Member
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    He shouldn't leave you because of your desire to be a healthy person and the fact that you are literally working your butt off to be that way! I agree with the other posters that you need to talk to him about this ASAP because you don't want it to become a bigger issue down the road.

    My fiance said that I didn't need to lose weight when I weighed 145 pounds. I've lost 8 pounds since and it has made a difference, both in my confidence and any relationship I have. His indifference to me losing the weight pushed me to do what I wanted with my life and to encourage him to be healthier through my cooking.

    I wish you all the best and don't be afraid to message me if you need private support! :)
  • youngmomtaz
    youngmomtaz Posts: 1,075 Member
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    I'll bet he growls because he dislikes the idea of you being unhappy with yourself. My husband used to do the same thing. He was opposed to my losing weight because he felt I was perfect and that I was hating myself every time I spoke about a workout or refused a cookie. Once I explained that I wanted to model good habits to my kids and avoid the health problems that run in my family he was a lot more supportive(he has actually joined me in the last 4 weeks and is excited about his own weight loss). I would explain to him how you feel and see if he will tell you why he seems to dislike you losing weight. You may be surprised by the answer.
  • jenny95662
    jenny95662 Posts: 997 Member
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    I know rxactly how you feel even though I met my husband when I hjad lost most of my weight (down to 170) only 5'4) and now after my last kid i am at my highest of 263 but when i say how much i want to lose he says i am fine the way i am . i talked to him about my fear at the time and he said it was because he was insecure.
  • witheredorchid
    witheredorchid Posts: 164 Member
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    Thanks for the support everyone. I have disscused my feelings with him and he assures me that he will love me no matter what but than a few days later the support and assurance seems to take a 180. The insecurity thing might be a factor. He isnt over weight. He's 6'9" and like 158. He's been cheated on in the past though so in reality he might be with me because all his "skinny" gf's broke his heart. I nenver really thought of it that way.
  • breezymom81
    breezymom81 Posts: 499 Member
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    If he is in love with you he will find you sexually attractive. I was 100lbs when I met my hubby, now 195ish highest 206 he has been attracted every step of the way. Maybe more right now then every b/c I am more confident
  • SoCalSwimmerDude
    SoCalSwimmerDude Posts: 480 Member
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    Umm... from a 'dudes' perspective.... you have nothing to worry about. Trust me ;)

    (got my phsyc degree from MFP University. You'd be surprised how easy they are to get... seems like everyone has one!)
  • sister_bear
    sister_bear Posts: 529 Member
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    He's been cheated on in the past though so in reality he might be with me because all his "skinny" gf's broke his heart. I nenver really thought of it that way.

    Sounds like you may have found the source of his frustration.

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