I feel like an outcast sometimes...
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sonemoso
Posts: 41 Member
Seriously. It really bothers me sometimes. (I lost some weight a year ago and successfully *maintained* since then, gained a few pounds but I also had an unexpected late growth burst + 3 cm)
I put up with a lot, I go to Mc Donald's with my family and try to have the healthiest options, I eat out a lot with them because they love to, etc. Still, healthy eating is very important to me now.
Today my granny who doesn't approve of my "too mindful eating" gave me 2kg of chocolate and said: "It's easter, you "can" eat for a change ..."
Um thanks. I eat anywhere around 1800-2000 NET calories and you just talked to me like I'm anorexic.
Also saying no to unhealthy foods makes me feel like I am the "Don't give a F***", unhealthy one. It bothers me a lot
I put up with a lot, I go to Mc Donald's with my family and try to have the healthiest options, I eat out a lot with them because they love to, etc. Still, healthy eating is very important to me now.
Today my granny who doesn't approve of my "too mindful eating" gave me 2kg of chocolate and said: "It's easter, you "can" eat for a change ..."
Um thanks. I eat anywhere around 1800-2000 NET calories and you just talked to me like I'm anorexic.
Also saying no to unhealthy foods makes me feel like I am the "Don't give a F***", unhealthy one. It bothers me a lot
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Replies
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Don't take it personally....your Granny is just trying to give you some "love". It's not right but I find I do it myself with my grown children.....I know better but somehow always end up expressing love with food.0
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My grandma was of a mentality to "feed those you love" and "love through your cooking" I thing it is a generational thing. It is very likely that she doesn't know that her efforts affect you negatively.
I don't think you will get her to see things from your perspective. So rather than arguing, just say "Thank you" -- she will probably welcome the fact that you took her "token of love" and you will preserve your sanity and family relations.0 -
Lucky you - chocolate is so hard to come by today!
I feel your frustration. I don't have any advice for you though.0 -
My family has always shown love with food. We don't know how to just say "I love you". We express ourselves in the kitchen. Unfortunately, this will never change, but we can change which foods we show love with. The other night, we had a family dinner at home. We made burgers, both turkey and beef, grilled asparagus, pasta salad loaded with veggies, and grilled fruit for dessert. Our family time still revolves around food, but when my mother and I are in charge of the menu, the foods are healthier than what the men would choose.
The good news is that you don't have to abandon your family. The bad news is that you can't force anyone else to think the same way that you do. You're making better choices for yourself. You can't expect them to understand or want to change. They have to make that decision for themselves.0 -
Realize that you DON'T have to be extreme to lose weight or attain health. A chocolate candy egg in a day isn't going to ruin you. The real ruin comes is when you look at foods in fear of the calories in them. You control how much you consume, so you don't have to consume the whole thing. It is really okay to just live a little. Trust me when I say that food choices can create a divide in your relationships and you may eventually avoid any family time due to it. And that would have a much bigger impact on your life than just having some chocolate on occasion.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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beachhouse758 wrote: »My grandma was of a mentality to "feed those you love" and "love through your cooking" I thing it is a generational thing. It is very likely that she doesn't know that her efforts affect you negatively.
I don't think you will get her to see things from your perspective. So rather than arguing, just say "Thank you" -- she will probably welcome the fact that you took her "token of love" and you will preserve your sanity and family relations.
It's not a generational thing-- I show my love through food and cooking as well. However after reading probably hundreds of threads like these over the 4 years I've been here I do try to tone it down and only offer food when it's genuinely wanted.
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Realize that you DON'T have to be extreme to lose weight or attain health. A chocolate candy egg in a day isn't going to ruin you. The real ruin comes is when you look at foods in fear of the calories in them. You control how much you consume, so you don't have to consume the whole thing. It is really okay to just live a little. Trust me when I say that food choices can create a divide in your relationships and you may eventually avoid any family time due to it. And that would have a much bigger impact on your life than just having some chocolate on occasion.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
I know0 -
Oh god I just typed up so much and it judt swallowed everything I wrote! @ninerbuff I will write it again on my PC in a sec.0
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Dieting definitely causes people to think of you someway. However, like my grandma, certain population show their love through cooking. It may not be the best food for your diet, but it's their way of saying thanks. So just take it but say "I'm not hungry yet".
P.S. Never complain that you're hungry so that you could always say the excuse "I'm not hungry" when needed xD0 -
My family does the same thing to people who lose a lot of weight. They are great people (for the most part), but they severely encourage overeating. I am absolutely positive that when I lose about fifty more lbs, they will be trying to stuff my face even though I'll still be 30-40lbs away from my goal at that point.
I'm still 265, and in less than 20lbs, they'll start up with the "you're getting too skinny!" comments. It just snowballs from there.0 -
I guess we just have to put up with it thought. But it makes me sad that they think I am unhappy being slim and that I am constantly "restricting" myself, because I am not.
@ninerbuff I hope this won't be deleted again
I was always a strange kid because I never really craved chocolate, crisps, cakes, etc. But my grandma always cooked lunch for me and my sister and it was revolting (vinnegar on sliced potatoes smeared with lard). I always gagged after a few bites but she made me eat it all. Every day. Even my mum didn't like it, but my granny is a control feak and has issues, she would cook even if she knew my mum was cooking. So after lunch I still craved food that tasted good too me, so I learned to cook at an early age and often had a second lunch (usually loads of pasta, to compensate for the trauma ^^). So I got chubby, not fat, because my metabolism is pretty good.
Then we moved away for a year, I lost the weight, we moved back, granny got a big shock, started cooking even more unhealthy food but my parents finally stopped her and now she's only allowed to cook once a week. PUH.
The thing is, I would rather fuel my body with foods I love. I don't love chocolate. And I won't have it because it shows I can eat everything in moderation, or because society says it's cool. But I love avocadoes, nuts, lamb, PORRIDGE, topfen. All these things. If I don't have them for a few days I literally go nuts So I am not restricting myself at all. I don't even log a lot anymore, just sometimes by the end of the day to ensure I get enough calories because I don't have a big appetite and often long periods of school.
So there we go, I would be curious to know: Are there others that never WANT junk foods? It sounds weird, I guess, but it's true.0 -
So there we go, I would be curious to know: Are there others that never WANT junk foods? It sounds weird, I guess, but it's true.
Yes, there are other people out there like that. I know a few.
It's hard because not just older generations - but often current society as well - that insist junk food is a "treat". It's considered a nice thing to bake someone a cupcake or a batch of cookies when they're feeling bad ... or invite them over to celebrate with a meal made with traditional foods that are rather unhealthy - and yes, going out for fast food is often seen as a treat or reward. So, it's hard for me to remember that these tokens of love/support/celebration are not seen as such by these particular friends - and, I admit, it makes me feel a little weird ... that something has to be "wrong" with them or me. But then I remember that everyone IS different.
My advice is to be sure people KNOW what you enjoy as a treat, as a comfort, etc. Some like your granny may never respect your views, but others will adapt and be grateful that they know what will make you smile. (For me, it'd be a brownie - for you, maybe a kiwi?)
But no matter what - you are not alone. You are not weird. You are simply you!
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So there we go, I would be curious to know: Are there others that never WANT junk foods? It sounds weird, I guess, but it's true.
Yes, there are other people out there like that. I know a few.
It's hard because not just older generations - but often current society as well - that insist junk food is a "treat". It's considered a nice thing to bake someone a cupcake or a batch of cookies when they're feeling bad ... or invite them over to celebrate with a meal made with traditional foods that are rather unhealthy - and yes, going out for fast food is often seen as a treat or reward. So, it's hard for me to remember that these tokens of love/support/celebration are not seen as such by these particular friends - and, I admit, it makes me feel a little weird ... that something has to be "wrong" with them or me. But then I remember that everyone IS different.
My advice is to be sure people KNOW what you enjoy as a treat, as a comfort, etc. Some like your granny may never respect your views, but others will adapt and be grateful that they know what will make you smile. (For me, it'd be a brownie - for you, maybe a kiwi?)
But no matter what - you are not alone. You are not weird. You are simply you!
Thank you for writing this, it helped me0 -
Accept the gift and then re-gift it to a friend who is in to chocolate.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Eleanor Roosevelt
Love your grandma because she is your grandma but don't buy in to the rest.
Hard, but true. You can do this, don't judge, just stay true to you.0 -
I guess we just have to put up with it thought. But it makes me sad that they think I am unhappy being slim and that I am constantly "restricting" myself, because I am not.
@ninerbuff I hope this won't be deleted again
I was always a strange kid because I never really craved chocolate, crisps, cakes, etc. But my grandma always cooked lunch for me and my sister and it was revolting (vinnegar on sliced potatoes smeared with lard). I always gagged after a few bites but she made me eat it all. Every day. Even my mum didn't like it, but my granny is a control feak and has issues, she would cook even if she knew my mum was cooking. So after lunch I still craved food that tasted good too me, so I learned to cook at an early age and often had a second lunch (usually loads of pasta, to compensate for the trauma ^^). So I got chubby, not fat, because my metabolism is pretty good.
Then we moved away for a year, I lost the weight, we moved back, granny got a big shock, started cooking even more unhealthy food but my parents finally stopped her and now she's only allowed to cook once a week. PUH.
The thing is, I would rather fuel my body with foods I love. I don't love chocolate. And I won't have it because it shows I can eat everything in moderation, or because society says it's cool. But I love avocadoes, nuts, lamb, PORRIDGE, topfen. All these things. If I don't have them for a few days I literally go nuts So I am not restricting myself at all. I don't even log a lot anymore, just sometimes by the end of the day to ensure I get enough calories because I don't have a big appetite and often long periods of school.
So there we go, I would be curious to know: Are there others that never WANT junk foods? It sounds weird, I guess, but it's true.
You sound quite young. You need to learn that your granny will always love you even if she is trying to guilt you into eating. She may always grumble about your eating habits. Just accept it as love & concern and move on. If she grumbled about your hairstyle would you feel weird? I hope not.
Good luck.
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