Off Topic about smoking

Grimmerick
Grimmerick Posts: 3,342 Member
edited September 27 in Motivation and Support
Hey guys sorry this is off topic but I need some support/advice. My fiance has been trying to quit smoking since last october, he has been on chantix and it works for a bit but he never gets to the point where he fully stops smoking (down to 1 or 2 cigs a day) it's his 2nd time on chantix. Now he stopped the chantix cause he had one nauseaous episode in the morning. So I mentioned to him this morning that since he was off chantix now he needed to take that last step and totally stop his one to two cigarettes a day. I have asked him also over the last few months when he is gonna stop completely and just like this morning I always get the same F#$@ing answer.....this week, he never does it's just what he says to get me off his back. Then if I press more he gets mad. I know that you gotta quit for yourself, I realize this because I had to do it, and he was right along with me and now he is just making it hard for me. I don't want him to start lying to me about it either which I really feel will be his next step if he is not already. I am really starting to get irritated , also don't want to be with someone who smokes for the rest of their life since I have worked so hard to quit myself. He uses it as his excuse not to exercise as well. I am really about to go off on him but I realize this won't help. Anybody having or have had the problem? Please help?!

Replies

  • ChitownFoodie
    ChitownFoodie Posts: 1,562 Member
    Sounds just like my story. I quit after years of smoking, cold turkey. My boyfriend on the other hand, took chantix, quit for 9 months then started smoking again. Then after about 3 months and me giving him the evil eye, he finally decided to quit again. Now he's on chantix for the second time and hasn't had a cigarette in 2 weeks. From what he told me, when he was taking it as prescribed, he would feel sick and have the craziest dreams. So, he only takes half of whats prescribed. It worked for him the first time. The only reason why he went back to smoking is because he thought he could be a super hero and stop smoking on his own, so he stopped taking chantix earlier than when he was supposed to.
  • Goal_Seeker_1988
    Goal_Seeker_1988 Posts: 1,619 Member
    Well, my fiance's been tellin me that he's gonna quit smokin since shortly after I got with him in Oct. 2007. For bout the past 2 years he's gone down from smoking 1 pack a day to 4 ciggerattes a day and sometimes less. Everytime I got on his case it made the situation more stressful. It caused alot of fights and it also gave him an excuse to smoke more. So after I stopped naggin him that's when he cut down to them 4 ciggerattes a day. My fiance also doesn't exercise instead he sits in front of the tv playin playstation all day.

    Best of luck.
  • fitniknik
    fitniknik Posts: 713 Member
    You cant force him, sounds like you cant change him either. Just because you are doing something doesnt mean he is going to do it too. I cant force my boyfriend to work out, but I do make him feel guilty about it sometimes. Encouraging is the only thing you can do. If you constantly nag him its probably only going to make things worse! Positive encouragement. I havent been able to totally kick the cigs either and Kyle doesnt smoke. He doesnt like that I do, but he doesnt nag me. I think that makes me feel more guilty about doing it sometimes.
  • justann
    justann Posts: 276 Member
    Leave him alone and stop the comments. Sorry to have to say that but it's true. I am an exsmoker myself. Anytime anyone would make comments to me it just ticked me off and made me want to smoke more. Since he can't seem to give up the last one/two smokes a day he is not truly ready to give up smoking. No amount of pushing from you is going to change that. He will just 'dig in his heels' even more. I know you want to help however, he already knows how you feel. Maybe try to show him support and understanding and he'll quit sooner. As a side note, I was a pack a day smoker for over 30 years. I quit using the gum. Maybe that might work for him when he is ready. I wish both of you Good Luck. Hang in there and it will all work out. :smile:
  • froglegjack
    froglegjack Posts: 388 Member
    I quit in January and am so glad I did. I don't have a significant other so I have not had this problem. A couple of my kids smoke and if I tried to get them to quit I think I would get so frustrated I would swear. Your quit is all about you. And that is all you can do. You do have a choice of being MARRIED to a smoker or not though and stuff like that, Just no control over your present bf and his personal choices about smoking. I know from experience that quitting is hard and until you are committed to do it you will not. I was a serial quitter. And no amount of anything got me to quit until I quit. If that makes sense. Addiction is sly and cunning. Unfortunately it is not until after you have quit and have time behind you that you start to see it for what it is. Don't frustrate yourself. Just know that at some point you will have to decide if you accept him the way he is or not. He may not smoke forever, but then again he may.
  • Last_15
    Last_15 Posts: 129
    Leave him alone and stop the comments. Sorry to have to say that but it's true. I am an exsmoker myself. Anytime anyone would make comments to me it just ticked me off and made me want to smoke more. Since he can't seem to give up the last one/two smokes a day he is not truly ready to give up smoking. No amount of pushing from you is going to change that. He will just 'dig in his heels' even more. I know you want to help however, he already knows how you feel. Maybe try to show him support and understanding and he'll quit sooner. As a side note, I was a pack a day smoker for over 30 years. I quit using the gum. Maybe that might work for him when he is ready. I wish both of you Good Luck. Hang in there and it will all work out. :smile:

    Exactly, well said!
  • MindyLynn77
    MindyLynn77 Posts: 126
    I tried to quit a couple of weeks ago.. Got thru a week and started again... It makes me feel weak, but I guess I just wasnt ready, even tho I thought I was... When I had quit a while back, I tried to get my girlfriend to quit with me... So she cut back, started being a *****, and then started back again.. She says she wants to smoke so shes going to smoke.... And thast probably how he feels, its how I feel too... Thats like telling someone who loses weight, "okay you have to stop eating everything you love and have eatin for all these years, cuz I stopped now I want you to stop"... ya just cant do that........ I guess its just one of those things you have to accept or not..only you can know what, and how much you can handle of the situation... Im sorry theres no easy answer for this, Id so give it to you if there was :) Good Luck Sweetie
  • ZachyABaby
    ZachyABaby Posts: 235
    people quit when they're ready and not any sooner. gums, patches, chantix. it's all bull**** if you haven't made the decision.
  • BamBam1113
    BamBam1113 Posts: 542 Member
    I did Chantix twice. Had crazy dreams, and went through a detox where I was throwing up, cold sweats, and shaking and couldn't sit still. I stopped taking it. It is some weird medication. I quit Dec 10, 2010. I got a cold and couldn't smoke because it hurt so bad. I didn't smoke for like 4 days and when I got better I just decided I wasn't going to pick them back up. Don't press the issue with him. It will only lead to more issues. And if you're that intent on being with someone that doesn't smoke then I would suggest you find someone else. My girlfriend smokes and I can't stand it now. I've mentioned to her about quitting, but I know she has to want to quit before it'll happen.
  • C_Bran
    C_Bran Posts: 254
    people quit when they're ready and not any sooner. gums, patches, chantix. it's all bull**** if you haven't made the decision.

    i agree. i smoked.......12/1/2010 - quit and haven't smoked since... no gum, patches, chantix or bull****. it's your choice, your decision....that addicted stuff is a cop out.
    -
    -
    Oh yeah I smoked for about 20 years and was in denial for 18 of them.
  • RoadDog
    RoadDog Posts: 2,946 Member
    In 1974, I was overseas and had a roach so small I couldn't smoke it. So I rolled it up and stuck it in the end of a Kool. Took one hit. That was my one and only hit on a cigarette.

    Can't relate.
  • VixFit2011
    VixFit2011 Posts: 663 Member
    Try this book "The Easy Way To Stop Smoking" by Allen Carr. I know 3 hard core smokers who read this and quit.

    I quit 4 1/2 years ago when I was told i would die if I didn't have open heart surgery. Quite a wake up call. When the urge comes to smoke if you do something to distract yourself, anything, after a few minutes the urge passes and it's a really good feeling to know you ARE accomplishing reaching your goal.

    Putting pressure on yourself or someone else sometimes causes rebellion.
  • Unknown
    Unknown
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  • RichB77
    RichB77 Posts: 88
    Hi,

    It's like anything, if he doesn't want to do it then he won't! You have to WANT to quit smoking .
    It's tough, i smoked for 7 years, and now proud to say i've given up for 866 days and counting! :happy:
    I started by not smoking all the cigarette, then moved down to rolling my own. I was so useless at it (!!!) it took ages! Sometimes i didn't even want one by the time i'd rolled it!! :grumble:
    Then when i got good at rolling (!!) it was onto the internet to look at people dying from cancer and what a smokers lung looked like. :smokin:
    Then there was no turning back for me. Scared me! BIG TIME
    My first 3 weeks were pretty much hell on earth, I used nicotine chewing gum to help me at my most craving moments. I'm quite embarrassed that i got so hooked to something that has no positive attributes.
    However, after about 6 weeks, my smell and taste improved dramatically, by 3 months i didn't want one at all, and now anyone at work who has been out for a smoke- i can smell a mile away and IT STINKS!!!!!
    Just be mindful of eating to replace the smoking, that's why i'm here (!!!)
    Good luck in all your endeavours though

    :drinker:
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