Do you prefer brutally honest or nicey nicey

cheethnico
cheethnico Posts: 57 Member
So I run a community space and work with a lot of volunteers some without a sensitivity filter one in particular asks me constantly how my weight loss is going how much I've lost so far ect and then goes on about his niece who has lost loads of weight and how good she looks now compared to how fat she was before I recently had a break not gained just maintained (looking after poorly virus filled kiddies) so I saw him last week and got the same so how's the diet going bla bla bla and then he finished with you've still got a gut on you though
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Replies

  • _m0lly
    _m0lly Posts: 900 Member
    I don't think people get anywhere if they lie just to come across as being 'nicey nicey'. However, there's being honest and then there's hurting somebody's feelings. I agree that you should be honest with a person, but you should still take into consideration their feelings and maybe hold certain things back.
  • lydiakitten
    lydiakitten Posts: 132 Member
    Well, the above example sounds more "I'm being a jerk" than "I'm being honest"; there are ways to tell people certain things without telling them "you still got a gut". I mean, what happened to diplomatic and sensitive honesty?

    Anyway, I personally prefer brutal honesty to extreme and often insincere compliments and "omg you look so flawless uwu" and petting one another's ears. I am the kind of person that actually reacts well even to insults; they become motivation.
  • zezelryck
    zezelryck Posts: 251 Member
    I think a health blend of both is needed. If everyone is nicey nicey with you then you'd probably never get anything done as you would just feel too comfortable. If everybody was brutally honest all the time you'd probably just end up constantly feeling like crap. Good or bad at least they notice you are there. Take both and use them to your advantage :-)
  • emdeesea
    emdeesea Posts: 1,823 Member
    A lot of people use the "I'm being honest" excuse to be an a**hole. You can be honest and still be tactful.
  • autumnblade75
    autumnblade75 Posts: 1,660 Member
    Whether I prefer nicey-nicey or brutal honesty is generally related to whether or not I asked for their opinion. I think I actually prefer something a little more honest even when I haven't asked, but I can tolerate nicey-nicey better if it's out of the blue. I agree that an unsolicited opinion about your appearance falls under the category of "rude for no good reason."
  • scottacular
    scottacular Posts: 597 Member
    Honesty is great, but this person just sounds like a d**k. There's a difference between giving an honest assessment and saying something that doesn't even need to be said. Whatever weight you have on you, you know about, you clearly don't need someone to point it out. Personally I'd just tell them to f**k off.
  • novembermohn24
    novembermohn24 Posts: 13 Member
    I prefer nicey nicey to be honest, at least when it comes to my weight and other personal things.

    Here's why: My father's parents come from a village where everyone is pretty rough. Once when they came to visit my Opa greeted me with a hearty "Oh my, you got fat!". They will ask how much you weigh during dinner and it just makes me miserable. I only see them every other year and I would enjoy it a lot more if I wasn't afraid of their comments.

    In business however, I prefer honest and harsh feedback. Nicey nicey won't help me improve.

  • snowflake954
    snowflake954 Posts: 7,729 Member
    I prefer honesty-with tact. Some things are personal though, and did you give this guy "permission" to comment on your appearance? If you're running things you are not equals, and he is taking liberties. In a working situation things should be professional--that's just my opinion. I'd set him straight that your dieting and gains or losses are none of his business. B)
  • DawnieB1977
    DawnieB1977 Posts: 4,248 Member
    If you hadn't asked for an opinion, then that's not being honest, that's just being rude! It's not normal to go up to people and give your opinion of what they look like, what they're wearing, their hairstyle etc if its not requested!

    I think if you ask for an opinion then it's nice to have one that's honest, but it doesn't have to be given in a nasty manner.
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
    I prefer people who tell it like it is but with some tact. I don't need sugar coating, but I don't like too much "brutal" honesty either. That's how I give advice so that's how I prefer to receive it.

    However I also prefer that people mind their own business and not give advice/opinions unless I ask for it or start up a conversation about whatever the topic is, so I wouldn't have been too thrilled with your "friend" there. I think it's generally unacceptable to make unsolicited comments about other people's bodies.

    Don't let the comment get you down though. It doesn't sound like he meant it maliciously-- just chalk it up to unintentional rudeness and let it roll it off your back.
  • cheethnico
    cheethnico Posts: 57 Member
    He is a bit of a d**k as some have said but he is equally negative about his self aswel but he is the first to say you've still got a way to go yet obviously not in the nicest way I've had a lot of compliments too I remember my cousin ranting about the dr that said her daughter was fat and when she said you can't say that he said yes I can your daughter is fat and needs to loose weight she was appalled he shouldn't have said it in front of a child in my opinion but my cousin did need to hear it
  • cheethnico
    cheethnico Posts: 57 Member
    emdeesea wrote: »
    A lot of people use the "I'm being honest" excuse to be an a**hole. You can be honest and still be tactful.
    I think you hit the nail on the head hahaha

  • DawnieB1977
    DawnieB1977 Posts: 4,248 Member
    cheethnico wrote: »
    He is a bit of a d**k as some have said but he is equally negative about his self aswel but he is the first to say you've still got a way to go yet obviously not in the nicest way I've had a lot of compliments too I remember my cousin ranting about the dr that said her daughter was fat and when she said you can't say that he said yes I can your daughter is fat and needs to loose weight she was appalled he shouldn't have said it in front of a child in my opinion but my cousin did need to hear it

    A medical professional giving an opinion on something impacting someone's health is different to someone you work with commenting on your weight. Although your cousin should've been aware her daughter was fat, and no, the doctor shouldn't have said it in front of the girl.
  • cheethnico
    cheethnico Posts: 57 Member
    Of course she new her daughter was over weight and I agree coming from a professional from a medical point of view is different to the sombody randomly saying I'm still fat but it can still have the same Impact be it in a negative or positive way but at least with a dr they tend to offer help/support after
  • 999tigger
    999tigger Posts: 5,236 Member
    Theres a difference between honest and tactful. He just sounds either ignorant or simply tactless. He may not even realise it so I look at the intention that lays behind it. Perhaps if he upsets you, then you deal with it by having a quiet word with him or not discuss it. Stand your ground and protect yourself.

    Personally I prefer honest, but I choose who I want honest from.
  • MynameisJerryB
    MynameisJerryB Posts: 168 Member
    edited April 2015
    If I'm asking the questions, I want brutal honesty. If I didn't ask for your opinion then keep your @$$&@ thoughts to yourself
  • _incogNEATo_
    _incogNEATo_ Posts: 4,544 Member
    If I'm being brutally honest, I could not make any sense of the OP. Where did one thought end and another begin?

    I was able to make out the last line and can tell you that the guy probably is an abbreviated Richard.
  • maasha81
    maasha81 Posts: 754 Member
    You can be brutally honest with tact.
  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,577 Member
    edited April 2015
    I prefer nicely honest, or at least civilly honest. There are rarely cases where I feel brutally anything is appropriate. You don't have to sugar coat honesty to not be brutal.

    When it comes to advice, I prefer not to get it unless I ask for it. If I have a gut, chances are I know it's there without being told.
  • urloved33
    urloved33 Posts: 3,361 Member
    Violence in any form is still violence...brutal honesty is a violent act "Maya Angelou