Be my friend

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Why does admitting I need a friend make me feel like I’m completely lame? I don’t know. But, here’s my story if anyone feels like it resonates.
I’m 41, single for more than 7 years, after being dumped by my fiancé for being “too fat” after an 8-year-long relationship. I weigh 198 on average and I wear a size 16 and I admit I have probably kept myself overweight with a layer of fat as a security blanket. I know I have mental and emotional things that I have to work through in order to be successful at this.
I recently moved to a completely new state (Washington) where I have a sister, but no other family or friends. I moved because I felt stagnant and unhappy where I was (Minnesota), and I saw nothing improving without some major change. And, I hate winter! I needed to unload – in more ways than one. I was becoming a hoarder… I went to buffets with my family multiple times a week… I lost my best friend to drugs… and I realized I had no one else I could call a friend. It was hard to do, but I am glad I did it.
Now, I live with strangers, I sleep on an airbed (a nice one), and I spend most of my time in front of a screen of one sort or another. But it’s better than doing all the same things AND freezing my *kitten* off! Point is, I don’t want to fall back into the same habits. Or, if I never dropped them, I want to try. I want to meet healthy-minded people that inspire and motivate me; even more so if they are not quite healthy yet themselves. I want to share my journey. I want to feel like I matter. And, it’s about time I trust someone again. You may wonder, well, what about the sister? She is encouraging and supportive, but because of her own health problems, she can’t really share this journey with me. So, I need a friend. I need a group of friends.
I like to hike, and hope to do a lot of it, but I have a hard time getting myself to do it alone. I use a Fitbit now, and I am trying to log my foods every day… could be better at that.
Guy or girl, young or old, let me know if you “feel me.” Maybe we both need a friend.
~Jenna

Replies

  • gwenpally
    gwenpally Posts: 20 Member
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    Wow girl...you've done really well in your situation! You have taken control and that's the first step to empowermetnt, you are the boss now. There are things which happen that are completely out of our control and the only thing you can do is take the positives, learn from them and move on.

    Your husband - sorry ex husband - sounds like a complete plank and maybe you've had a luk escape if he has revealed himself to be a shallow, non-commital pig (sorry if I sound harsh, he clearly never deserved you in the first place).

    I think you need to forge about everyone else in your life and just do what's right for you. If you concentrate on yourself and positive steps towards a better you, life will fall into place without you even noticing. You like hiking, Washington would be an amazing place for this - maybe get a dog if you can, the company on the hike and knowing you'll have to go for some kind of walk every day will make activity outdoors a routine for you. You could try and find a hiking club to join in your area - exercise AND new friends - WIN! :) It's always easier and more fun when you have others to lighten the load and share the journey.

    I know it must be lonely to be away from the rest of your family but you do still have your sister, organise seeing her in postitive situations for both of you. If she is suffering healh problems, you may well bond over healthy eating. Trying new food and flavours can be really exciting and when you find things you like that are also healthy and nutritious, very rewarding. There are so many recipes online, I don't have time to ever make them all! I know, it's hard to avoid the ones that look amazing but aren't that 'good' for you but a little of everything in moderation shouldn't do too much harm - hopefully the good food will outweigh the bad!

    Personally, I have struggled with my weight almost my whole life, I know it started in childhood. I tend to yoyo, at the moment, I'm around 67 kgs (I think my heaviest was between 70-75 kgs) and my lightest was 50 kgs (I'm quite short - 5'3" - so 70 kgs is heavy and 50 is probably on the light side of right). I think I have an undiagnosed thyroid problem but I know that my diet and lack of exercise probably has contributed to my weight problem more and it certainly can't hurt to eat healthily and try to get more active!

    Even if you don't lose weight, consider it a small victory to not put any more on. I find that logging my food honestly - good or bad - is key. At least I can see that cake didn't do as much damage as I feared, or I can add up all those coffees and realise how many kcals I would be saving if I swapped even half to green tea (good for you as well!).

    Stay positive, add me if you like :)
    Gwen
  • mandychowx
    mandychowx Posts: 179 Member
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    <3
  • santezo
    santezo Posts: 4
    edited March 2015
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    Hi there,
    Thanks for sharing your story! I would love to add you to my fitbit. Right now i only have my wife and one co-worker as fitbit contacts. My wife is 8 months pregnant and can't do much exercising right now. :-)
    I'm 38 and I've been suffering with sciatica on my right leg since december. Walking makes me feel better, but this past winter was brutal here in Toronto, so i've been barely cracking the 6-7k steps/day. Last Friday I finally got the courage and joined a gym. But thanks to my co-worker who has been adding me to the fitbit challenges with his family and friends, i've been getting the motivation to hit the treadmill every day for 45 mins. I can only walk right now, due to the sciatica, but it's a start... I've been doing over 13k steps/day now. So, the fitbit definitely helps with the motivation part. :-)
    Is lunargodess your fitbit alias? If you want to add me, I'm santezo@gmail.com
  • dragon_sla
    dragon_sla Posts: 42 Member
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    Hi Jenna,
    We all go through bad times. I know what your saying, Have a failed marriage and went through all the bad stuff. Met a lady who inspired me to get moving and have lost weight. We no longer date but still are friends. Told her tonight how she had helped me. Your on the right track. I know how hard it is to get motivated. If you would like can add me here and have a fitbit. dragon_sla@yahoo.com. Your welcome to add me there also.
  • thatguynick
    thatguynick Posts: 106 Member
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    You are important! :) I'm not using fitbit yet, but may end up doing so. Feel free to add me, and I'm here to support and encourage, and if you just want to talk through something I'm a good listener too. You aren't alone!