RANT.

gabrielleelliott90
gabrielleelliott90 Posts: 854 Member
edited November 2024 in Chit-Chat
I am so *kitten* sick of my friend. She LOVES to tell me the things I need to change about myself. I DON'T NEED TO CHANGE. I AM FINE THE WAY I AM. BUT SHE DOES NOT ACCEPT ME FOR ME. She likes to act like my mother (doesn't help that she is about ten years older or so). She likes to put these altercations on me. For example, a mutual friend spent a day with her. For me to spend a day with her, I have to not be negative one bit. The thing is I am naturally a pessimist. Yet I try not to be pessimistic. A lot of the time imo, I am up for a laugh, trying to be happy/being happy, smiling. However I have resting *kitten* face so I don't smile that much, only when with friends, with people I like usually. In my view you are either a pessimist or optimist and no matter what that can't really be changed.

I got quite annoyed at my friend as I feel she is trying to add even more stress to me, I suffer from anxiety as it is, albeit controlled by medication helps, but I don't need added stress. I feel like I am in the right here for once! It seems like she is always in the right to herself and she LOVES to get mad at me or annoyed at least one a *kitten* month! She is way too sensitive! She can't even take a joke! I came up with two nicknames and she said she only had one, and I told her I'm not calling you that. To have someone come up with a nickname for you is an honour! *kitten* take it!

I'm so *kitten* sick of her, I really am. I really need a break because she is allowed to be a hypocrite and say negative things to me, yet she expects the opposite, optimism from me. For one I am being annoyed at her! And it feels good in a way! Sometimes I feel like just giving up! I'll say sometimes negative time to time and she will say ''I just give up''!.

She is a good friend, when she wants to be. She will pick me up and drop me home. We have a volatile friendship where when we are good, we're pretty damn good, but when we are bad, we're pretty damn bad. I have had thoughts about ending the friendship but that would be awkward for our mutual friends. I just find it quite draining. Yeah, I can be more positive but it is like she expects it overnight and it's not right. Only my parents can put conditions on me, she can't and she needs to step down a peg because no one is perfect, and she needs to *kitten* accept that.
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Replies

  • gabrielleelliott90
    gabrielleelliott90 Posts: 854 Member
    bump
  • haleklausen
    haleklausen Posts: 1,857 Member
    Dang it kinda sounds like you want to take a swing at her.
  • GreenGoddess22
    GreenGoddess22 Posts: 3,818 Member
    Sounds like she is not really a friend. Maybe it is time to cut ties and find a friend who brings you happiness.
  • Lrdoflamancha
    Lrdoflamancha Posts: 1,280 Member
    I agree with salad dressing lady....
  • gabrielleelliott90
    gabrielleelliott90 Posts: 854 Member
    Fortunately I don't resort to violence, so I would not take a swing at her lolz. Honestly, I will give her an ultimatum for once and tell her, you accept me as I am or you can *kitten* off. Sorry about all the swearing but it is a rant after all. There are so many people who want me to accept me for myself, which I have started doing, so I don't really need her expecting me to be on my best behaviour like a child, and not say one negative thing. It's like expecting a nun to become an athiest, that's not gonna happen, and it shouldn't either.
  • gabrielleelliott90
    gabrielleelliott90 Posts: 854 Member
    I mean all my other friends accept me for me, and I very rarely get annoyed with them because I accept them also, and that's how friendships are.
  • Northernlight03
    Northernlight03 Posts: 1,980 Member
    Get rid.....that's not what a friend is!
  • MindySaysWhaaat
    MindySaysWhaaat Posts: 401 Member
    Yeah, real friends aren't supposed to make you feel this way. Sounds kind of like a toxic friendship. I've had those. The best thing is to cut ties and move on.

    As for the nickname thing though....everyone has the right to be called what they want to be called, and has the right to say when they DONT want to be called something. You might consider it an honor, but why should she let you call her a name that she doesn't like?

    A great example is that my best friend Kristin used to be called Sam for years. Then she decided she didn't want to be called Sam anymore. So we all respected that, and now we just call her Kristin again.
  • 365andstillalive
    365andstillalive Posts: 663 Member
    Solution: Go be an adult yourself and have a conversation with her about it rather than asking random interwebs people for advice.

    Second solution: When your chat doesn't go well, move on. She's not the only friend in the world and if she truly treats you as badly as you think she does, then she's not worth keeping in your life. The world is full of awesome people; go find one to befriend.
  • GreenGoddess22
    GreenGoddess22 Posts: 3,818 Member
    Lrdoflamancha wrote: »
    I agree with salad dressing lady....

    That's awesome! Made me laugh a little too hard.
  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,032 Member
    edited April 2015
    wow, the things ppl share on a website! Had to check your age... ;) If a friendship doesn't feel safe and a good place to be, get out of it! No rant needed... :#

    I think being a pessimist or optimist is absolutely up to us, it's our choice, of course we can change of we really want to.

    I think perhaps the power you give other ppl over your life and feelings might be a huge part of what's getting you down. Plus keeping in mind all we're hearing is your side of this story.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    Just break up.
  • haleklausen
    haleklausen Posts: 1,857 Member
    You know if you ever change your mind about taking a swing at her, I'm pretty sure everybody would be looking the other way.
  • maasha81
    maasha81 Posts: 733 Member
    I didn't know nicknames were a sign of honour ..anyways talk to her about it and let her know you don't appreciate her comments . If that doesn't work, move on.
  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,032 Member
    365andstillalive wrote: »
    Solution: Go be an adult yourself and have a conversation with her about it rather than asking random interwebs people for advice.

    Second solution: When your chat doesn't go well, move on. She's not the only friend in the world and if she truly treats you as badly as you think she does, then she's not worth keeping in your life. The world is full of awesome people; go find one to befriend.

    Bolded = truth! There's nothing we can do about this...we don't know you or the person you're speaking of. All we're hearing is what you're sharing which of course is one sided. Anytime someone shares it's their side...

    Have you considered counseling? Seriously!

    You seem overly caught up in this and over the top angry ...if you need to dissolve this friendship why on earth would you worry how it would effect 'mutual friends'?
  • gabrielleelliott90
    gabrielleelliott90 Posts: 854 Member
    haleklausen wrote: »
    You know if you ever change your mind about taking a swing at her, I'm pretty sure everybody would be looking the other way.

    What's that mean?

  • haleklausen
    haleklausen Posts: 1,857 Member
    Lol it means we'll help you get away with it.
  • GreenGoddess22
    GreenGoddess22 Posts: 3,818 Member
    Sounds like you are receiving some very good advice. I'd reflect upon what others are telling you and move forward. You are in control of your own happiness, nobody else. The solution to your situation is simple: end the "friendship", end the anger and be happy.
  • haleklausen
    haleklausen Posts: 1,857 Member
    You should probably listen to the green goddess.
  • socalkay
    socalkay Posts: 746 Member
    I'm glad I don't have a friend who posts demeaning rants on public forums rather than talk to me face-to-face about what she feels are problems with our friendship.
  • NotQuiteNorm
    NotQuiteNorm Posts: 283 Member
    Cut her out! Just let her know how you feel and if she doesn't take the hint just get up and leave that second! Your other friends will deal with it! She sounds like a pain!
  • gabrielleelliott90
    gabrielleelliott90 Posts: 854 Member
    socalkay wrote: »
    I'm glad I don't have a friend who posts demeaning rants on public forums rather than talk to me face-to-face about what she feels are problems with our friendship.

    Lol, well she does it on facebook where everyone who knows us can see. None of my facebook friends do MFP other than me! I'm pretty sure I'm allowed to rant in a correct forum for it. And I only see my friend when I'm with my other friends once a week so it's not like I have much of an opportunity. I'm glad I'm not a person who jumps to conclusions when they don't know a person like yourself.

  • gabrielleelliott90
    gabrielleelliott90 Posts: 854 Member
    Thank you for all the feedback peeps and advice, yeah some nasty comments but that's something that happens in every thread here. It's give or take. I do plan on telling her, not nastily, as I cooled down, but very seriously that this is her last chance to accept me. I am not a nasty person, I've taken a lot of crap from her in the past, where I've had to apologise profusely for things I've done that were not even offensive, and other people would not get upset about whatsoever. I've had to practically beg. I'm a very loyal friend, and in the past I've been easily used, betrayed etc. I'm standing strong now though. I don't deserve it, tbh, the only reason why I'm giving her another chance is because I really don't like letting go of friendships, and for the sake of our mutual friends that we hang out with together.
  • pechepanda
    pechepanda Posts: 7,939 Member
    sometimes its time to cut people out of your life
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 49,077 Member
    There are 2 sides to every story. I'd like to hear their side since many times perception from one side isn't always as accurate from the other person's perspective.

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  • gabrielleelliott90
    gabrielleelliott90 Posts: 854 Member
    Yes, there are two sides, but I'm a realist, and there is a lot of things we clash about. She seems apologetic, she has text me 4 times, liked things on facebook I posted such as a cute bunny for example, I have asked her to give me a few days to respond and she said okay. I'd rather be totally cooled down before I respond to her texts.
  • DaneanP
    DaneanP Posts: 433 Member
    I'm glad to hear you are planning to talk things over with her face to face. I have a teenager and know full well the allure of social media to deal with friendships and relationships. That is definitely NOT the way to go.

    Good thing you are letting yourself cool down too.

    There's an old saying that goes something like, "In order to have a good friend, you need to be a good friend." Nobody is perfect and I'm sure she's got some things she'd like to say to you as well. But here is the rub. You can't fix her (or anyone else). You can fix yourself. You can set appropriate boundaries with the relatives and friends in your life. You can move on from relationships that no longer fit your needs, goals, and desires. But you cannot change HER. Only she can change her. It is up to you to decide if you can be her friend, warts and all, or if you can't. And then go forward accordingly.

    Good luck.
  • gabrielleelliott90
    gabrielleelliott90 Posts: 854 Member
    DaneanP wrote: »
    I'm glad to hear you are planning to talk things over with her face to face. I have a teenager and know full well the allure of social media to deal with friendships and relationships. That is definitely NOT the way to go.

    Good thing you are letting yourself cool down too.

    There's an old saying that goes something like, "In order to have a good friend, you need to be a good friend." Nobody is perfect and I'm sure she's got some things she'd like to say to you as well. But here is the rub. You can't fix her (or anyone else). You can fix yourself. You can set appropriate boundaries with the relatives and friends in your life. You can move on from relationships that no longer fit your needs, goals, and desires. But you cannot change HER. Only she can change her. It is up to you to decide if you can be her friend, warts and all, or if you can't. And then go forward accordingly.

    Good luck.

    No, I don't need to fix myself. I am fine the way I am. I shouldn't have to change, but she NEEDS to. BIG TIME. I won't have anyone telling me it's me and my fault (not that you are, this is in general) because it is her at fault, always has been. I'm hardly pessimistic in the grand scheme of things. It's not like I'm an emo.
  • 365andstillalive
    365andstillalive Posts: 663 Member
    gabrielleelliott90 wrote: »
    I shouldn't have to change, but she NEEDS to. BIG TIME.

    ...so, I'm just putting this out here, but don't you think there's a (giant) possibility your friend feels the same way?
  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,032 Member
    gabrielleelliott90 wrote: »
    DaneanP wrote: »
    I'm glad to hear you are planning to talk things over with her face to face. I have a teenager and know full well the allure of social media to deal with friendships and relationships. That is definitely NOT the way to go.

    Good thing you are letting yourself cool down too.

    There's an old saying that goes something like, "In order to have a good friend, you need to be a good friend." Nobody is perfect and I'm sure she's got some things she'd like to say to you as well. But here is the rub. You can't fix her (or anyone else). You can fix yourself. You can set appropriate boundaries with the relatives and friends in your life. You can move on from relationships that no longer fit your needs, goals, and desires. But you cannot change HER. Only she can change her. It is up to you to decide if you can be her friend, warts and all, or if you can't. And then go forward accordingly.

    Good luck.

    No, I don't need to fix myself. I am fine the way I am. I shouldn't have to change, but she NEEDS to. BIG TIME. I won't have anyone telling me it's me and my fault (not that you are, this is in general) because it is her at fault, always has been. I'm hardly pessimistic in the grand scheme of things. It's not like I'm an emo.

    I think we can all makes positive changes in our lives and be better for it.

    I noticed you mentioned negative comments on this thread... I haven't seen any yet, seems ppl are giving you good solid advice to either move on or talk in person.

    Not all friendships are meant to last a lifetime, some are toxic and need to end. It's learning which ones are which that matters for a healthier life.

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