Feels different this time...

Hi everyone. I'm 38. Two awesome kids and a fantastic husband who works hard for us, but is also one of those can eat anything and never gain weight kind of guys. Ha. He has a taste for junk food, and my will power has never been there. I don't blame him. He certainly never put the food in my mouth, but I've never been able to get into the right frame of mind to resist the temptation. Sugar is definitely my downfall-cakes, cookies and candy bars. I've tried to diet a few times, weight watchers, Atkins and just winging it on my own. And I fall off the wagon every time, by telling my self things were rewards or just a little (I had a bad definition of "a little") won't hurt. But, as I teetered at 280lbs (at5'5) something clicked.

To be honest, I have been heavy since puberty. I haven't weighed under 200lbs since I was in my teens. But, I always maintained around 215 or so. I was always active however. Played soft ball throughout high school and was on the Judo team in college. After college, I went to work straight away and did the grown up thing. I was a social worker, so spent most of the day sitting down and eating on the run. Got married, had kids and have slowly gained over the last 14 years until I was at my all time high of 279.

I have been lucky so far as not to have any metabolic issues. On paper, I'm healthy as a horse. Except I don't feel healthy. I'm tired all the time, sore and stiff, bordering on depressed and and I'm just done. Our 9 year old (our other child is 13), has significant health issues as well as autism. I need to be here as long as I can, and I won't be doing that at 300lbs.

Like I said, my down fall is sugar. I generally prepare healthy meals, and we rarely eat out. But it was the extra two or three snack size candy bars I grabbed throughout the day, and the bowl of ice cream before bed. The three doughnuts at one sitting. Portion control was a bit of an issues as well. Thankfully, I have never been a big bread or pasta person, so those have been easy to drop.

I have logged in here several times over the years and just never stuck to it. But this time, it really feels different. I am two weeks in with only two carefully weighed bits of white chocolate easter bunny, and a couple of teaspoons of honey in two weeks as far as any added sugar goes beyond what is in fruit. I am eating what we always ate, nothing special. But I'm making sure to weigh and measure everything. I'm keeping my calories low (around 1500), because I haven't yet figured out how to fit a work out program into my day. I have to homeschool my 9 year old due to her health, and between school and therapies as well as just daily care taking and then regular wife and mom duties it's been hard. Unfortunately we don't live in a neighborhood so that I can get out and walk locally. My 13 year old goes to public school however, so when school is out, it will give me more of a chance to sort out a work out plan for the summer. She will help tend to the 9 year old.

So, yesterday was two weeks exactly of actually logging food and weighing in. I had actually been a week into my new life, but hadn't logged anything. I was 279 last time I weighed. But weigh in on the day I started MFP again was 276. Yesterday I was 270. So I'm moving in the right direction. I don't even contemplate falling off the wagon. I just don't feel it's in me anymore. I can't wait to buy new jeans come next fall .

So hey everybody!