Dealing with Negative People

Ignore them. I have a family member like that. It's jealousy.

1. The friend. Sounds a bit controlling, i'm all right jack, immature sort of thing. In his eyes he is being helpful, but I cant tell how he is criticisng you whether its teasing or its a bit more malicious and doing you down. If he is a genuine friend, then talk to him, tell him you are appreciative for his advice and support, but could he leave out the other stuff as you find it unhlepful (there were several other alternative phrases)... If he listens all well and good, if he doesnt, then you have to decide whether you are being oversensitive? If you cant brush it off or argue your corner, then perhaps you should be doing the diet and exercise on your own and without his assistance because he is more of a hinderance than a benefit?

2. People friends and family. As long as what you are doing is healthy and well thought out, then friends and family supposedly want the best for you, so they should support you. If they dont, brush it off and get on with doing what you know you want. Your life. You do have the other alternative which is to eat by portion control and eat smaller portions. I cant see what business it is of theirs what food you put in your own mouth.

3. The bread on the table I think is an example of your weight loss joirney impinging on them. Just because you are losing, you are asking them to put up with a minor inconvenience. Food will still exist in the world, so try and focus and be clear in your objectives, then it wont bother you because you have decided losing weight is more important. The world doesnt stop just because you choose to go on a diet nor will many other people be interested. Get friends on MFP and they can share their experience of being on a diet.

Seems like there are three things going on. (1) Your friend thinks he is motivating you by pointing out what seems to be "slacking off" from his point of view. He's a friend, so tell him that it doesn't work. That really doesn't sound like a "negative person," because he wants you to achieve your goals; he's just going about it in a counterproductive way.

(2) People criticize your healthy choices at restaurants. It might be because it makes them feel bad about their own choices. It might be because they think you're losing too much weight (weight loss makes some people uncomfortable because it's often a consequence of disease). If they're close to you, you can try telling them that it bugs you; if not, then learn to ignore it. You can also order something that has more calories than you want to eat, and then leave some on your plate (or take leftovers home). See #3.

(3) Bread on the table. Here I have to say that I agree with @newmeadow‌. Let people have their bread. Unless you're going to be avoiding bread the rest of your life, you need to learn how to eat only what you need, and to exercise a little self control. Ask them to keep the bread away from your seat, if that's what you need, but let them have it.

In respect of the friend, it might be that putting up with them giving you stick when you slow down or miss a day is the price you pay for them otherwise helping you.

In respect of the bread - dude, this is your thing, not theirs. Let them have their bread. Just don't eat it. Imagine the other side of this story to be someone asking "How do you deal with people who go on a health kick and all of a sudden want me to not eat bread at a restauarant, just because they're on a diet?"

mariasacuna5 wrote: »

justjack18 wrote: »

Ignore them. I have a family member like that. It's jealousy.

Agreed.

I really don't get how a workout buddy giving you stick for missing a workout, or a dinner-mate wanting bread on the table amounts to jealousy. I see this all the time, it seems to be peoples go-to answer, but I really don't think it's the right one nearly as often as people seem to think...

Unfortunately, I think at some point you just get used to it and are able to filter it out and ignore it. If it bothers you, tell your friend that he's hurting your feelings and you'd appreciate if he kept those comments to himself. For the bread, I'd say just let it go. You learn to not want it anymore and it becomes a non issues. I found the best way I've been able to deal with these type of situations is to face them head on instead of trying to avoid them or ways around them. But alas, we all deal differently. This is just my opinion and what helps me. Good luck.

Honestly, at this point, negativity would fuel me....I, however, am surrounded by people who just don't care one way or another how I am or what I'm doing. I had a huge milestone life event on Friday and not ONE of my closest family or friends asked me how it went. *shrug* Whatever, right?
If someone were being negative to me I would eat it and burn it!!!

Alatariel75 wrote: »

mariasacuna5 wrote: »

justjack18 wrote: »

Ignore them. I have a family member like that. It's jealousy.

Agreed.

I really don't get how a workout buddy giving you stick for missing a workout, or a dinner-mate wanting bread on the table amounts to jealousy. I see this all the time, it seems to be peoples go-to answer, but I really don't think it's the right one nearly as often as people seem to think...

I agree. Neither of these examples seem like jealousy. It's a highly motivated person holding you to a similar standard, and people who like to eat bread. Calling it jealousy doesn't help at all. And it's not really negativity, it's just people going about their lives.

I've gotten really good at 1) ignoring BS 2) doing what I want. My husband is the person who most often is the source of negative comments. For example, he often tells me that running is bad for my joints, even though current research doesn't support that. He also likes to tell me that I'm doing the wrong exercises. Somebody who is 'big' like me shouldn't be jumping around. For the most part, I don't exercise where he can see me. But occasionally I do end up telling him to just shut up about it. Hell, I'm 51. Its my body and I'm gonna do w/ it what I want. I don't have high blood pressure, my cholesterol is under control. Granted, the BMI calculators still say I'm obese. But at least its not morbidly obese anymore.

So, I spent some serious cash on a better than average pair of running shoes. I'll go for a run at lunch tomorrow and enjoy myself.

Be straight with people. Tell them it's not helpful.